Tuesday, August 28, 2007

419 - All things rubbish - Confidence in Christ

Dear Lord, I am up on You today, but I am down on me. Lord, will I ever get to the point that my thoughts immediately turn to you and not think about my interests first or how I feel left out of something or just all about me? Will it ever happen that I immediately am thinking "Yeah, no matter what or who does that it is bringing others closer to Christ"? Oh Lord my mind is such a wreck from time to time. Andrea and I were talking about this very thing last night in our run - how can our flesh ever be second nature and the Mind of Christ be first. I get so tired myself constantly having to redirect my thoughts AND ask forgiveness for my initial reaction or at least thought. Ugh, Lord, help me! I want to be like you, but the me inside is raging today and often!

I read Philippians 3 today and the phrase that stuck with me was in verse 3, "who put no confidence in the flesh". Paul is talking about those that are out to "do in" the Word of God, those that possibly are not fighting the flesh, but being ruled by it, those that try to win over others into their way of thinking, and "put no confidence in the flesh". Lord, reveal to me the ways that I put confidence in the flesh. To me when you get down to the nitty gritty, motivations is all about putting confidence in the flesh. I may say that i trust in the Lord and have a Godly confidence, but it is because things are going well and it is easy? Or is it because my prayers seem to be answered and so confidence in Christ is easy? Putting confidence in Christ is great unless you are the one taking the glory. But what happens when the rug is pulled out from under me? Do I revert back to the old ways of worry, do I begin to call on friends first instead of my Lord, do I find ways that i myself can change the situation instead of relying on Him?

Lord Jesus - I need your power over my life right now. I need you to heal a heart that is in constant battle with itself and the motivations she is constantly questioning. I guess it is a good thing that I am taking inventory and checking my motivations, but I just so want my reactions, etc. to be the mind of Christ first. I want to put all confidence in You and none in me. Is that possible? What about pride, self-esteem, positive thinking, etc. I know that Paul goes on to say in the chapter that he considers "everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord". Lord, I want to know you this way. I want to consider everything a loss compared to my relationship with You. I want to be able to honestly say, "Lord you can have it all as long as i still have You. My relationship with You is paramount and worth everything else in this world loss." Can I get there Lord? I don't know - it seems kind of scary to ask. What might I have to loose to gain You?

Verse 13-14 I take as great encouragement, straight from the Word. I am going to forget what is behind. Each day is a new day and for that I am so thankful. I am pressing forward to really know You and the power of the resurrection! The Word says this is a strain or better that I am to strain and I so believe that! I am constantly straining to be like You. It is not so much a strain in outward actions as it used to be, but now the strain is in my mind. Lord, take hold of me - control me - change me - mold me - have your way in me - I beg of you! Give me the mind of Christ, oh Lord, please! I thank You for the work You have already completed in me - keep going!!! This I am confident of................only You can do it!

I got a part-time job that I will be starting on Tuesday. I am so very excited, but scared at the same time. I will be a Customer Service Representative for an insurance agency in Carmi. I will work M-F 8-12. Elleigh is already in preschool at those times so that is great. But I am going to have to be way more organized in my time. I will have to wake up just a tad earlier to get everything in - yikes............i am up before the rooster already! I am going to have to be very diligent about my cooking so that my family doesn't starve or worse get wasted on fast food. I am going to have to give up to some extent the many blogs that i read everyday - oh how i don't like that - please know this is not a reflection on my love for you - please comment to me though!! I need to know you are there! hee hee And ministry - how am i going to return all those emails, requests, and study for more messages - well all I can say is that I am placing confidence in Christ that He will work it all out! I will and do put my confidence in Him to see me through what He has lead me to and allowed me to receive! Thank you Jesus! I love you! ANd the housework - how will it ever get done....

Going to pay the big check of non-profit today. This will get all the paperwork going and really step things up a level for Speaking Thru Me. I am pumped. After I pay my most recent expenses and then this money I am really going to drain the account. But 2 funny things God has done recently - had a lady at the hair place ask if i would come down and show her some purses - I sold 4 while I was there. Then through that another lady called my house to ask to come by and see - she bought 2. God is filling my account little by little. Thank you Jesus!! Confidence in YOU!!!! Hey, if you want to click on my Adsense that would be great too. I am almost to $60. Every little counts - I know for sure!

The house is coming along very well. 3rd floor is framed, beams have been lifted, and plumbing has really started. What else - I am not sure... I just like it! Oh heating and air start Wednesday! I heard Clay tell somone it might be Jan 15 before we are actually in..........ugh!!!!


Nicki said...

How exciting!!! A new job!!! =) You made my head spin though thinking about all that's ahead of you!! I'll be praying for you!! Can't wait to hear all about it!!

CrownLaidDown said...

Can I just say that I'm hangin' with you in this? I'm praying. And I understand the pull back and forth between my focus on me and on Him. I'm there, too.
Love and prayers,

Sharon said...

Praying that the God of all peace guards you heart,soul and body.
Seems there is a little need for extra trust and peace in the body of Christ right now.
Thanking Him for ordering your footsteps.

jen said...

Sending many prayers your way. Remember, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. All things will work for God when you're in God's will. Don't worry about what you might not have time for, rest in God and He'll work out all the details. :)

Irritable Mother said...

Oh Leigh, I love your honesty and understand your struggle. Thank you for sharing!
Trusting with you that God will work out the details of earlier rising and good cooking!
Love you,

Heather said...

Good luck with the new job!

Kim said...

Praying that you will work out all the details in the schedule acoording to HIS timing. Don't slow down your blogging - we would miss you too much.