Friday, October 05, 2007

447 - Fill me Up

Lord Jesus - I come to you today and little confused, little hurt, little unsure, little frustrated, but a whole lot of joy too!! I joy in knowing that you can take care of my feelings as they are usually irrational when I take the time to speak them out to myself and You in the car. I joy in knowing that You listen and I joy in knowing it is finished even though i feel like I am in the middle!! It is done!!! Hallejuhah!

I am in the midst of reading the most awesome book i have ever read in a long, long time. It is the personal accounts of George Mueller. He is really deep and so I have to go back and read much of it again and again. George never asked anyone for money to all his ministry needs, he just prayed!! One of the scriptures that he focused on was Ps. 81:10b. "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." Lord, today I am opening wide my mouth and asking you to fill it, but I really don't even know what to ask you to fill it with. But of course You know best! The funny thing is that I know You are wanting to fill it yourself Lord. Yesterday I tried to call Valarie, Teresa, and my mom twice to talk, but could get no one! You fill me up, Lord.

I know I am such a whimp, i guess, but working part-time has been really hard on me and I think my family. I love my job, but how do you all do it that work full-time? I get up at 5am to spend solid time with You. Then by 6:20 I am getting my hair and clothes all done. Start waking up the kids at 6:40 and the mad rush begins. Elleigh now doesn't have to get on the bus at 7:05 since she goes to a different preschool - that is a relief. But Tucker goes to school earlier to read - not....... basketball!!! And then the girls get on the bus at 7:35. I leave as soon as they get on and the day is half over. Yesterday it was so maddening that I went to work with no socks - needed socks - and forgot to put eyeliner and mascara on the bottom!!! Oh my - that was a sight! Then pick up Elleigh, home, kids come home, homework, aerobics, dinner, and then bed. FFFEEEWWWWW!! Somewhere in there I am suppose to study for speaking events, be a good wife, mom, and friend. My friend yesterday jokingly said, "Just call me when you can pencil me in." It just came out. Oh wow - that hurt. Why do i have to be the one to call all the time. Overloaded, that is me right now!!

Lord, tell me what I am to do - fill me. I love my job, i love aerobics, I love friends. But my heart longs for ministry and family. I know you lead me to all these things - it is not my time to fly in ministry just yet - I am not sure what that means - but I long to study more, long to prepare more, I long to be more educated, I long to be more filled. But right now this is where you have me. I am just coming to you this morning, not asking for change, but for your strength. I don't fill like you are asking me to stop anything at this time, but maybe rely on You more. I am not looking to be superwoman, but do as you have called. I can say that all this stuff in my life has caused me to be more organized with the kids and dinner. Besides weekend flings, we only eat out on Wednesday evening because we don't have time to travel home before church. But silly things (well they are in no way silly to me) have really gone by the wayside...............emails - on my they are soooooooo backed up i can not even tell you, ministry organization - my desk is a wreck, phone messages - let's just stop there! I like having many balls in the air, but I don't like when the ones I care about the most, not including my family, have been dropped and seem to be rolling away. ugh!!!!!!!!!!

This is where I am at right now. I know my Savior lives, I know my Redeemer loves me, I know He is full of grace, and I know that I am covered. I know my family loves me, and I know i have a plethora of friends. I know my blogging friends are a lifeline to me, and I know I have the most amazing prayer warriors around! I know I am called, and today it is much different than I have ever done in 8 years. I know He has called me in ministry and I am eternally grateful! I know...........that is all I know! Father, Fill me up!! Amen!!!


Tisha said...

Hey Girl - I can totally relate to this. I am working "almost" full-time now (about 33 hours a week) and it is killing me. How have these moms done it!!! I am getting up at 5am just to start getting ready and the girls have to get up by 5:45 and we are out the door to the bus at 6:35!!! Then it's work till school is out, any afternoon activities, homework, projects, dinner, etc, etc. My house, laundry, dishes,
etc., may never be the same. The girls are tired because they are getting up SO much earlier. It leaves little time for me to have quiet time, (I am not a morning person so getting up at 4:00 to 4:30, frankly frightens (ha ha) me! Just being brutally honest), little time to exercise, etc!!! But we need the money, so how do you balance knowing you need the money and needing to care better for your family! AGGHHH!! Sorry this is so long, I was just feelin' you this morning!! I just need to be on my knees more and see if I missed an oportunity for Him to show off and jumped ahead with this job.

I miss you!!!!!!

Dori said...


I want you to know that I'm praying for you this morning!

Just sent you an e-mail because it was too long for a comment.

I love your heart!!


Fran said...

I am right there with ya sister!
My prayer here lately is "Lord, give me the strength I need to do the work YOU place before me today. Lord, put me exactly where you want me at any given moment. Give me the peace to know that I am doing exactly what you have me to do at that moment."

I pray this for you today sweet friend. In the mighty name of our loving Savior.....AMEN!

Have a wonderful fullfilling day!

ange said...

I know that God gives us a desire to do things that benefit his kingdom but he also gives us the ability to focus on those things in order of priority. I have no idea what God has laid upon your heart, I am praying for you. I can hear the frustration in your words and I can sense things are not 'normal' for you right now. My prayer is for you to be able to focus on God's word more and to be with Him as much as possible!

Nicki said...

Hey my friend....thanks for your comment, I needed it!! =)

I think you just about exhausted me reading this. =) I don't have an answer, I know you are a go go go person!! So go girl! But breathe..whew. And I could totally relate to the part of "Why do I always have to be the one to invite??" Sometimes it makes me think people don't like me, but then I realize that sometimes people think we're just to busy. I know I've thought that way before about some people.

And since Mrs.Tisha doesn't have a blog...(uh hum) I have to leave her a comment too!! =) I know life is busy, and I don't know how you momma's do it, so please both of you know you're in my prayers. (and not the confesions of envy ones!! hee hee!!)

connorcolesmom said...

Life is crazy sometimes isn't it!!
I left to take my 2 little ones to school got everyone in the car, started out the driveway and realized I did not even have shoes on!!!
And I had to work at the school that day ...
God bless,

Kate said...

Kudos to you for doing your best. I'm not mom busy, but I am very busy and it is difficult, sometimes at best, to handle everything. Sometimes friends have said harsh things to me too because of my schedule, but really, it's not all about the people around you, it's the fact that you ARE right where you know to be right now. Even if this is just a season in your life, I think you are making a great go of it and I commend you.
When some of my congregations parental figures are out of town, I am generally called upon to be the caretaker for a time...rarely over a week, but by the end of the week, I have a new (though insignificant) awareness of what you all go though. You mom's ROCK!

I pray you find peace this weekend!

One more thing. I went to see Beth Moore when she was in Denver, and she taught us to pray blessing over each other...the blessing of Asher (which means happy), so here goes (what I remember off the top of my head):
Lord I pray you bless Leigh with favor among her siblings, may her feet be bathed in the oil of the land that she has no need but You Lord, make the bolts of her gates iron and bronze so that when the enemy comes against her with the battering ram, her gates are steadfast, and Lord give her strength that equals her days. Amen.
Many blessings to ya,

Kim said...

Personally, I know that Christmas vacation, Srping Break and summer is coming - with both hubby and I being teachers, we look forward to our time off to refresh oursevles and breathe deeply. It seems that I am busier now that ever before.(and I just volunteered to lead a six week Bible study)I feel like Sam is growing up before my very eyes. I want to slow down and savor the moments but the train is moving too fast....I understand you girl and I can totally identify with your post today. Press On, sister.

Patty said...

I know things are so hectic now but I believe God is preparing you for the next level in ministry. I love your heart. I pray that God gives you a quiet and peaceful weekend. I am still overjoyed at your heart for small churches. That is a HUGE need and I praise God He is using you in this area!! You rock my face off!!

Ang baylis said...

I'm praying for peace for you today!

Angie xoxo

The Preacher's Wife said...

with ya on this one Leigh....I've begun a retreat from a lot of things I'm currently involved in that either have no Kingdom impact or are pulling me in a direction other than my calling of family and ministry. Applying those criteria have really opened my eyes to SO many things I am doing that are 'outside the call'.

With that said, I don't have a 'real' job so I can't imagine adding that to the mix...Blessings on you, girl as you work out your salvation! :)

much love,


Stephanie (Ocean Mommy) said...

I'm lifting you up and asking the Lord to give you rest this weekend.

Thanking God for you and your heart for Him!


fuzzytop said...

Dear Leigh,

I work 32 hrs a week and help my Husband with his business too, and it is crazy juggling that with family, housework, etc. But I love your attitude of seeking Him. Remember what Priscilla said at Deeper Still about David knowing who he was and whose he was? I see that in you.

I'm praying for you....