Monday, April 28, 2008

580 - I Just Need To Know

Oh Lord Jesus - thank you for allowing me to speak at my home church this past weekend. It was such an honor and blessing. It was such a huge group for such a small church. We also had a Ventriloquist there that was incredible. I am serious - really, really good!! Niece and Amy did an incredible job on the decorations and the food was almost sinful. Wow oh wow!! As far as the speaking went I was soooooooooooo nervous. My allergies hit something horrible that evening and morning and so I was more than snotty. I was very emotional because I was talking about one of favorite things - Jesus coming through for you!! He always does. So I am not real sure of how I actually did - you know there are always some ladies that will tell you that you did a nice job and I do appreciate that. But I have not really heard from the Lord yet what He thought. He always lets me know in some way or another.

That was Saturday morning, then that evening we had some of my SS class come over for dinner. It was a whole slue of people and we had so much fun. I can not tell you how blessed our class is. Incredible!!!!!!! God shows up in there every week. There are no organizational charts of positions divided up - no one assigned to a particular job - just a great teacher and a wonderful group of people willing to speak up and be real - for the most part. I feel so safe in there and really accepted - not judged. It is my favorite time of the week!! I love those people!

Lord Jesus, there are just things I need to know. I need to know you love me. I need to know my family loves me and is proud of me. I need to know the weather at times. I need to know what I am going to fix for dinner. I need to know when Clay is traveling. I need to know my schedule. I need to many things. But one of the most important things I need to know is that you are real on every level and that I am growing to be like you. I need to know that you did hurt, do feel, was tempted, and did experience trials, pain, and disappointment. I need to know what your perfectly human side was like and how you expressed things to the Father. I need to know You!! I just need to know! I know all these things on paper and in my mind, but my heart needs to feel it today.

There are times I will catch myself going through the motions. I get up go straight into my praise time, prayer time, and then on to my study time and not even sure I have opened both eyes. I get going through the motions that I am not even sure if it was worth getting out of bed. Now of course the Lord is there to meet with me and in Isaiah the Word says it will never return void, but if I am not even aware or listening then what good was it?. Going through the motions can be very dangerous when you don't recognize it. Because you are doing the thing, but your heart is so distant and your mind is checking it off as complete. Satan loves that kind of mind set and pattern we get into.

But this morning was different. I got off the regular pattern of motion and step into a Barbaric way of meeting with Him. (You have got to get the book The Barbarian Way by Edwin McManus.) God met with me in my little room in a huge way. I started off with a song of praise from Selah and asked Him to show and reveal my sin!! Wow oh wow! I went on in my prayer of desperation seeking His hand to reach out and grab my broken heart. I have a person in my life that for whatever reason is determined not to trust me and will do everything possible to let others know about it. Attacking my character and that hurts. She doesn't even know me. She knows about me, I have met her once, hardly ever see her at church, but continues to make things tough for me. It is ripping my heart out. God has not given me permission to confront this situation, but has over and over told me that He will be my Peace. That He will take care of the lady. He has said that He has got my back - Isaiah 58:8. I am not even a confrontation person at all, but this one I want to make right, but God has said no... HE will be my defender and I will trust! He says bring it to me - so I am and will!

Lord, I got to know that you had days like this. I got to know that your heart hurt. I got to know what you did on days like this. Lord, I got to know how to react and what I can do. I got to know how do I respond to this to YOU - not to her as I know you have led me through that already, but to You. Lord, I need to know if you ever shed tears over situations in your life even though you knew the outcome???? What Lord, what do you have to say about all this? What is the purpose?

Hebrews 5:7 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and He was heard because of his reverent submission."

Jesus, thank you so much for that scripture. Yes, I see that you did come to the Father in tears and with a hurt heart. I know this passage is really talking about the pain and agony you faced as you were facing your death, but it too was a trial. The biggest of all for you, but I love what the scripture says - you voiced your prayers with loud cries and and tears. Oh Lord, that is what I needed to know. Of course I knew that, but that was the Word that i needed for today. Praise you Lord.!!

The most important part of that verse is the end. Jesus not only was able to voice his cries and tears to the Lord, but God Almighty listened because of Jesus' reverent submission. The next verse goes on to say that "he learned submission from what He suffered". Oh Lord Jesus thank you!! I do feel like I am suffering over this situation. I feel a bit ridiculous even saying that because it is nothing like the pain and all that you endured, but for my little life that is hugely important to You, this is what you have allowed in my life to teach me obedience. You have told me not to react to her and I will obey. I will Lord.

Thank you Lord for this Word today. Thank you for challenging me to obey and giving me these verses to confirm the steps i am to take - none!!!! Just sit back and let Him be my rear guard!! Praise you Lord. I need to know all this today and You have graciously obliged. Oh Lord, you are my Rock and my Fortress. You are my Shield and my Comfort. Lord, you are my Redeemer!!! Praise You!!! My Great Reward!!! Amen and Amen!!! I love you!!

1 comment:

Kathy S. said...

O Leigh, i am with you, sister. I have felt that pain, but from a sister (earthly family) One night I went to bed after this series of accusing emails, (and only answering with scripture). I cried to the Lord, "God, I feel like I am shriveling up" and He spoke to my heart,"we live dying every day, we are like sheep lead to the slaughter." I said "okay, Lord, I am willing."

He has done alot of fixing in that situation and the situations that resulted from that time, as I committed my cause to Him. Over time...He is making my righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of my cause like the noonday sun. I love your heart for Jesus and obedience.

Keep enduring!! Love, Kathy