Currently I am at home with the kids as my primary responsibility. Yes, all the kids are now in school, but they are not over the summer. I am not sure if my kids are busier than the average bear or if it is because I have 4 kids, but I have no idea how anything would get done if I were not here the majority of the time. I am constantly running here and there ALL. Day. Long! And by the way, I love it!!! Tired, but I love it! My momma did for us and I love doing it for mine!
Golf, baseball, tennis, swimming, work, softball, friends, lunch, errands, etc!! Oh and laundry!
So in the midst of all those precious responsibilities I have this incredible opportunity to work as the Communication Specialist and to mentor a teen from the Home. Love that too! I also have an ongoing relationship with a radio station I am trying to keep in the air. Did I tell you I also am trying to run a ministry team? Balls are all above me about to drop....how do I know what to catch and throw back up? What should drop and be kicked to the side?
I am not here to have a pity party or in any way try to bring glory to what He has called me to........or to those things I THINK He has called me to.... Actually on the reverse, I have been wondering if God sees me as valuable or if He really uses me or if He can use me. It seems I am involved in great things, but so many up in the air makes me at best half committed to them all. I am not all in, in anything, it seems!
Eventually this way of thinking and behavior breeds ineffectiveness. Or at least that is what I begin to believe. I don't see much fruit or really my eyes are all on the frustrations of my heart and my obviously way of doing things half-way. I get so focused on the negative my heart gives way to the belief I am in a season of not being used...........by my own accord! Can you see the pattern and the real issue? Satan has been whispering to me based on what He sees going on in my life and I have been tuning in!
Leigh - you are not effective anywhere!
Leigh - can you even hear God these days?
Leigh - everyone thinks you have no time for them, even your kids!
Leigh - your quiet time should be so much more.
Leigh - no one is ever affected by the things you do in His name!
Leigh - you really should just give up and be "normal". (What is normal?)
Leigh - what you are involved in is not prospering because of you!
Leigh - seriously, are you sure you have a place in this world?
THEN - yesterday I reposted an old blog. It really was one of those things where I felt the Spirit tell me to go to so and so post and do a copy/paste. As I did I heard Satan clearly say that I was lazy, I was my copycat, I was not hearing the Lord, I was again half doing something! But then as the day went by I got a message from a couple of long distant friends explaining how this particular post was the exact thing they needed.
I say all that to say and hopefully encourage anyone else, you never have any idea when God is going to use you. He is seeing fit to use me in very small ways (small according to the world) and I am thankful for that. He chose to use something I did yesterday to minister to some about 4 hours from me! I am so thankful for 2 things - God ministered in spite of my lack of confidence in Him and effectiveness right now AND that my friends took the time to let me know God spoke to them through something HE did thru me!
My final words to myself and to you!
1) Never underestimate what God is doing even in a funk!!! Even more so when you feel ineffective!
2) When you have been the recipient of someone God has used in your life to encourage you or show Himself strong to you - tell that person!!
Friends - I love you all and am so thankful for you! I will press on and let's all try to listen to the Savior and Victor of all and not the defeated liar!!! Jesus, I love you!