Thursday, March 09, 2006

Send Me Lord!

Dear Lord, I think Satan is attacking me today and for sometime now about being used by You. I hear so much about others that are being forced to go and do as He wants them to. And I do not feel that force. I feel a compelling spirit. I feel a want, I feel an obligations, I feel a conviction, but not with any kind of negative connotation. There are some things that scare me about doing His will, but most of the things He calls me to, I just want to jump at them and am very confident that He will see me through.

I think that is where the attack of Satan comes it. He tells me that I am really just confident in myself. He tells me that I have no awe in God's calling out. He tells me that I need to have a great fear and need to be sick at my stomach at the sound of doing anything for the Lord. I really wrestle with all those thoughts because I am not one to be afraid and not one to get sick on my stomach. Now I will be the first to tell you I might get some diarrhea. But I don't view that as a reason to stop what He has called me to, just something that confirms I am in His will. Isn't that funny Lord, I would relate diarrhea to being in your will. But Satan will use anything to stop anyone in their tracks to do His will - in my life my own sickness or my kids sickness, etc.

I even heard Beth Moore talking one time about throwing up almost every time before she speaks. Now if I am ever speaking to 20,000 maybe I would throw up too. Maybe that is it, I am just not up to a point that I am real afraid. But the deal is in my crowds of 20 there may be one soul a message is for. And in her crowds of 20,000 there still maybe be only 1 soul the messge was for. In either case the message should be handle so delicately so that soul is changed for eternity!

But I find myself parked in Isaiah 6:1-13. This is where the commissioning of Isaiah takes place. We really see God looking around ready to send someone and He even asks "Whom will I send?" I wonder in that moment how many faces of people did God have in mind? Or was it it a rhetorical question knowing Isaiah would answer. But we don't see Isaiah running away, we don't see Isaiah him throwing up, we don't even see him scared... He just immediately answers, "Here am I, send me." Maybe the reason he was able to answer so quickly was because he had just seen our Lord exalted and sitting on His throne. He had seen the reason for his calling and was maybe scared to even be scared for the glory of the Lord was just revealed to Him.

Lord, I don't know! I just know I feel such a peace in the words of "Here am I, send me." I want to go and I want to be used and I want you and plead with you to protect me from me!! Protect me from self-exaltation, self-will, self-sufficiency, self-promotion, self-righteousness, and self-indulgence. Protect me from me!!!!! I beg of you. And you know me Lord, I will go down those ugly roads and have to date, please forgive that self stuff. Take it away and clean me out. Give me a "bara" heart. I want you to receive all the glory and I want to fall at your feet at the calling and after the completed task!! You are Holy Holy Holy!

I love my time with you!

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