Tuesday, June 12, 2007

359 - "Maker" Me a Believer!

Hello Lord, Holy Father - Maker of all things. Oh Lord Jesus, I love you and thank you for a wonderful morning. Yesterday was a really late morning and then I did not get around to my quiet time until 2:30 or so. I don't like days like that and I don't think others around me do either. Yesterday was a thoughtful and confusing day. I actually was a little sad. I am going back to Charlotte in just a few days and I am so excited. I do miss many things, and so it makes me sad at times. I am not saying that I don't love my new home, I do, but I just miss things and certainly people. And there are so many people I want to see... good thing i am going back 3 times this summer with spekaing engagements. My last trip I think I will make a bit longer. Hopefully!

Summertime is a tough time for me. I love getting outside with the kids playing softball, kickball, going on walks, looking at the garden, watering plants, etc........but you can only do that for so long as well. I am a schedule girl - no schedule is kind of tough. SO Clay is allowing me to escape today to Evansville with Courtney. One thing for sure, we may not shop much, but we laugh usually until we cry, we will talk about the silly things and funny things our husbands do, we will talk about the Lord, and we will most certainly eat at Olive Garden!!!! Yeah baby!! It is so kind of Clay to do this for me. I need a get away........I just can't explain it!

Sunday I spoke at 2 churches in our tiny town. The first church had about 12 people present. They were so kind and vibrant. Older folks, but you could tell loved the Lord and loved each other. I think everyone in there was related. It was a sweet, sweet time. I enjoyed myself. Then after that Clay ushered me quickly to the next destination - in the truck! hee hee We went to the church he grew up in, United Methodist Church. I was SOOOOOOOO scared. It was just kind of weird. My father in law did the children's church, the principal of the grade school lead the service, and then I spoke. It just seemed that I should be doing children's church and my father in law who is a really good Sunday School teacher should have been dong the speaking. But God just didn't have it that way. It all went very well. I think the people were very receptive and encouraged. I spoke from Micah 6:8. This is a 3 part message that I normally do at a retreat and I usually speak for 45 - 55 minutes for each messages. I had 20 minutes. I think I did both messages 15 each. I spoke so fast and had it greatly condensed!! It was fine.

So Lord, You have done it again. I have come to a low place, just wondering if you are going to use me, wondering if i have messed up too bad previously to be used, wondering if you have any use for me, wondering if i can understand what you are doing with me, wondering if you have forgotten me and You have done it again. You have given me a word through my quiet time that speaks life and meaning and healing to my soul.

Isaiah 40:27 were my words yesterday........"My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by God." That is what I was feeling yesterday. Honestly, i don't know what is to come next for me and my life in ministry. I don't know if He will have me speaking on a small scale for my life or if bigger opportunities will come or if any more opportunities will come. I love, love, love being used by Him. I love preparing a message. I love delivering a message. I love speaking to ladies after and praying with them. I love traveling. I love organizing even though i am so not good at it. I love networking and marketing. I love getting that Holy hug from the Lord that says, "well done". I love lifting His name up and praying all will draw closer to Him. I love speaking and listening to the words He causes to come out. I love being in awe of the connections He makes with others. I love seeing the Word come alive and applicable to those around. I love seeing the "I get it" look in the eyes of those around. I love honoring the Father and glorifying His name. I love all aspects to some degree of ministry. HE had me at hello.

So why do i get to feeling like that - the crummy feelings??? It is just doubt and not believing. It is just Satan having a hay day with my mind on a day that i did not begin it with Him. It is just a discontented heart that allows crude to creep in and not stand strong. Oh Lord - it is ugly and it was only ONE day not spent with you first thing in the morning. Oh Lord forgive me for not making you priority yesterday. I can not imagine where I would have been if i went ONE week or more without You.

But as i said before, He did it again. He spoke life through His word because it was opened!!! Isaiah 40:28b states that "his understanding no one can fathom." I am not asked to understand HIS way, just trust them and HIS timing. Verse 29, "strength to the weary and power to the weak." Verse 30 "youth grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall" BUT, verse 31 " those who HOPE IN (believe) the Lord will renew their strength. They will sore on wings like eagles..." I am renewed!! I am ready to soar. I am ready to be used even if it looks totally different than i am used to! Now that is power - what i mean is power in the Word. I was down yesterday and just by getting up and spending a couple of hours with the Lord I am pumped!!! Oh Lord, thank you!! You are incredible.

The picture of the tree is my life!! I am growing out of the walls i have built up. I am believing beyond my wildest dream. I am growing up in Him and going to fly. I am going to push through my unbelief and stretch up to meet Him. I am going to be a resting place for those young in the faith supporting them and pushing them too towards Him. I will flourish and I will be strong. He is my maker and He is the maker of all. He has plans for me!!!! Trials may come, bad days may surface, doubt may seep in, but I will believe. I will push through!! I am BELIEVING!

Praise you, Lord, Praise YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and only YOU!


CrownLaidDown said...

I sighed aloud when you wrote Olive Garden! Can I come?

I'm behind right now...so I haven't gotten to the study of Believing God, although I am believing Him. so bear with me as I try to do some catch up!

Enjoy your friend today and your time together. Soak up every little thing God does today and know that you have a friend praying for you as you feel home sick.

With love and prayer,

Neva said...

I came to the post and sat for some time just enjoying the picture. That tree---it is my life, too.
Thank you for the heart tug.


Nicki said...

Leigh....(BIG SIGH), I feel your pain HUGELY today!!! Summer is hard, I'm right here with you, it's funny how my entry was pretty much the same today, I'm calling it the "Momma summer time blues"! You are SO blessed to have some time alone today!! Enjoy it!! Have a great one!

maggie said...

great analogy.

we all struggle in our areas of gifting, I think, with the same emotions you so eloquently express.

Will anything come of all this or not? Such an investment to have it come to nothing?

But, I love that verse, "Your labor for the Lord is not in vain".

Never in vain. Trusting him is hard work...it shouldn't be, because he is always SO good beyond belief, but it is, because we are flesh and blood.

Keep walking strong with Him...learn...He'll surely do the rest!

Thanks for sharing so intimately.


Beloved said...

I loved your tree analogy! I hope you have a really great time with your friend, and I'm praying that you'll be able to leave your time in charlotte refreshed and encouraged to keep going right where God has you right now.

Debra said...

I can so relate!

Rhoda said...

Leigh, thanks for stopping by to visit my blog & for your really sweet comments about my home. I'm glad you found me & hope you'll visit again often. What a great thing you are doing for the Lord, speaking & encouraging people in Him. I will come back & read more when I have a little time.

Southern Hospitality

Valarie said...

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isa 61:3

You display His splendor more frequently than you know my sweet sista!! I love ya!

Nise' said...

Enjoy your escape with Courtney! Leigh, you are being used of God in a mighty way! Continue to believe that you are who He says you are my friend! Love you!

Deborah said...

My darling dolla I feel your heart today, I was so blessed by this today as I went through something last night and you can read all about it on my blog... thank you for been so open and honest it just blessed me. All I can leave you is this scripture: They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Revelation 12:10-12
love always me

Sandy said...

Just found your blog today.....I love your heart for the Lord. I have done a bit of speaking in the past also, and it amazes me how Satan can creep in with what I call the dreaded "D's", discouragement, depression, doubt. But with your heart for the Lord and the fact that you are a mighty tree breaking down walls ( I love that pic!) I believe God will continue to use you!
I'll be back to visit.
Keep seeking and serving, God will continue to use you. :)

Irritable Mother said...

I love your transparency here.
Even though we've only just "met," from what I know if you in this short time I am confident He speaks thru you wonderfully.
Thank you for sharing your heart.

Karen said...

That is great that you were able to get out with your friend and go to the Olive Garden. That is a great place! I just love your transparancy in this blog! You are such an encouragement to me!!

Blessings to you and yours~