Wednesday, April 02, 2008

562 - Hope - but be strong!

Dear Lord, Thank you for yesterday and the celebrating of Tucker's birthday. (Thank you for those of you that commented or sent special emails to me for him. He thought that was way cool!) So we got him married off, I mean, aged one year - what was I thinking - and life is good. God was so good to allow me to walk in a particular store he likes and find a few things on clearance!! Thank you Lord!.

I am getting a bit of those anxious feelings - that means not trusting for those that like to be sweet. I have a couple of things in my life that are happening or not and it has caused me to really stop and think! 1) This weekend I will be in Nashville doing a retreat for Ginger Moore, my ministry partner, and that is super exciting! They have a bunch of ladies coming and ready to receive His Word! BUT, this is the first event of 4 in April... Yes, still dealing with the overbooked thing! Just makes me feel like i have abused my family and I would never want them to feel that way, but it is my fault!

2) I am not sure what the Lord is doing - and I don't mean that like He is confused or unsure - I just don't know, but I do not have anything scheduled as far as speaking after May. In my years of speaking, Lord, you have never had me here. I have pretty much always been at least 6 to 9 months out in schedule. I know there is a reason, of course, and a lesson. I think the last 2-3 months have been a huge lesson. But I am unsure what this particular schedule lull means. I don't feel like it is the end, but not sure what the future holds. Why do I feel so certain the end is not near - the one that is to be my biggest supporter said some huge things over me the other night - Clay. Going in much more detail than he ever has in my speaking life. He is completely ready for God to take me beyond our imagination with guidance. The things he said were way beyond "I support you". I needed that and I am so thankful he is finally at that point. I think the Lord has been waiting on that and for me to get out of the way as well - duh on that last part!

3) Speaking Thru Me is now off to the government offices and waiting for the yeah or neah of non-profit. I feel completely in over my head - good place - with all this ministry stuff. We have MANY applications to go through and have begun that process. One of the first ones we were reviewing is really impressive on paper, but I have misplaced her sample CD or DVD. I knew it would happen at least once in the move, but I was hoping less later!! UGH!

4) We closed on our other house in Norris City and I pray huge blessings on that house and the sweet young couple that is taking our place. It was really bitter/sweet for Clay as he turned over the keys. He about showed a tear. You know what - I have no clue about that feeling and to me that is sad. I have left so many houses in the past and did not mind leaving another one. But Clay learned to crawl, walk, play basketball, call girls, just everything in that house. I don't know that feeling... and his poor momma - I know she must have shed a few tears too.

"Love the Lord all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." PS. 31:23-24

This is my verse for the week - I am holding tightly to this promise, Lord Jesus! I thank you for allowing this one to pop out at me as I was studying the other day - no coincidence! It was like a love letter to me. Lord, there are so many things in my heart you are still working on and working through! But I hope on certain days or at least even certain moments in each day, you can find me faithful. Because I know when you do the Word says that you will preserve me. I feel a bit preserved and frozen right now, but I truly know what you are saying! Thank you for the recent months of me taking the reigns and learning a huge lesson. It is not about me, nothing at all and it has to be about you!!!!!!!! I get it!! I thank you for showing me that - one more time!! Thank you for allowing me to get all mild-dewy so that You could bring me back to a righteous spot and preserve me!! Thank you Lord - oh thank you!!

My good friend the other day said she had lost all hope - she had no hope and was about to go speak about it on a retreat - having hope. She felt like a total hypocrite. I understand on various levels. When going to speak there is always an unworthy feeling - if they only knew feeling - don't let them find out feeling - God, preserve me feeling - I am failing you Lord feeling!!! You can certainly feel like a hypocrite! But my Lord says in this last verse - "Be strong and take heart!" My way of saying - Armor Up!!! Oh Lord, step by step we go and I love it!! I love you are fine tuning me for your exact purpose at this time in my life. It is you Lord Jesus - it is all about you and I am just along for the ride. Oh Jesus - use me if you can, but just allow me to enjoy YOU!!! I want to see you up close!! I want to know you!! I want to love you like crazy. I want to be in prayer more often. I want to feel your breath. I want to never quench your Spirit!! I want to live step by step and forget this rat race!!! It is for the birds or the rats i suppose!! ha! Jesus - overwhelm me and take me in over my head with your love!!! I love you!!

2 comments:

Sarah Martin said...

Just a word of encouragement. It sounds like you have alot going on so just make your focus on the specific tasks the Lord is giving you for this moment. My biggest problem is always trying to skip ahead and take control of where I think He might be leading me. Live in this moment that God is giving you and blessing you!

love,
sarah

Leah said...

Leigh,

I can sooooo identify with feeling unworthy and all the other feelings you voiced. As I lay in bed this morning praying the thought returned to me, "What in the world do you think you are doing?" You have nothing, and I mean nothing to say that would benefit anyone." But then, I remembered that I am not supposed to have anything thing to say. That is God's job. It is His ministry and the responsibility lies on Him to give me His words for the precious hearts that will attend the events at which I will speak.

I want so much to make HIM proud and I know you do as well. My prayer for both of us is that we would be invisible as we speak and that only Christ would show through to the ones hearing. That the words that well up in us are His Words spoken to hearts that need a touch from Him.

I so want to teach the deep truths of God. I don't ever want anyone to walk away from my teaching saying, 'That was a complete waste of time.' I know I can't control what others think but I can prepare appropriately and then get out of the way and let Him be HUGE!!

Know I am praying for you and Ginger!!

Leah