605 - Update on My Sarahjane and stuff

I have to say that the way God is speaking to me as of late is very indicative of a new group of messages about to be written. Only difference, I have never written a retreat series without any place to take it. That doesn't matter, I know He is preparing it. It will be something about The Lurker- satan, the difference between temptation and divine revelation in our life, and then finally lining our lives up with the favor or blessing of our Lord - giving Him reason to smack down on our lives a big ole "atta girl"! So I think that will be next week. Life may slow down just a tad - yeah right - and I can write. We shall see.

So I say all that to say the Lord continued my quiet time with Him on into yesterday and truly put my faith to test. Going into the doctors i had a suspicious feeling we were not going to get good news. It was not a "not believing" kind of thing, I think this was a gracious preparation from the Lord. Details are too many, but just trust me that I had my reasons for knowing. So the doctor checked out my girlie and still was not all the way pleased with the way she walks - "Her butt is still up in the air just a bit isn't it Mom?" Does he have to bring it out in the open - this child likes hearing those things and will certainly say it at the most inopportune times!! Ugh!!

Then he sat down in his rolly chair and flew right over to me in my personal space i might add. ha! Then he went on and on about words I was not aware of and jargon that I could not even recite. All i do know is that we are looking at pauciarticulate Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. A very conclusive test came back showing this was the direction we were going in. Now the test is only 60% correct for positive, but the doctor feels very certain this is where we are going!

My mind floated off into a tunnel and I heard not another word from him. Would she ever have children? Would her body begin to deform? Would she be in constant pain? Why does she have to be so tough - she has always had it so rough! Will she live a long life? Will she lose her eyesight? Will she be able to play sports - she is soooooooooo active!! Will she be able to make it on her own?? Oh Lord, I can not bear this - this is too much!! This is my baby girl!

As if I was not myself I began to minister to myself the way I had just talked about that morning in my quiet time - incorrectly. Leigh, He is not going to give you more than you can bear. The Holy Spirit stopped me right there - the doctor is still talking my ear off as fast as possible. "I will not allow people to be tempted beyond what they can handle - why - because I want them to know My power and look to Me to get past and most importantly I am not looking to see my children fail. I am always looking for you to look to Me. The same is true of what I give you to handle or bear. Except... I will almost always give you more than you can bear - I want you to look to me for strength. I want you to look to Me for help and survival. I want you to praise Me before, after and all the way through it! Giving you what you can handle or bear will usually not bring you to me in total faith. I need your total heart, faith, and dependence. You are right, this is more than you can bear and that is what My yoke is about."

Yes, Lord, I understand!! Thank you for taking the time to teach me. Help me to be strong and know how to deal, what to tell, how much to tell, and when to tell. Help us to find the best Ped. Rheumatologist we can in our area - St. Louis, Louisville, Nashville, Indy, or Cincinnati. But as with everyone, we will do anything and go anywhere.

This is the same child we battled Asthma with. After much prayer, fasting, laying on hands, everything the Spirit asked of us was healed to never go down that road again! He can do it again. There is still time for Him to work and come through for her! He is Jehovah Jireh and Raphe!! He can come through! Lord, I am in awe of Your Sovereignty. I am in awe of You. I praise you, Lord. I love you. I trust You! I believe!! My face is to YOU!

***********************does anyone in all this whole world know anyone or have any possibility of turning a cassette tape to CD?? My old church could do it and I need that service again!! Any help? Thank you