609 - Contradictions

I have been blogging for a long time now. Many have been doing the thing longer than I have, but I have been at it long enough to see many come and go. I think the most interesting thing is to see the change.

Change in color scheme.

Change in music or no music.

Change in audience - was for just family and then went to world.

Change in purpose - was to inform, then to engage, and now to do whatever else.

I feel like I have seen it all - even many changes on my own personal blog as well.

I have visited many blogs in the early days for certain reasons - great scripture insight, great personal introspection, great recipes, great Bible study thoughts, great pictures, great friend.

One thing I have found to be true and not to change is that which I do not have time for AND more than anything the Lord put an end to last summer - the more blogs you read and comment on, the more read your blog and comment too. Because of that reason alone I have to question many, many times my reason for blogging and also wonder about others as well.

We are getting more and more a world of no communication. I mean we communicate like the dickens with email, texting, websites, webnotes, and yes, blogs, but do we really talk anymore, let alone the face to face kind of meetings? I received a hand written note the other day from my Carmi friend Jill encouraging me about the situation with my daughter. It was almost foreign to me. I still have it - it had been a while since i had gotten a real note. And a friend from Nashville, Tammy, called 2 times and left messages wanting to talk, but not through email was her request. I need to call her back so bad, but have forgotten most days because it was not on my email........ugh!!! I hate that!

I have to turn the fingers and take a look at moi! When was the last time I sent a personal note? When was the last time I just called a friend out of the blue to talk? When was the last time I just showed up at the neighbors to just say hello? There is a young kid that walks around our neighborhood that will just stop by when we are on the porch and talk for a long time. He is in the 6th grade and understands good communication - already... While this is going on my son could be on the computer inside learning better and better how not to communicate. ugh!!

I am not convinced that blogging is the best thing in the world - email, texting, all of that. I think it is forcing us to be alienated and lonely when we actually think we are gaining friends - or at least lots of comments that can feel like friends. I remember going to Deeper Still last summer and meeting people by their blog name and not their real name. "Hi, I am Leigh - yeah, Speaking Thru Me" "Wow, Leigh, I had no idea you were so tall. And your hair, I thought it was red." Ha ha - I guess I need to put my height and weight on my blog profile. I know my height will not change, but my weight - ugh!

There is no reason or purpose to my blog post today, just some thoughts. It is raining cats and dogs here today and all swimming and golfing and baseball and tennis has been cancelled. So i have just found myself sitting on the veranda watching a few cars go by, listening to the kids on the inside scream and run playing hide and seek, maybe waiting for a real person to talk to... come by. I don't know. I need to run to the store and send a new sweet friend some flowers...only i don't know where she lives and the phone book just says Carmi. Hmm - maybe the shop has had that dilemma before. I guess I could email her for her address - that would be too easy.

Maybe today it is the contradictions in life that got me to settle down and just sit...

To shut down or turn off my computer I must hit Start - kind of things.

Why does it seem the bad guys win? Of course we all know the answer, but it is pondering"ish".

Why does spilling your thoughts out to the WWW get so lonely?

Why do the blogs that have not much at all to do with our Lord get the most visits?

Why do we equate number of comments with number of friends or at least love - and to some money?

Why is just living simply and being God's buddy leave you so empty and frustrated?

Why does getting hundreds of emails a day leave one so frustratedly elated?

Did God mean for Christianity and Ministry to be so business like?

Why would one need a "marketer" to promote the greatest, most printed, most powerful, most sold message of all time?

Why would God bless someone with a "Friday" car?

Why would God make anyone to help others get more and more money for His message?

Did Jesus have advertising?

Did Jesus have publicity?

Did Jesus mean for big ministry to be so lonely for those giants of the faith?

Ok - so did Paul have advertising, publicity, marketing, all of that?

Man - maybe I should have never read the book the Barbaric Way. It has just about changed every thought i have had about ministry and ministering!

The Truth I hold on to - "And we know that in all things God works for the good"(Romans 8:28). I can not get away from that - no one can. Even when the motivations are all wrong - even when the purpose is all wrong - even when the "going about it" is all wrong - even when my heart is so filthy and nasty and filled with pride and self-love and impatience and doubt - HE will work for the good - well, for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Hmm!!!

The very last thought or contradiction that I see or am thinking is................because He works for the good in all things that is the very reason why so many things, events, those in ministry, etc. with bad motivations, etc. keep going - because they too know that God will work for the good in all things even when they are Bad - why - HE is so good!!! And that is one contradiction I can not get past or......................contradict!!! My God is so good!

God has been so incredibly kind to me and of course so graciously good. He took me out of everything that might bring someone else and still many closer and closer to Him - a real contradiction come to life. My big mega church, tons of stay at home friends, and opportunity. Those are all things that bring many people closer to Him day by day. But like God... that was a contradiction in my life. Those were crutches that did not allow me to depend on Him. All of those are taken away to bring me close to Him - intimately... I feel His breath... I sense His presence... I long for Him. His ministering to me is indescribable, but something I will never leave!