Monday, December 12, 2005

Happy Birthday

I must be getting old. This past Friday was my birthday and Clay planned and surprised me with going to Carrabass's and had about 3 other couples meet us there. That was the surprise part. I loved every minute of it and could not think of a better gift from him. That is what I mean by getting old. I think of older people as not wanting gifts, but just wanting to be with other people. Clay did get my a new Beth Moore study as well and I am really pumped to dig into that, but meeting others for dinner was the best!! We need to do that more!

I am sad to say I have a confession and it is no fun! Yesterday I taught in SS because, well just because - but last minute kind of thing. I had done this lesson before at my past event in DC. It was really well received there and so I felt pretty confident it would be fine. It was a Christmas themed message about hope, etc. Here is where the problem lies. I was confident, but I found myself confident in me. Oh yuck!!! I was not prayed up for the message like I should have been and I had not prayed much for the way the message would be received, etc... Yes, there wil always be those sweet people that say "great job, leigh, way to go", you know all that. But as I left that room and drove home, I had no sense from the Spirit that He was pleased! I even felt from the Lord, that he was telling me that that lesson was a performance and in which I am not pleased!! Oh how I hate that I can let this happen. How can I think for one minute that something will be great just because it was before when I have not invited the Spirit to invade it all of us there and every word that comes out as well.

Father - you see my ways and they are not god. Forgive for this terrible arrogance on my part. Forgive me for not inviting you in and for assuming things would be great again. Father, I deliver this message again on Thursday and I plead with you to please show up in a big way and please invade everything and everyone and all of me!! I never want to do that again and I never want to even take a breath without your approval!! As Eph. 5:1 says, "I want to be imitators of God, as dearly loved children." Thank you for this verse this morning. Your way, I am well aware of, saying, "I forgive you, now act the way you are brought up and seek me only. You are a "dearly loved child" now act like it!!" Lord Almighty, thank you for your discipline and thank you for your approval again! Thank you for your acceptance and thank you for your love and mercy. Thank you for your grace and thank you for your forgiveness! I stand in awe of you!

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