Thursday, December 01, 2005

How I Have Changed!

The last time I spoke, I had a videographer - camera man, just trying to sound cool, ha ha - come and tape everything. I just got the DVD back last night and sat down to watch it. I was completely shocked. I know what the scales say and I know the size of clothes I wear and I know I have had 4 babies, but my oh my!!! My feelings were hurt!! I have an extra chin, my upper cheeks make my eyes look small, my butt - need I say more - oh it was terrible!! It has been so gradual! I am holding on to a good 20 pounds that has happened very slowly. With each child, with each crisis, with each happy time, birthday, holiday, etc.... yikes, I don't like it one bit!!

I have just gotten very busy and just let it slip slip slip!! It is so hard to find time to exercise without childcare. If I go running or walking I have to wake at 4:55am so that I can get it in and my quiet time before the kids wake up. Some weeks I am very consistent, but other weeks I fail and fail the next week too!! I am scared to do it at night in the dark even though it is very dark at 4:55am, but at least the criminals are counting their loot or just checking in from the night! That is what I tell myself! I can give you lots of excuses!! I don't like a tread mill and don't have one. I don't like exercising in my house alone or just with a tape!! I love a group or at least a fitness room! I don't like that the Lord pulled me out of aerobics and I hope that opportunity may come back some day! But for now, I am obedient to not teach, but disobedient in eating excessively and not getting my feet on the pavement! I feel that strongly about it being a disobedience no matter what you look like!!

I know, I have been blessed with a 6 foot body, but I think my hunger desires are for someone 8 feet tall! I need to be so thankful that I am able to still run and jump and play and could hang pretty good in a short race. But I still don't like walking past a mirror and wondering when the caboose is going to come around the corner!! Ugh!!! I can hide my weight really well and even many people don't even know that I have gained except for family of course!

But of course the Lord speaks loud and clear. Leigh, the same very thing happens when we wake up and find ourselves in a a deep pit or in a great and terrible situation. Sin happens many times gradually and without much notice. There may come a time of huge revelation or in my weight case, we are brought before the very evidence and it is ugly or at best not very cute anymore at all!! The sin hurts and probably has hurt others as well. The sin affects more than just yourself. The end of the sin is no longer fun and complete disgust sets in! Time for a change!!

Can I do it? No, not in and of myself. I will have to believe!! Believe not that it can be done, but believe on the One that makes change happen and makes change remain!! He has done it in my heart, I feel more certain He will perform a work in my mouth!! I always can use some mouth/hand reconstruction!

Father - here we go! I am living to believe!!!


Angela said...

Leigh, where is you blog?? Im missing it!!bring it you!

JMVeasey said...

I second Angela's motion.

JMVeasey said...

(Except I would add an "R" at the end of "you", making it "your blog" and not "you blog". I didn't know Angela knew ebonics. =))