Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Blessings Abound - I don't know why!

Oh Lord, I am overwhelmed by Your love and acceptance today. I often hear Beth Moore saying how she is the worst of all sinners and if He can use her He can use anyone. Well, I have many times been kind of confused and almost irritated by that statement. I have thought in my own mind, why does she think she is worst? It almost gives me permission to not think I am so bad or that her salvation is better than mine. I know all that is crazy thinking, but still thoughts! BUT, I have come to a stronghold in my life, something that grips me day in and day out - lies I am believing and thoughts I can not escape from - and I begin to understand her statements. As I grow closer and closer to the Lord and yet see the way He uses me still, I begin to think I just might be the worst. As we get closer and closer to His holiness, I don't necessarily think I am the worst, but I see just how far I am from Him and His holiness! Overwhelmed by His love - all I can really say!

Lord, has blessed again! My husband has been gone a whole lot and has not had a chance to read any of my blog entries. And because he has been gone so much and 4 kids, need I say more, we have not had a ton of time to really sit down and talk. So to say all that, he does not know about my conviction about not eating out lunch, etc. He called me down to his office last night and said, "Here I know you don't drink coffee too much, but I won this Starbucks gift certificate and thought you might like it." Well, to me that was a blessing from the Lord. I am not eating out and just getting a drink if I do meet someone somewhere. So God through Clay blessed me with a "drink" gift certificate. That is really, really, cool Lord! Thank you!

I was in the grocery store yesterday getting cupcakes for Elleigh's birthday, her class. SJ was being her regular tricky self and was not letting Elleigh go by her to get to me. She thought it was funny, Elleigh thought it was not one bit funny. Elleigh began to hit SJ in the back and yelling the "Da..." cuss word. I am not just saying this - it is the truth - I am not a cusser. I have never used profanity and just never been tempted. So for my daughter to come out and say d... d... d... and know how to use it just sent me over the edge. I instinctively reach down and popped her bottom and said do not say that. Of course, the drama of all drama queens, began crying so the next county over could hear. The lady of the register said, "Mom, that is not a curse word. It is in the Bible and so that makes it ok."

You know when someone looks at you like you have 3 heads, I am sure that is the way I looked at her. I was in shock and racking my brain as to where Elleigh heard that - could it have been in the newest movie we rented? - and then this woman trying to make me believe it was not a curse word. I had to get out of there and QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got in the car and finally explained to Elleigh we don't say that. SJ was wanting her to repeat the word to get in trouble some more. I could pinch her head off sometimes! Then I really began to think about the register lady's comments... I don't know if the "d" word is in the scripture, but I know the "a" (donkey) word is. So where was she coming from? But the most important fact is that just because something is in the Bible doesn't mean it is ok for us. By that I mean, adultery is in the Bible, but God is saying Do Not Do This. We have to know what our scripture is saying and not just what we want it to say or even "think" we know what it is saying.

I was also asking another lady some questions about ministry. Her response was to "follow my heart" and then later she quoted a scripture that had absolutely nothing to do with what she was talking about. I mean it was bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord, I want to be different. As I learned in Daniel today, I want to be a Daniel - one with a keen mind and extraordinary spirit". Or like it was referred to in Numbers about Caleb - a different spirit, one that follow wholeheartedly. Lord, I want to have you so close that I look different. Not to repulse people, but to draw them to You! I know that will cause me to make some decisions that are not pleasing to all. It will cause me to say things that go against the grain. It will cause me to be isolated at times, but so be it. I don't want ministry, I want you. If you choose to use me, then great, but I want You. I truly mean that with all my heart, Lord. I will go if you send me, but if you never bring another event, that is really ok. I know what You are asking and i will follow! I lay it down and i pick up You!!! My great reward!

I love You!

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