Friday, February 09, 2007

242 - Don't Minimize my Sin

My oh my - Wednesday night and Thursday all day turned out to be very eventful. I had the Gray's come and pick me up at 10pm and take me to the ER. I have been having these feelings as if my heart was doing a flip flop or spasm. Like i could feel it flutter in my chest. And the thing that scared me the most is the feeling of pressure on my chest and not being able to swallow like i normally could. Clay was on his way home and i was too scared to go to bed. I thought i just may not wake up. I have had the heart flutter thing before during pregnancy, but never the pressure on the chest.

After a bazillion tests and an overnight stay, we have concluded that it is acid reflux or possibly anxiety. I don't think i have ever had either one. So we are going to treat the reflux with medicine and then try to not stress. The last part is kind of funny to me. I am not too much of a stressor and have always considered myself pretty laid back. But even good stress is stress and effects the body. I have never moved this far with so many responsibilities (kids) to make sure they are happy. While this move has been good and fun, at times it has been stressful trying to please everyone. So maybe i need to just sit back and relax and live. I am not sure though if i know how to do anything other than what i have been doing... we shall see. Above all, thank you Lord that it seems to be nothing with my physical heart. Thank you that i am still here and able to sing Your praise. Thank you for all those that took care of me and the kids and prayed.

I was reading Amanda's (Beth Moore's daughter) blog entry the other day about gaining 5 pounds. She was kind of like confessing it and vowing to get it off. I would think that many kind shrugged off the attempt of losing 5 pounds because it is really not that big of a deal. It is a big deal, let me explain. You know when we are raising our kids we have to be "on" them about quite a few things. If we never discipline while they are younger then when they get older they will rule the roust. So taking care of small things in the beginning is crucial to dealing with issues in the future that are greater or could at least be more serious. If Amanda didn't take care of the 5 pounds now then she could be looking at 15 or more later on if she just ignored it. And this is where i am.

With each pregnancy i have left on about 5 extra pounds thinking it was no big deal. Well after 4 kids that is 20 pounds. In the hospital i nearly choked when i jumped on the scale and they reported 170 - i must be honest in my confession. Now i know i am almost 6 feet tall, I know my legs are nearly 5 of those 6 feet........................ don't minimize my sin, please. That does not help me by saying you look fine, Leigh. You don't need to lose weight. Lots of girls would love to look like you. Please don't minimize my sin.

Beth Moore says that "fitness is not about size it is about freedom". We have a place (size) according to the Lord where we are free to live. Oh yes, i have had lots of freedom in getting where i am today. Been free to eat whatever i wanted and whenever I wanted. You see, food is an idol in my life, it is my chains and my bondadage, no freedome in reality. I can not laugh this off any longer. I eat when i am happy, sad, bored!!!!!, mad, insecure, - it does not matter. I can find any reason to have a big dessert or make cookies or whatever. But the bottom line is that i am not free where i find myself today. I have ignored the Holy Spirit saying - that is enough. I have ignored the call of die to self. I have ignored the warnings of my body to reduce my intake and be free. I basically have said to the Lord in this area, "I got this one, let me handle it."

The sin of overindulgence and overeating specifically is so accepted and often laughed off - by me. Oh, this is just my thing and i am not as bad as so and so. Well, here i sit not liking what i see and knowing i am way bigger than i have ever been. There is no freedom. Lord, we have some work to be done. So i end today with a new mindset of regaining this freedom. Saying no to myself and dieing to my ways, and grasping hold of the security of Christ. Lock me up in You freedom Lord Jesus!

Romans 8:5-14 Words of Life for today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man[a] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[b] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

So I will be updating you on my victories (I am thinking positive) of living in the Spirit and not gratifying the deeds of the flesh as in Romans 13:14. If you read this, please be free to ask me how it is going and where I am at. I need real accountability, not fluffy encouragement and certainly not anyone minimizing my sin! Here we go Lord Jesus. I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me". Phil. 4:13.


Anonymous said...

You go girl!! I am praying the Lord will give you (and me) the desire and time to run hard eat well..and bask in His love today!! I'll be checking on you!
love,Teresa Cocke

Nicki said...

I'm so glad your ok!! I bet that was scary! Keep up with the weight loss, I know it's hard but I know you can do it, you've done it before! So how's it been going??? But you are right, five pounds is five pounds!!

Nise' said...

Leigh, found your blog through the LPM blog. WOW is what I have to say. I have never heard the Beth quote "fitness is not about size it is about freedom". It really cemented what the Lord has been teaching me lately. I have been in bondage over this issue far too long, using this excuse and that excuse, realizing that my current state is due to over indulgence of myself pure and simple. Your words " We have a place (size) according to the Lord where we are free to live" spoke loud and clear to me! I will be depending upon the Lord in this area and He will tell me where I can live in freedom and not rely on the world's definition of what "fit" is. Anyway, thanks for sharing of yourself as it has helped this "sista"!
Nise' in Michigan

Anonymous said...

HI Leigh - wow, this was good! My friend Amy read this blog entry and told me about it - as I was telling her how seven year old tyler mentioned my butt looked big in the pants I was wearing ot church. Yes, call it sin. Thank you for the challenge, dear sister in christ. melanie