733 - Don't you give up or give in!

Dear Father - I know the feeling of wanting to give up or wanting to give in to the hardships of ministry or really the hardships of working with people in ministry.  I am currently not there, but I certainly have been there.  I have been the one that has been hurt, but I have also been the one to do the hurting at times.  Either way, actually, it is painful and absolutely no fun!!  

Today I was looking for another bit of scripture, but i think the Lord had me land here for a reason or maybe for whomever is reading.  

Ps. 34:14 "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."  

Let me explain what i discovered first and then He will apply it to our lives.  This "turn" is to turn off or depart.  "Evil" is exactly what you would think evil or wicked thoughts or actions.  The word "do" means to do, make, accomplish, but has an ethical obligation.  I like the word "good" as it means excellent, fruitful, kind, precious, correct, or righteous.  And i think my favorite is the word "peace" meaning sense of well being internal or external or the absence of strife.  

When working in the ministry or even in a church with others - they happen to be just like you and I - imperfect.  Because we are imperfect we can do things that hurt each other in incredible ways and with no rhyme or reason.  I think the worse case is when we do things or things are done to us with much rhyme and reason.  Bottom line though, I am responsible for ME!  

This verse reminds me that I have to do my part and can not worry so much about the rest.  Even though "the rest" affects me, I have to do what I am responsible for and make sure that I am at peace with Him.  When I am at peace with Him, even when strife and problems do not dissipate,  I can rest knowing He will take care of the peace with others - that is not my deal!  

So what IS my responsibility???  I must take a serious look at my life and see what kind of evil has crept in and taken hold of me.  I must examine my mind and actions.   I have to look at my motives and all the actions that follow.  I have to look at my intentions and my expectations.  Once i have a good picture of what may be going on or not going on - the evil part, I must depart, I must leave, I must "turn" from it.  The lexical aide recommended that we "turn off".  Turn off desires, feelings, thoughts, and certainly actions of any evil.  

 

Once that evil is nipped in the bud what is next?  First of all I think it is important to notice that there is not just a don't do....., but there is a then do!  Walking the faith is not just a "don't do" kind of life.  Walking the faith is a then do most of the time and we find that here!  We not only turn from evil, but then we must "and do good".  We are to do those things that are good, excellent, fruitful, kind, precious, correct, or even righteous.  These that we are doing is not always easy.  We are to do those things, even the ones that we have an ethical obligation to.  Many times in walking the faith it is those things, the ethical obligation things, that will not make sense to anyone, maybe even yourself.  Being kind to those that have just crushed you.  Doing good to those that just ripped your head off.  Still working with excellence in a place that evil abounds.  Walking in righteousness when no one else sees or will ever notice.  

The bottom line is the kicker - "seek peace and pursue it".  I thought peace was just something that happens and we enjoy it - nope!  We see here and I know the Father is imploring my friends hurting today that peace is one thing we have to seek like a hidden treasure and pursue it like a momma looking for her lost child!  It will not be easy.  It will not be without tears.  It will not be without ups and downs, but we can not give up!!  We can not give in!!  

Friends, I am not sure who this is for other than my one friend going through the ringer!  I have been there! And it was not that long ago!  We can not give up and we can not give in.  We may have to change some things, but never abandon the Faith!!  That would be too easy!  Check out verses 15 - 17.  His eyes are on you and His ears are attentive!  He hears and delivers.  He is close to the broken-hearted!!  Claim these verses my friends!!  I know I am!!  

Oh Lord - thank you for this Word this morning!  Thank you for this beautiful day.  Thank you for the plans ahead.  I am excited to see what you have planned for today!!  You are great and greatly to be praised!!!  I believe and trust!!  I want to see Your glory!!  Amen!  

725 - But I just wanna!

Dear Heavenly Father - had one of those moments this morning - I just wanted to indulge just because I wanted to.  I know you have lead me away from soft drinks and stuff like that with caffeine, but this morning I wanted to break the obedience and just chug a whole gallon or at least a 20oz. of Dr. Pepper.  I just wanted to and I didn't care about the weeks I had gone without - it was just what I wanted to do!  

With the help of being busy, running the kids to school, prayer from Facebook friends, exercising, and my quiet time I was able to fight off this urge to just do what I wanted to do - SIN!  Let's not sugarcoat what it really is!!  May be silly to some, but this is my thing I deal with - among others - weigh in day is tomorrow!  

Lord Jesus - even though i should not be amazed at how you speak to me - I was!  I open my Bible this morning to the randomness of today's date in the Psalms.  No real reason, but just went with it!  Ask the Lord to speak and this is where He did - no magic, just Him and me!  

Ps. 19:12-14  ¹² Who can discern his errors?        Forgive my hidden faults.

 ¹³ Keep your servant also from willful sins; 
       may they not rule over me. 
       Then will I be blameless, 
       innocent of great transgression.

 ¹⁴ May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart 
       be pleasing in your sight, 
       O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Lord, it was beautiful - here I am struggling with something that seems so stupid, but I wanted to do what I wanted to do.  And you take me to verse 13 that has David screaming out - Lord, keep me from willful sins.  From what I understand those willful sins are things that are premeditated!  Things that you are fully conscious of doing, but just want to!  In the Message it calls them "stupid sins".  It also reminds me of the DO-DO sin chapter in Romans 7.  

And David's next words are a plea that those willful sins not rule over him.  How true is that for me Lord - I can let the stupidest thing - sin - rule over me for a period of time!!  I can get all caught up in something - sin - and let it ruin my day, week, or even month!  Oh Lord - help me!!  

Father I too want to be blameless and innocent of great sin!  That is why even though this Dr. Pepper thing may not be a big deal to some, if I don't nip these little things in the bud then how in the world am I ever going to take take of the big things through Him????  He does require some work on my part!  

The final prayer of my day is verse 14 - my words and thoughts be pleasing to You!!  Oh Lord - protect me from me!!  Jesus - thank you for speaking to me today!!!  May this prayer Speak Thru me to others!!  I love you amen!  

723 - Rush into Evil

Yesterday in Paducah and then in Fairview Heights was awesome!!!  Incredible time and outpouring of the Spirit was breath taking!  Lord, will you do that again tonight in Norris City?

Lord, empty me of me and Fill me with You!!!  I need you greatly Lord - I am pooped!!

I love you Father - amen!    

579 - Consecrate

*************Please see huge book giveaway on post below this one. Thanks***************

Wow Lord, I am just blown away by your timing and completeness. I am almost at a loss for words, but I think I can get a bit out. I was telling some STMM (Speaking Thru Me Ministries) speakers that I felt God was calling me to an intimate time with Him even more so that just everyday living and conversing with Him. I am feeling lead to take a deep dive and not sure when I will come up for air kind of thing. I want to seek some purification in my life and His Holy breath to rejuvenate my thoughts and direction with Him. Maybe it is about summer coming up and I just need to get all my ducks in a row so that it (summer) is not a bomb of wasted time.

So one of our speakers - Sue McRoberts - www.suemcroberts.com - was telling us that Josh. 3:5 was heavy on her heart and shared it with the group. It says "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." It is one of my favorite verses in all scripture. I went on to tell them................... I want to consecrate myself because I know amazing things are around the corner!!! But I must have put myself in the position to hear from Him and be with Him intimately first - consecration!!!!! I have much about me that needs purified!!! I am wretched and need His mercy and grace. I want His direction and clarity!! I want Him even more than a prosperous ministry!!!!!!!! He is my heartbeat!

So then this morning in my "scheduled devotion I found myself in Luke again - 2:22-24

22When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23(as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), 24 and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons."

Lord, there is that word again. Consecration! Here it means to be called out for a particular purpose. To call to repentance, exhort. to appoint, to set apart for a task. Lord I am amazed at the offering Mary and Joseph had for their offering was the bare minimum. According to the law they were suppose to have a lamb, but the law made an exception for those that were much less poor and unable to even get a lamb. They thought they were bringing the lowest offering of all and yet in their hands was the greatest blessing and most prized offering of all time - Christ the Lord. Mary and Joseph were offering Him to the Lord for consecration. Only thing was that He was already called, set apart, holy, and made ready for a special task. He was God. They knew who He was and promised to be, but they still had to go through the motions and obey the law.

I have to ask myself if I am willing to do the things that are required for my consecration? I know I am not bound by the law any longer after Jesus' death on the Cross, but still I am to daily seek His redemption and my personal holiness. Seeking holiness and redemption can the best thing that I can do for anyone; family, friends, ministry team, church, etc. More than anything my holiness will be "furthered" (can't think of a better word) by choosing to daily die to myself. Boy that is an easy choice and task. Not!!!!!! When I don't chose to walk in the dieing (which gives me life) then and there I live in His redemption. Yes, His redemption came in totality when He died and I came to know Him as Savior, but every day I need Him to redeem me from me and the poor choices I make that break not only His heart, but also fellowship with Him. Oh Lord, I thank you for this confirmation again!! Now Lord, what is it that you seek in me?

My time for purification has come just as it did yearly for the Jewish people in the early days. Oh Jesus, please show me my sin - especially the sin that i brush under the rug or just don't even realize is sin. Lord, show me my faults and poor and selfish motives. Show me my yuck so that we can get this clean before you!! Lord, show me err and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Thank you Lord that when I call to you a new heart will be "bara - ed" to me - I just ask and you speak it!!! Oh Lord, thank you!!!! I am ready - begin to show me. thank you!!!!!!

I speak this Saturday morning at my home church - that always scares me to death!! I will be speaking on God's measurelessness and Ps. 146. If you want to come it is going to be a big deal - men serving us and the whole nine years - why is not 10 yards??? Starts at 10am and we will have a huge lunch!!! yeah baby!!! Then Saturday night we will have a SS progressive dinner as well here at the house. It will be good eating too! But as for tonight - Circus!!!!!!!

557 - Frustrating the plans

Dear Jesus, Good morning! I am up and at 'em today as we have lots to do. The little girls spent the night at Patricia's - they need a closet there, she is so good to us - and Emmajoy had twin girls to spend the night. Until about 11pm it was little big girls running all through the house spying on Tucker, fixing him plates of less than desirable foods, and just plain ol' doing everything to get his attention. It has started - Emmajoy's friends liking the fact that she has a cute big brother to "look" at while "playing" with her. It was so funny!!

We are closing on our Norris City house on Monday!!! Yikes, it was not tentatively suppose to happen until April 15. So in the midst of getting the house ready for my parents to come - today!!! - I am traveling back and forth to that house trying to get the remainder stuff - which is a ton!! I am feeling the pressure - and needless to say I am getting very trash happy! Ha ha!

Lord Jesus - there are times in this world that I look around and it seems that all the "bad" people are winning. The corrupt are winning, getting rich, and living the high life. Father, you know I am not saying in the smallest of ways that I don't have enough or anything like that. I am not doing the comparison game, I am just so frustrated when I hear on the news how so and so gets further in life in some way and yet we know (do I really?) that there is no Jesus in their lives. But then you remind me of the end. You will make all the wrongs right and things will be as intended in the first place. Oh Father that really excites me and causes me to pause as well.

I have to realize that in me is no good thing except you! Therefore there have been things that I have done wrong that need to be made right. He will not just fix all the injustices, but the very things that I have done wrong as well. I truly believe this.

Ps. 146:9 "...He frustrates the ways of the wicked." Oh praise you Jesus! I have come to realize - another realize, this is good - that there is so much more going on in this world that i can't see or hear or even imagine. Lord Jesus is alive and active and working. He is frustrating the plans of the wicked in ways that I can not see. It may look like to me that they are winning and succeeding, but for example; I know the Lord is putting deep in their heart a burning desire to know Him. They may not recognize it and may seek to fill that desire in so many different ways, but it is there. And because nothing they ever do will fill that hole except my Jesus - that can be frustrating! Their plans that are seen may not be "frustrated", but their lives and thoughts and things unseen by me He could be frustrating!

This particular passage is talking about non-believers. The word wicked is translated "godless, evil, etc." Oh Lord Jesus - draw them close. Lord allows us to see an amazing turn around in some one's life in my lifetime. What if it were a "famous" abortionist? What if it were Tom Cruise? What if it were the dictator in China? What if it were Bill Gates? I am not saying all those people are wicked, please Jesus, don't let me place judgement other than the Micah 6:8 judgement you call us to. I just think and would love to see someone in those realms or leagues of power come to know you as Savior. How would that look and what could they do for you then? Oh Lord - draw them in and "unfrustrate" their hearts. Fill their hole and be their peace!

Jesus - you are it and amazing!! I love you so!! Thank you for everything and for being my GOd! You are measureless!

529 - Sifted Like Wheat

Have you ever liked a pop quiz in school? For me it depended on the subject. I hated the ones in English because I can promise you I hadn't read the assignment. I never was much for reading! But if it was a pop quiz in calculus - bring it on! I was one of those who loved math and science! All in all though, I was not crazy about a pop quiz because I didn't like the idea of not being ready or not being warned it was coming. I like to prepare. I came by it honestly--my dad is the same way!

Regardless of the teacher's best intentions to gauge our impromptu mastery of the subject at hand, what usually happened at my school was this: If you had the class with the pop-quiz during the 5th hour - the students who had it 2nd hour would let you know in advance that it was coming. So, was it really a pop quiz? Yes, because I still hadn't had time to prepare for it the night before, but it was better scenario for me that what it could have been!

In Luke 22:31 (NIV) Jesus seems to give Peter - and the whole church according to the Greek translations - a warning about an upcoming pop quiz. “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.” Jesus is the 2nd hour class! As the disciples are arguing about who is the greatest and who serves who, Jesus sets them straight and offers Simon some insight into his 5th hour class. "Simon, Simon (He has to say his name twice to get his attention - I know I am guilty of requiring the same!) Satan has asked to sift you as wheat."

Did you hear that, too? Not only have we been warned about the pop quiz, but Satan has to ask permission to give it to us. Praise the Lord that we are never sifted without Christ's knowledge and approval.

I know several people that are going through a sifting time right now. One has found a lump in her breast and is doing the waiting game. One has lost a son, daughter-in-law, and two grandsons in a tornado. One is left standing alone with three kids to raise because her husband can't decide what He wants.

The whole process of sifting wheat can be very difficult. It usually shakes us up so badly that the real separates from the unreal, like the chaff being separated from the wheat. We are left to see what our faith is really made of or in whom we place our trust. How faithful is Jesus to not only let us know about our pop-quiz, but promise to walk though it with us. He won't ask us to go anywhere He hasn't gone Himself.

Father, I know that we are to be grateful and thankful for the opportunity to be sifted. It means that You have the confidence in us to see us come out on the other side shining like your stars and reflecting Your glory. Lord, may we all be found faithful after our time of sifting is through.

493 - Is Your Old Gone?

2 Cor. 5:17 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old is gone and the new has come."

Heavenly Father - good morning!! We are on our final week of aerobics. I am pooped. I know that doing this exercise is helping me to sustain through this busy season, but rising early gets a bit tough! I think I hit snooze 2 times this morning. Today we are going to see a realtor about putting the house on the market. We did have that second showing on Saturday that went really well. She called me back and made mention that they were very interested. Maybe they could be the ones. Oh Lord, I sure hope so. I know they would take care of the house!

This morning I found myself at a very familiar verse. I am not sure the reason for the leading here other than to be reminded of what condition my heart is to be in. This verse very distinctly explains what a new Christian is suppose to look like. We are to be new!!! We are a new creation. It reminds me of when the kids are playing with clay (the mineral not hubby) and are making things. They will create one "thing" and glory in its beauty. Rarely will they place that to the side to make another something. No, they will destroy that by smooshing it in their hands and rolling it all out again. Then they will shape, mold, fashion the new creation. The old is gone!

That is what I know Christ to have done for me the moment I met Him through salvation. He destroyed the old - the old is gone, done, disastered, unable to resurrect, finished.... And the new has come. At the young age of 8 years old there was not a lot of changing to do as far as sinnin'. You know what i mean. So i think I get an even better picture of what Christ did for me. In a child that young, the old potential, the old plans of satan (he creates nothing, he has nothing new up his sleeve... it is all old), the old generational sins are destroyed. The new has come. Again in a child that young there is not so much a new attitude or new perspective or new way of life to come about. The new has come - that is Jesus Himself. The New, the Glorious, the Protection and Protector, the plans to prosper not harm, the new blood of redemption has come!!! He is the New and therefore we should look different - the old is gone, the new has come!

I am also reminded of the Ps. 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of YOUR salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." I am not sure I have ever noticed it said YOUR salvation instead of my salvation. And wow Lord, that last part - "a willing spirit to sustain me." Now that is for another day. But Lord, thank you for your salvation. Thank you that the new has come. Thank you for being willing to destroy my old and make me new!! Restore to me the joy of your salvation and help me to receive a willing spirit to sustain me!! Oh Lord, I do not want to pull out the old!!! I am new - You have made me New!! I love you, Lord!!

434 - Here We Go Again

Oh Lord, I am having the worst time finding a scripture - maybe some of my readers/friends can help? The conviction has set in so deep about getting control of this deal with food and weight. I have said it before and I hope to not say it again for a while, but today is the day. I am looking for the scripture where Paul says something about training His body or disciplines his body so that it does not master him - he is a master to it? I am probably combining a ton of scripture all into one thought. Can anyone help?

Eating is so tough. Unlike quitting smoking/drinking/addictions, etc. where you just do it, we have to keep eating unless you are fasting and that can only last for a brief time. I mean a 40 day fast can seem like an eternity, but in reality it is very short! So every moment of the day or at many times during the day we come to a crossroads. Am i going to give to temptation and overindulge or am I just going to do everything with moderation? That is the really tough thing for me. I can not allow myself just a tad here and there, i have to do the cold turkey thing. I have not trained my body enough and self-control is an issue that when given the chance to just "have a tad" - I go bonkers. Can anyone relate?

It is the same way with sin or I should say a different sin - it is all sin. Even if we are not overindulging, but our motivation is anything other than just merely feeding the body, it is sin. If we go to food for comfort, go to food for release, go to food for fun, go to food for security - anything than just the nutrition of our bodies, it is wrong to a degree. Now I don't want to get overly legalistic, but I also can not deny the conviction I feel in this area of my life!

So what am I going to do about this? I have asked a few friends to keep me accountable. I have added a new button on my sidebar called Live Well that I am going to be referring to. I am going to put some major restrictions on my eating, etc. I am going to TRY to leave no room for compromise. I am going to try to train my body or discipline my body for the purpose of godliness! Food will not be my idol, I will not be a slave to it. I have my sword ready!! I am taking one day at a time!!! Today will be a day of victory!!

Yesterday I spoke at 2 churches in town. It went really well. The weather is incredible. Hubby is home this week!!! Yeah!! I have my menu made out and will be sticking to the plan. We have Dairy Day - ugh!!!!! - this weekend. I mean I love it, but is it going to be some major temptation. This is the town wide big fall festival thing. I don't think there are a lot of dairy cattle around here so I am not sure how it got its name - Dairy Day. Saturday night we have my niece's homecoming deal. The girls love seeing that kind of thing with fancy dresses and hair. I posted more house pictures below this post. Electrician is coming today to go over the plan of action. Plumber is working fast to get things installed. Heating and Air guys are working on the second floor - first floor is done, i think!! Except for electricity of course. So once those things are done..............drywall can begin and then floors!!! wow - moving right along!

I love you, Lord! Help me today to hold to my promises to you. Help me today to love you more than I do things or food. Help me today to turn to you more often than i do things. Help me today to live a victorious life!! I love you!! Amen!!

304 - Make Good of My Sin

I Samuel 12:23-24 is just wonderful to me. This is the scene of David having just worshipped and repented for the huge Bathsheba sin ordeal and their son dieing, coming to comfort her. She is his wife now and as the spiritual leader he is coming to reveal who the Lord is and how gracious He has been to them both. (Those are my assumptions, but wouldn't you imagine David had to explain to his wife why God could allow such a thing and then how he, David, could not be mad, but worshipping.) In that comforting God allowed her to get pregnant again. To me there is huge blessing right there!

There have been times in my life that i have royally messed up - SINNED. In that sin and even after the repenting and redemption, I still would think that God has forgiven and still loves me, but I would probably never be allowed to do whatever that situation was again. I would be kept from participating because i so faithfully blew the first time - it doesn't even have to be the first time, but any time. But in this scripture I see that the Lord not only forgave David and Bathsheba, but blessed their marriage and allowed them to "start all over". Isn't that awesome? Just because there is a particular sin in your life, even a sin that you are done and through with, He does not withhold His blessings and grace. He will still allow do overs. Oh we need to do some shouting about that.

Praise you Father! Thank you Lord. There is no sin in my life that You can not cover, but there is also no sin in my life that can keep me from Your blessings AFTER the real repentance and worship has been re-established in my life. Oh thank you Jesus - that is incredible. The important lessons I take from this is that 1) I must take responsibility for my sin. I must own up to it and live through it. 2) I must be ready to move on and "not not" forgive myself. Accept the forgiveness, hold up my hands for the redemption only HE can provide, and begin again! Even if others do not want to forgive you or allow you to have a do over, I must be strong and live in His forgiveness not doing everything possible to have theirs! Walk into that do-over! Thank you Lord for the Word this morning. You are faithful!

Last night after school, Alisha and I played golf in a league she and her husband are part of. I was subbing for him. And Yes, I do not know how to play golf. A lot of sports I can just pick up because i am athletic and can hang in there OK. But golf is one of those sports that you really need some skills. Alisha was a good player, but I certainly need some lessons. Or I tell you what I really need - I need a cute outfit. If you can't play a sport then at least dress cute so that your skills are not so noticed - hee hee. I remember way back in high school traveling around with my mom in the summer. They would call my name along with my opponent to the tournament desk. I would size her up as to whether it was going to be tough match or not by the way she was dressed. More times than not, I knew it was going to be a quick match to my favor if she was dressed to the Hilt. That is the most obvious way to spot a beginner. ha ha! BUT if she had a headband on that was a different story - 'member that Mom?

Emmajoy is still sick with a high temp. I think I will take her in today unless she wakes up better. I have mounds and mounds of laundry today. So off for a great day - a day for Him to make good of my mistakes and sin!! He always allows do-overs! Praise the Lord!

301 - Oh my aching tummy........

**************www.leighgray.com should be back online in a few days, oh i pray so. They did not automatically renew my domain name, etc. and so that is the reason for the situation. I have renewed everything now and am praying all will be well soon.*****************************

Ps. 32:3-5 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Oh have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a time of your life when you refused to confess your sin, turn from it, and get things right with the Lord? David's deal with Bathsheba (I am ready to leave him alone about this and move on, maybe tomorrow....) has now taken place roughly a year ago from this passage and he is ate up in sin. He has gone for a year in just living in the mess he caused, i would think trying to make the best of it. I wish that i could count the times that i have done this, truly messed up and then quickly gotten ti right. But no, too often I mess up royally, try to justify my actions and live in my sin, deny i feel any convictions, and absolutely isolate myself from the Lord. So then in the mean time, I am falling further and further away from Him getting myself into more and more trouble. I eventually get sick in some way. Oh Lord, help!!

That is what David has done here and he is now to the point he has made himself sick. Don't you so know that feeling. Something weighs on your heart, your stomach is aching, some words or people's name make you get nervous...................... oh i hate living like that. My commentary make a special point to make sure we knew that all physical sickness was not due to unconfessed sin, but to make sure we did know there is a strong connection. I have always believed this and still do to this day.

I usually have no idea I am stressed until something physically shows up. Good or bad, I manifest things physically. When I am under great stress and especially in times that i have done something wrong, my body manifests this sin/guilt/conviction in some physical form. I get tummy aches, fever blisters, head aches, or quit eating - that ones is not so bad. I do not know what would happen to me if i went for long, long periods of time, never confessed, and got things right what my body would do. I could see stomach ulcers, migraines, skinniness(again, not so bad)............................................... and then much worse if i were to stay unchecked. Please do not be thinking for one second that i think my blogging friend, Heather, has unconfessed sin and therefore she is sick. No way - I don't think that nor would i ever judge someones life like that. There are times we just get sick and there is a greater glory, but i do believe there are times I cause my own body to deteriorate due to a lack of righteous living, etc. I don't think you are going to pop up with a heart condition and then begin to wonder if you have any unconfessed sin. You will know - that sin and mess you are in - will not have left your thoughts and the guilt of the situation will be lingering on.

Lord Jesus - what is my sin that i have yet to get it right with you - oh speak slowly to me, i know my sin is so great. Lord, forgive for the sin i have swept under the rug. Forgive me for the sin that i think is justified. Forgive me for the sin that i will not let go of. Forgive me for the sin that i like. Forgive me for the sin that i am too embarrassed to confess. Forgive me for the sin that i have already asked forgiveness for over and over and over.

Forgive me Father. I long to be in right relationship with you. I know I can not be used by You if I am not right. More than any time, I pray to get it right!! I leave for Missouri tomorrow. I am really excited. It is a small church only expecting 25 or so ladies to come and they have done so much praying and advertising that there is almost 75 women coming. They are so excited and I am so excited as well. I love you Jesus - thank you for your forgiveness.

2 funny things the kids did or said.........

1)Sarahjane asked if Daddy and I had quitting dating, like we had broken up....... I asked why, and she replied with "well, we don't ever get a sitter anymore." I love that she noticed we do date and that we had not been in a while. Just been so busy...... no excuse!

2) Tucker - DO NOT REPEAT THIS ILLINOIS FRIENDS - asked if he smelled this morning - like in a bad way............... I told him nope not this morning, but it might help if he brushed his teeth. He went brushed his teeth and THEN used mouth wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he actually talked to people at school i might think he had planned on planting "one" on a girl today. Sometimes we do need to watch out for those quiet ones. ha ha He is growing up and this is one area i am really excited about. We are on our way to no more stinky boys!!!

Have a great day and have so much fun with the Savior this day. I am going to change my hair color....................................... oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

300 - When Did the Road Curve?

Lord Jesus - I am reading in II Samuel 11 today. It is the famous story of David and Bathsheba. First of all, what if our faults were in the most famously printed book of all time? I think I might rethink some of the decisions I make today if that were going to happen. I know You Lord wish I would rethink some decisions because You are watching 24/7. Oh Lord, help me. Help to love you more, serve you more, and live righteously.

So how did everything go so wrong? I think I have asked this before, did David quit having his quiet time? Did David get overly proud and think he was invincible? What happened? We were riding along so well and then boom - he got this hair brained idea that he needed, wanted, and had to have this particular woman. But I don't really think the issue here is about a woman, I mean the lesson for me to learn.

David had an issue with women, that is not a surprise. He had many women from the time he could have women. He was a man of more than one wife and knew better. He had many surrounding him to show him what was correct and not, but he persisted to do that particular sin. The issue i see so often in my life and in others at times is boxing in God and boxing in our relationship with Him. Women by nature are not compartmentalizers. We let a fight at work dictate our attitude at home and then because of that fight we think that the grocery store people know and now they are an enemy as well. One little thing spills over into every area of our lives - irrational. I see men a bit different. They have trouble fishing, that stays in the boat. They have trouble with a car then that stays in the car. They have business trouble then that stays at work. They have fight with you, they do not bring up fights from 4 years back. Now all of that is a bit of an exaggeration, but men kind of compartmentalize their lives when we as women let everything spill over into everything. Why, I don't know, just the way we are.

I am learning in my walk with the Lord that I can not box Him up and I must keep living in a spill over kind of life. If i am a believer then I have to take it with me in every area of my life. Is that possibly what David could have done? I can hear him saying, "Lord, you can have control over my kingdom, my money, my foreign affairs, my people, my safety, my ....................., but when comes to my personal life and in whom I am going to get "close" to, I will handle that part." Basically even if it just one area of our lives, it too is living a double life. That is exactly what Satan is waiting for. He is waiting until we take an area of our lives and keep it under "our" control. Then that is when he easily steps in and sets up a destroy. Most importantly, we cannot expect to be growing Christians, ones that live a spill over life, and not meet with Him consistently. An area in self-control and no quiet time is a perfect concoction for major fall or disaster.

Lord, where are my issues? Where do you see this in my life? Please reveal. I know most of the time "I" will take care of my weight or that is not an area that I think i have to be spiritual in. There are some people that I am less bold with. When it comes to shopping day I rarely ask Him to guide me and keep me aware of when He says No. There are times I might go into Wal-mart or something and just think that I don't have to smile or speak to anyone. I can turn off my spiritual walk and just go about my way. Lord, Holy Father - forgive me. I must take You everywhere I go. I must take You into every area of my life and listen to You as I am walking through life - in everything! Forgive of those times that You set up an opportunity for me to speak to someone, bless their lives, give encouragement, boldly proclaim who You are in my life, and yet I said no. I said no, I don't think I will be spiritual right now. I don't think I will take You into that situation right then. Oh Lord, forgive me.

Lord, I am so scared that my life could be such as David and I could go hairy. I know I am not above it. Lord, spill over into every area of my life, let there be no secrets, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Oh Lord, protect me from me! Jesus, guard my mouth and protect me from the words that spill out without thought. Lord, bring more accountability into my life so that my striving for more of You is always in check. Oh Lord - please please please bring me a mentor.

258 - Punishment fits the crime?

Dear Lord, Thank you for a great weekend. We went to Evansville with a couple to see a movie. Astronaut Farmer - I mean a wonderful movie. On the tear scale is was about a 6 out of 10, great movie. Then the kids had games on Saturday - pretty much all morning. Then Saturday night we went to Fairfield. There was a man there that is a renown wildlife photographer from that area. He comes in town once a year or so to show where all he has been and all the things he has photographed. He was really great. This is the guy that Clay and his dad went to stay with in Montana (???) for a week or so hiking everywhere and just exploring around. Then we ate dinner at Melissa's and headed home. Sunday was a wonderful service and great day.

So this morning i was in I Samuel 25 - the very end. I have always wondered why so many of the old testament guys, kings, etc. had so many wives - like if maybe there was an exception for them. We know that David married one of Saul's daughters. And then we have heard of a few more, but the one for today was Abigail. Her husband did die, it wasn't that he took her before her husband had died or have him killed like with Bathsheba. But still he was already married and still took her as another wife. This was in no way in God's will. This was before he was king. My commentary said that in Deut. there are strict rules specifically about a king not taking more than one wife or he will be led astray. It is interesting to not take more than one wife - totally understand that one, but I think it is funny or very indicative that more than one wife will lead one astray. Kind of makes me giggle. But i can so see why. There is no way i would share Clay, but if i had to - I would be making up some stuff to lead him away or astray just to me!!!

But the point - many times i find myself so scared of a sin because God is going to not let me do this or that. I begin to appoint my sins to certain consequences. It is not totally that my sin breaks the heart of God and so therefore i abstain. At times, selfish times i might add, that i stop in my tracks in a sin because I am afraid that if i take part He will not bless me in a certain way or He will take something away, etc. Yucky thought process. I think to some extend we all do it. Now it is very true that God will have consequences for sin, but there is no way we can prearrange what sin goes with what consequences. Sometimes it is very obvious and God lets us know, but other times not. I think when I play this game in a way I am playing God. Not a good thing to do!

So in this situation with David one might think that since he had more than one wife he would ruin his chances of being king. After all, "if you eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you will surely die." There was an offence with a direct consequence. Did they die right after the first bite? No, but death was now part of their world. Or it may have also been that their offspring killed one another and surely part of a mom and dad die when a child dies. Just kind of speculating. But here is the greatest thing that i will never understand about the Lord - GRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Jesus, oh your grace is incredible and immense. Why oh why are you so abundant in your grace. David was still one of the greatest kings ever and Adam and Eve still had many offspring! I have not been crushed when i so often do deserve nothing but annihilation! Lord, I thank you for You patience and Your love. Thank you for the way you wait for me to "come around" or you wait for me to come back to my senses. Lord, You are so worthy of all of me, but more than half the time I am only giving you part of me. Lord, every morning i wake up and your mercies are new. Not that you just have one part of you that contains mercy, but Your mercies - that is plural - that is awesome. Grace and mercy - wow!! I know in my head what they are and the difference, but in my heart they overwhelm me. The further i go down my walk with You Lord Jesus, the more i realize how much of You i don't know and how far I really am from being anything like You. But the difference in my walk these days is that I want to keep striving to know more of You and be more like You. Grace and mercy are overflowing because I will never attain until I see You face to face!!! Thank you Lord. There is hope for me only because of You!

242 - Don't Minimize my Sin

My oh my - Wednesday night and Thursday all day turned out to be very eventful. I had the Gray's come and pick me up at 10pm and take me to the ER. I have been having these feelings as if my heart was doing a flip flop or spasm. Like i could feel it flutter in my chest. And the thing that scared me the most is the feeling of pressure on my chest and not being able to swallow like i normally could. Clay was on his way home and i was too scared to go to bed. I thought i just may not wake up. I have had the heart flutter thing before during pregnancy, but never the pressure on the chest.

After a bazillion tests and an overnight stay, we have concluded that it is acid reflux or possibly anxiety. I don't think i have ever had either one. So we are going to treat the reflux with medicine and then try to not stress. The last part is kind of funny to me. I am not too much of a stressor and have always considered myself pretty laid back. But even good stress is stress and effects the body. I have never moved this far with so many responsibilities (kids) to make sure they are happy. While this move has been good and fun, at times it has been stressful trying to please everyone. So maybe i need to just sit back and relax and live. I am not sure though if i know how to do anything other than what i have been doing... we shall see. Above all, thank you Lord that it seems to be nothing with my physical heart. Thank you that i am still here and able to sing Your praise. Thank you for all those that took care of me and the kids and prayed.

I was reading Amanda's (Beth Moore's daughter) blog entry the other day about gaining 5 pounds. She was kind of like confessing it and vowing to get it off. I would think that many kind shrugged off the attempt of losing 5 pounds because it is really not that big of a deal. It is a big deal, let me explain. You know when we are raising our kids we have to be "on" them about quite a few things. If we never discipline while they are younger then when they get older they will rule the roust. So taking care of small things in the beginning is crucial to dealing with issues in the future that are greater or could at least be more serious. If Amanda didn't take care of the 5 pounds now then she could be looking at 15 or more later on if she just ignored it. And this is where i am.

With each pregnancy i have left on about 5 extra pounds thinking it was no big deal. Well after 4 kids that is 20 pounds. In the hospital i nearly choked when i jumped on the scale and they reported 170 - i must be honest in my confession. Now i know i am almost 6 feet tall, I know my legs are nearly 5 of those 6 feet........................ don't minimize my sin, please. That does not help me by saying you look fine, Leigh. You don't need to lose weight. Lots of girls would love to look like you. Please don't minimize my sin.

Beth Moore says that "fitness is not about size it is about freedom". We have a place (size) according to the Lord where we are free to live. Oh yes, i have had lots of freedom in getting where i am today. Been free to eat whatever i wanted and whenever I wanted. You see, food is an idol in my life, it is my chains and my bondadage, no freedome in reality. I can not laugh this off any longer. I eat when i am happy, sad, bored!!!!!, mad, insecure, - it does not matter. I can find any reason to have a big dessert or make cookies or whatever. But the bottom line is that i am not free where i find myself today. I have ignored the Holy Spirit saying - that is enough. I have ignored the call of die to self. I have ignored the warnings of my body to reduce my intake and be free. I basically have said to the Lord in this area, "I got this one, let me handle it."

The sin of overindulgence and overeating specifically is so accepted and often laughed off - by me. Oh, this is just my thing and i am not as bad as so and so. Well, here i sit not liking what i see and knowing i am way bigger than i have ever been. There is no freedom. Lord, we have some work to be done. So i end today with a new mindset of regaining this freedom. Saying no to myself and dieing to my ways, and grasping hold of the security of Christ. Lock me up in You freedom Lord Jesus!

Romans 8:5-14 Words of Life for today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man[a] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[b] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

So I will be updating you on my victories (I am thinking positive) of living in the Spirit and not gratifying the deeds of the flesh as in Romans 13:14. If you read this, please be free to ask me how it is going and where I am at. I need real accountability, not fluffy encouragement and certainly not anyone minimizing my sin! Here we go Lord Jesus. I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me". Phil. 4:13.

Burn in the Change

Lord, I still can not get over the deal of the preacher in Colorado that was taking or at least buying drugs and has admitted to be in some kind of homosexual relations. The thing that gets me the most is not that he claimed to be perfect because he did not, not that he claimed to be against gay marriages because he did, but because he was going in and out of everyday some how getting sermons together - i would think you have to be in the Word at least a little bit unless you are giving all repeat sermons - and yet could fall into this can of trap. I do really mean it as a trap. Satan set it up, put in front of him his weaknesses, and then for some reason he was tripped up and fell in. Oh yes, he certainly had a choice and i know that there is a human fault, choice, flesh - whatever you want to call it - but the fact is he fell.

Lord, i don't ever want to fall into sin the way this man has, but you know what, if sin is sin is sin, then i fall everyday. But i guess more than anything i don't want to be in my Word everyday and applying myself to the scriptures, learning new things, and yet walking away unchanged, unaltered, or even passionless.

Lord, burn in the change in me - whatever you have to do to get across to me the way i should be and act and react! I want to think like You, I want to act like You, and I want to love like You. Jesus i want others to look at me and see You! I want others to be draw to me so that i can share You! I want others to be so in love with my Jesus! Lord, do your thing in me and help me to never walk away unchanged by Your Word. Burn in the change in me!

The jewelry party last night was fun! I got some really great stuff! I was able to say goodbye to some people that i knew might be the last time. Thank you for Your Word this morning. Thank you for the way you have revealed so much detail to Daniel through Your angels. It is amazing. I know my future is Your history and i am excited to see it revealed! Burn in the change! I love you!