246 - My Prison

Lord Jesus - thank you for a wonderful Valentine's. It was a great day of no school, playing in the snow, and just clowning around with the kids. I really enjoyed my day. After Clay risking his life driving to St. Louis all his flights got cancelled and he was home by 12:30 lunch. It was great.

This morning my devotion took me to Ps. 142, but I am set on verse 7, "Set me free from my prison that I may praise Your name." We all have a prison and some of us have more than one that we slip in and out of. This Psalm is one of the very prayers of David as he was running in I Samuel 22. I think that is amazing they can figure all that out. And who was the one taking notes or was David a journaler? Did he have a laptop or just use pen and paper. Just joking. But then again seriously, how was it taken down, by whom, and how did it survive.

First of all, God will allow something to survive if it is His will. Why some druggie lives for years and years and yet a woman of God will die suddenly at such a young age, I can't explain. All i know is that He has purpose. It may not be that the druggie has tons of life changing to do in his life, but the purpose for the life extension is for me to witness to them. God wants all to know Him and none to perish. But back to my prison........

This prison can certainly be an emotional prison, but most definitely a spiritual prison. Maybe the 2 can not even be separated. Many times we like to compartmentalize our spiritual walk, but it all works together.

An emotional prison is one of the hardest to dig out of. A feeling or emotion that is driving you batty or one that you can not erase can absolutely affect my whole day and week. An emotional battle i struggle with is the comparison prison. I am not as good as her, I have done as much as her, I don't look as cute as her (you know that is eating me right now, but my battle is not with a physical person, but the old me), I am not as educated.......... Another emotional prison is what I call the wifely/mother struggle. I am good enough to just be home and not be bringing in any money or at least not much to speak of, am i spending enough time with my kids to warrant being at home, will my kids grow up thinking i was a good mom even though i can not cook worth a lick... That prison can eat me up.

A spiritual prison is tough, but one that I can "deal" with easier. Many times when i feel trapped spiritually it is because something i have done. Unconfessed sin, laziness with my quiet time, no real heart when meeting and praying with Him, deliberate sin or continual sin... I feel trapped by no closeness with the Lord. I don't feel His presence or I don't feel His movement in my heart. No, we don't always "feel" the Lord, but I beg of Him to speak to me in a way that i know He is there. I am an emotional, feelly girl and that is the way He will reveals Himself so often.

Lord Jesus - the bottom line in both of these prisons is to bring it to You very honestly, passionately, and with purity. Searching out the scriptures to hold on to and then reciting them aloud. This is one area i fall real short. I do not run and hang to the Word as near like i should. Lord, give me a greater love for Your Word. Help me to cling to it like I do some many others things. I love that I can express all my emotions to you and you do not turn me away, not even once. Lord you are incredible and just amazing.

We are still doing the painting on the house. This house was beautiful the way Mrs. Gray had it, but just not my style. I am bit more contemporary, i think that is what i am. So it is not that it wasn't pretty, but i just want to put my spin on it so that it feels like my home. Going to shoot up to Evansville today to stay out of the painters hair and to get a few household things. Going by myself - let's not get lost!! I love you, Lord. You are awesome!!!! Increase my thirst for you!