748 - I'm Offended!

niiiiicccceeeee!

717 - Radical Talk and followed up with obedience! Whole Heart Faith

From the moment I posted the status on my Facebook about going for some radical obedience I have been in constant prayer.  I mean the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me at the most random and odd places.  Sitting down to hear from Him did not come so easily.  But it is that way many times with me or Him.  It is in the busyness of the day that God will stop me and speak a Truth, reveal a message title, confirm a question, or even explain my confusion!  He is so great to deal with me the way He made me!  I so appreciate that, Father!  (Side note: this does not mean that I don't think I have to sit and listen to Him on separate occasions.  Oh yes oh yes!!  I still feel that He commands me daily to come and be at rest at His feet in worship and in confession whether I hear from Him and especially feel Him.)  

So what do I think all this means........  how long do you have?  Here are the phrases that He has given me that I have begun to put together for complete obedience in my life........

Consumes your thoughts

Why do you go to just the borderline?

Idol worship can't be with me

Simple is too hard

Complex is easy faith

You have no control

Let me in today

sisters and brothers lifted me up in caffeine

This all started when I posted the fact that I was giving up caffeine for (hopefully) ever!  I was practically overwhelmed with the friends praying for me in this event and especially for those that checked in on my for DAYS!  I am indebted to you all.  This was just such a simple thing in my life - even though there was pain involved - and many of you took the time to say a prayer for me and to strengthen me along the way.  I truly attribute your faithfulness in praying and honest accountability to my kicking this particular demon in my life.  Now you may be thinking the word DEMON is a little harsh, but anything that can change my attitude and responses to people in a negative way because I have NOT had it - that is a demon in my book.   In that process the Lord reminded me that HE was the one to make the difference in my reactions and responses to people.  He was the one to conquer those demons and idols in my life.  It was something in my life that I was having a hard time living without = IDOL!  

I began to think about more of the simple things in my life - things that are simple in theory, but seem to consume my thoughts.  Why is it in our own lives - or I should say - in MY life - that I can feel safe with the Lord in bringing Him the huge, big things for Him to take care of, but it is those tiny, simple things that I feel like could never be changed.  Oh no, I would never utter those words, but it is exactly what my actions would say!  Do I think He is not big enough for the small things?  

That is when the words - complex is easy faith - please know this is for my life........... I am not trying to say the hard things in your life are easy faith for you - for me!!!!!!!!!!!  What I am trying to say is when I am given a huge task or a huge dilemma or someone else has asked me to pray about something that I have absolutely no control over at all - it is easy for me to pray about it and be done.  I know that I can do nothing other than the privilege of praying for them and so it is done.  I keep praying and believing that God is in control and is the one that will make the difference.  For me it is what I call easy faith - I have to leave it with Him because I can't do a thing!   

Another phrase - Why do you go to the borderline - set a higher standard!  In medicine doctors seem to not get all up in arms about things even if you go over the borderline.  I mean our blood pressure is suppose to be 120/80.  You can even be 125/85 and a doctor kind of shrug his shoulders that you should be pretty good.  Or your sugar is right at the borderline and it seems to be ok.  I know this is a silly example that might not be holding much water because there are so many other factors in determining ones health, but the point is that why do we just accept hanging out at the borderline.  I think God calls us to a higher standard.  I think God call us to perfection even though it is something we will not attain, but are working out our salvation to the image of Christ so that we shine like His little stars!  (Phil. 2:12-14)

Back to the simple!!!  It is those little things that consume me.  For me - I think about food and my weight more than anything else in the whole day.  Breakfast I think about lunch, lunch I think about dinner.  Dinner I think if there is anything sweet for me to eat next.  It is an idol.  It is a little thing because I really only have about 15 or 20 pounds to lose, but it consumes me.  I mean ALL THE TIME!!!!!!  I know I may not look that overweight - but yall I am practically 6 foot tall!  If i were even 4 inches shorter my sin would be more obvious.  But more than anything this is a heart condition.  This is a simple thing that I don't have the faith to believe He can make a difference.  Do you ever feel the same way - not about weight - but whatever it is the Lord has laid upon your heart?  

I feel like the Lord has led me to confess this to whomever may be reading to seek that accountability - just like with the caffeine.  There are many, many steps that I have to go on to truly be walking with Him the way He desires for my life - and I want that to be my desire as well.  (Ps. 37:4) This food thing is just the first step.  There are many areas that I need to die in!  What about you????  What is it for you?  It does not have to do anything with food or the body!!!!!!  That is my thing!  

I am ready for a new heart and new actions!  I am ready to walk with Him in a way that I have never!  I am ready to believe Him in the simple things and the big things too.  I am ready to commit with a whole heart, rid myself of idols, and commit to Him - and serve Him only!!!!!  He will deliver us - me!!  The battles will come!  The enemy will still press on!  But I will set up an Ebenezer in honor of Him!  I am ready for my thoughts to be turned to Him.  

What is it for you?  What is it that He is asking you to rid yourself of?  What is it that consumes your thoughts?  What is your idol?  How can we do this so far apart???  This could be letting something go?  This could be starting something.  This could be anything - HE will tell you if HE has not already!!  

Does anyone know how to set up a linky thing?  We could name this Whole Heart Faith and have a button.  I don't know how to do any of that - does anyone???  We could have a certain day each week that we check in and see how this Whole Heart Faith Walking is going for each of us.  I think it could be a huge step in Him setting hearts free!  Are you in?  

344 - Worthy is the Lamb

This is one of my favorite praise songs EVER! (If anyone from my church reads this, don't you know our piano player could belt this out so beautifully!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have got to figure out her name.)

This morning I found myself in Jer. 33:22 - "I will make the descendants of David my servant and the Levites who minister before me as countless as the stars of the sky and as measureless as the sand on the seashore.' " My current devotion on David ended with the promise of more to come. Jesus - He is more than enough. Oh Lord, if i am honest I get myself into such a pickle of feelings because I don't understand nor comprehend your majesty or holiness or awesomeness. I am so excited to worship you forever, be in your presence, bow before the throne and meet everyone else in heaven, but then I struggle with all the things yet I have not done here on Earth. Like being a Grandma, seeing the kids get married and grown, living old and gray with Clay, seeing what else God's has for me in ministry, etc... I guess that is the flesh and not truly understanding how menial those things are compared to His greatness and sitting at the throne!

This verse this morning is a promise. It is promise of more Kings that the Lord anoints and appoints will sit on the throne and THE King is coming to be the final ruler. Can you imagine that?? Lord Jesus, how different the world will be when you are sitting in Jerusalem. Oh how different I will be. Worthy is the Lamb. High and lifted up - the Darling of Heaven!! Oh Lord, allow me to grasp just a small part of your holiness and specialness. Allow my heart to overflow with the Joy of Jesus and serving you. Allow me to more often turn from my sin and give all back to you. Allow me to not think so much of my needs, but think of what You might want from me. Oh Lord, let me fall in love with you!!

One thing I need to remember is that You are still sitting on the throne in heaven. When there are things I am going through - it is not a surprise to You. You are well aware and full aware! Oh Father I have a situation in my life where I need big time wisdom and patience. I don't know how to react and I am not sure what to do. I need wisdom and wise counsel. I don't need to make mistakes in this situation, and need to follow You will. Oh Lord, help me. Nevertheless You reign and You are holy, trustworthy and WORTH - Worthy is the Lamb. Still deserving of all my praise and adoration!! You are it and I want to know more of you!! I love you!

Today is my church's free Memorial Day Celebration. It is going to be great - as long as the rain holds off. Oh please Lord, just a few hours. Going to be rides, tons of food, face painting - all kinds of things. A band, music, etc!!!!!!!!!!!!! and all free!! Starts at noon - come on down!

I got all my Believing God studies on Saturday. I am sooooooooo excited. Going to be great! If you still want to come and have not told me - come on. 8pm on Thursday, mi casa!

Jesus - thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for your righteousness. thank you for your perfectness. thank you for everything. Worthy is the Lamb. Help my concerned heart!

340 - David's Last Words + Update

Lord Jesus - wow what a day yesterday. My vet called and asked about Lu Lu yesterday morning and I told him she was still doing that hacking thing kind of like trying to throw up. He wanted to see as soon as i could get 4 kids dressed since there was no school and get there. Kids looked cute, i was a wreck - ball cap, workout clothes that were probably stinky, but that is life. So He took her temp and basically my dog, new dog, precious dog, Lu Lu has a inflamed throat - kind of like strep throat - aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeee - I want to run and hide!!! So he gave her a shot in her NECK and she is also on an antibiotic. Nice!!!!

I am not sure if any readers check the Prayer Request blog connected with this site - if not go there. But the lady that bought my house in Charlotte contacted me about liking everything and all that. So we have been emailing back and forth. She emailed yesterday to tell me about someone in her life that had a growth and of course they were scared. So this is when i forwarded it Valarie, Prayer Request Coordinator, to lift this one up. If there is such a thing as someone having a direct line to the Lord, or at least others having a closer lean to HIS ear - Valarie does. (IF YOU EVER NEED US TO PRAY FOR YOU, PLEASE LET US KNOW. VALARIE WILL DO IT AND THINGS WILL HAPPEN. I HAVE THAT MUCH CONFIDENCE IN HER PRAYER LIFE!! WONDERFUL WOMAN!) Donna, the lady that bought my house, emailed this morning to say that the cyst was benign and praising the Lord. Can you believe the way the Lord has connected us through the internet............ amazing!!

Things with the Believing God series are really coming together - Praise you, Lord. I was concerned to say the least and now it is looking great. I am excited by all the churches that will be represented at my house. It is a dream or vision YOU are bringing into fruition. I have always called it the Nehemiah Mission. The CHURCH of our Lord is coming together to pray and lift up one another and of course lift Him up. Oh I can hardly wait. Next Thursday is the day!

Did I tell you Farmer Gray - that would be me - got a truck and that the garden is doing well. Yes, that is right, for the most part, i drive a truck. I have always called the suburban a truck, but now we have a real truck!! It is gray and has the doors that open both ways. All 6 of us fit in it. It is fun, but not for a long ride!!! Kids can touch too much! Get this - it has no CD player or even tape player. Doesn't have electric windows or anything. Basic to say the least. We got it from an old farmer. It even has plastic or rubber floor boards so I can literally hose it out......... Oh, you should have seen the boy at McDonald's as i was rolling down the window. I don't think he had ever seen someone self-roll a window down. I just smiled real big!!! ha ha ha ha!

My son did a fantastic job in his game on Wednesday. Really the whole team did wonderful. Good group of kids, very talented. Tucker closed out the game pitching. A girl did come up to bat and i must admit i was panicked. I didn't want a "girl" to get a hit off him. (Can you sense just a tad how competitive I am.) I wanted him to save face - I really didn't want just her not hitting off him, I wanted a strike out. I mean, I am terrible!! Strike 1, 2, 3 - she was out. Momma breath a sign of relief. Oh I was so proud!!! I love baseball and him pitching.

I just found out our little newspaper in town is getting moved in who it is run by. I was all set up to start a column in it about parenting, but now that may be all squooshed. I don't know! I am a little sad. I have to speak at my in laws home church on June 10th. I am sooooo scared. It is a small Methodist church and I am filling in for the pastor. WHAT - i know crazy. I was not sure i was going to do it. I do not preach - hear me - i do not preach. I speak encouraging words and hopefully inspiring words to bring others closer to Him, NOT PREACH!!! I really contemplated on whether doing this or not. I prayed and prayed and sought much counsel. All lights were green and so i agreed. I am not sure i have ever been so nervous other than speaking in front of all my aunts and cousins, mom, and friends one night. This is tough!!!

My friend Tamy Davidson left for Brazil on a mission medical trip yesterday or actually the wee hours this morning!! Oh Lord, give them great experiences and many, many receptive to the call of Christ!!! What a precious servant!

So - now that all that update is finished - phewwwwwwwww - that was exhausting and no one may even care. I just like to make sure when I am old and gray i can look back at things HE was doing. So this morning i was in the end of I Chron. David has died and Solomon is blessed and reigning greatly as his father did. Legacy continues on. You know it reminds me of what we as women of God could be in store for. Beth Moore's youngest daughter, the one that is suppose to be a replica of her, just finished a rigorous degree from Moody Bible College. She received her masters. She is an incredible writer and I would think great deliverer. Oh, I think we as women as in for more great years from the Moore family. Who knows, He knows!

Scholars say Ps. 71 is one of David's last writings. The other day i was discussing with a friend about how we know if God is testing us through a trial or if Satan has been allowed to "get" at us or all of the above. I said the bottom line to it all - our reaction. It doesn't really matter in the long run from who the trial or struggle or hard time is coming, but how we react to it and what we do with it. That reaction may be the true test and the struggle is just a stimulus. (Holy cow, i think i just used a science word from college psychology classes!!) Anyway listen to this scripture...............

"Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, God is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." See that word in italics -made - it is translated Ra ah meaning "to understand intellectually, to ascertain, to perceive or examine, to discover, to experience. I think of it this way - it is not important to understand or perceive how trouble came our way - as if we can do things differently and they will never come. It is important that i ascertain, discover, experience the lesson He may be trying to teach me through the struggles, hard times, etc. It is my reaction that can lead me to listening, being still, submitting, etc. can the understanding comes or it can be my fits, grumpiness, impure thoughts, sour attitude that keep me from perceiving and experiencing. Oh man - this is a good lesson He is giving me. Thank you, Lord.

So that is about all I can live with today. Good and bad both come filtered through His hands. Satan can not mess with us without permission from the Father - keep that in mind!! Oh Lord, how precious and wonderful you are. You want me to learn lessons and become more wise not just go through life doing life. Lord, open my ears and eyes to see, hear, and learn - perceive!!! Help me Father - You have much work to do. I love you!

Off to get my eyebrows peeled off my face and some lip hair - ugh!!!!!!!!! i cry every time!! Got end of school parties and SJ K-5 screening. Hopefully an easy weekend - yeah right!

338 - On Our Face

Lord Jesus - in 1 Chron. 29:10-20. This is where David is praying together with the nation of Israel - how did they do that without microphones............but then again, how in the world did they build even half of all they did back then. But anyhow - verses 10-13 is what I call the Crown Ministries verses. It is about everything being God's and everything we have comes from Him and we just need to live with open hands allowing Him to take and give constantly. Hold tightly to nothing, but our salvation! I have never done that program or whatever you might call it, but I have heard a ton of great things about it.

Then David, still the king, goes on to just praise the Lord and lead the whole nation in a time of worship. I know most people can probably imagine that - but to have a preacher or leader for that matter lead everyone in a time of worship. I am not talking about just praise music and a prayer - David and his people got down prostrate, on the ground!!!, and worshipped. Holy cow, i think that is awesome. I have seen my preachers in the past worship and pray - but never to the point of getting on the floor or actually being very "visible" in their worship - I have never gone to a church where worship was much more than singing. What I mean, is my old church worshipped and the music was incredible - they had it all as far as equipment, etc, but as far as seeing a minister lift their hands or anything remotely close to that - didn't happen. I am not slamming them at all - just a southern baptist church with much tradition and they just hadn't gotten there just yet. I am sure it has changed even from the time I have moved.

If you have read this blog for any amount of time you know that I think the world of my current pastor and his wife - awesome people and lovers of the Lord, big time! Our church is short a worship minister and so our preacher, Chad, leads that as well. It is so special and maybe if we did have someone I wouldn't know this about Chad, but it is so special to see him worship. He is a huge 6'8 dude that is not scared to raise his hands, bow down, Praise, Praise, Praise - it is so beautiful! And his awesome wife happens to be about 6'1 - yep, tall kids - not afraid to worship as well. My whole point about this is....................when leadership is willing to let it all go and just be a worshipper as if it were just Jesus and them, it can lead to unexplainable revival because of the effect on those around! I am not accustomed to raising my hands, never spoke in tongues, or even bowed while others are standing - and I know most of this is because I have never let myself go there - held back - but, didn't see it from my leadership and so............. But now at my new church - they have taught me how to worship. And the leadership participates. I don't understand everything, but I know they really love Jesus and are seeking Him. The worship time is just an expression of their devotion and love!! It is beautiful! (Side note: I am not saying you have to "do" anything to wroship. Some people can just stand or sit and really praise. But I am just talking about what this scripture specifically says about getting prostrate, etc.)

The nation of Israel is taking their cue from the king, their leader. Oh how awesome would it be for President Bush to do something like that - i guess on TV or something. David was not a young thing at this point and as you recall he was not in the greatest of health. But it did not stop him. I assume he knew if others were going to follow, he could not just talk it - he had to do it!

This is speaking volumes to me once again about parenting. I can not just tell my kids to pray. I can not just tell my kids to worship. I can not just tell my kids to spread the Word. I can not just tell my kids to be nice. I can not just tell my kids to have faith!!!!!!!! I must show them!! David is imploring Solomon once again in this prayer to have wholehearted devotion - once again means uncut, undivided, unswerving - all for Him and none other! He also says of the whole nation in prayer - "God keep this desire and keep their hearts loyal to You." Oh Lord, yes that is it. Give, develop, grow a desire in my kids to love and be devoted to you above all else. May they be loyal to Your Word and Your calling on their lives. And Lord, as i do so often - keep me out of the way, don't let my desires and plans disturb what You got going on! That is hard and I am not sure I even understand the magnitude of that statement! But as of right now - I mean it with all my heart!

Lord, we have Tucker's first baseball scrimmage tonight - Clay is so sad he can not be there. Give Tucker precision with pitching and quick arms in batting. May his mind be in the game and ready to respond when the ball comes his way. I am going to the school to sale purses. I am just excited to be at the school and get to know everyone better and to make a few sales would be great too. Lu Lu, I think is sick. She keeps acting like she need to throw up or at least there might be something in her throat. She gagged all night and will not eat this morning. I guess we will take her back. She was fine yesterday, but when we came home from Courtney's is when i noticed she was not acting right. And Jesus - we are having such a time with SJ. She is constantly getting into trouble, getting into things, and just not behaving. What can I do with this specific child to make her understand - Lord, Help!!! I love you, Lord!

337 - Let's Get Personal

Heavenly Father - what a beautiful morning. We have been sleeping with the windows up, had the windows up for some time now, and I just love hearing or being awakened by all the birds singing. Ok - maybe at 4:30 it is not so pleasant, but anytime after 5am i love it!!

This morning I am in 1 Chron. 29:1-10 - oh it is really good. David is telling more about all he has saved up for the temple building - to be built. It is a massive amount of stuff, well not stuff, but materials, jewels, gems - all kinds of building things. Then in verse 3 David explains that he is also giving of his personal treasure. Oh this is good. It reminds me of many different things. We give our tithe and that is like giving back part of what God provided us. But then God will spur us on from time to time to give above and beyond that - an offering. Something personal that might even hurt or at best take an increased faith especially if funds are not there. Or I remember a friend fasting, the Daniel fast, and then God told them to step it up beyond what others may be doing - take it personal.

I praise you Lord as you definitely gave to us, all mankind, more than we could have ever dreamed - and still do. But then you took it personal. You sent your very own son to die for us - now that is taking it personal. Oh Father - I just want to say thank you for such a sacrifice. I don't think I go to the cross near enough. Thank you for the love, thank you for the grace, and thank you for showing us what it really means to die to self and give up all. Lord, have you called me to something personal and I just have not noticed or been willing. Speak to my heart and show me Lord. Show me the ways I have not "gone there" with you. Show me the areas that you are requiring more and where I may be stopping short of what you have in mind! Oh Lord, I want to be pleasing in your sight and I want to be obedient!! Oh, do your work, Lord.

The other quick thing that I love about this passage is in verse 9. "The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders". Oh what a beautiful thing, but also a reminder. We are all leaders whether we want to or not. Some may be leading preschoolers, some are leading the world. But oh how important for those you are leading to see your sacrifices as well. Not in a bragging kind of way, but as example. I went to a church a few weeks ago in Kansas and this women's group was using another church for their retreat. The pastor of that church - no relation to the ladies using the church - was there the whole time and unbelievable in his giving. He certainly did not have to, but he wanted to! Then at my church recently when i spoke there we had a dinner and everything. My own pastor and other men served us dinner - even high school boys. The other thing that was impressive was my very own pastor helped me set up my resource table - purses and such! Now that is giving and sacrificing to me. What does it make me want to do - rejoice, sure, but then give back and help as well. Our church has this huge Memorial Day thing coming up and Clay and I have really struggled with what we are suppose to be doing. Sure, easy to give a few dollars to help another buy food or whatnot, but getting in their with the hands and doing something I think is even more sacrificial!! Oh Lord, show us!!

Lu Lu got fixed yesterday. Poor thing - just laying around and so tired. Kids are on a school count down! I am ready for school to be out. Going to close totally on this house today. Got more baseball practice. Going to the school to sell more purses on Wednesday - I am really excited about this. Tucker has his first zit, but has no fingernails to actually pop it good. hee hee God is good, all the time - I am sure! I love you!

333 - 2nd Chances

Oh Lord, what a good quiet time this morning. 2nd chances - reason to shout! 1 Kings 1:32-48 we see Solomon being anointed and then actually sitting on the royal throne. David ends the day bowing to worship in his bed. He is too weak to get to the floor, which is his usual position of worship - so says the commentary - so he must worship in his bed. Love that.

But I have to think back for just a minute... David was not "the" choice for the king. He was young and small and the youngest of all these big brothers - just a shepherd boy. But that is who God wanted and that is how it was!!! Oh I just want to praise the Lord about that. I may not be the greatest or most perfect choice for many of the things He allows me to do, but He has His way. I may not be the most educated, may not be able to translate much Greek and Hebrew, may not even be related to a big spiritual name - you know connections help - I am not even the best dressed if that matters - but He still lets me do a thing or two. With David I know He saw a heart willing to go the distance, a heart wiling to say yes, a heart willing to admit the wrong, a heart willing to accept discipline, a heart willing to pursue the Lord with passion and abandonment, a heart willing to praise and go where no man has gone before. Oh Lord, that is the kind of heart I want. I want a heart searching after You in such a way that I have no desire but for you!!! Oh Lord, give me a second chance.

A second chance is what we see revealed in Solomon. I am sure there are some bitter people looking up the palace windows in the day and not understanding why God would allow a child of adultery to become the next king. I have to admit there are some people in ministry that I often wonder why God has given them such "success". Oh how terrible and judgemental that is of me! Oh Lord forgive me. You have your ways and your purposes and they are always perfect and way beyond my reasoning! I thought it was neat that Solomon even rode in on a mule. No, not a donkey like our King, but it was not a stallion or huge chariot - just a mule. Could there be some foreshadowing of the coming King - I think so!!

God, Holy Father - you are so wonderfully awesome. Thank you for the second chances, third, and fourth, etc. Lord, take me and change my heart of bitterness. Change my heart of resentment. Change my heart of jealousy! Change my heart and make it more like you! Lord, I want to reflect your holiness, righteousness, loveliness - oh goodness the work needed to be done! Only You can make good of my sin and disgusting attitudes. Forgive me, Father - I repent and want to follow closer!!! Lord, I want Your will even if it is not what I am expecting or what I dream. Make my dreams Yours and let me follow after You with all my heart!!! I love you my Lord. I love Your ways!!! Help me to love you more.

Oh Lord, please allow there to be some ladies interested in the Beth Moore study. I just can not express to them how wonderfully awesome it will be... Lord, help me to not be disappointed or upset. I so want more women fellowship and digging into the Word together in Norris City. That is the number ONE thing i miss from Charlotte. Lord, help me to be patient. I love you!!

330 - In Shock & Stuff

I am random this morning - beware!

Can you believe it - Melinda Doolittle is gone.......... Oh I am sad. I hope Jordan rides all the way home with the prize now that Melinda is gone. I think she is from a good family that has brought up a very thankful young girl. Now i will admit some of her tears do look a little forced when she is up their saying good-bye to her "friends", but I still do love her voice and LOVE, LOVE seeing her live out a dream. Besides Melinda, I cry every time Jordan sings because I know her momma and daddy must be so proud.

I hardly could get out of bed this morning. We worked out our legs so hard yesterday at the Dale's - great workout, but ouch!!!! Then I went running with my friend after school and could hardly be any good. Had to walk 2 times... Then Andrea called and we went running too. Wooooooooooohhhhhhhoooooooooooooooo - my legs hurt, but a good hurt. But I weighed in yesterday and have lost 10 pounds. Yippee skippee!! I hope I have not jinks myself! ha ha

My son came home telling me a teacher told him she wanted me to bring my purses up there at the end of school. How cool would that be. I have the book publishing and non-profit status to pay for real soon - so this could only help tremendously. That is kind of her to think of that for me. I have the money saved up for those 2 things, but it will pretty much deplete everything so that would help put a tad back in. PS- I got the cutest 2 new purses yesterday... I will post them later.

This morning I was in 1 Kings 1:1-31 - this is great, these are some different rules than we have today... The king, David, was feverish i guess and they couldn't get him warmed up. So the scripture says that they went all across the land of Israel to find him a beautiful young woman that could keep the king warm. He is old and a young thang is suppose to keep him warm. I think i have heard it all now. Sounds a bit like the Anna Nicole thing... Anyway, it does say that he did not have "relations" with her, but neither did Clinton. My how history truly does repeat itself. Another dude has come to claim kingship since David is old, tied up in bed, and has not named another king successor. So Nathan tells Bathsheba she needs to go talk with David and let him know what is going down and remind David of the oath her spoke to her of Solomon becoming the next man in charge. Bathsheba walks in and the scripture even make mention of the lady "attending" the king and Bathsheba still bows. All i have to say is that it is a good thing I was not born in those days. There would be some cat fighting...

OK - back to being spiritual. My devotion asked me how I felt about growing old and all. That is a funny question. I don't think about it that much unless I am thinking about time running out to minister and what else I could be doing. I did receive a Woman of Faith advertisement the other day and think - now do I really want to go to that? Anita Renfro looked like the youngest one and I pretty sure she is well into her forties. Is that old, no!!!!!!! In fact it is younger everyday, but their audience is quite young. So I thought the whole thing was very interesting. Their speakers are getting on up in age and wondered when they might want some new blood, but not necessarily youngest blood. I happened to raise my hand in my living room in case someone was listening in on my thoughts. Just being silly, but that would be a dream of mine. How fun and exciting! Those speakers have a bazillion times more knowledge and experience than i could ever give. God has His hand on them and has used them mightily for a good long time. He must be pleased! --- I also read an article about Passion going to other countries. That kind of made me sad because it is such a phenomenon here in the states - a much needed thing. I totally trust the leadership of that organization and i am sure they are following the Lord, but why close up shop here. I am hearing from more and more college students on my blog. It is really cool - they love Jesus with much passion!!! Anyone want to start a different Passion while they are overseas?? Just another dream.

But the scripture message I received today was again about not quitting. David was old, "tied up in bed", but still king. When he was presented a problem he quickly did all he could to make it right even from the bed. We know from the Bible and history that Solomon was the next king. David made sure of it. So even from my bed I hope that I am still able to do things for the kingdom to the very end. Lord, I hope you still find me useful to the end. I have been very random today... I guess that what happens when there is not a solid uninterrupted time with Him. Lord, help me to get out of bed and back to my 5:30am routine. I miss it... Discipline!! I don't have a lot planned for today. We are going to have a ham and bean dinner which i am so excited about. We didn't do that in Charlotte and I don't really remember eating it growing up. We also have cooked cabbage - yep, Mom, even i am growing up and eating my vegetables. Keep speaking Lord and help me to open my ears!! I love Lord Jesus!

329 - Sacrifice for Free

Dear Lord, Good morning! It is a beautiful, cool, brisk morning - I wish i had gone running this morning before the day got going, but oh well. Last night at Plainview was amazing. There was a huge storm that ripped through the area and did a ton of damage. A few trees fell on cars parked in various locations. The power flickered many times. In the middle of speaking the power went off to the point that I thought it was going to stay off. It was kind of freaky - I don't think my mic ever turned off - I still sounded "on". Anyway, I delivered the Balanced Lifestyle message and think it went over well. I feel very, very comfortable in that church - lots of ladies i know briefly, but have always heard a ton about through the years. Great God-fearing people there!

So this morning I have come to the end of 2 Samuel. The devotional book is not done as I am sure we will have to go through David's death and bury him as well. But we are getting close. Verse 24 of chapter 24 is a huge verse for me. "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." Wow - what a statement. David has come to a point that God is punishing Israel for a reason that we as the reader really don't know. There are many speculations, but to me the important part is that God does punish, reprimand, or discipline His children. I think we think He is so good that He could never get on to me. Or when we are going through something tough and unexplainable it has to be Satan messing with us instead of a result of our own disobedience. Isn't it so much easier to blame someone else instead of "me".

But in normal David fashion, he takes the blame and seeks the Lord for His people. He decides on a 3 day plague that kills 70,000 Israelites. At the end of the plague David seeks to build an alter and offer a sacrifice. The man tries to give him the land and materials for the sacrifice, but David says "No, what good is a sacrifice that costs me nothing." Wow, that is amazing words. See this is the same place that according to the commentary that Abraham went to sacrifice Issac. This was a known spot for giving what is most precious in order for the Lord to move or have more of Him in your life.

Lord Jesus - how many times do I try to get something for free? I want to be blessed, but not go through the refining fire to get there. I want to be more like You, but yet not suffer in any of Your sufferings! Oh Jesus I am guilty of wanting more of You, but not wanting it to cost anything of me. What good is a sacrifice that costs me nothing. Lord, help me - Teach me what You might be asking for. Teach me to give of myself or anything else to be obedient unto You. Lord, teach me to what sacrifice really means. Does it scare me? Yes, just a bit - ok, a lot! Lord, I know You are safe and faithful and certainly trustworthy. May I listen to Your words and respond. May I seek Your face and understand more of You. Lord, may I be willing to release the clenches I have on certain things wiling to give them completely to You. I love you!!

I was suppose to speak in Omaha this Friday, but am unable. Have a family situation that must be checked on. I hate to leave that church in a pickle like that, but I must go. He will provide i know that for sure. I am so excited to go home to Charlotte in June. It will be a really fast trip, but I am so excited to see a few faces. Thank you Lord for the things you are doing in me. Thank you for another beautiful day. I am excited to see what You do today! I love you!

328 - Just Gotta Shout!

This morning I was in 2 Samuel 22: 1-55. I actually took the time to read it out loud and had "me some church" right in my own living room. Oh Lord Jesus, how wonderfully awesome You are. I feel the need to do some shouting today, but only in praise and adoration of You. I am overwhelmed with Your love this morning and just can not figure out how to love you even more. If there were something that i could do. I am such a list maker and then "crosser offer". Oh Lord, if a relationship with you were just about crossing things off the list and then continuing on how much easier would be for a person like me. But praise you Lord, You require so much more and want so much more from us. You want relationship and personality and interaction!!!!!!!! Oh Lord, I am just at a loss for words this morning because I am just so overwhelmed with all you have done in my life and all that You promise to do.

I feel like i am in a holding pattern right now. This holding pattern might last for another 2 years or longer, when all my kids are finally in school, but at the same time You are asking me to stay the course. Keep being faithful to meet with You each day and keep pressing forward in looking for all the things You are willing to reveal each day. Oh Lord, I think that is what I like the most about our relationship, but also the least. I love how You wait right to the perfect time to show me a secret of Your love for me, but then sometimes in the waiting I get frustrated. Oh Lord, how many times You must rub your head and think - Oh poor girl, just hold on. I will not let you down. I will not forget about you. I will not disappoint. But remember my ways are not your ways nor are your thoughts my thoughts! Jesus, thank you for your patience. Thank you for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for not giving up on me.

"The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not done evil by turning from my God." 2 Sam. 22:21-22
I love that verse especially coming from David - the Bathsheba man. At first when I read verse 22 I was like what - David had kept the ways of the Lord??? He had not done evil by turning from the Lord???????? What - now how could that be said. It says that David had not done evil by TURNING FROM THE LORD. It is not saying he never sinned - it is saying that even in his sin he never left the Lord. He never turned his back in such a way as to say - I quit, I will not walk with Him anymore. He sinned, sure we know all about that, but David always repented and turned back - just took longer than other times! It is a little concerning about the first part of that verse. "He has rewarded me according to the cleanness of my hands." Yikes!

Lord, you have given me the opportunity to speak tonight to a church on the edge of town. I will be speaking on a Balanced Lifestyle. I am excited - this is a very sweet church with lots of great women I long to know better. Lord, I pray the day goes smoothly so that I can prepare the way I need to - even more. Below is something I found earlier and just loved it. Hope you enjoy as well. Valarie - you will love it!!

327 - Tired of Fighting?

Can we lift our hands and praise the Lord? - well certainly, but not type at the same time. Oh Lord Jesus, how wonderfully awesome You are! On Friday night where I spoke at my home church, Crossroads Bible Church, You showed up in such a precious way. Your Spirit was so evident throughout the place. We had a completely scrumptious meal fixed and served by the men of the church. A man by the name of Tom Oxford cooked FRESH lasagna noodles with Alfredo/mushroom sauce, shrimp scampi, salad Rafferty's style with croissants, and cooked carrots. I mean it was gourmet - unreal... I had never had fresh, homemade noodles. Wonderful!!

Then we moved into the sanctuary and had some praise music - awesome. Those ladies are so talented. The really young piano player/singer was there too. She is incredible. Loved it! Then Dawn introduced me and it was my time. As i walked up to the mic I could feel like a rush of the Holy Spirit invade me and knew HE had showed up to do some great things! He spoke through me and took me down some tangents I did not have prepared. Oh it was awesome. Not me, but what He poured out of me! My passion for His word and love for speaking out and praising Him was there - it was just a wonderful night!!! Many ladies made decision of recommitment and/or acknowledgement of change needed in their lives. Father - praise You. You did it all! Thank you for allowing me to be part of Your night!!! Thank you thank you!!

This morning Father - I am up and at 'em, but still very tired. I read in 2 Samuel 21:15-21 where David went out to fight, but became very exhausted. There are some really great things I see about that passage and am very encouraged. David was up in age and still doing what he thought was his kingly duties. He, up to this point, was not afraid to get out and do battle. How often do you see a preacher of a church willing to get up front and do the preachin', but as far as getting out in the battle and fighting, nope, save that for the others. Even though David was probably too old be out there and acting like his young army men, He felt a responsibility to his people, to his army, and to the Lord. The Philistines were at it again and David wanted to make sure he was part of that slaying through the power of the Lord.

Oh Lord, may i never view myself as washed up and unusable. In fact that is something You have had come out of my mouth the past 2 times i have spoke. "If you are still on the earth and breathing, then He is not done with you. If you think your usefulness is done and you are just here to coast through the rest of life, then you better be making your burial plans. He does not call us to coast and if you think He is done with you like you think you are done being used then beware. Your days are numbered and He is coming to get your "perfected" self." All of course said in love, but the point is that as long as we are here on this earth then He is not done with us so there is no need to throw in the towel. Our "job" might change and we can no longer fight on the field, but we can never not fight on our knees.

It encourages me, especially after this past 3 weeks of sickness, that even David got tired and exhausted. He had to rely on the help of others to survive, literally. Oh Lord, thank you for all those that have been fighting for me on their knees and other means as well. Lord, help me to be faithful to fight for the next person and to be encouraging to others around. I want to be a strong link in the body of believers, not one that takes too much from others. Thank you Jesus - thank you for working in my life and for making such a difference in my everyday walk. Thank you for loving me and for keeping me close. Thank you for your patience and your sacrifice. Lord, thank you for opportunities and I pray more will come!! Help me to never tire of fighting!!! Thank you Father - I love you!

325 - Have some Guts!

Good morning Lord Jesus - i am sitting out on my screened in porch listening to the birds sing Your praises and talk about their days events of worm catching, bug finding, and patiently waiting as You provide their every need. Oh Lord, you are so good like that. I wish I could wait more patiently instead of just jumping to provide for myself. OH - I almost forgot - I am a normal one house owner kind of girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How cool is that??? We closed on our Charlotte, NC house yesterday and boy is that a relief. So hopefully in the next couple of months we can begin thinking about building on to our current home. Tucker needs his own bedroom. We are in a great location, great neighbors, and I have decided i just don't want to be way out in the country. (The real truth is that I don't want to build.) This town is the country to me so to remove myself even more from anything - no thanks. I like hearing a car every now and then. I like walking to the post office. I like running up to the Wonder Market. I like sending Tucker to Doug's if he so desires. I love neighbors! And I really like this house and being debt free. I know my taste is not cheap and so if we were to build i would have us right back to a Charlotte kind of house and I don't need that nor want that again! No thank you! So - yeah! We're done!

This morning I was reading in 2 Samuel 20:14 and following. This is where there was about to be a civil war break out and a WOMAN jumps out to take the situation by the horns. She is "causing" peace and actually has great success at it. At this point in my study, there are so many half-kids, step-brothers, "unloyal" fans, those that have defected back - the list could go on and on. But anyway, there are so many that I am having trouble keeping it all straight in my mind. But the bottom line for me this morning was the fact this lady possibly put her life on the line just to make a point and allow peace to rule the land just a few years more. Did she have to do that - No! Do we even have a name to thank her - no! What she looking for glory - no. She was just a lady on a mission and not afraid to get caught up in it!

There are many times I have to admit I want to get involved in things I probably have no business getting into. I am always the first one to want to open my doors to anyone needing a place to stay, I am always the first one wanting to give to a situation I have heard about........ I can be a sucker!! I am not trying to toot my horn or give myself props as i have heard my niece coin the phrase. I am just explaining what my first reaction is - just the way He has made me. BUT, in that generosity I have to be really careful I don't get taken. That is part of the reason the Lord has given me such a "even" husband and quite a questioning one as well. He has an unbelievable way of seeing all angles of a situation. I just see the tears in a person's eyes or the desperation in their voice and react................. Clay takes the time to think it out.

But at the same time I feel like there have been situations placed right in front of me or others and it was just too much to get involved in. Where is Christ in that?? I know of one lady that is reaching out to a young girl in a pregnancy situation with an abusive boyfriend just about to end it all. This lady lives across the country from this young girl in distress. The lady has her own sweet family and things are just hunky dory where she lives. Why would she step into such a mess and bring this girl to her home??? Why - why not let social services just get involved and take over. Why not just turn your head and act as if God never placed that before you? Why not just tell God you are afraid for your own families safety - He would certainly understand that, right? Why? Why? Why?...................................

Just as this lady stepped in to bring about peace in her country in 2 Samuel, we have got to have some guts and take a stand every now and then. God does not call us to rescue everyone and everything that crosses our paths, but there are some things He places right in front of us to do something about. Someone in a "nice" way told my friend that had just gotten back from a dangerous mission trip that she need not worry about the foreign dangerous places - we have our own mission field here in the US. OH that burned my b.u.t.t. (Don't tell I said that.) That is the problem with US Christians. We are fine with just going to church, giving a little bit of our money, and going on weekend beach mission trips. Now all of that is not bad, please hear me on that - someone has got to do it. Just like I have "got" to go on the cruise I am speaking on. But if that is it and we never get our feet dirty - is He glorified??? I don't think so much - Christianity is not for those with no faith, all fear, and no guts!!

Lord, you have really placed a burden on my heart this morning to do something......... I don't know what that something is, but I pray you will reveal in your own time. I don't want Clay and I to be ones that are scared to act. I don't want us to be ones that turn our heads to a situation that might seem a bit much for us. I don't want us to be ones to just a write a check and let that be our contribution. I want to do what you want us to do. If that is write a check, give us the faith to do so. If it is to take one in, allow us to know when and how. Oh Lord, I want to be more than just a US Christian. I want to be sold out and really available to You!! Show me, Lord.

Tonight I will be speaking at my home church - Crossroads Bible Church! I am really excited. All I want Lord, is to be filled with Your power and Spirit!

More purses coming later today!

324 - Back At 'Em

Lord Jesus, good morning! I slept all the way through the night with no night sweats, no coughing fits, no needing of medicine, and not even needing to go to the potty. It was incredible. Oh yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! Lord, this morning I read a few days at one sitting from my devotion. I have to say that I am not try to hurry through it, but I am ready to move on to another study. Ready for some New Testament or something. Been in 1-2 Samuel for forever!!! I have learned so much. Oh goodness - so much!

David was on the run yesterday and today his army has fought and killed his son's army and even his son, Absalom, was killed. David, finally after being virtually speechless about so many other things including his daughter's rape, is now saying what should have been said a long time ago to Absalom, only Absalom is dead. Little too late. So he is obvious very upset and grief striken. One of his "advisers" comes to him without any sympathetic"ness" about him and tells David, "If you are going to be king, then be king." He is basically saying, if you are going to lead a people and then expect them to follow you, again, then you have got to get it together and do it. My commentary made the point to say that this fellow's heart was all wrong, but his instruction was correct. There are times we must pull up our boot straps, kick our own rear, and get back out there. Up and at 'em or back at 'em - which ever works best for you!

Oh Lord, you have given me that holy excitement about ministry again. I have to say earlier this week I was wondering if it would ever come back. I will be speaking about Isaiah 58:11. It is different than what I thought i would delivering to them, but You do that sometimes! It could not be more appropriate for where my life has been the last 2.5 weeks. Oh Lord, I pray more than anything that I have learned something from this time. I know I have leaned on gracious friends and family to bring us meals, take kids, and then sleep multiple times throughout the day. I feel like such a loser for sleeping through the day, but it had to be done and often to survive. God you have been so patient with all of us. Lord, I pray that we continue to get us better. I pray this will be Tucker's last day of fever. I pray today with be huge stress relief for Clay as we close on the Charlotte house at 3pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoooooooooo!!!

Oh Lord, I praise You. I thank you for life and renewal. I thank you for your grace and mercy and patients. I thank you for all the wonderful people that have reached out to us in one way or another. I know You, Lord, must be so proud of Your church! Lord Jesus, renew everything about me. Give me more love for you, give me more passion for your Word, give me more excitement for prayer, and give me more energy to reach out to others!! I love you, Amen!

323 - The Weak... Be Wise!

Heavenly Father - today is going to be a good day. I am feeling a bit better and a tad bit stronger. We actually made some baked ziti last night with salad and bread. Oh it was so good. Then as a reward for eating so well we took the kids to DQ for ice cream in the nearest town. It was a really nice treat. But after cooking and fixing dinner and all I had to go and take a 30 minute nap before I could get in the car to go to DQ. Everything absolutely wears me out. Lord, will I ever be the same?? I took a long shower this morning and then got out to jump back in the bed - or at least I wanted to, but had to get EJ ready for school. Oh Lord, how will I ever make it through on Friday speaking. I know how, and I am excited for you to do Your amazing power!

This morning I was in 2 Samuel 16:1-4. David has fled his own kingdom because of his bitter son, Absalom, was coming to take over. So David, strong and mighty David, is once again on foot fleeing for his life. Can't you just hear him saying, "No, not again. I started my life like this, surely my life is not ending like this?" Nevertheless, he is off and on the run once again. In the midst of this hiding he comes across a man named Ziba. Ziba met David with all kinds of goods and supplies, but it was all with false motives. Ziba told David that one of his own men, Mephibosheth, had turned on him and was waiting for the new kingdom to come to Jerusalem. Ziba was lieing... David being weak and in a very compromising position made a rash decision. He believe Ziba and gave Ziba all of Mephi.'s stuff to him. David was in a bad way... boy, sounds familiar. He was tired, he was humiliated, he was fearful, he felt responsible, and he was much older than the previous years of running! David had lost lots of followers and in fact some old Saul followers were merging and willing to hit a dog when he was down! Aren't there always those kinds of people....

Oh Lord, I pray you protect my head these next couple of weeks as I am recuperating. Please don't allow there to be too many decisions that need to be made right now that i could really be mislead in. Help me to hang tightly to the Word and the Spirit. You are alive and active in me. Help me to feel your presence and your leadings! Father, forgive me for the things that i have done to lead others astray and forgive me for the times i have just not listened! Lord, help me to never be the one to kick when a man is down. Break my leg if i begin to go there. I have been the man down this past couple of weeks and Lord, I need your power and your strength!!

I love you my Lord. Waiting and watching for you! Amen

316 - Forgive or Not to Forgive

Introducing Lu Lu - our new, 2 year old, Boston Terrier. Welcome home!!

Lord oh Lord - I am pooped. Can you say that over cyberspace? or what about in a prayer? - if not, forgive me... I think all the sickness has caught up to me and I am "pashauted" as my kids have said before. I have said it before and it is still true, I am a girl that needs her sleep. My kids are the same way - no sleep means for a grumpy day!!! I am going to bed early enough, but having to get up in the middle of the night to administer water, cough syrup, Tylenol, etc. - whoo, just about does me in. My mom called yesterday and the first thing i said as i answered the phone was "come get Elleigh." Oh how i wish she could!! Elleigh wants to be sick so bad - she was sick, but got better much quicker than the other 2. We were able to treat hers quicker than the rest. But now she still wants to be sick!!! ugh!!!!!!!!! We did get SJ on a stronger med so she should be good as new by tonight - oh please oh please oh please!!

I just read in 2 Samuel 15 about the conniving ways of Absalom. Bitterness had more than just become a problem in his life - It was ruling him. My commentary said for 11 years this ruled him. So he was sitting out at the city gate getting all the town's people to like him and making promises i am not sure he could uphold. He was promising that if he were judge he would make sure so and so pays for the crime. This may be where "do the crime, do the time" came from. Who knows. But obviously this all goes back to the raping of his sister. Oh if he could just forgive - this was the whole point of my devotion today...

Forgiveness has so many benefits. When i forgive i am releasing that person to live on. I am telling them it is over and let's go on with life. I am allowing them to have healing in their life and in some instances, begin life again. But also for me, when i am the one forgiving, it allows me to move on and live as well. Forgiveness may be more for the person that is forgiving than for the person receiving the forgiveness. But what about when you have been wronged and they don't deserve forgiveness. Oh let's not go there. Seeds of bitterness have rooted in our hearts and it is time to get the tiller out. We all are not worthy of forgiveness and yet He still dies - thank you Lord. Only it had nothing to do with Him - He died all for us.

Lord, who in my life do I need to extend forgiveness? Who in my life do I need to seek their forgiveness? Lord, i have been there before and I know there are still some seeds of bitterness still left in my heart. Let's go down that road of cleaning out and planting love, joy, peace, patience, etc... It is there, just been chocked out at times by the weeds. Lord, do your work on Farmer Gray. There really is no option of to forgive or not to forgive!

Laundry - mounds and mounds for today, rehearsing my message for Friday, shipping purses if i get a new shipment, reconciling bills, running, baseball practice, vacuuming, walking to post office, cleaning garage, wow, i better get started!

304 - Make Good of My Sin

I Samuel 12:23-24 is just wonderful to me. This is the scene of David having just worshipped and repented for the huge Bathsheba sin ordeal and their son dieing, coming to comfort her. She is his wife now and as the spiritual leader he is coming to reveal who the Lord is and how gracious He has been to them both. (Those are my assumptions, but wouldn't you imagine David had to explain to his wife why God could allow such a thing and then how he, David, could not be mad, but worshipping.) In that comforting God allowed her to get pregnant again. To me there is huge blessing right there!

There have been times in my life that i have royally messed up - SINNED. In that sin and even after the repenting and redemption, I still would think that God has forgiven and still loves me, but I would probably never be allowed to do whatever that situation was again. I would be kept from participating because i so faithfully blew the first time - it doesn't even have to be the first time, but any time. But in this scripture I see that the Lord not only forgave David and Bathsheba, but blessed their marriage and allowed them to "start all over". Isn't that awesome? Just because there is a particular sin in your life, even a sin that you are done and through with, He does not withhold His blessings and grace. He will still allow do overs. Oh we need to do some shouting about that.

Praise you Father! Thank you Lord. There is no sin in my life that You can not cover, but there is also no sin in my life that can keep me from Your blessings AFTER the real repentance and worship has been re-established in my life. Oh thank you Jesus - that is incredible. The important lessons I take from this is that 1) I must take responsibility for my sin. I must own up to it and live through it. 2) I must be ready to move on and "not not" forgive myself. Accept the forgiveness, hold up my hands for the redemption only HE can provide, and begin again! Even if others do not want to forgive you or allow you to have a do over, I must be strong and live in His forgiveness not doing everything possible to have theirs! Walk into that do-over! Thank you Lord for the Word this morning. You are faithful!

Last night after school, Alisha and I played golf in a league she and her husband are part of. I was subbing for him. And Yes, I do not know how to play golf. A lot of sports I can just pick up because i am athletic and can hang in there OK. But golf is one of those sports that you really need some skills. Alisha was a good player, but I certainly need some lessons. Or I tell you what I really need - I need a cute outfit. If you can't play a sport then at least dress cute so that your skills are not so noticed - hee hee. I remember way back in high school traveling around with my mom in the summer. They would call my name along with my opponent to the tournament desk. I would size her up as to whether it was going to be tough match or not by the way she was dressed. More times than not, I knew it was going to be a quick match to my favor if she was dressed to the Hilt. That is the most obvious way to spot a beginner. ha ha! BUT if she had a headband on that was a different story - 'member that Mom?

Emmajoy is still sick with a high temp. I think I will take her in today unless she wakes up better. I have mounds and mounds of laundry today. So off for a great day - a day for Him to make good of my mistakes and sin!! He always allows do-overs! Praise the Lord!

303 - Recap and Thoughts

Oh Lord Jesus - can I praise you enough, never! Can I sing what you are worth? I don't even have that amount of words in my vocabulary. Can I ever do enough to deserve your love? Nope, not that either. But in spite of me and because of your grace and mercy, You call me out and allow me to be your child. Then on top of that you allow me to minister in Your Name. Lord, you are incredible. You are mighty and indescribable. You are holy and you are it!!!

This weekend I went to Boonville, MO. It was my dream as far as my Nehemiah Mission. This small church in Olive Branch, MO right near Sedalia found a hotel in Boonville that had swimming and hot tub. A retreat like for her ladies, but not that far from home. Then the retreat leader, Lonnie, called a church out of the yellow pages and asked if they could use their church for a women's retreat. Can you believe that? The church did not charge them, did not put up a fuss, and actually said yes. But wait - the preacher of that church in Boonville was there the whole time serving us, putting up tables, helping with the sound and lights - He was Christ to us. Serving and smiling and just............... I should have asked to see his belly button because he just might have been an angel. (You know angels don't have belly buttons.) It was beautiful. There were about 13 churches represented at the retreat. The ladies mingled and mixed in such a way that i had no idea who was from what church. It was awesome!

So i spoke my little heart out the whole time wondering if anyone was getting it. I am always wondering if He is moving or if they are just emotional because I get so emotional. We came to the end and I gave an invitation. Apparently everyone knew Him as Savior. So then I asked for those that feel a great conviction in some area, for those that feel Him calling them to step out, for those that know He is requiring something of them - almost every hand shot up. There was a huge stain glassed window at the back of the church. When those hands went up it was if God opened the sky and shone so brightly - a huge smile from Heaven - it was incredible. Thank you Father - I know You were pleased and that was a holy hug from above. Thank you for your sweet confirmation! I love you so.

At the beginning of April I asked the Lord to give me 5 more engagements to book. Well, I am not a name and claim kind of gal, but I do believe according to Ps 5:3 we are to be specific and wait in expectation! So far He has been so wonderfully awesome in answering that request.

1) June 13- 14, 2008 - Hutto Texas, ladies retreat, down near Austin.

2) September 16, 2007 - Ohio, mom/ladies event

3) June 10, 2007 - Norris City - 2 times that day

4) Still waiting to hear from Wisconsin

5) Chicago - looking at the calendar - MOPS group - possibly September 2007

6) different Chicago group, Moline, has put off their retreat until another time.

7) Arkansas - Spring 2008, i think, Ladies retreat

Lord, you just keep amazing me. I must remain faithful and consistent - You never change.

I read in 2 Samuel 12:13-23 about David receiving the prophesy that his "love child" with Bathsheba was going to die. As soon as Nathan left the building, his child got sick and died in 7 days. The whole time the child was sick David fasted and prayed for God to spare his child. Once he was given the word the child had died, he got up and resumed life. Not that he was not sad or hurt or anything like that, but knew it was best to pick up the pieces. Don't you think his time on his face before the Lord in fasting for 7 days was just incredible? I am sure he got it all out. I am sure the Lord reached down and redeemed. I am sure it was a terrible intense time of great resurrection in David. He got back on the right road and was ready to start afresh. So the outcome of the request for the baby to live did not change David's love for the Lord. He accepted His will and consequences, got up and brushed himself off, and began to walk again. Oh if we could all do that! I guess it is easier when you know you had a huge part in it all - I mean to understand the way the cards fell. But when tragedy happens and you did not have a part in the consequences, i would think it would be harder to get up and go on. Trust - do we trust Him?

I love you and I will trust. Please allow the sale of our house to go through. Many complications right now, but I will trust. Thank you!

302 - You are Too Hard On Him

Heavenly Father - oh Lord Jesus - my Redeemer and Savior - Thank you for your love and grace, your mercy, and gentleness. Thank you for hearing my prayers and for being patient with my sin. Thank you for rescuing me from all kinds of pits and saving my soul from the very pit of Hell. Praise You and I lift You on high. May all those who see me, hear me, know me, run into me, whatever it may be - SEE YOU,hear you, touch you, feel you. I love you!

Lord, there is has only been one person in my life that has told me I was too hard on Tucker. That person was only at my house for about 2 days and really had no idea about parenting a strong willed boy struggling with respect for others. Enough said - I knew my reasons and had to discipline for a greater good and future occurrences. Still many others would say I am probably not near hard enough. I am trying! Anyway, parents have their reasons and we usually have a better perspective than an outsider looking in.

As i have read the stories of Moses and all the wonderful things He has done all throughout his life I have always been so impressed. He was allowed to do some amazing things that most will never ever even come close. But the part i have always been stumped by was when Moses struck the rock instead of the original directions. That was it. He didn't follow the plan God had set forth and this one time did things his way. God said, "That is it, you will not enter the promise land." What ???????- after all he has done, walking around a desert for 40 years, taking the people out of Egypt, bringing down the Law, setting up the Tabernacle - what, you aren't going to let me in the Promised Land because I struck a rock instead of speaking to it? That seems really extreme. God is serious about obedience in everything!

Now our man David - poor guy, still on the Bathsheba incident - has done some great things as well. (Of course I am not saying these 2 guys did these great things in their own power. I mean that God did these awesome things through them. He thought enough of them at one time to allow them to take part is His awesome deeds.) But now it is just about to be taken from David, the kingdom God has set up is about the begin to fall. Well actually on the day his mind went the Bathsheba directions the downfall began.

"the sword will never depart from your house" 2 Samuel 12:10 Oh no - once again, after all this man had been able to do with the Lord was now going to see major consequences to his sin. God is serious about obedience in everything. It was not that David had never sinned before, but this must have been the straw that broke the camels back. God had had it. My commentary says that as a result of all that 1) murder would be constant threat to his family, 2) his household would rebel against him, 3) his wives were given over to another in public view 4) his first child with Bathsheba died. Wow - that seems extreme again. But here is what i feel the Lord saying to me..............

1) Anything you do good is because of Me.

2) Anything I accomplish in your life it is because of Me.

3) If i left you all alone you would explode or implode in a matter of time.

4) The great things I do allow in your life are because of My grace.

5) Jesus does not need me for anything.

6)I am serious about obedience and will not stand one "acting a fool" for too long.

7) My favor and My blessings do not fall on you directly as a result of anything good You did. Only good in you is Me.

Lord, thank you for your understanding of how serious you are about my obedience. Your word even says that you will hold teachers, etc. in a higher level of accountability than others. Oh Lord, please put a short leash on me. Once again i scream, Keep me from me! Jerk me back in a half second when i get out of line. I certainly don't want to have to go through destruction because of my own sin, but I don't want my whole house to suffer because of my sin. Oh Lord, protect me from me. Thank you for your Word and oh Lord and Savior, thank you for your grace and mercy. Wow oh wow, do I see how special and wonderful it is this morning!

Taking off to Missouri today. I am excited, but still don't feel as prepared as i should be. Burn the message in my brain. Fill me with your Spirit and do things that are of You alone! I love you!

301 - Oh my aching tummy........

**************www.leighgray.com should be back online in a few days, oh i pray so. They did not automatically renew my domain name, etc. and so that is the reason for the situation. I have renewed everything now and am praying all will be well soon.*****************************

Ps. 32:3-5 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Oh have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a time of your life when you refused to confess your sin, turn from it, and get things right with the Lord? David's deal with Bathsheba (I am ready to leave him alone about this and move on, maybe tomorrow....) has now taken place roughly a year ago from this passage and he is ate up in sin. He has gone for a year in just living in the mess he caused, i would think trying to make the best of it. I wish that i could count the times that i have done this, truly messed up and then quickly gotten ti right. But no, too often I mess up royally, try to justify my actions and live in my sin, deny i feel any convictions, and absolutely isolate myself from the Lord. So then in the mean time, I am falling further and further away from Him getting myself into more and more trouble. I eventually get sick in some way. Oh Lord, help!!

That is what David has done here and he is now to the point he has made himself sick. Don't you so know that feeling. Something weighs on your heart, your stomach is aching, some words or people's name make you get nervous...................... oh i hate living like that. My commentary make a special point to make sure we knew that all physical sickness was not due to unconfessed sin, but to make sure we did know there is a strong connection. I have always believed this and still do to this day.

I usually have no idea I am stressed until something physically shows up. Good or bad, I manifest things physically. When I am under great stress and especially in times that i have done something wrong, my body manifests this sin/guilt/conviction in some physical form. I get tummy aches, fever blisters, head aches, or quit eating - that ones is not so bad. I do not know what would happen to me if i went for long, long periods of time, never confessed, and got things right what my body would do. I could see stomach ulcers, migraines, skinniness(again, not so bad)............................................... and then much worse if i were to stay unchecked. Please do not be thinking for one second that i think my blogging friend, Heather, has unconfessed sin and therefore she is sick. No way - I don't think that nor would i ever judge someones life like that. There are times we just get sick and there is a greater glory, but i do believe there are times I cause my own body to deteriorate due to a lack of righteous living, etc. I don't think you are going to pop up with a heart condition and then begin to wonder if you have any unconfessed sin. You will know - that sin and mess you are in - will not have left your thoughts and the guilt of the situation will be lingering on.

Lord Jesus - what is my sin that i have yet to get it right with you - oh speak slowly to me, i know my sin is so great. Lord, forgive for the sin i have swept under the rug. Forgive me for the sin that i think is justified. Forgive me for the sin that i will not let go of. Forgive me for the sin that i like. Forgive me for the sin that i am too embarrassed to confess. Forgive me for the sin that i have already asked forgiveness for over and over and over.

Forgive me Father. I long to be in right relationship with you. I know I can not be used by You if I am not right. More than any time, I pray to get it right!! I leave for Missouri tomorrow. I am really excited. It is a small church only expecting 25 or so ladies to come and they have done so much praying and advertising that there is almost 75 women coming. They are so excited and I am so excited as well. I love you Jesus - thank you for your forgiveness.

2 funny things the kids did or said.........

1)Sarahjane asked if Daddy and I had quitting dating, like we had broken up....... I asked why, and she replied with "well, we don't ever get a sitter anymore." I love that she noticed we do date and that we had not been in a while. Just been so busy...... no excuse!

2) Tucker - DO NOT REPEAT THIS ILLINOIS FRIENDS - asked if he smelled this morning - like in a bad way............... I told him nope not this morning, but it might help if he brushed his teeth. He went brushed his teeth and THEN used mouth wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he actually talked to people at school i might think he had planned on planting "one" on a girl today. Sometimes we do need to watch out for those quiet ones. ha ha He is growing up and this is one area i am really excited about. We are on our way to no more stinky boys!!!

Have a great day and have so much fun with the Savior this day. I am going to change my hair color....................................... oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

300 - When Did the Road Curve?

Lord Jesus - I am reading in II Samuel 11 today. It is the famous story of David and Bathsheba. First of all, what if our faults were in the most famously printed book of all time? I think I might rethink some of the decisions I make today if that were going to happen. I know You Lord wish I would rethink some decisions because You are watching 24/7. Oh Lord, help me. Help to love you more, serve you more, and live righteously.

So how did everything go so wrong? I think I have asked this before, did David quit having his quiet time? Did David get overly proud and think he was invincible? What happened? We were riding along so well and then boom - he got this hair brained idea that he needed, wanted, and had to have this particular woman. But I don't really think the issue here is about a woman, I mean the lesson for me to learn.

David had an issue with women, that is not a surprise. He had many women from the time he could have women. He was a man of more than one wife and knew better. He had many surrounding him to show him what was correct and not, but he persisted to do that particular sin. The issue i see so often in my life and in others at times is boxing in God and boxing in our relationship with Him. Women by nature are not compartmentalizers. We let a fight at work dictate our attitude at home and then because of that fight we think that the grocery store people know and now they are an enemy as well. One little thing spills over into every area of our lives - irrational. I see men a bit different. They have trouble fishing, that stays in the boat. They have trouble with a car then that stays in the car. They have business trouble then that stays at work. They have fight with you, they do not bring up fights from 4 years back. Now all of that is a bit of an exaggeration, but men kind of compartmentalize their lives when we as women let everything spill over into everything. Why, I don't know, just the way we are.

I am learning in my walk with the Lord that I can not box Him up and I must keep living in a spill over kind of life. If i am a believer then I have to take it with me in every area of my life. Is that possibly what David could have done? I can hear him saying, "Lord, you can have control over my kingdom, my money, my foreign affairs, my people, my safety, my ....................., but when comes to my personal life and in whom I am going to get "close" to, I will handle that part." Basically even if it just one area of our lives, it too is living a double life. That is exactly what Satan is waiting for. He is waiting until we take an area of our lives and keep it under "our" control. Then that is when he easily steps in and sets up a destroy. Most importantly, we cannot expect to be growing Christians, ones that live a spill over life, and not meet with Him consistently. An area in self-control and no quiet time is a perfect concoction for major fall or disaster.

Lord, where are my issues? Where do you see this in my life? Please reveal. I know most of the time "I" will take care of my weight or that is not an area that I think i have to be spiritual in. There are some people that I am less bold with. When it comes to shopping day I rarely ask Him to guide me and keep me aware of when He says No. There are times I might go into Wal-mart or something and just think that I don't have to smile or speak to anyone. I can turn off my spiritual walk and just go about my way. Lord, Holy Father - forgive me. I must take You everywhere I go. I must take You into every area of my life and listen to You as I am walking through life - in everything! Forgive of those times that You set up an opportunity for me to speak to someone, bless their lives, give encouragement, boldly proclaim who You are in my life, and yet I said no. I said no, I don't think I will be spiritual right now. I don't think I will take You into that situation right then. Oh Lord, forgive me.

Lord, I am so scared that my life could be such as David and I could go hairy. I know I am not above it. Lord, spill over into every area of my life, let there be no secrets, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Oh Lord, protect me from me! Jesus, guard my mouth and protect me from the words that spill out without thought. Lord, bring more accountability into my life so that my striving for more of You is always in check. Oh Lord - please please please bring me a mentor.