Wednesday, November 28, 2007

482 - All out of Sorts

"Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but not everything is constructive." 1 Cor. 10:23

First of all Lord Jesus I am so pumped that this verse uses hyphens. I am hyphen and exclamation queen and now I see where I get it - from my Abba Father. I use them in the wrong way, but I will learn as I grow up, right. Just being silly, but I was excited to see hyphens! Anyway, just kind of feeling out of sorts today.

Lord Jesus, I know this cyst thing is really no big deal - it could go away on its own - all the bleeding could stop (it has gotten better)- all the cramping could just stop (hardly feel anything at all)- and the dehydrating feelings can be quenched - I know you can do all that. But it just makes me wonder. What I have wondered from the day this all started was how bad do your hormones have to be out a wack before things start happening or changing in your body for the worst - like something like this cyst.

I know I have heard that weight gain is one sure fire way to get your hormones out of wack. But is it like 15, 25, or more than 50 to get them messed up? I just have to ask myself if i could lose this extra 15 pounds would this cyst have been less likely. I know everyone will want to say it can happen to anyone and we are all so quick - myself included - to not ever blame some one's health situation based on anything they have done. BUT - for me, I have never, ever had any females situations. I have been late - but that was 5 pregnancies. Never a moment's trouble getting pregnant, had good pregnancies - except the one miscarriage, but that was at 7 or 8 weeks, and just pretty normal. But i have never carried this extra weight for this amount of time. Could it be effecting my health even though by most standards it is just "some" extra weight? I think so.

Boundaries - I love them. I love to know where I can go and what I can not do. I like to know where I stand and to what extent that could change. I have a tough time with freedom. Even as laid back as i am, i still like to know what is expected, etc. I think I could do well as a puppet! But Jesus you are reminding me that is not the way you have made me. You have allowed everything - even terrible sin - to be permissible in my life. Obviously not everything is beneficial. That beneficial is kind of interesting. It means to bring together for the benefit of another. Another - I thought we were talking about ME. I thought this verse was talking about what was good for me and not good for me................... Well it is, but is not too. Verse 24 says, "Nobody should seek his own good but the good of others."

So while I am thinking this is all about me - will i ever grow up, ha! - this verse is really concerned about the things I do that are are not beneficial or constructive to those around me. Now that is totally different perspective. That constructive is a bit different than beneficial. Constructive means to build up or build to edify, strengthen, encourage. In a spiritual sense, to build the Church - edify Christ, build up and encourage the Church - all its members.

Now I think I have got it - Everything is permissible for me individually, but not everything is good to bring together another for their benefit - it is not always good to drag someone in on your stuff. Everything is permissible for me individually, but not everything will edify the Church or build it up. Bottom line with all things I am involved in - it is not about me! I am to seek the good of others. Duh - of course I know that, but for some reason the Lord wanted to bring that to me!! Lord, as I go about my day, will you please bring this verse very specific to my life and changes you would like to see take place. The verse in 1 Cor. 6:12 is just a tad different... The last of it says "but I will not be mastered by anything" - there it is again............. idols!!!!

I love you Lord - I am hanging tight to you - I love your consistency. Lord, forgive my out of sorts feelings and struggling faith at times. Forgive my questioning spirit and impatience! Father - all i want is to love you deeper. To feel you in the very marrow of my bones. All i want is to know your Word more consistently and have it flow from my lips! All i want is to please the Father and know You can count on me. I want to be righteous and thankful! I want to be gracious and consistent!!! I want to be consumed by You and everything You are about. I want to surrender it all!!!!!!!! Show me where I am not!!! I love you, Lord - help me to love you more!!! Increase my faith, hope and love!!!!!!!


Nicki said...

Hmmm...that's a tough call. I think your Dr. is going to be able to guide you through this better than anyone! =)What did they say about the weight thing? Although, I still think you are a pretty healthy person!!

I'm praying for you today, I hate that you are in so much pain. Did they give you anything at the dr yesterday?

You must have a much worse case than I did, I just had a shot and I was done! Hope things get better soon!!

CrownLaidDown said...

OK, I want you to know it is NOT the weight thing. My cousin had a cyst and she was a marathon runner in perfect shape and ate organic food all the time.

If you have any kind of injection that the doctor offers to give you (something like chemo--on an outpatient basis) that will shrink the cyst, please have them check your veins before the procedure. Read up on it, too. Look into alternatives.

I love you much and am praying,

Irritable Mother said...

It isn't all about me...
Amen to that, sister! That's a lesson I need to remind myself of consistently.

Bev Brandon said...

praying for you Leigh...i know you have been posting but i have missed seeing your wonderful COMMENTS all over the place...know that i am praying for you in the midst of the unknown...while i don't walk in your shoes, i have similar issues i have to go back in for...we trust Him for our next breath, don't we? you are such a precious girl full of real faith!

Leigh Gray said...

Bev - i know this is going to sound strange, but your noticing that i have not been everywhere on the web is a good thing and confirmation that change is happening. I could sit on here for hours and of course many other things go to the way-side. it shoudl not be - at least for me - almost an idol I might say, again for me!!

So thank you for the encouragment. I want to be everywhere, but He has said no - for right now!!


Anonymous said...

Found out about your blog a few weeks ago or so. OH... I have totally suffered with cysts for a long time ~ and infertility ~ and hormone problems, etc... The worst was the fibroids they found in my uterus last year via CT scan ~ my Dr. saying they "never" shrink, but might have to be removed someday.

A friend recommended raspberry leaf tea (not raspberry flavored... actual raspberry leaf) which supposedly "tones your uterus, and is good for anything female related." I scoffed. My doctor scoffed. I prayed. I heard... "So, what harm can a little good tasting tea do? I made every plant for a purpose." I drank the tea ~ one cup a day for about nine months. Went to the Dr who scoffed... one fibroid is GONE, the other shrank considerably, cycle is now "on time" for the first time in my life, no cysts for the first time ever, bleeding lasts 4 days instead of 10. AMAZING!

I know everyone has their little two cents worth of vitamin/herb advice, but I avoided the scalpel with this one and my Dr. is still scratching his head.

Praise the Lord!!