786 - Must Learn through the pain!

Well - what a roller coaster. Tuesday dad was working out and went down to take his shower to end the morning. As he was getting ready he was aware that he could not do normal things like tie his shoes. So somehow he got dressed and came out to the lobby to find mom. He walked over to her and said, "Please take me to the ER, I am having a stroke. I am dizzy and cannot process simple things." Mom screamed for 911 and of course they rushed over to help and get the medics!

After time of examination mom was told that dad did have a stroke from an aneurysm. Turns out that what dad had was a hemorrhagic stroke. This is called a brain bleed as opposed to a blood clot lack of oxygen kind of stroke. The brain bleed kind of stroke is not the one you want to have!! Much of damage is irreversible - but then again "they" may not know what my Lord can do!

We have seen little improvements in dad every day! Today was one of his best days so far. We about wore him out with food and sight tests, OT, speech therapy, and PT. But he is very anxious to begin it all. He actually fed himself today with the coaching of the speech therapist! The staff has been absolutely incredible!!!! We keep waiting to say - she is the best nurse - but they just keep getting better and better. All of them!!

The love has been overwhelming to us all. Dad wants to see everyone that comes to visit! He is very emotional and I just love that! My dad is such a sweet and soft man and it is really coming out right now even more so. The love friends have shown to me through texting, calls, and facebook has been so wonderfully encouraging! Mom's home church too has been awesome!

Last night mom and I both had a real bad night. We slept well, but it was because we absolutely exhausted ourselves from all the crying and just out and out horrific sobbing! It was that we want to believe all will be alright, but in the midst of the pain it is so hard!! I feel like such a hypocrite in saying that, but dadgum, it is the honest truth! My faith has been tested and there are times when I feel like I am failing big time. Praise the Lord He does not judge based on a one time test, but gives plenty more till perfection!

I am learning so much through this! One realization today was the honor it is for the Lord to take you through something so that He can truly teach you to be more like Him. As mom and I go in and out of places doing different things I do not look at people without a smile on their faces as joyless people. I look at them and wonder if there faith has just been tested? I look at them and wonder if their parental rock has just been shattered a bit? I look at others and wonder what they may be going thru!! I look at them with mercy - mercy that i am not sure i have ever displayed because i really just didn't know how.

I know life will continue on, life will pick back up, and life will not slow down, but i pray that all this will keep me different. I pray that I will keep this awareness of mercy and give to all those in need. I hope that my judgemental heart will fade and I can generously give more grace! I pray that through this - the honor of pain to be changed to look more like Him - will never be forgotten!!! I want none of this to be in vain!!

Lord, please please decrease the blood in my daddy's head. Make the swelling go down and his headache to subside. Begin to mend his brain back together that he can regain the use of his left side. Lord, they say it is unlikely, but I know - with God all things are possible!!!!!!! I do believe and I will believe and I am believing!!! I know you Lord and I know you are good!! Not because of what you do - cause of who you are!! I do know it!