Wednesday, September 26, 2007

441 - I bow, but do I worship?

After the investigation into the words of bowing and worshipping as seen in Ex. 20:4, i can not get it off my mind. Lord, I feel like you have shown me another avenue. I think we have thoroughly exposed the scripture as it pertains to not bowing or worshipping an idol. Here is yesterdays prayer...

Now once we put it all out there you can see how they are so different and why the Lord felt the need to say don't just do one, but don't do the other. Oh how i love the Word. Bow is the act of doing it to the idol - worshipping the idol and moving the body in such a way that it is obvious what one is doing. And then worship is like getting up from that bow and asking the idol what can I do for you or how can i serve you or how can i minister to you? See?

So as i got up from the time with You yesterday I actually wrote on my napkin I usually have with me. I wrote - How often do we bow, but don't worship? - I felt Him say that to my heart! If bowing is actually putting our body in a position to others that says we are worshipping then I guess there is the possibility to fake it. Oh, now we are getting somewhere! Because worshipping according to our exposition yesterday is getting up from that bowing position, whatever it may look like, and then doing something of service for the god or for God. So once again that is the reason He is asking me - How often do you bow, but don't worship? I can get down in a "bow", but I can get up from that and never live out my expressed worship in that bow. Oh this is really good, Lord - thank you!!

Too often I hear from ladies that just don't "feel it" anymore with the Lord. #1 Be so careful when looking for a feeling. He certainly gives us those warm fuzzies and peaceful times even in worship, but that is not what He is all about. The Lord wants us to bow and worship even when we don't feel like it, but more importantly when we don't feel Him!!! Lord Jesus, you have taught me that over and over for years. That is part of discipline, part of our responsibility of being a follower of Christ. We love because He first loved, but we also do because He first did - whether we FEEL it or not.

Lord Jesus, you keep me in check often! Coming on this blog and writing out my prayers is a form of bowing for me, but do I get up and do something about it - in service to You, worship to You? I think what You are impressing me to write right now kind of scares me. I mean I don't want to hurt feelings, etc.............. Has blogging become a form of idol worship? We go there and write something out even though we are not living the thing out, as Beth Moore says. We are waiting to get all the comments in and feel some sort of validation from that? What originally was started as a note to the Lord has become a place you feel pressure to post often, a place that you feel loved more than by Him, a place that you bow down, but never get up to worship? OH Lord, I know that has been the case for me at times. You are so faithful to keep me in check and turn me back around!! Praise You Lord for loving me enough to do that!

Last night I got to meet with a church that is planning their first ever women's conference and I will be speaking. It was beautiful. They were excited, but didn't really know how to go about the whole deal. I was able to give them some pointers on things I had experienced all over the US. Their budget was small - at least right now - and yet were very willing to make it happen. I am very excited to see what God is going to do through their faith and all that. It was a confirmation of what Speaking Thru Me is all about. -------------------------- Then I got another note from a different church... Small church, small budget, etc. We had agreed on everything, now the back pedalling has started about speaker fee and all. I know it is so hard from some to understand, but my family budget can not allow me to do this for free. Oh how I wish, but at this point in my life I can not. Gas is so expensive, babysitting if Clay is not in town, time to drive there and back, time away from my family, time preparing is huge, if there are any meals there and back... and then of course there is the expenses that are incurred a long time before the event was ever booked - ministry expense, advertising, postage, making bios, making samples.... MOPS groups are the only ones I can afford to not charge a speaking fee, but anything else I just have to - and yet they always cover my traveling expenses! Lord, give me the words to express this in a graceful and yet strong way that one can understand. This is the whole reason HE is establishing Speaking Thru Me. I don't like one bit talking about money, but at the same time I hate having to tell a church no because of a money situation!!! I have made the decision too often to "do it anyway" and have really been in trouble for it! I give this to you!! Thank you, Lord. I love you!!

7 comments:

Shonda said...

Yes, we can & should worship HIM--sweat, tears, or laughter. HE is worthy!

Blessings in Christ--

Fran said...

That was all sooooo good Leigh. I could just about comment on every piece of this post. Your heart was being exposed and it has now caused me to think and wonder and question. Thank you. I pray for you and your ministry. It is hard.
It's all just so hard sometimes.
I pray for your faith to be strengthened and I pray for your wisdom and discernment.

Blessings to you Siesta!

Kristen said...

Siesta .... your blog is worship!

Melissa May said...

Hi Leigh... Amen!!! One thought I just had as I finished reading what you wrote about the money and small churches... I can't remember who said it but I know I've heard repeatedly that people and even churches value what they have to pay for more than what they get for free. Of course that isn't going to apply to all situations... it's just a thought to ask God about.

And I've been thinking about the whole bowing/worshipping thing since I read it yesterday... : )

Kate said...

Wow, I was just speaking with a dear friend of mine re: worship. I've watched solid (what I thought was solid anyway) churches slowly make a change from worshiping God to worshiping self. Who cares that "I Am A Friend of God" if I can't at least say I am a lover of You God. I was sucked to my knees one day in service 'cause I thought if no one else in this place is going to worship God I will...and I did...and was um subtly repromanded for it. Though I was among 600+ other people in a fairly charismatic church...I still don't get it, but my heart still cries out for true worship. God is a jealous God and wants no one but Himself to take the throne (including ourselves, whom we tend to love dearly). Anyway, thanks.

So, what is the Father telling you about travel? Sometimes the reward is not in the payment, but the sacrifice. If He says charge, then others just need to make the sacrifice...if He says go I've got you covered...then go...He's got you covered. If you don't know...this blog is a great way to request prayer support so you will know soon.

Many blessings to ya,

Amy Kate said...

Leigh! You are soo precious I love how you just love Jesus and allow us see that love!

I just need to ask you a question though...How BIG do you really believe our God is?

You praise Him for doing incredible things, you ask Him in faith to continue to do more, and then turn around and tell Him that even though He's so great there's something you "can't" even consider doing. You speak FOR Him right, He gives you that gas so you can go right? He gives you all the money you need to feed and clothe your family right?

All that you have comes from Him, and if He really is as big as I believe you know He is then don't you think He'll give you the funds to make up for someone who can't. God's will is that everyone would know the gospel, so Leigh if you're working for Him then He'll provide.

It's like when Jesus fed five thousand. He told the disciples to feed them and they pretty much said that's impossible b/c it would cost almost as much as they'd make in a year. But He showed them just how Big He is because they were obedient to serve Him!

This is way too long for a comment, but I just wanted to encourage you to not to focus on the I can'ts but the He cans! Thanks being so open, it's incredible to see the Lord working in your life!

Leigh Gray said...

Hey Amy Kate - thank you for your comment. I just wanted you to know how God came through...

Lord, thank you for working things out with the church that was worried about fee and all. If anyone knew how much i can not stand talking money and all that is a must in this line of work........................ i mean i would rather talk about sewing or cooking 10 times more than money... But............. Oh Lord, You are amazing. I know You can do anything and I do believe in how hugely You provide - I believe. It worked out just as it was suppose to. After much prayer and preparation many weeks ago I knew this was the fee I was to charge. A peace - not to drop the God-card, but yes, a peace. So after my discussion with the church, they went back to their knees and drawing table. They got creative and found a way to split the fee with another ministry with in the church. Not only is my faith stretched in this whole process because I knew that the Lord wanted me there it just looked suspect for a brief moment, but the faith of the church and it's planners was stretched and strengthened. Isn't that awesome!!! I was believing in what I knew He had called me to do and they were believing in what they knew God wanted to happen - we were both just waiting to see His next act!! He came through and we all believe!!! Oh God you are so good!! Thank you!!