689 - Judas I am

I remember like it was yesterday.  I had just moved to Lincoln High School in the big city of Vincennes, In.  My dad took a new job in Bicknell after an early retirement in Palestine, Tx. I was a sophomore.  God had just given me 2 years of growing in my faith with a strong youth group and powerful church before moving me to a place that I would virtually be alone.  I was prepared, or so I thought I was.  

I remember telling my mom that I wanted to wear my Fellowship of Christian Athletes sweatshirt so I could already make a statement about being a Believer.  In Texas it was no big deal to wear that kind of shirt.  Everyone had one and it seemed like everyone was "one".  The same could have been true of this new place in the midst of southern Indiana, but I had no idea.  It really was not for them that I wore this shirt, but for me to now be accountable to what that sweatshirt implied.  

All was going well.  I was making lots of new friends and was already excited to live in my new place.  Tennis practice was at the end of the day and I could not wait to see if would be able to contribute to the team.  But as I was sitting in the library that cute boy I had been eyeing all day started walking over to me.  

You see, I still had all my old notebooks from Texas.  On them was written things that were very common with my friends in Texas.  Things like: I love Jesus, Jesus is my best friend, I love Church, Want Jesus to be your best friend, etc?  But something told me that was not the norm in my new school.  I began to panic.  

BJ was walking in my direction and with each step I knew he was going to sit at my table.  I glanced down and saw one of my notebooks with the words, "I (heart) Jesus" and my own heart began to pound.  I wish I could tell you my heart was pounding because the gorgeous, most popular guy was coming to talk to the new girl...me!  But no!!  It was as if time stood still for a moment.  I grabbed the notebook and quickly scribbled out "I (heart) Jesus" just seconds before BJ sat down at my table.  PPPPPPHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWWWW, I was safe.  

I was Judas.  

The bell rang and I gathered up my notebooks and walked away with the boy that everyone wanted, but the heart hurting from betraying the Lord that everyone needed.  The Holy Spirit cut deep.  My almost perfectly planned out day was just ruined by a quick scribble of the hand and a deep plunge of the heart into a place I had not been before.  

In Luke 22 Judas does the same thing.  He gives into a strong desire to be liked and wanted.  He gives into a desire to have more than he already does.  For Judas it was money and possibly popularity with the government officials.  But for me it was no different.  I too wanted to be liked, I wanted to be accepted, and I gave into a desire to have more as well.  

The difference was that Judas was inhabited by Satan on his betrayal day.  Jesus had already inhabited my heart and while sin took precedence that moment, Jesus still remain in residence in my heart.  Judas killed himself, I believe, without knowing the Savior.  I killed a bit of my confidence in my walk with Him. It was no fun and I know grieved the heart of God, but something I still remember this day.  While terribly embarrassing, I hope to use it as a teaching tool to whomever.  Don't be a Judas - keep your Faith!  

681 - Don't Tickle Me

Dear Father - There is a lot on my heart today and yet there are so many things that I need to be doing.  Nothing that should surpass my time with you today, but still so many things to do!  It is a little hard for me to focus this morning.  

I have been at 2 locations in my quiet time this morning.  Luke 15 with prodigal son and the famine that the Lord brought the whole country.  Could it be that He brought the whole country famine so that one guy would realize his need for the "father"?  God can do things like that certainly.  The famine may not have been the sole purpose for one guy, but it could have been - HE loves us each individually that much!!  But what I kept thinking in this story was that there are times that God will bring a famine so that an appropriate hunger will come!!!  

The other place I have camped out was in 2 Tim. 4:3-5  "3For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

I know what I am thinking, feeling, and even being led by the Spirit to say will not be popular to many.  But this has been on my mind for some time.  After reading this scripture today and after much, much prayer I must speak out to all 10 of you that read this blog.  

All over the WWW i am seeing more and more and more conferences that are getting bigger and bigger and bigger.  Even churches these days are getting bigger and bigger!  But I think one might conclude that we as a people are getting more and more shallow spiritually.  One indication to that IN MY OPINION is by the president we as a country just put in office.  On his first week in office he has done major abortion changes that I know the Lord will not bless.  And yet we as a country - even if you personally did not vote for him - put him into office.  I know our pocketbooks are hurting and we want that kind of change, but there were major moral things Obama was very clear about that go against the very core of our Savior and we as a country, the whole country, will be held accountable.  Again, IN MY OPINION.  

I think another indication that we as a people are getting more and more shallow is the kind of preaching we hear and the kinds of conference "they" are creating for us.  There has to be a fashion show, there has to be a big spread of food, there has to be a meet and greet with the "show stopper", there has to be tons of resources offered to make sales big, etc.  It seems like even though the hearts are probably good and the intentions are well meaning, we are creating a society of Christians that can not worship on their own and can not "survive" without a conference that has more than just some good preaching from the Word.  

Everyday it becomes more and more clear to me one of the reasons God has called me to Southern Illinois is to have more of Him.  There are days that I long for the big church to worship in.  There are days that i feel so left out because I am too far from Atlanta to go to things, to far from Houston to go to conferences, too far from Nashville to get away............. I feel very left out.  But when those things have been taken away from me I see that while yes I was worshipping the Lord in those avenues, it was more about worshipping a feeling that I got from those experiences.  Like i was saying - the intentions are good of those that are creating all these big experiences, but I can see that at least for me those kinds of things made me want more of an experience than want more of Him.  I was thinking that I wanted more of Him, but when it gets down to the heart of the matter I was wanting more of that stuff and feelings.  

It seems to me that the ears are still needing to be tickled to get people in the door.  I am shocked how often people will have speakers to their church that can tell them what looks good on their bodies as far as colors and clothes.  I do know that there has to be a starting point to possibly get the lost in the door, but at the same time why is Jesus not enough?  Of course the non-Christian does not know He is enough yet, but our actions as believers are telling them He is not enough either by all this shallow inventions.  Yes, yes, yes God can still and will bring good out of it, but I have to wonder if we are not slowly doing ourselves in by this tickling of the ears - even with good intentions!  A Christian Bible teacher and hero in the faith told me it was all cotton candy Christianity and we as a nation are paying and will pay more for it!!  We have really come to a point of walking a very fine line and this one thinks we may have step over and gone too far.  I agree.  

Oh Lord - help me to not be caught up in the mess of candy.  I want to be one that delivers sound doctrine.  I want to be one that fills others with the Truth even when it is not popular.  I know this is what my heart cry is.  Lord, help me to know your will.  Help my head to know I am doing as You would have me to do.  Lord, help me to feel your validation and completeness.  Yes, the big stuff has such a lure and such an excitement and offers such a validation that is surreal and not of you at times - who wouldn't want to be part of it.  But Father if I am not offering sound doctrine and I am adding to the problem i see of believers not being to worship you in the darkness or "aloneness" without the masses......... or we can not study the Word without a book to read or a video to watch or a ipod to listen to or.......Lord as scary as this may be to say - don't let me be part....  Direct my paths and keep me accountable.  Lord, oh Lord, give me a mentor!!!  Jesus, my heart longs for you - all alone and with no big production to go to!!  I want you!!!  I love you!!!  

202 posts - Only Half Good

Good Morning Lord Jesus, I am "slap wore out" as we say in the South or my momma says "I am just sick and tired". We had Emmajoy's birthday party last night at Build a Bear and it was quite an experience. Wow, those little girls can scream and just be so silly. I loved it and Emmajoy loved it even more. Only by a pure miracle we were able to get her a Baby Alive and it was only $35. She was so pumped. I wonder if she will ever outgrow babies. She is such a momma.

My verse in Hosea that impressed my heart this morning was verse 8. "Ephraim mixes with the nations; Ephraim is a flat cake not turned over." A flat cake not turned over is like saying it is only 1/2 good. There is some goodness about the people or nation, but an equal portion that is no good and quite useless to God. The Lord even speaks many times in the New Testament about being lukewarm. That is something He greatly detests and something that makes Him vomit. Yikes, that speaks volumes to me.

To a brand new Christian being faithful to going to church is a big step, but for one that has been following the Lord for any larger amount of time, going to church should be a basic that is without question. Not only does the Lord draw you into a deeper relationship just because of who He is, but we also strive for a deeper relationship as a responsibility of Him saving us from our dreadful and sure end. So along the same line the quiet time should be a normal occurrence as well. God, how many times i have been the one riding the fence? Maybe i have not been so divided on my quiet time, but my heart - and isn't that the real issue anyway... I may have been the one to have the actions, but my heart may be full of disrespect, sin, and fence riding capabilities. Now what good is that - none!!!

Lord Jesus - I don't want to be just half good to You. I want to have an undivided heart and one that is willing to go the whole way with you not teetering from side to side. I want a Yes Sir kind of attitude and one that is excited to obey. I want to treat others around me in a way that draws them closer to You and certainly not causes them to repel of worse rebel. Jesus, convict me on my 1/2 good ways. Forgive me for a lukewarm heart and one that makes You want to vomit. Oh Lord, I just hate to think that my actions would make You want to get sick and be repulsed! Lord, change me, make me, mold me, use me, and take me! I want to be all Yours. I love you!