Monday, January 15, 2007

220 - Not What I Deserve

Lord Jesus - wow, this morning's devotion was wonderful. It is right where i am and speaks so loud. I Sam. 8:1-22 is where Samuel has gotten old, he put his unfaithful, corrupt sons as judges, and the people are tired of it. They want a king - everyone else (countries) has one, but also because they think that is what will make all things better. Samuel consults the Lord many times and reminds the people a king will treat you like a dog. They still want it and God tells Samuel to give them what they want.

Here is a statement from Beth Moore that really hit home. "Often when God does not readily give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desires would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives."

God allowed the Israelites to have what they wanted in this situation. It was tough on them and they were going to pay to great degree as well. Lord Jesus - I know i have my desires and I beg You to only give me what You think is best. I know I may not understand 95% of the times, but Lord please have Your way. Too often have I stepped in and forced things to go my way or have done everything in my menial power to my likings. Forgive me Lord. I know there have been times You have had it with me and basically said, "Fine, have it your way." Oh Lord thank you for not throwing in the towel totally. Your love is so patient and gracious. Your mercy just about overwhelms me.

I think I know what I want, but only You know what it will cost me - as the statement said above. Help me to consistently come to you to receive Your guidance and preparation for what something is going to cost. I trust You, at least i think i do, to forgo my desires because i know Your plans are best, more pleasing, and more God glorifying. Help me my heart to be satisfied with where You have me and where we are going. Thank you for withholding the real punishment i deserve. Thank you!!!

My desire is to speak as You have placed that in my heart and confirmed in my Spirit. I want to minister to many, but i don't always know what that is going to look like. I have dreams of what that will look like, but are my expectations too great. Can I out dream You Lord? Of course not. I can dream, but what if that is not what You want? Can i be content with what You provide? Oh Lord, allow me to just be pleased and thrilled with You. Allow me to just want to know You better and if i get to do anything in the process of sharing it with others - then icing! I want the heart of living on an island with just You and that being absolutely the most awesome!! Give me that heart Lord Jesus! I want to love You more!

Yesterday we went to a great church called Plainview in the middle of i don't know where. I even asked Clay if it was still Norris City and he said he didn't even know. It was a beautiful church with lots of great potential and vision. Much like Crossroads with a young pastor and contemporary music and sweet, sweet people. The singers were fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a rainy, nasty day so I am sure attendance was down. We had a great time. The Women's director confirmed with me to do their women's retreat in November. That will be so much fun as i know many of those ladies. I am so honored to do that for them!!

Chelsea came over to spend the night. We hung out, had dinner, made cookies (not on the diet), and then watched some TV. She in an incredible young lady and I am so thankful to have her close at least for one more year. My girls love her!!

Today is my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday Reekarob!!!!

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