627 - I am not left out!

Oh Lord Jesus, what a great weekend and I thank you for it. Not what I wanted to do, not what I was expecting, and not what I had dreamed, nevertheless, completely wonderful and eventful. Thank you Savior!

Kindness and love are still pouring in as a result of my footies situation! Many emails of people speaking excitement and joy into my life. I thank you!! And yes, I did even have the person ask what in the world was I not doing or what incredible sin was in my life that HE would allow both feet to be hurt to keep me down! It's fair - well, if I had known her on any personal level. Oh well. I did stop and think and ponder and ask the Lord His opinion. It's ok - it has purpose too!

The most common response to all this is, "Wow, Leigh, the Lord must really be wanting to show or do or something in your life. He has something for you and someone is trying to slow you down or keep you from pressing forward." That too could be the case. Again I wanted HIS opinion.

I have to admit there is a feeling of being left out that is not too uncommon in my heart having moved to Illinois. It is a common feeling from way back youth as well. I love a crowd and hate to left out of it. It is not from Him, but something that I deal with from time to time! I struggle with many of my ministry friends on moving on to bigger and seemingly better things and I feel left behind. I hear of others doing those big city things like having lunch with Kay Arthur - Kay Arthur is not coming to Carmi and I don't happen to know anyone in case she did that would invite me to have lunch with her if she did - like my friend Ginger - you lucky dog! Going through blogland after a big deal conference that I didn't attend brings those old feelings back again as well. Felt very left out after She Speaks postings and now the Siesta deal. I just want to be involved in it all - that is me, never want to be alone or not in the center of the crowd. Not THE center usually, but IN the center!

So I kept waiting for the big bang to hit me this weekend as I sat wondering about all my buddies down snub hubbin' with Beth and her girls. I kept waiting for God to reveal something. I kept waiting for something to hit me and I would start praying like I have never in my life. I kept waiting for the phone call from................I don't know... just dreaming. hee hee Constantly the Lord had to remind me to take the "left out" feeling captive and turn it to Him! I was physically hurt, I needed rest, I had other stuff to tend to, and I just needed to praise since He had just HEALED my daughter! It was my turn to be home, but why?

So the other morning I was having my quiet time. It sent me to Mark 7:31-36. This was the account of Jesus sticking his fingers in a man's ears to make him hear and spitting (doesn't say if it was on his tongue or on his hand) and the touching his tongue to make him talk. The whole specifics of the story had me a bit caught off guard. But the thing I thin the Lord wanted me to see was that the man took him away from the crowd to do the WORK in his life. The scriptures specifically say Jesus pulled him away from the crowd and then did these miracles in his life.

If that was not enough here is the first sentence in my devo book,"Sometimes when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives, He will rearrange our surroundings. He will take us out of our element..." Driving out to something the other day the girls asked me - Mom, are you a city girl or a country girl? I told them I thought I was neither. The big city does nothing for me, but neither does the country. I think I am just a small town girl.

The Lord has changed my surroundings often all my life. He has done it again and I wait in anticipation. My issue is trying to wait without great expectations of what I want - just trying to wait to see what He exposes and being able to WALK in it with the wonderful joy of Jesus exuding from every pore. Oh Lord, what a task - thank you for being my provider, help, and shield. Thank you for making me aware of the left out feelings and for showing me You have not forgotten. Oh Lord, You are so good and faithful. I love you Savior.

We have another tennis match today. Girls lost all their matches yesterday, but did awesome!! I was very, very proud of them! Had the MRI as well yesterday and am going back tomorrow for the results. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better. Walking without crutches and can even shuffle along without the boots in the mornings and at night. Not sure if i suppose to be doing that! Anyway - we shall see. This is His day - I will rejoice!

428 - Deeper Still

Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!

Heavenly Father, how do i even begin to talk about this past weekend. I am so full. I guess I will begin by saying thank you! Thank you for speaking so clearly. Thank you for allowing me to have special time with Tamy. Thank you for allowing me to see all the blogging girls. Thank you for allowing me to be in your presence. Thank you for allowing me to see and hug the neck of Teresa. Thank you for allowing me to open Your Word and see it fresh every time. Thank you for allowing me to see the speakers up close and personal in the raw. Thank you thank you thank you! Thank you for allowing me to worship like i have never have before ever, ever, ever!

I think God spoke to me most profoundly through Priscilla. Wow, what a woman of God. What a heritage. What a anointing, what a love, what an intelligence, what a sense of humor..........I want to be her friend! hee hee More than anything I was so impressed with how she could call out the Word verbatim AND where it was found. On the way to the arena, my friend Tamy asked me where God has me right now. I told her i felt like I was in a holding pattern for the next 2 years for various reasons and then at the end of that season He would release me for some different things in ministry. I have said that for some time. Then Priscilla begins to speak and explains that David was anointed at 15, but not at the pinnacle of his kingship until 37. There was a 22 year gap between anointing and actual kingship. God game down in the arena, picked me up, and sat me back down on his lap in His loving arms. He said - "you too will have to wait. (Please do not hear I think I am going to be a king - Lordy no!) I have plans for you, but you will have to wait. Keep doing as you are doing, but spend less time at the computer, less time emailing, and less time "making it happen". I have placed you in Illinois so that you have no way of manipulating the scene of what I am doing and am going to do. You have no big named church to run a conference through, you have no big name connections to promote you, you have limited resources, you have no close seminary to get an education, you have distance and I like that, you lack all the things that one needs to go anywhere and I like it!!!!!! Whatever I do for you in ministry and throughout your life, people will say that it had to be the Lord because from where you are and lack of contacts and distance - it had to be the Lord!!! People will cry out Holy is the Lord because it had to be ME." Oh Lord - it has to be You!!! Holy!!

I was so full that night I just couldn't imagine Him having anything more for me on Saturday. Let it rein - let it rein!!! And it did!!! Beth's last point was that We have to have the courage to see the fulfillment of God's promises to us or ask for it. I remember standing to my feet and asking God to bless me. I am not sure I have ever really done that. It was kind of scary because I knew the vast amount of blessings that my God has done in my life without much asking. So if i asked for Him to bless me, would my family as a whole be able to handle all of His blessings? I asked for Him to make apparent the blessings because there are days I am sure to miss them. I stood and stretched out my hands towards Heaven and begged for the grace and mercy to withstand His blessings. I know that sounds so crazy, but my God is just so good and abundant! And the part Beth explained about Song of Solomon 6 :10-11 - Oh Lord, please don't let my heart to be carried off by others things when I lose my focus, when i look to the left and the right, when i allow the foxes in, when I choose not to receive Your blessings, when I just get lazy. Keep me on your path, keep my heart with the Your path, keep me on the straight and narrow! I want to serve you!!! I want to love you. I want to be near to you! I am so full!

I spoke on Friday morning at a HUGE MOPS group - wow they were an awesome bunch of ladies and so firey!! They laughed, reacted, asked questions, were energetic, lively, and just plain precious and fun! The Lord came down and spoke right through me. It was a message on Love Languages of children and Birth Order. There is not a whole lot of scripture which i don't like, but it is such a great message in teaching the moms how to deal more clearly and effectively with their kids. I can say great because it is not my material and it is His message! But He was there!!! He was very real, and wonderfully strong there! Wow - thank you, Lord!

Oh my Word - my church service yesterday was incredible!! He interrupted his series for a 40 day emphasis on prayer in preparation for the revival coming soon. My preacher is the most humble servant of the Lord I have ever seen. He loves Jesus and love his congregation! He spoke Sunday morning with such passion. The last night he took us through his own way of praying and using scripture in his prayers. He was so afraid of being seen as "having it all together in prayer", and he did not come across that one bit. Oh it was beautiful! God is about to move in that church in a huge way and I am so excited to see it. People went forward to pray at the alter yesterday - it was awesome! I am so excited!!! We also joined the church yesterday and I felt such a huge love and peace!! It was incredible! We are home - now if we could ever get in our new house! ha ha - it is coming along really well! Praise you Lord - I am so excited to see what you are going to do! Instruct me in the way I should go and don't let me turn from Your will! Help me to hear Your ways and direction! Help me to glorify you alone! I love you!

406 - I'm Done

Lord Jesus - I know as weird as it may sounds, I am done Believing God. No, no, no - I am not going to quit believing God, but i am done with the Bible study! It was even better the second time around and I would not hesitate doing it again and again! It is that good!! Thank you for all the wonderful writing and creative thoughts you gave to Beth Moore for this one. I think it may be her finest! I would even venture to say this was her foundational piece even though not her first. Never heard anything like that, but she alluded to that in the end! Thank you Jesus!

I just about don't know what to say from here. I get Believing God better than I ever have, but yet still so much to grasp. My small zoo victory on Tuesday is the beginning of hopefully many to come! But more than anything I want to get better about understanding and using the 5th principle - "God's Word is alive and active in me." I want to have a habit of stating His word and then standing on it for years to come!! What is the method you want me to do - stack of index cards with themes or issues? one verse a day to inhale all day? one issue at a time? one verse at a time for a week or so? There are so many different ways of implementing His Word and the point of it all is that you just have to start. Or excuse me I just have to start!!!!!!!!!

This morning I read that the church was the "pillar and foundation of all Truth!" 1 Tim. 3:15-16. Oh Lord I do believe it!! I want to inhale it and exhale the truth! Grow me Lord!

I have a prayer request for all readers out there! My son is growing up. He is pushing the boundaries and that in turn is pushing me. He is a good, good boy and would never act out away from home - at least up to this point! He wants to be big so bad and wants to do all that he thinks that means! ugh!!!! I know he is just trying to figure out what kind of man he is going to be and if he is still cool!! But it is driving me bonkers!! He is pressing every issue that is foundational around here. "Why do we have to listen Christian music? Can I play a "T" rated game if i buy it with my own money? Can I get a dirt bike? Mom, but what do bad words really mean? Mom, everyone goes to computer games that have chat. I just won't respond when others are asking questions. It is not a big deal, Mom. I don't want to say the prayer at dinner. I think pimping up a car is cool." (Yes, my head about spun off on that one!!! He does not even know what a pimp is, but better yet, how in the tarnation did he even know to say that word.) See, do you see what I mean?????????????? It is killing me! I have come to my greatest Believing God issue!!!

My kids........... my son is His! I have to train them and give them all the right preparation, but ultimately I must trust Him and Believe You Father to do a good work in and through them! That is my prayer so often right now - Oh Lord, set their heart on fire for You and do it early. The hardest thing with trusting right now is that we moved. In Charlotte we had christian school that was fabulous - it rivals all schools in that area. I mean every morning my kids' teachers would have not just prayer, but a devotion! They would journal their thoughts, take prayer requests, sing, just whatever to make it real for their age!! Oh I miss it!! So worth the price!! Then our church of 17,000 (i say that so you understand the massive amount of resources they had to work with.) spared nothing on its children's ministry. Yes, buildings were a bit dated, but vision and commitment was not! My kids had it all in terms of big city church with unlimited resources to train them up in the way they should go! Please hear me I am not knocking my new church or anything - you heard me write about Mrs. Cutchin yesterday and that is Tucker's SS teacher right now. Our church does awesome things with its children just like the one in Charlotte. But it is the school I miss so bad! I have had some people gasp at the thought of leaving Norris City and moving to Carmi. To me that is not a big deal. I can make any move because to me I left everything in Charlotte. I am not bitter - not at all - I am just at my pivotal Believing God point and this is one that I may not see His results until they are all grown up.

Doing what the Lord has asked of you takes guts and courage. There will never be a time that all agree or are happy for you - not ever!! I have had a wonderful time living in Illinois, but it is very different than where I came from. I do miss home, but I do love the new place He has for us. In those days that my faith is least I have a pity party of all that I left. But the one thing I come back to and is my rock - we are right in the middle of His will. I know that without a shadow of doubt! I miss the old, but know we are right where He wants us to be. Knowing that and having Him confirm that over and over is the way I rejoice in what He is doing now and what He will do in the future in and through my kids!! His plan is not mine - but i will obey and I will trust and I will believe!!! Having Him speak favor over me and confirmation in my life is all I need - all I need!!! All this and Jesus too!! Right Dori? I am blessed oh so blessed! May my life be as worship to you! I love you!

404 - the Collaboration

Lord Jesus - yeah, praise be to You, I am up and with you at my normal time!! Yeah - you did it this morning, thank you! We are going to sweat it out with all the animals today at the St. Louis zoo. It is going to be a scorcher!! Please protect us - keep us safe and keep us together. I am hoping there will not be that many there. Of course my church group, but other than that. Lord, I pray that You allow us to see the glory of You revealed in Your creation. I want to see those hidden animals that You so creatively created. I want to hear a hippo shout out praises to You at the top of his lungs. I want to see that snake - yuck - slither by the glass case. Oh Lord, I am praying to see You in a real and different way today! Thank you - in advance!

Well, I have been holding back telling all the latest happenings going on with Speaking Thru Me because i am not even sure myself. In a nutshell, when I was with Proverbs 31 Ministries the thing i loved the most was the team aspect. It was tough at times with so many ladies that speak and many times speak their minds, but it was wonderful being able to go through everything together. Since the Lord lead me to leave and go out on my own in 2005 it has been lonely and hard. I like being able to talk things over with others, to cast visions for the upcoming year, to plan for the future, and to dream - BIG! I have told the Lord this all along. Well, in March of this year I went down to Nashville and did a retreat for my friend Ginger Moore. She and I went to college together, but did not "know" each other like i would have like to now that i "know" her. I missed out... But we connected. Our hearts were one as far as ministry goes and we had a passion that anyone could have seen from miles around. I am sure there were fire underneath our tires that day we drove to the retreat center dreaming about all that lies ahead.

At that time i had not said anything to her about coming on board with me. But as the months progressed the Lord over and over brought her to mind. She is a hard worker, an energetic crazy woman for the Lord, and such a heart for ministry! She is a blast, but a dreamer as well. I love that. So i spoke with her about 3 weeks ago asking if she would consider joining me in ministry, but i had no idea what that looked like or what I had to offer. I still don't. BUT GOD - don't you just love that - He has got something up His sleeve and I am beginning to see it unfold every day!! Oh how i can not wait to see. So as i have said over and over again, but didn't understand my heart stalling for whatever reason I am going to apply for non-profit status. That is first on the list of things to do, but now we will be a team. We will still be Speaking Thru Me Ministries, but there is more than one Me. We hope to be more than a speaking agency - no, not that at all - but ministry. We just don't know what it is to look like. I know a tad, tiny tad about ministry and speaking. I want to take all the ladies I can with me, strengthening the body of Christ and lifting up the name of Jesus. For whatever reason ladies are hungry for the Word and He is using them like no other time before. I do not want to be a lonely, self-absorbed, not willing to lend a hand or any wisdom - kind of ministry woman. I want to encompass everyone and really work together as the Body of Christ is suppose to!!! There will now be Valarie as the prayer woman, Tisha in administration, and Ginger and I. Amen, Jesus!!!

I am who He says I am!!! I have got to live like that and believe that!!! I do know what He says I am, but also importantly I know who I am not!!! I am not a Redeemer, a Judge, a healer, a comforter, and savior, a King, a Prince, or prince of peace.......................... He is God and I am not He!!! I rest in that and praise Him for that!

Romans 11: 33-36

33Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[a] knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 34"Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?"[b] 35"Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?"[c] 36For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.

I love that - "who has ever given to God that He should repay him?" That just about makes me laugh. Like i think I could ever out give God or give to Him so much or of any value that I would ask for repayment........... what a joke!!! He is Lord!!!!!!!!! Let me know if you want a CD or DVD. I have about 10 going out today and would be thrilled to send some more if need be. Just let me know!

403 - Blending In

Oh Lord, thank you for a great night's rest and for a beautiful morning to wake up to. I have gotten slack this last couple of weeks about getting up at my regular time. I need to get back disciplined about that because school is on its way. It seems like since the middle of July I have been going 90 to nothing. I have not had time to write You any letters on my blog and that bothers me. When I don't write out what You have just taught me after studying, it just doesn't stick as well. On top of computer problems - I want to give a huge shout out to PB for taking the time, every time, to fix my computer!!! I am gonna start calling him Bourne, Computer Bourne! Alisha, thanks for allowing him to come to my computer rescue so often! - OK, so i was saying on top of computer problems i have been traveling to Nashville and back, to Kentucky and back, all over Southern Illinois looking at hole in the wall antiques shops, fixing up our new/old house, painting, school shopping, ran a road race, and then got my foot stung by a yellow jacket. My foot on the bottom is huge. I have never had a swollen foot pad - weird!

I was saying that I ran a road race, 3.1 miles. Andrea and I are training for a half marathon in October and in our training we decided to throw in a little race. YES, it was hard! It was hot, it was hilly, and it was bumpy. Andrea did awesome. I think our time was just over 30 minutes and she probably could have shaved off 2 or 3 minutes easily, but she was so kind and stayed with me. After the first mile i was toast. We passed the marker and my clock read 8:24!!!!!!!!!!! UGH, i don't run that fast so i knew i was in trouble for the rest of the race. I am barely any good for a 10 minute mile. Then as we turned the corner to go into the forest, trouble was ahead. I did fine in the forest for the first 3 or 4 minutes, but then i hit a root going downhill and ate it!!!!!!!!! It was funny, but not at the time. I went into the forest clean, but sweaty and came out a muddy, filthy mess. How embarrassing! Andrea was so good about quoting scripture the whole time and pushing me on. I am telling you, she was incredible. I could barely breath. She was telling me to say it out loud and I could not even find my whisper. I was dieing, it was a slow death, and would not come quick enough. Survival was a must since i was being challenged by a 8 or 9 year old boy towards the end of the race. Humbling!! I am glad it is over. But I would do it again tomorrow!

Jesus, I am on the last week of my Believing God study. Today I was in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 talked about the end times. It explained all the things we can look for, but specifically behaviors in others. Lovers of money, lack of self-control, unforgiving, without love, proud, boastful, rash, etc. Man, some of those things are not too far from my behaviors, but are certainly exactly what we see today. Are we in the end times? - well, we are closer every day that passes. But verse 5 is the kicker - "having some form of godliness, but denying its power." So these are people that probably look a lot like you and me, but are denying the power of the Cross. So while they are non-believers, i think we call them "good people" or a "good person". They sit with us in church, they go to Bible study with us, they live in our homes, they talk a good talk, but when life begins to press or the heat is turned up it is then that the blatant sin rears its head. I think this is the time we look the most like them! They are great at blending in and so are you and I!

I feel You asking me Lord, how do I look different? Am I giving into all the ways of man? There is a huge pressure right now all over the world to be "fixed" - do something to your body to look better or feel better. Right or wrong - I will not judge, but there is a pressure to be fixed. In business, do we deal honestly, do we treat employees kindly, do we go above and beyond what is asked from our employers, etc. With friends do we find ourselves talking about the latest, do we quickly judge each other (ouch), do we write each other off after a disagreement, do we throw one another under the bus? At home do we scream at the kids, do we argue to the death with our spouse, do we neglect our ministry at home? With money, am I willing to give my last shirt, am I willing to give what is His, am I willing to give sacrificially, do I hoard, be stingy, or try to make things even at all times? With our spouse, are we competing, are we cheating, are we stealing, are we always trying to win, are we negative, are we grumpy, are we no fun?

How am i different or am I just blending in? Can you even see a difference at all? Oh Lord, reveal to me my blending points. Reveal to me that times I look no different due to my actions or reactions. Reveal to me the sin that causes others to wonder about my faith. Reveal to me the places in my life that show no evidence of my faith in You. Show me Lord. I love you!

Last thing - I know this is the weirdest thing, but I believe God has asked me to do this. My last time I spoke in Charlotte was powerful. What i mean is that the Lord took over - like I pray so often - but was speaking things out of me that I had not planned. It was if I had stepped aside and He put another that looked just like me to speak the message. So i want to offer that message to whomever wants it. It is His message and something I think He wants to tell others. I have it on CD or DVD form. I would just be thrilled to send it to you if you feel the Lord telling you to get it. Or if just curiosity has you and you want it that is fine too. I know I could be in trouble if 50 people asked for it, but I will trust Him. It is all about Him!! You are welcome to leave a comment or email me directly.

Busy, busy week! Going to get the girls ears pierced today, tomorrow we are going to St. Louis zoo and register for school, Thursday we are going to Holiday World - Rachel, want to get away and go with us? -, and who knows what else in between and after all that. He is Lord!!! May we shine differently and never blend in!

402 - It May Hurt or Stretch You!

Lord Jesus - good morning! It is a great morning and I am so thankful to be up and at 'em! My body is so tired. We closed on the house on Friday and have been working non-stop since then. We have trimmed bushes, pulled and pulled and pulled on wallpaper. Many places we have it down to the plaster, but still there is the scraping to do. My in laws have been a huge help and support for which I am very grateful. And of course my parents have my kids which makes for a home run! I know things will slow down once we are back to "full capacity".

Clay and I did take some time on Saturday to go to New Harmony, one of the original utopia societies. I would love to go back soon. I love all the old homes, I love the stories, I love the antiques.......... I don't know where i got all those likes. My parents are not into antiques and we have never had any of all that. But i do remember when I lived in Massena, NY being fascinated with my friends' older homes. Sarah Shangraw's home was just incredible!! I loved all that!

This morning I have an "interview" kind of thingy with a small college about teaching some courses possibly. I am excited to know the possibilities. It could be really fun and quite an opportunity for me - one that I could actually work with while i am still home with kids! Thank you Lord in advance for whatever you may be doing there. I want to hear from you as to whether I walk through this door or not. If you need to close it and make there be no opportunities I pray that be very clear and obvious!! Thank you Lord!

I wish there was some way I could express all that I am "feeling" in my heart right now. I am so terribly excited and just want to jump out of my skin, but at the same time I do not know why. I feel something coming - yes, sure it has to be the excitement with the house, but it is something more. I told Clay the other night I felt like God was going to ask something of us and it would require a bit of sacrifice or just the mere fact of Him wanting to take us to another level with Him. And then today I read in my quiet time about the life of William Carey. He was a man that was called to India and went with a wife kicking and screaming. The first years were terrible - diseases took his young son and then that eventually drove his wife mad.... that alone took her life leaving him to raise 2 kids. Many, many, many times God will ask us something to do and when it does not work out or we have the slightest opposition, we cave. We may think we are being smart and discerning what is best for the family, but in actuality when the heat is turned up we cave. I have caved, i still cave at times!! Ugh!! Despite it all, Carey went on to do absolutely amazing things because he would not stop, be defeated, and let Satan ruin his day. The most important thing William Carey knew - when God confirmed something to him through scripture - he stuck with it. He stayed the course and lived it out!!! Oh I love that!

Oh Lord, help me. I know the Word says we are to leave everything and follow You. I know the Word says we are to turn our backs on all things and follow You! I will also say that I know that as a wife and mother it is not You calling me to turn my back on my family. I am still under that authority of my husband and You have tremendously blessed me with 4 small children. But i can not forget the day you told me to "Go to Africa and tell the women what it is like to be "Held" by the Father. I am still praying to be asked to go to Alaska. I would love to go overseas. Not to just do those things, but ti would be a stretch, it would be a sacrifice, it would be a privilege!!! I just don't know the timing! I guess my responsibility is to hold fast to the confirmations God gave me and wait for Him to open the doors. I hope and pray I am willing to not just walk through, but run and fly with those wings of eagles!

The author this morning said "If you are bored, you may be slightly out of touch with God." Oh how i am so in tune with that statement, but it also scares me just a bit! Boredom is what i have felt this summer... Not being able to just get up and go to the pool or get up and go to the mall or meet someone at Chick-fil-a or Chuckie Cheese (oh i hate that place)............... but because everything is at least 1 hour away i have been quite bored. BUT GOD - He has been so good to me. In advance God prepared for me to go to Charlotte 3 times this summer to give me a "break". From my perspective Tucker breaking his arm was a blessing in that I did not feel so guilty about not taking them swimming everyday as we always did in Charlotte. Kids were able to go to my parents in the middle of summer to break it up for them. Our house closing when it did has given me more things to do.................. See, But God - He is just so good!!! And now that my friend Ginger has decided to collaborate with me in ministry i feel like i have so much to work on and get to doing!!! And that LOVE that part!!! Oh Jesus, you are so so so so so so wonderful!

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Oh Lord - that is the cry of my heart. I do not want to become weary - I want to go go go go where you want me to go. I want to do what you ask me to do and I want to be excited and energized in your calling! Lord, help me to understand what it is you have for me - this day - not be thinking about 2 years from now, but this day!! I want to see a harvest, but I know now it the time to do!!! Not sit and wait, but do!! Lord, get me off my toushy and let's go!! Here are some things I am asking You about..........

1) Do i do another Beth Moore study in the fall and where and which one? At church, at home?

2) Do I start an aerobics class?

3) In setting up Speaking Thru Me - what actions do I take now?

4) Do i send Elleigh to preschool?

5) ????????????????????????????????????? What Lord?

I will not give up in doing good - I WILL wait for your confirmations - and will stick to the plan You confirm! I am excited to see the harvest - oh Lord, show me your glory!! I love you!

395 - Bless You

Up and at 'em today. It is early, well not so much now, but when I started. Got a BUSY day ahead of me and had to make sure I started it with Him! Oh was it so good too!!

This morning i learned about the Lord Almighty blessing us. Oh Lord, can i just tell you thank you right now? Thank you! Wow! I learned about the word eulogeo which means "to have God speak a good word over us. to bless to speak well of." Another definition, more complete, was "Of God toward men, to bless, to distinguish with favor... When the subject is God, His speaking is action, for God's speech is energy released." Are you with me or have you done a complete dance and are just coming back to the computer. I am with you - just dance girls!!

Lord, I can hardly believe what I have learned this morning. You speak behind our backs and it is blessing over us. On Wow - if i can only do the same thing for all those around me. Lord, I know there are many days when you have to search to find a good thing to speak over me, but thank you that only you can see my full potential and what the end will be. Oh Lord, I just want to praise you. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. You speak and it energizes - you speak life to the very marrow of my bones.

J. Vernon McGhee says that the providence of God can be described as "the way God leads a man that will not be led". Now how cool is that. A quote from Beth Moore, "Part of God's blessing over our lives involves the following: 'to act in man's life and accomplish His purposes instead of allowing men to have their own way.'" Now that is worth really cuttin' a rug. He not only has the power to control my steps, but it just takes His spoken Word to do so and it involves a blessing to make that happen. I don't mean to infer that we are getting something like some trinket in that blessing. The very blessing itself is the act of stopping us from doing something out of His will or even destructive in our lives. SO when God does not allow something in our lives it may not be that we have been disobedient it could be that He actually has spoken a blessing over our lives instead of allowing us to follow our own ways. Oh yes, I love that!!! Speak it Lord, protect me with You blessings!! I soooooooo need it!!

Lord, I thank you for so often speaking blessings over your women of God - your go to girls. Thank you for keeping us from our own destructive ways. Help us to take your lead and do more blessing of one another than tearing down. Let all those that come in contact with us leave with a blessing of SPOKEN word. May they never leave wondering if we want the best for them. Oh Lord, our families and husbands - Lord, help us to bless them. Lord, may we give and give and give until we are blue in the face - that is exactly what you have done for us and still speak in our lives!! Thank you! I need to write my hubby a love note today!

I want to bless you Father! Bless your Holy Name. Oh Lord, from before creation you were good - you have always been good. You spoke and that is all that has to happen. Thank you, Lord for your control of this world and the control you have over my life. Lord, you are awesome and I stand in awe of you! Lord, you are so highly esteemed and just absolutely gorgeous in your creation. Thank you for the beautiful creations in my house that are such a joy. May I appreciate them more and more. Oh Lord, Savior of all and over all - you are it! You are my Rock and fortress. You are my salvation and my Redeemer. You are my glorious one to brag about and to. Lord, you are it!! I am so in love with you, but Lord I want more! I want to know you more and I want to love you more. I want to be more of a blessing to You. Oh Lord, do your thing. Speak over me and bless me from those things that I need kept from. Oh Lord, I am ready to go to the outer edge with You - let's go! Lord, I give you my life and i give you my heart. Let's go Lord. Take me to a place with you that my desires cease. I know we have such a work to do on my heart - do it Lord. It will be miraculous and I can not wait to tell others about it. Bless you Lord, my encourager, my strength, my shield, and my all!!! I love you!

Kids are going to Big Time Tuesday today. I think they are going to Evansville again. Elleigh and I are not going to go since i have so much preparation to do with speaking tomorrow. I fly out to Charlotte tomorrow and speak that evening. I am really excited. This time Tisha is going to pick me up and we are going to either eat a Carraba's or Zaxby's. Neither one of those are over here so I can not wait. I am so excited to hug her neck. Then I leave Thursday morning at 6am. That is a true friend to take me to the airport at 4:30am!!! Oh I have so much to do. Thank you Lord. I want to hear you today!

PS - if you didn't read the blogging challenge - please read the post below. thank you

388 - We are Blessed

Phil. 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Wow, Lord, the house is silent. What a blessing. This morning I have studied the blessing of Ephraim and Manasseh. It was one of those switcherooskies - he blessed the second born more than the first. It was not deceptive as it was in Jacob and Esau, but it still was not the norm or liked by others. It would cause some friction in days to come. Gen. 48

When I think of blessing or having some one's blessing it is like having their approval. But really it is so much more than that. When we have some one's approval it is like them saying I agree with what you are doing and wish you well not really knowing the outcome of anything future. But to me from what I understand, having some one's blessing or having them bless you is a bit different or maybe just a bit deeper. It is like saying I not only approve of what you are doing, but I esteem it and see it as worthy to do extremely well. I see a future in it or in you and I want to bless you, pray for you, commit to you, or even do things to help it happen. That is different.

Lord, remember that lady at my old church whose blessing I craved. There was no way on Your green earth she was going to give it to me for one reason or another. Oh it hurt me so badly, but I just had to accept and move through and passed that pain and disappointment. She may have not been right in withholding her support and blessing, I don't know. But I was wrong in working, doing, living to get her approval at best, but longing for her blessing. The more I did to try to gain this approval the worst it got. I found myself having ill feelings for her and wanting to quit all activities I had done or started in my church. I was done - BUT i was wrong. It was not my place to judge her for not approving me - she could have had very good reasons even though they were not communicated to me. But my responsibility and my struggle as a people pleaser is to please Him as hard as that may be. I at times get more concerned with so and so being proud of me or pleased with me than I am with the Father being pleased. One of my greatest struggles. If people think that I can just do His will (when it hurts others feelings or disappoints) with no struggle at all - they don't really know me. I pray I will bend the knee to His will, but many times it just about kills me at least in thought struggling with others feelings, etc.

The scripture above gives me great relief and comfort. As a child of God - whether I follow Him closely or not - says that He has blessed me with every spiritual blessing in Christ. To me, for example, that means even though I appear to have no patience in the "waiting" I have blessed with it and He will see to it that I come through (or the "wait" may never cease)! It is more than just approval, it is something He will see to completion!

Lord, thank you! I don't quite understand or know how to receive and use all the blessings that I am afforded because of Christ. Lord Jesus, will you help me to come to that knowledge and be responsible in doing my part? Lord, I want to be full in Christ and I want to be full of Christ. I don't want a lack of knowledge to stifle or quench the Spirit within me. I want You to work to the nth degree and more. I want to experience Your power and blessings flowing through my life so that I can do nothing more than give it all back to you - praise You through those blessings. Lord Jesus! I am so in awe of you! I thank you for your awesomeness in my life, but I want to see more. I want to see You more fully manifested in my life - Your righteousness, love, compassion, heart, joy, etc. I love you!

Not too much planned today. Kids and I went to the movies yesterday. It is so awesome to get closer and closer to days of being able to do everything with all 4 of them. Going to work out, but then pretty free today! Thank you, Lord!

387 - In His Hands

Lord Jesus - thank you for the safe traveling yesterday. We had a good time seeing family and visiting with everyone. It has been a tradition for years in getting together with the Gray's on the 4th. We had a good time. Thank you.

As I lied face down before You this morning I asked you to bring me more opportunities for ministry. I have never sensed a "NO", but what I do sense is "more to come". I believe the Holy Spirit is stirring in my heart something that is going to be brewing for a while. I believe the Lord has something a tad bigger in the works, but in my mind, much time must pass. This Fall 3 of the 4 little toe heads of mine will go to real school. Yes, I am excited, but sad at the same time. I have Elleigh at home with me for 2 more years. I know that is my priority and joy. I feel like there is more ministry for me to come, but my household must be set and in order. I believe that includes Elleigh in school.

So why do I say all this - I am ready to GO! I am ready to do some bigger things and am ready to receive more spiritual insight from Him. I am ready to work on what I love and I am ready to see much fruit and of course bear much fruit. I am ready to respond to His call and I am ready to say yes. But as for today and I think 2 more years - there has been a yield sign placed in front of me that I must obey. Or it may not be even something that I am to obey like a sign that says slow down, but God has placed it in front of the angel that delivers the blessings to everyone. I am kind of thinking cartoonish, but just go with me. He has said to His angels - I have many things for this girl to receive, but for now let's hold off for a bit. She has much learning and maturing to do before I can give her into the Promised Land. Wet her feet, allowed her to taste, make sure she knows more is to come, but WAIT. Hold off until I AM ready!

This morning in my Believing God study by Beth Moore, God answered all my requests about ministry in this one day, "By Faith Abraham". We were in the Hall of Faith chapter in Hebrews, 11. More than anything I see that when God said, "Go", there was no hesitation. He went! He didn't even know where God may be going, but he always left the comfortable. He left the land of family and friends and usual stuff for an alien land except he was the alien. Beth Moore called it the Later Syndrome - Go and I will show you and tell you later. It is the deal where you know God is telling you something, but you don't know why or even how. But with all the faith you can muster up you go or you do or you try.......................... Later Syndrome says I will explain later. God has that right to explain later or show us later. We never have that right to put off or explain our actions later. He says jump - we say yes sir and do it.!! Faith - present and active, not later!

"Time is often where He tempers and tests us so that premature births of ministries don't result in lifelong handicaps. God created time and never wastes it. We alone waste when our impatience to receive our earthly inheritance hinders our preparation to know what to with it", Beth Moore. Lord, help me not to waste any time. Help me not to seek understanding as much as just to say yes and go! Thank you for confirming over and over my call into speaking! That is something I am no longer doubting. Thank you! Gal. 4:1-2 - as a child you release me to do more of Your work when it is time. I am excited, you know my hand is waved and I am screaming "pick me, pick me", but You know best. I will be honored to speak at MOPS groups, I will be honored to lead weekend retreats or speak at dinners, etc. I will be honored to be consistent in my quiet time, and I will be honored and privileged to take care of my babies!! Father - when you see fit to place me in the passenger side of the ministry car, I am ready, but until then thank you! Thank you that I can wait and learn. I can mature and grow. I can watch and see. I can just be still and know -!!!!!!!!!!! Father - you are a blast and I love you!! You need not do another thing for me!!!!!!!! You are more than enough! I love you!

371 - Miracles and Healing - God in a Box!

Oh Lord, today in my Believing God study Beth Moore discusses reasons that GOD possibly heals and does not heal others. I am not of the belief that all sickness is from Satan and that God wants all His children to be healed and whole on this side of Heaven. Healing will come, but it might come in a new body when you see Him face to face. TO say that sickness comes from Satan and that God does not want anyone to be sick in a way puts God in a box. People are placing God's duties to just healing - although wonderful - but He is just to heal and that is His only option when I fall ill. I can not go with that. I am not in any way saying He does not still heal - of course He does - I was told 2 times that I had Chrone's disease in high school. I remember Ergun Caner (www.erguncaner.com) my youth minister committing to pray for me and others in my church and on my third trip to the doctor for another colonoscopy after hospitalization, etc. they could find nothing. I was sick!!!! They saw those tell-tell cells on the first scope, but on the next ones - GONE. Don't even tell me it was a mistake!!!

Beth gives some awesome examples of people getting terribly sick and healed in today's lesson. Incredible and awesome. Wow Lord - You really showed off in those individuals lives. Wow!! One of the common denominators that Beth talks about is of course the sick believing they were going to get better and having prayer warriors that believed as well. I remember one time the Lord leading me to truly commit to pray for this one lady to get pregnant. Her husband and I worked together and it was a very strained relationship. We did not get along to well - in a church, how immature of me! Anyway, they had extreme infertility and had even loss a few babies. Finally they got pregnant and God told me clearly I was suppose to tell her I was going to pray for her every Tuesday. My Tucker was born on a Tuesday, April 1. So because you can remember everything with the first child Tuesdays were special and easy to remember to pray. Her child was not born on Tuesday, but guess what day - April 1st!!!!!!!! How cool was that!

Now i remember thinking that this lady may not want my prayers. Her husband and I had exchanged many words and she had possibly rather I did not lift their name in prayer. I was not sure. I was scared if i told them i was praying for them on Tuesdays and they lost this baby too they might blame God or even me. I was scared, but I knew God had told me to pray and believe much like my youth minister had prayed and believed for me. It was such a pleasure and privilege praying for them. No it did not bring us all together in friendship, it did not make all hard feelings go away, but it did strengthen each one of our prayer lives!! Thank you Lord.

Just as we are called to do a mission in life, I really do believe that we are called to pray for specific people and their situations. After I saw God work in that way I was quick to pray for other friends that were struggling getting pregnant. Traci, Jennifer, and Amie are others i have seen answered prayers. Did my prayers have something special to them - No way - I just felt led to pray for those ladies specifically and believed!!! Many times we can take on the world's prayer requests and then our prayers get very shallow. When I am asked to pray about something especially those things that are not real close to my heart, I do pray for them, but then I ask God to remind me of that request if it is something I am called to pray about with earnestness and ferventness. I have found much more freedom and success in giving it over to God and asking Him to specifically call me to pray for certain things. Sometimes it is for strangers, friends, family, and even foes...

Lord, You are far bigger than i can even fathom. Lord, show me Your works. Show me some miracles. Show me what You are all about. Use me, Lord. Call me out! I want to go! I love you!

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332 - 3rd post today - Believing God - Bible Study

This is for those that live within driving distance of my house.................

Ok this is the decision I have come to. Doesn't mean we can't look at things differently, but this is what I am thinking so far!!!

Thursday, May 31 - 8pm - my house - 10 weeks......................

I am thinking at my house on Thursday evenings at 8pm. I want it to be late enough that I can put my kids to bed. And I want it to be late enough that no one feels like they have to bring food or anything like that. And I want it to be late enough that the only thing you and other moms might be missing is night time routine. I have found that dads are very appreciative of the late night studies because they get some alone time - all by themselves, that is if they put kids to bed early enough... And other husbands have appreciated it as well - they don't get dissed on dinner and get to watch whatever they want on TV while we are away.

SO I am thinking we will start on Thursday May 31 at 8pm... it will go for about 2 hours and no later. I usually make a rule we have to be out of the house by 10pm... It runs for 10 weeks. It is really worth it, I promise!!

Do you think you can make it??? Pray about it and then let me know... I am going to do it whether you all come or not..., but I would like to know if you are going to show up. You will need to purchase a workbook - if you can - or if you know you are going to participate I don't mind going to pick them up and you can just pay me back. I need a new workbook myself!!

Can't wait to hear from you! Feel free to pass this on to anyone!!! Yeah!!!

JUST GO WITH ME HERE....

OK - every morning after i have my time with Lord Jesus, i get the kids up and ready for school. I am so much nicer if things do go in that order. Trust me!! SO then I get to sit down and read what my other favorite bloggers have studied that morning or wrote at various times the day before. OK - now just go with me for a minute, i am halfway being silly..................

You know what it is like when someone makes mention of you or acknowledges you or something along those lines.......... you or at least I begin to think there is a connection or we are at least now best friends. Remember i am just half kidding... But it really makes you feel good that they mentioned you or said hey or even called or came by to talk. It doesn't take much to really excite me or make me feel special. EX) the other day my own church put in their bulletin that i was doing a conference just down the road at another church, Star. Then to top it all off, my own preacher announced it from the pulpit and everything. I was just blown away. It was one thing to put it in the bulletin, but to announce it - that just does not happen where i am from!!!!! I am not so excited because it was announcing of me, but that it was a woman's thing... like i said that just doesn't happen where i come from. so.................................... I am going somewhere with this.............

I sat down to read my favorite blogs and came to Beth Moore's blog. She mentioned in her post a comment i had made about my own Sarahjane........................ here is the flow of it...........

Here is the post from her daughter Amanda that i posted a comment to.......

The Critical Moment
There is a twinkle in time that the Moore girls like to call the critical moment. The critical moment occurs in the seconds between getting your hair exactly how you want it and then sealing it with hairspray. The Moore world stops spinning during the critical moment. Those present must not speak loudly, make requests, or get in the way while the process is happening. Those not present must not, Lord help them, interrupt the moment with a phone call. Melissa and I know that Mom is not Mom during the critical moment. But she will be right back...with great hair. Since I largely stopped using hairspray (gasp!) a few years ago, I've ceased experiencing the critical moment. However, the Lord saw what was lacking in my life and provided a new critical moment. This takes place each morning during my son's bath time. I start running the water and then take him to the changing table to get him ready for his bath. Here's the critical moment: I rush with my naked (or nekked, if you prefer) baby to the bathtub and try to get him in there before the cool air on his bare skin causes the tinkle effect. But this morning I got the bath water too hot and missed the critical moment. Baby was on my left hip, my right hand was trying to mix the cold water in as fast as possible, and I felt the unfortunate sensation of my waist being sprinkled with tee. So I guess you could call that a tinkle in time.

Then here is my comment -
Leigh Gray said...
As my kids have gotten older - oldest is 8 only for a few more days (boo-hoo, well sort of) - I find there are many critical moments that rear their head at the most inopportune time. Like when my Sarahjane - the most outspoken of all 4 - sees someone that might be a few pounds overweight. She has exclaimed before, "Mom, do you ever think your bottom will be that big?" Or the time she asked a woman if she knew she had all those wrinkles on her face. Yes, i crawled under the buggy and let the older ones push me to the car... ha ha Please know that I am trying, but sometimes those critical moments escape before i have the time to reel them back in or shall I say - ESCAPE!!Critical moments change as we change - for better or for worse...Have a terrific day and do keep blogging!

THEN here is the comment from Beth Moore..............

I got on the blog a few minutes ago and read your comments to Amanda's entry on critical moments. I got so tickled that I nearly called up the Grande Non-Fat Cappuccino I had right after lunch. You are so funny. Delightful. No kidding. A few minutes earlier, I wanted to stop what I was doing, lay my head down on my desk and cry HARD. As God would so lead, instead, I clicked open the blog, read what you had written, and laughed my head off. I could quote from 25 of them but how about little Sarah Jane noting that one of mom's friends had gained a few pounds and asking, "Mom, do you ever think your bottom will be that big?" Do you just LOVE younguns'? The little dickens are humbling, aren't they? I make it a point to surround myself with a whole mess of them.

So i guess one would conclude that I am now Beth Moore's new best friend - she just doesn't know it. Hee hee = what a great day!!!

220 - Not What I Deserve

Lord Jesus - wow, this morning's devotion was wonderful. It is right where i am and speaks so loud. I Sam. 8:1-22 is where Samuel has gotten old, he put his unfaithful, corrupt sons as judges, and the people are tired of it. They want a king - everyone else (countries) has one, but also because they think that is what will make all things better. Samuel consults the Lord many times and reminds the people a king will treat you like a dog. They still want it and God tells Samuel to give them what they want.

Here is a statement from Beth Moore that really hit home. "Often when God does not readily give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desires would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives."

God allowed the Israelites to have what they wanted in this situation. It was tough on them and they were going to pay to great degree as well. Lord Jesus - I know i have my desires and I beg You to only give me what You think is best. I know I may not understand 95% of the times, but Lord please have Your way. Too often have I stepped in and forced things to go my way or have done everything in my menial power to my likings. Forgive me Lord. I know there have been times You have had it with me and basically said, "Fine, have it your way." Oh Lord thank you for not throwing in the towel totally. Your love is so patient and gracious. Your mercy just about overwhelms me.

I think I know what I want, but only You know what it will cost me - as the statement said above. Help me to consistently come to you to receive Your guidance and preparation for what something is going to cost. I trust You, at least i think i do, to forgo my desires because i know Your plans are best, more pleasing, and more God glorifying. Help me my heart to be satisfied with where You have me and where we are going. Thank you for withholding the real punishment i deserve. Thank you!!!

My desire is to speak as You have placed that in my heart and confirmed in my Spirit. I want to minister to many, but i don't always know what that is going to look like. I have dreams of what that will look like, but are my expectations too great. Can I out dream You Lord? Of course not. I can dream, but what if that is not what You want? Can i be content with what You provide? Oh Lord, allow me to just be pleased and thrilled with You. Allow me to just want to know You better and if i get to do anything in the process of sharing it with others - then icing! I want the heart of living on an island with just You and that being absolutely the most awesome!! Give me that heart Lord Jesus! I want to love You more!

Yesterday we went to a great church called Plainview in the middle of i don't know where. I even asked Clay if it was still Norris City and he said he didn't even know. It was a beautiful church with lots of great potential and vision. Much like Crossroads with a young pastor and contemporary music and sweet, sweet people. The singers were fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a rainy, nasty day so I am sure attendance was down. We had a great time. The Women's director confirmed with me to do their women's retreat in November. That will be so much fun as i know many of those ladies. I am so honored to do that for them!!

Chelsea came over to spend the night. We hung out, had dinner, made cookies (not on the diet), and then watched some TV. She in an incredible young lady and I am so thankful to have her close at least for one more year. My girls love her!!

Today is my dad's birthday. Happy Birthday Reekarob!!!!

217 - A La Peanut Butter Sandwiches

This morning, Lord, I am getting a bit of a late start. When Clay is traveling I like to stay up late doing things - well, just doing things. So that does not make it easy to get up the next monring and this morning i let it get the best of me. The kids are off to school and Elleigh is watching Thumbalina. So thank you for this small amount of time to get in a good WORD.

I found myself at I Sam. 4:1-11. This was great. I have made the comment before - If i could just spend 30 minutes with Beth Moore or Ruth Graham or Kay Arthur then how wonderfully blessed I would be. Or i have heard comments and probabaly said them myself - Oh, I just want to brush up against her or be near her - the sillyness can go on and on. But the bottom line is that we, me, are putting some kind of "superness" to these regualr, but wonderfully spiritual people. We think and it may not even be a conscious thought that we would be better off if we had lunch with so and so. Or if we brushed up against so and so our prayers would be answered, we would be enlightened, we would be more holy. I know as crazy as it sounds, i have done it myself and it is silly. This just does not border on idol worship, It Is!! I confess i think so much of Beth Moore and the awesome teacher that she is that i have to be careful. I can get so caught up in being excited about what hse is doing and where she is going that i can lose my perspective of why she is doing it - Jesus Christ. Oh Lord, forgive me of that. Allow me to be enthralled in You because of what You have done through her, not her and what great clothes she wears. ha ha!!!

In this passage of scripture the Israelistes had been defeated by the gorrillas - Phillistines... 4000 in fact was what the Word said. SO the leaders were real upset they had been defeated and began to think back on how victories were won in the past. They immediately thought about how the ancestors carried the Ark with them into battle. Oh that must be it. We need a "good luck charm, a brush up against something, a lunch with, a prayer spoken over us" of course in a retorrecical way...

SO that is just what they did. Eli's sons, the ones that are so terrible and disrespectful towards the Lord in His temple, went to go get the Ark. Wrong choice. Even if you had good intentions of using the Ark in the right way, that was the wrong men to go get it and be responsible for it. Leadership can make a whole ship go down and that is exactly what happened. With their "good luck charm" and that is exactly how it was being used - 40,000 were killed in the next battle. That may not be the exact number - memeory is failing me now that i am dressing a babydoll and trying to write. haha! But it was a bunch.

Lord Jesus, we can not worship a spiritually strong person other than Jesus, we can not worship a church building, we can not worship a conference, a book other than the Bible, or even a statue or cross. We must worship the ONE that made all those things have significance. We must worship the one that shed His blood on those things and for those things and because of those things. We must worship Him and with respect. We, I, can not come to You disrespectfully and expect my prayers to be answered or even heard! Lord, help me. Help me to change my heart and be a purly devoted Christian. I see so many things that need to be worked on. DO your work because i want to do for You. I love ministry and want to be used. I want to worship You and You alone. Forgive me Father for hurting Your feelings! Lord, I love you!!

212 - He Done Good

Good morning Lord! I woke up early again and i thank you for that. My room is in direct shot with Elleigh's room and I know she is going to hear my alarm so very often. SO thank you for waking me up before the alarm so that i could have uninterrupted time with You.

This morning i was in the very beginning of Samuel where it talks about Hannah being childless and even bitter. Her husband has the gall to ask her why she is downcast and is not being married to him better than 10 sons. Not only is that a crazy out of line question for that day, but obviously it wasn't OK with him either to have a barren wife since he has another that was a "producer". How insensitive and just stupid. As Beth Moore called it, "clueless".

Lord the husband area is one area that i can shout out a huge, "Yeah Baby". Thank you for blessing me with a strong man and yet one that is very sensitive - sensitive to Your leading, but also to my feelings. Clay is such a blessing to me and i have even seen that more and more since we have moved. He is protective of me and is a very good mind reader at times. I can be the stupid one and pull the silence game - he recognizes it and even knows how to make it turn around. Clay had a wonderful example to follow and for that i am eternally grateful as well.

Jesus, help me to be the kind of wife that deserves that kind of blessing. May i be sensitive to his feelings and desires. May i be protective of him and guard our time. Thank you for the work you have done in us over the years. Thank you for my great wifely example as well. My mom has always been my dad's greatest cheerleader. I want to be that as well.

Yesterday was the kids first day of school in NCO. Satan tried to get us down by giving us a flat tire as we walked to the car, but nope we trudge on. We made it in time since the school is only 3 minutes away and the kids got great teachers. Tucker has Mrs. Barton and EJ has Jan Carroll. I have known Jan for many years. She used to come down and watch Clay play at Union with her family all the time. Great family. Her daughter is one of the top pitchers in the nation - she is a Georgia. She was very committed to AAU and all that. I am hoping if i have an athlete she will be able to direct me in that path.

Kids got off the bus - dropped off right in front of the house - and the first thing that came out of Tucker's mouth was how excited he was to get not just 1, but 2 lockers. They have PE everyday and he is so pumped. Emmajoy screamed about having a new best friend on the first day. Her name is Allyssa. I asked what her last name was and she shouted with her hands on her hip, "mom, I don't need to know that part." ha ha I think they are going to do just fine!

They had one opening in SJ's age - did not surprise me of God. And get this - a bus comes and picks her up and brings her home. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! It is a short everyday school and FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow!!!!!!! Very cool!! Elleigh also got in one day a week for a few hours in Teddy Bear Day Care. Things are still going well.

Last night Coach Jack Johnson and Ms. Linda came over for coffee and dessert. They have been long time best friends of the Grays and like Clay's second parents. They have always been so kind to me and loved me with open arms. They wanted to hear "the story" of what brought us back. We had a special time with them.

Another neighbor dropped by yesterday to give me awesome Key Lime Pie and fruit. WOW - good stuff. I am going to her house tomorrow to workout with some other ladies. Candy was so kind to invite me, i hope i don't make it too crowded. She has a full gym in her basement. Pretty cool - and the kids get to come. One other lady brings her 3 daughters or at least 2.

All i can say is Praise You Lord!!!!!!!! You done good!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!

210 - A New Start - very long

Heavenly Father, thank you for meeting with me this morning. I have started a new study on David from Beth Moore's study "A Heart Like His". It is a 90 day devotion book with really probing questions. I know it will be intriguing and very thought provoking. Before i get into all that i really need to debrief myself and unload on all my recent experiences in the past 2 weeks - or at least from the 22.

22 - they came and loaded up the truck to move our stuff. The mover guys were incredible - I highly recommend Carey Moving company with Allied. They did not finish until 7:30 because of all the rain and then Clay and I had to clean. We did not pull out of Charlotte until 9pm and were totally exhausted. We were driving separately and I could only make it to Asheville. It was the scariest driving in my life. I literally could not keep my eyes open. We had to pull over and stay in a hotel.

23 - we got to my moms ate a wonderful meal and then open presents. It was such a great time and everyone was so generous as they always are - especially mom and dad.

24 - went to Wal-mart and got a really great perm. So good to have some curl back after so many years of straight. But boy did i stink.

25 - Santa came for the kids and my brother's kids and it was awesome. They all were so excited and pleased.

26 - my brother and his daughter were sick on the way to Florida, but the family made it and had a wonderful time. They even went swimming at Christmas - pretty cool.

27 - mom and I had a great day of shopping and hanging out while Dad and Clay did some chores and trash throw away - DUMP! My family then left for Illinois and made it OK time. We went straight to the house. It was funny how some rooms looked much bigger than i was expecting and some much smaller. But i was very excited to see if it would all fit. We then met the family out at the Gray's new house, ate dinner, and then opened their presents. That too was a great time and much generosity. 5pm - movers called and said they were not going to make it and would be there at 9am on the 28th.

28 - movers showed up and things began to pour in. Holy cow - they went too fast and were just so great. I tried to unpack as fast as they brought in, but there were 6 of them and only 1 of me. I do have to say it is now the 1st, Monday, and our house is all set up. I mean we do have a few more pictures to hang, but for the most part everything is in working order ready to have a social. Now - just got to make some friends. hee hee

29-30 - days spent opening boxes and hanging pictures and just beginning the new life. We have already had many neighbors stop by. I think that is one of my favorite things is how people just stop in. I have a front door that you can actually keep open and see the front yard. I used to love how Ginger would keep her front door open all the time so we could just come right in. We walked to the gas station for donuts and post office. People ask me if i am Clay's wife. Kind of funny - Because i worked so many years at my old church people would always ask Clay if he was my husband. I like it better this way. A church stopped by and brought us home made carmels - yum!!!!!!!!!! - and Flex (????) brought us delicious cake! I have been running around town and had to do the "grab rocks move" to scare off a dog. Clay taught me a long time ago that is how dogs respond around there since not many people have fences. It worked. Tucker has been living at the grade school outdoor basketball court. It is walking distance. The girls have met alittle girl in our back yard named Tori. She is precious. Her brother Blake is a sweety too. He is a year older than Tucker and they have hit it off well too.

Big news - I received my first offer from a publisher to publish my book - holy cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so pumped i can hardly see straight! Thank you, Lord!

31 - We went to this church called Crossroads Bible church. It was basically North Campus. I mean awesome. Big band, awesome singers - piano player woman was out of this world - very charismatic. I am not used to all that, but i loved it. Everyone was very free in the Spirit, but nothing freaky. It was a very strong presence of the Spirit. I really enjoyed my time. This whole move can be summed up in the 4 words for Clay and I. "Putting Feet to Faith" It is one thing to be devoted to the Lord in word, but to actually live it out and DO something is another. That was his whole sermon. He made up a vision plan for the church and even gave specifics. For those that know Clint Pressley - this guy was Clint Pressley, just bigger. I never thought i would even hear anyone even close to Clint - but he is right in my own little town. Wow - do i feel so blessed. Anyway his whole sermon was about how he had already set up a plan with the local county officials to let us know when we can come in a do a service project. They will supply the materials, but we will do the work. From my old church it is Hearts and Hammers. Only this is working directly with the county - how cool is that? He went on to preach about doing the simple things like returning some one's cart in wal-mart or wherever. Just doing things instead of soaking, soaking, soaking. Clay and i just sat there with our mouths about dropped open because this whole sermon had been all our very own conversations. Thank you Father for the confirmations - we aren't crazy.

After church we came home and had some lunch and our cable guy came out. Yes, i am not pleased either - we now are a cable family. But at least my out of town family will not be so bored by our 5 channels. ha ha

So then Courtney Neal and I jumped in the car and headed for Evansville. It was a really quick trip, but we both new exactly what we wanted. She was also having a huge New Years party at her house that night and needed to get back. How kind was that of her to go with me in the midst of all she felt like she needed to do at home. We had a blast and laughed until we cried. We had been dreaming of yesterday's shopping trip for years. The party at her house was incredible. So much food and fellowship. Tons of kids and just a great time. I got to meet a lot of girls, but of course i remember no one's name. I bet there were at least 50 people, mostly her church folks i think. Really sweet people. Late night!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now we are at today. I got up very early, but did not beat Elleigh. But i gave her breakfast and put her in front of Dora (one good thing about cable) and got a great time of prayer in and now "debriefing" as i like to call it.

1 Sam. 16:7 (one of my most favorite verses) Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I think that verse is so appropriate for right now in my life. In some ways i look different than some folks here, but in other ways i fit right in. But for me i must look at the heart. I can not judge - not suppose to at all anyway - but i can not judge someone by what they wear, what they drive, or any outward image. I must look at the heart as i pray everyone else will as well. When Samuel went to anoint David, David was left out in the field tending to the sheep as i assume he was very often. Being the baby brother he got the brunt of everything. I have felt the same many times. I have allowed past experiences to make me feel much less than others. Not measure up or even not be good enough. I know we all do it. Treated like the little brother can be so harming, but it is what you do with it or how you respond. God sees something special in me or He would not have created me. I was made to worship - worship Him alone. I will!!! He commands it and I will! The little brother thoughts and struggles are from the pit of hell and I will not be ensnared by them any longer. He is my Savior and my Righteous King! He is my Redeemer.

Praise You Lord!! I love you and just feel so overwhelmingly blessed!! Thank you. Kids start school on Wednesday. May they enjoy it and have a good time. Please allow us to get Sarahjane in somewhere! I love you!

THank You for hearing me

Lord, this morning I come to You with not much on my mind. Days are getting closer and closer until the movers come. It is still really hard to know what i need to pack, can go ahead and pack, and what must wait. Clay gets home tonight from Michigan - Elleigh has been really sad without her daddy this time. All 3 of the girls have been invited to sleep over at Chloe and Gracie's. Elleigh is the most excited because i really think she understands that she was only invited because of the sissies. I have been threatening the other girls with not being able to go if they don't straighten up, but they know there is no way on earth i would not let them go! No way!

On Wednesday a bunch of us got together again for one last lunch. It was a ton of fun. It was a group called my old main campus friends. Jen, Faith, Toni, etc. Most of them had been in our SS class at one time! There are still a few people i want to make some kind of effort to see before i leave. One lady i would love to send some flowers. She has always been a big prayer warrior of mine and I would like to appreciate her that way. I think she would love it! I have been so blessed with friends here. 11 years is a long time to invest and be invested in. This time has been priceless.

I spoke yesterday to a group in Concord. I had been to that church 3 years in a row. They are so wonderful and so supportive of me. It was a pleasure seeing them and then saying good-bye. Lord, i hope they are successful in getting an evening Mops going. That will be so great for all those that work! We talked about jealously - Mary, Mary, why you bugging? was the name of the topic. Specifically when Mary came to Elizabeth to share the good news of her carrying the Christ. Elizabeth was not jealous and was so excited to be graced by Mary's presence. It is awesome for women to act that way. It doesn't happen too often!

I have had to hire a new web-guy. Mine got a full-time job and then has bigger projects he had rather work. Things were not getting done as fast i would like so i got another person. Hopefully it will be a different story. They are called Swankwebdesign.com or something like that. I have really enjoyed what they have done! I get my books printed at a huge printing company and they have never made me feel like i was too small of business to them. They are really great. I have been buying tons of jewelry bracelets, getting books printed, etc. For 2 reasons - get things for this year tax write-offs and because i don't know my availability of things over there.

Lord Jesus, would you please give me more speaking opportunities? There is a church in Shelbyville, Il. that is considering me. That is really exciting since i have only been on that website as "traveling from Il." for a few weeks. I am asking that you give me 10 events for next year. I know that is not near what i usually do, but i really mean weekend kind of events - through the other agencies that represent me. I will do my part and generate my own events through my own networking - of course with your approval. But will you open opportunities with other places... I know You can, I believe, but will You?

I am going to go out on a limb in fear of being viewed wrongly. I got an e-mail the other day from World Vision offering a Chris Tomlin CD if you would donate $20 to the ministry. Well, like in a heart beat. Donate to a great cause and get something like that from him. Absolutely! I would love for someone to be able to use my name so simply like that to help out thousands. Not to make my name famous, but if it already at a level that would just bring in money to help in a cause like that - then yeah, i would love to do that. I have often thought how much Beth Moore or other famous ministers could advance the "lower" ministries if they would do fundraising events for them. Just one night events and of course pay them for their time. A person like Beth More could help bring in in thousands to a women's ministry that could help secure them for months and possibly the year. Just having her speak, the women would flock and would pay a great deal to get to hear her even once - with or without dinner. But i understand - she does it for one she would feel obligated to do it for all. And she would have to know so much about the ministry in which she is "supporting". I know, I know, I am in dream land, but i really think it would be great!

Well, you guessed it, ELleigh is a wake and right beside me. Goodness. She is a sweet girl, but let me remind you she is 3. I don't particularly care for 3 year olds. Ha! Direct my path today, Lord Jesus. What is in store for today? I love you!

The Antichrist

Oh Lord, I know I have learned so much in this Daniel study, but i am wondering if it is all going to come together and make sense? I love things concrete and very simple. Prophesy, especially that which has not taken place yet, is not simple or concrete. So i am not going to get definitive answers and many things are interpretation. Beth Moore encourages us to go and study for ourselves to see what interpretation we would agree with - yeah right! I can not even spell eschatology! It is like i want to be smarter, but i am scared i won't get there so why try! I know pitiful!!! There is always amazing power when you pray before trying to study something and I know You could do that for me again and again!

So today's lesson ended in Matt. 25: 31-46. This is a common passage, i just never knew it was about end times! Today she repeated again that the antichrist will most likely come "from the people of ancient Rome". This is found and Daniel 7 and 9. But Chapter 11:36-45 tell the most about him. Evil - we ain't seen nothing yet folks! But anyway, back to Matt. it states, "the Son of Man comes in all his glory". From what i think i have learned this is after the tribulation. It refers to the "nations being gathered" and separated - good from bad. What this means is that after the rapture all the Christians will be taken to heaven to await judgement. The tribulation will be taking place and satan will have been unleashed. During this time people will come to know the Lord. I can imagine those that thought they were Christians, but really knew the truth or those that always played church and yet never committed or those that were just lost and come to realize where everyone has gone and the Jews have the chance to come to know Him personally!!!!!! Those are the ones that might confess He is Lord. But this will not be without a great price. One like we have never seen! So then Jesus comes back His final time to take away those new in Christ and totally destroy Satan - yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole point of this is that there will a chance for those "left behind" to come to know Him. But those that are left and come to know Him will not be judged on what works they did, but "their works will (helping others come to know Him and that means putting their lives in REAL danger) will prove they are redeemed" - saved. This is so cool - the JEWS are not forgotten!!! But the thing to not forget is that we know nothing as to when this is all going to happen. Is it today Lord? Tomorrow, next year, who knows.... He does! Even more importantly, we don't know when our time will come. We don't know if we will make through the tribulation or be killed before - those that are unsaved now. So if anyone reading this right now does not know Him as Savior - Jesus Christ only - you need to get that right!! Please i beg you!!

1) Confess you are a sinner
2) Confess you need a Savior - Jesus Christ
3) Acknowledge that He died for You to pay the penalty for your sins
4) Ask Him to come and live in your heart and that He is the Son of God
5) Thank Him for dieing for you and you will live for Him.
6) Believe and go tell someone - anyone!!!

It is that simple and amazing!!! He will save you, from terrible times now and ones to come!

Thank you Jesus for my salvation! I can not wait to see You face to face!! I love you!

I am so Amazed

Wow, Lord, I am still so amazed at my study of Daniel. It is incredible and just so involving. I possibly studied 2 maybe 3 verses today and it was about overwhelming. To think this was all prophesy to Daniel, but is history to me it absolutely astounding! You are coming, just as You said, but in Your time. We can not predict any of that. But now i am waiting and watching more than anything! Make me a Daniel, one ready to receive Your words and specifics of life!

Yesterday I was suppose to speak to a Stonecroft group again, but Elleigh got the throw up thang and was unable to go. Clay had to be gone some last night and i could not have any sitter come over with her still throwing up! Today is still the same issue. I have already cancelled with them as well. Only today i have all the kids home with me since they are not going to school. So it will be quite a task taking care of Elleigh and keeping everyone else happy or at least content! We need to be completely well for Thanksgiving at my mom's! Who wants to be sick and not at your own home. And who wants another throwing up in your home!! Thank You it is my mom's and not a stranger! I hope today is our last day of it!

Lord Jesus, I lift up Clay to you. He had a yucky mole removed and for the last 2 weeks we thought everything was fine. But they called him back yesterday to tell him something. It was at the end of the day and he was to call back today. I know he did not sleep well and can worry himself to death. Lord, ease his mind. May it be nothing at all. Allow him to feel Your presence and sense Your peace. May we sing Your praises as we get a "nothing at all" kind of report. We will sing Your praises anyway, I promise! Lord, my honest thought is that this is not real good timing. But i know my ways and thoughts are not Yours as goes the same with Your timing and mine! Lord, You are sovereign and I will trust in You! Guide us and heal us and keep us!

Thank you for Your work in my life - thank you for your presence in my life, and thank you for your forgiveness!! I feel so unworthy of your grace and mercy, but shout a big thank you for it all. Thank you that no matter what i have done i can still approach the throne with confidence and boldness to receive that mercy and grace. Forgive me Lord, oh Lord forgive me! Clean me out and make me whole! I will trust!

The End of a Season

Lord Jesus, my time with this Beth Moore study and Daniel is coming to a close. It has been great and very mind boggling. There have definitely been times that i didn't know how to relate all the history with my personal walk other than just being in awe of all that God revealed to a man after Your own heart. Overall, i think that is my prayer - to be the kind of woman that You can reveal things to and have trust and faith in to do as You ask. Bottom line - be found faithful!

Session 11 - the video time may have been the greatest one to me. It was by far the most intense - I mean, it was the one that she was the most fired up about making sure we "get it" and "do the thang" as she says. The fist 30 minutes were spent on examining the effects of ceasing daily sacrifices. This is what Antiochus did in his reign. He made all sacrifices to be ceased and no more worship. He defiled the temple and God would have his way with him! Oh my!!! Today - have sacrifices ceased???

Beth Moore explained that living a selfish life is the ceasing of daily sacrifices. We are living sacrifices and that means a life opposite of selfishness. "If we miss the whole life of sacrificial living then we will miss our whole purpose for life." This is the part that meant to much to me - We want things BIG and in a SHORT amount of time. We are not willing to wait and put in our time and do our part. We want NOW. Oh how i am so guilty of that Lord Jesus. Of course You know, but i confess that and ask that You help me to change my perspective and ways. Help me to be patient and wait on You. the pursuit of all other things than You can and do become idols in my life and that breaks Your heart AND not something you will stand for! Help me!

A sacrificial life is one that will cost me. The world will tell me to not get out of my comfort zone - but You call us to be stretched. The world says don't go too far - don't get too caught up in this spiritual thing - But You call us to go the distance and abandon all for the sake of the call. The world says to give only in comfort and don't worry so much about others - You call us to give extensively until it hurts! The world tell us you can have it all and do it all - but You tell us that we have to make a choice and to choose the best not just the good!

Lord, i hear You screaming out to me. Or at least i hear it as a scream. I will obey. This week has been a great week. Lots of speaking and still much more to come. I am going to Conover this weekend to do a retreat. I am excited, but i am also excited to get home and be with Clay. Then I speak again on Monday and Tuesday with Stonecroft. Testimony deal again - i really liked that way of ministry!

There is no other life than living for You and with You and in You! No other savior, but You. All other things are rubbish compared to You. May I never serve anything other than You! Clean my heart and make my prayer the honest truth! I want my heart to beat for You and with You! Do Your work in me. Make me ready for Your service! Please bring me more opportunities to serve You! I love you!

Isaiah 17: 10 You have forgotten God your Savior; you have not remembered the Rock, your fortress. Therefore, though you set out the finest plants and plant imported vines,
11 though on the day you set them out, you make them grow, and on the morning when you plant them, you bring them to bud, yet the harvest will be as nothing in the day of disease and incurable pain.