Tuesday, November 06, 2007

470 - Breaking the Chains - only for the strong!

Lord Jesus - I have done things a bit different this morning, but not on purpose. I overslept and then just got the kids ready for school instead of forcing my quiet time in tiny amount of time. I then took Elleigh to school and came back to the house for real quiet time and prayer. Oh how sweet it has been. **************************** I just answered the phone and it was Ginger Moore down Nashville - my ministry partner. Her father in law that has been sick with cancer has passed away. His cancer came on very quickly and did not last long. He was a long time preacher at Parkway Baptist in Goodlettsville, Tn. I have never heard anything but awesome things about him and I do know his children!! If he was anything like them he was an incredible man!! A heart for missions, passion for Jesus, and hurt for the lost! Jesus comfort them and give peace. Thank you Lord.

Oh Lord, this morning I come to you with such gratitude. I have been in Ps. 116:16. "O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains." This whole Psalm is so meaningful and wonderful. I almost don't know where to begin. Too many thoughts today. Lord, there are times that I lose my focus and forget that this blog is all about You. You have blessed greatly and I want to share that with anyone who cares to read, but in that I get caught in expectations. I need to blog or else so and so will be upset or at least disappointed. In all that i find myself getting chained up. I find myself watching what I say because I don't want someone to be upset or think badly of me. Thoughts like - What if a ministry director were to read this and see that because of a fault I mentioned they would not call me for their church. What if i am so honest that i ruin myself. What if I make a fool of myself. What if.................... Oh Lord, this is about you and me. This is not about who reads it. Oh Lord, how can my mind take these roads??

Fear is a huge chain for me that I think I have been unaware of. I am scared of hurting feelings. I am scared of displaying something that i am not. I am scared to not be honest - i know that is a weird one..... But sometimes i say way more than is honoring to the Lord. I am scared of displaying all my dreams as i might be a fool. I am scared of exposing my anger at times. I am scared of disappointing anyone. I am scared I will misinterpret the Word. I am scared of being seen as fake. I am scared of my reputation. I am scared of being seen as unapproachable. I am scared of being seen as too good. I am scared of not being real. I am scared that my dreams won't come to fruition. I am scared I have been left out. I am scared I dream too big. I am scared of being seen as too much of a self promoter. I am scared God is going to ask me to be a basic entry level minister of the gospel when i really want to speak on deep truths. I am scared because i don't have near the education needed to do that. I am scared of my motivations being false. I am scared of my past and how I have hurt people. I am scared others will not let me past my wrongs. I am scared I am not a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, sister in law, etc. I fear too much!!

Oh Lord, I think i got it all out. Lord, I know you are my Redeemer and Savior. I know you have saved me from the pit of Hell and I thank you for that. But for some reason I have these chains. I want to sing as Chris Tomlin - "My chains are gone, I have been set free." And so I will. I claim by the precious blood of the Lamb that i am free. I will not chose to be scared or claim any part of fear in my life. Lord, I want to quit looking so far into the future, but live today. I want to be thankful for the chains that have caused me to seek Your face and get on mine! Lord, thank you for your saving grace. Thank you for ransoming me. Thank you for understanding me when all the world may not. Thank you for this passion within me and burns so intensely. Thank you for your plans for me and how wonderful they will be. Thank you that i can see you working. Thank you that i can see your hand and fingerprints everywhere. Thank you for opportunities!! Thank you for life and death. You are forever mine!!! I love you, Lord. I do, i really, really do. But please help me to love you more and show me how.


ange said...

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law. Gal. 5:1
BE FREE my friend! Be real with Him, he already knows you. We are just here gleaning!

Nicki said...

Ugh...I have been here. I'm still "here". =) This is hard Leigh, because many people don't understand the whole "blogging for Christ" thing. You are real, and that's the way you are. People will either love you or hate you for that, but you are right, the only one you have to be concerned with is HIS approval. I love your honesty, openess and sometimes just your plain "tellin it like it is".

Lindsee said...

" I want to be thankful for the chains that have caused me to seek Your face and get on mine!"

Oh girl, I loved this post. And, I love that song. Amen!!!

Hope you are having a terrific Tuesday!


P.S. My roomate just walked in and said "does she sell those bags? They look like Vera Bradley!" I hope you know who Vera is, we are obsessed with her things! So, we love your bags. :)

Deborah said...

Leigh dolla I have eventually got your package together and have lost your address could you please email it to me again I so sorry for the forgetfulness of where I saved it. I start my ladies evening class with Beth Moore from thursday (tomorrow) on living beyond yourself. any words of wisdom my dear friend. I am also speaking at a lunch in March on Extravagantly Funky and thoughts you care to share with your friend over in SA. love always D

Leigh Gray said...

Deborah - how sweet of you!!

Leigh Gray
PO Box 72
Norris City, Il. 62869

thank you thank you

You will love Living Beyong Yourself. It is by far the most practical of all her studies - i think. Get those ladies to get real and dirty with Him. Allow Him to be the cleanser through the pwoer of the Holy Spirit! "Raw" may be a better word. I have no idea how that will happen in South Africa, but that is why He has you there and serving!!

wow - Extravengantly Funky - now that sounds like a fun topic, one I would love to develop. Be thrilled to help you find some scripture or soemthing - let me know the direction you are going in.

How is your daughter doing?

Great to hear from you! God has really cut down my time on other's blogs. Please don't take it personal, but He is refining and the computer time is part of it!!

Love, Leigh

Leigh Gray said...

Ange - thank you thank you thank you!! What a friend in Jesus you are!!

thank you!

Leigh Gray said...

Lindsee - tell your roomy those bags are much cheaper than Vera and still just as cute - love to send her one. Or maybe you could get her one for Christmas!! What a saleman I am. ha ha!!

Have a great day and study hard!


Leigh Gray said...

Nicki - you know my heartbeat!! and I am so thankful for that!! Much liek your own!

love, Leigh

Melissa May said...

I have so many of the same issues! I worry that I'm not good enough, while not wanting others to think I'm too good to be able to relate to them. What a mess. Not to mention all the other things. I'm so grateful God's working on me in this area of trusting Him more and more.