470 - Breaking the Chains - only for the strong!

Lord Jesus - I have done things a bit different this morning, but not on purpose. I overslept and then just got the kids ready for school instead of forcing my quiet time in tiny amount of time. I then took Elleigh to school and came back to the house for real quiet time and prayer. Oh how sweet it has been. **************************** I just answered the phone and it was Ginger Moore down Nashville - my ministry partner. Her father in law that has been sick with cancer has passed away. His cancer came on very quickly and did not last long. He was a long time preacher at Parkway Baptist in Goodlettsville, Tn. I have never heard anything but awesome things about him and I do know his children!! If he was anything like them he was an incredible man!! A heart for missions, passion for Jesus, and hurt for the lost! Jesus comfort them and give peace. Thank you Lord.

Oh Lord, this morning I come to you with such gratitude. I have been in Ps. 116:16. "O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains." This whole Psalm is so meaningful and wonderful. I almost don't know where to begin. Too many thoughts today. Lord, there are times that I lose my focus and forget that this blog is all about You. You have blessed greatly and I want to share that with anyone who cares to read, but in that I get caught in expectations. I need to blog or else so and so will be upset or at least disappointed. In all that i find myself getting chained up. I find myself watching what I say because I don't want someone to be upset or think badly of me. Thoughts like - What if a ministry director were to read this and see that because of a fault I mentioned they would not call me for their church. What if i am so honest that i ruin myself. What if I make a fool of myself. What if.................... Oh Lord, this is about you and me. This is not about who reads it. Oh Lord, how can my mind take these roads??

Fear is a huge chain for me that I think I have been unaware of. I am scared of hurting feelings. I am scared of displaying something that i am not. I am scared to not be honest - i know that is a weird one..... But sometimes i say way more than is honoring to the Lord. I am scared of displaying all my dreams as i might be a fool. I am scared of exposing my anger at times. I am scared of disappointing anyone. I am scared I will misinterpret the Word. I am scared of being seen as fake. I am scared of my reputation. I am scared of being seen as unapproachable. I am scared of being seen as too good. I am scared of not being real. I am scared that my dreams won't come to fruition. I am scared I have been left out. I am scared I dream too big. I am scared of being seen as too much of a self promoter. I am scared God is going to ask me to be a basic entry level minister of the gospel when i really want to speak on deep truths. I am scared because i don't have near the education needed to do that. I am scared of my motivations being false. I am scared of my past and how I have hurt people. I am scared others will not let me past my wrongs. I am scared I am not a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, sister in law, etc. I fear too much!!

Oh Lord, I think i got it all out. Lord, I know you are my Redeemer and Savior. I know you have saved me from the pit of Hell and I thank you for that. But for some reason I have these chains. I want to sing as Chris Tomlin - "My chains are gone, I have been set free." And so I will. I claim by the precious blood of the Lamb that i am free. I will not chose to be scared or claim any part of fear in my life. Lord, I want to quit looking so far into the future, but live today. I want to be thankful for the chains that have caused me to seek Your face and get on mine! Lord, thank you for your saving grace. Thank you for ransoming me. Thank you for understanding me when all the world may not. Thank you for this passion within me and burns so intensely. Thank you for your plans for me and how wonderful they will be. Thank you that i can see you working. Thank you that i can see your hand and fingerprints everywhere. Thank you for opportunities!! Thank you for life and death. You are forever mine!!! I love you, Lord. I do, i really, really do. But please help me to love you more and show me how.