509 - Leaping Lizards!

Heavenly Father - there is an immediate prayer request that needs to be address. Please read in red. Our missionary friend from Africa, Titus, is in desperate need of prayer. There was a political election held on December 27 in which the reigning president fraudulently reinstated himself causing an uprising among the tribes. They are trying to get a recount but the president is resisting. Titus and other Christians in Kenya are trying to give shelter to people of the tribes that are being targeted regardless of their spiritual background and are being persecuted as well. Titus and his family are in hiding somewhere and sent Jeff an e-mail begging his friends in the U.S. to pray for the situation. Some of Titus' fellow ministry friend's houses have been burned. We do not know when we will next hear from him but just are asking people to pray for his family's safety and that the Lord's people will remain strong so that they can continue with their ministries. Thank you for taking a moment to lift up those that are truly fighting the fight for us all!! Oh Jesus - protect, preserve, and proclaim your works, word, and wonders!!

Lord Jesus, there is a new Leigh - I mean I am jumping out of my skin. It is Jan. 7 - or something like that - and it has already been a great year. I got a 5 book contract with Lifeway!!!!!!!!!!!! No, better - Beth Moore has ask me to join her in ministry and on the platform!!!!!!!!!!! No again. I just won the lottery! No - I don't play that. I have been asked to be the new Spiritual Advisor to the Stars - ha ha! No, not that either. It is 10 times better than all of that!!! God, my Lord Jesus, Savior of all, My Redeemer has granted to me a complete reconciliation and restoration of an old friendship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendships mean so much to me and when one goes hairy for whatever reason - even miles that slow it down - I get so crushed. It may not appear that way because I am a "lot of friends" kind of gal, but I just hate when it happens!!! Oh it hurts, makes me sick, haunts my thoughts, steals my joy and births such unrighteous behavior and thinking - it rules me!! It even makes me eat. (But what doesn't it.)

But this past Friday I received a sweet, honest email from an old friend - she is not old, but our friendship is - it brought on loads of conversation and precious forgiveness. Satan is hating it right now because my heart is so free, my thoughts are so clean, my feet are leaping.....lizards, and my joy is returning - some that i didn't even know had been diminished! Oh Father - You are so great!!! here is the best statement and something that is so wonderfully true said by my friend...........“But I am learning to be vulnerable with people. It's a part of my growth. I want to jump and take risks and leaps even when I am afraid to do so. There is no risk in trusting that God will take care of my heart in the process.”

That is so true. What risk is it to just live our lives hoping that God will just heal things in His time. No work on our part and no vulnerability to the others around. I will just stay closed up and pray I never have to deal. What kind of honor is that to my Lord? That was me. I just thought this would be a forever strained relationship and that even possibly that God wanted it that way. It certainly did keep me humble after all. Just my thorn in my flesh possibly. But God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There it is again!!!

He is in the reconciliation business!! If He weren't He would not have sent His son to die for us all, paying the price we could never pay, allowing for us to be reconcile with Almighty God!! Oh how wonderful. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to live out in human form what you have done in the spiritual realm!! Oh Jesus I am just completely humbled by your Grace!!!!!!! There is that word again as well!

I read out loud - actually did some yelling and shoutin' this morning - Ps. 107 Oh my word. It is like my whole relationship with this friend. Lord - how wonderful and awesome You are. I feel like this year can end!!! It has been so wonderful and I thank you! Verse 43 - consider the great love of the Lord. We can go on to 2009 because i just can not fathom that it could get any better!! Praise you Lord!!! Thank you for your forgiveness and clean up of my heart!! Oh Lord -leaping lizards this feels so good!! Amen and amen!!

ok - few things............... go check out www.gingermoore.blogspot.com This is my ministry partner and she just started blogging. please go by and say hello and tell her i sent you. no, there is no blessing, no prize, no random counter that might pick your name at midnight or anything like that. (I am just being silly.) But i just want you all to encourage her to keep going. She is one talented chick!!

We have updated our website a bit more... www.speakingthrume.com let me know what you think. opinions, suggestions, complaints (just be careful, we are bit tender on this project. it has about made us want to crawl in a hole. But God has given us Dori with wisdom and help!!!)

Going to sell old fixtures today. Aerobics starts as well. Oh Lord - thank you!!!!

470 - Breaking the Chains - only for the strong!

Lord Jesus - I have done things a bit different this morning, but not on purpose. I overslept and then just got the kids ready for school instead of forcing my quiet time in tiny amount of time. I then took Elleigh to school and came back to the house for real quiet time and prayer. Oh how sweet it has been. **************************** I just answered the phone and it was Ginger Moore down Nashville - my ministry partner. Her father in law that has been sick with cancer has passed away. His cancer came on very quickly and did not last long. He was a long time preacher at Parkway Baptist in Goodlettsville, Tn. I have never heard anything but awesome things about him and I do know his children!! If he was anything like them he was an incredible man!! A heart for missions, passion for Jesus, and hurt for the lost! Jesus comfort them and give peace. Thank you Lord.

Oh Lord, this morning I come to you with such gratitude. I have been in Ps. 116:16. "O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains." This whole Psalm is so meaningful and wonderful. I almost don't know where to begin. Too many thoughts today. Lord, there are times that I lose my focus and forget that this blog is all about You. You have blessed greatly and I want to share that with anyone who cares to read, but in that I get caught in expectations. I need to blog or else so and so will be upset or at least disappointed. In all that i find myself getting chained up. I find myself watching what I say because I don't want someone to be upset or think badly of me. Thoughts like - What if a ministry director were to read this and see that because of a fault I mentioned they would not call me for their church. What if i am so honest that i ruin myself. What if I make a fool of myself. What if.................... Oh Lord, this is about you and me. This is not about who reads it. Oh Lord, how can my mind take these roads??

Fear is a huge chain for me that I think I have been unaware of. I am scared of hurting feelings. I am scared of displaying something that i am not. I am scared to not be honest - i know that is a weird one..... But sometimes i say way more than is honoring to the Lord. I am scared of displaying all my dreams as i might be a fool. I am scared of exposing my anger at times. I am scared of disappointing anyone. I am scared I will misinterpret the Word. I am scared of being seen as fake. I am scared of my reputation. I am scared of being seen as unapproachable. I am scared of being seen as too good. I am scared of not being real. I am scared that my dreams won't come to fruition. I am scared I have been left out. I am scared I dream too big. I am scared of being seen as too much of a self promoter. I am scared God is going to ask me to be a basic entry level minister of the gospel when i really want to speak on deep truths. I am scared because i don't have near the education needed to do that. I am scared of my motivations being false. I am scared of my past and how I have hurt people. I am scared others will not let me past my wrongs. I am scared I am not a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, sister in law, etc. I fear too much!!

Oh Lord, I think i got it all out. Lord, I know you are my Redeemer and Savior. I know you have saved me from the pit of Hell and I thank you for that. But for some reason I have these chains. I want to sing as Chris Tomlin - "My chains are gone, I have been set free." And so I will. I claim by the precious blood of the Lamb that i am free. I will not chose to be scared or claim any part of fear in my life. Lord, I want to quit looking so far into the future, but live today. I want to be thankful for the chains that have caused me to seek Your face and get on mine! Lord, thank you for your saving grace. Thank you for ransoming me. Thank you for understanding me when all the world may not. Thank you for this passion within me and burns so intensely. Thank you for your plans for me and how wonderful they will be. Thank you that i can see you working. Thank you that i can see your hand and fingerprints everywhere. Thank you for opportunities!! Thank you for life and death. You are forever mine!!! I love you, Lord. I do, i really, really do. But please help me to love you more and show me how.

316 - Forgive or Not to Forgive

Introducing Lu Lu - our new, 2 year old, Boston Terrier. Welcome home!!

Lord oh Lord - I am pooped. Can you say that over cyberspace? or what about in a prayer? - if not, forgive me... I think all the sickness has caught up to me and I am "pashauted" as my kids have said before. I have said it before and it is still true, I am a girl that needs her sleep. My kids are the same way - no sleep means for a grumpy day!!! I am going to bed early enough, but having to get up in the middle of the night to administer water, cough syrup, Tylenol, etc. - whoo, just about does me in. My mom called yesterday and the first thing i said as i answered the phone was "come get Elleigh." Oh how i wish she could!! Elleigh wants to be sick so bad - she was sick, but got better much quicker than the other 2. We were able to treat hers quicker than the rest. But now she still wants to be sick!!! ugh!!!!!!!!! We did get SJ on a stronger med so she should be good as new by tonight - oh please oh please oh please!!

I just read in 2 Samuel 15 about the conniving ways of Absalom. Bitterness had more than just become a problem in his life - It was ruling him. My commentary said for 11 years this ruled him. So he was sitting out at the city gate getting all the town's people to like him and making promises i am not sure he could uphold. He was promising that if he were judge he would make sure so and so pays for the crime. This may be where "do the crime, do the time" came from. Who knows. But obviously this all goes back to the raping of his sister. Oh if he could just forgive - this was the whole point of my devotion today...

Forgiveness has so many benefits. When i forgive i am releasing that person to live on. I am telling them it is over and let's go on with life. I am allowing them to have healing in their life and in some instances, begin life again. But also for me, when i am the one forgiving, it allows me to move on and live as well. Forgiveness may be more for the person that is forgiving than for the person receiving the forgiveness. But what about when you have been wronged and they don't deserve forgiveness. Oh let's not go there. Seeds of bitterness have rooted in our hearts and it is time to get the tiller out. We all are not worthy of forgiveness and yet He still dies - thank you Lord. Only it had nothing to do with Him - He died all for us.

Lord, who in my life do I need to extend forgiveness? Who in my life do I need to seek their forgiveness? Lord, i have been there before and I know there are still some seeds of bitterness still left in my heart. Let's go down that road of cleaning out and planting love, joy, peace, patience, etc... It is there, just been chocked out at times by the weeds. Lord, do your work on Farmer Gray. There really is no option of to forgive or not to forgive!

Laundry - mounds and mounds for today, rehearsing my message for Friday, shipping purses if i get a new shipment, reconciling bills, running, baseball practice, vacuuming, walking to post office, cleaning garage, wow, i better get started!

304 - Make Good of My Sin

I Samuel 12:23-24 is just wonderful to me. This is the scene of David having just worshipped and repented for the huge Bathsheba sin ordeal and their son dieing, coming to comfort her. She is his wife now and as the spiritual leader he is coming to reveal who the Lord is and how gracious He has been to them both. (Those are my assumptions, but wouldn't you imagine David had to explain to his wife why God could allow such a thing and then how he, David, could not be mad, but worshipping.) In that comforting God allowed her to get pregnant again. To me there is huge blessing right there!

There have been times in my life that i have royally messed up - SINNED. In that sin and even after the repenting and redemption, I still would think that God has forgiven and still loves me, but I would probably never be allowed to do whatever that situation was again. I would be kept from participating because i so faithfully blew the first time - it doesn't even have to be the first time, but any time. But in this scripture I see that the Lord not only forgave David and Bathsheba, but blessed their marriage and allowed them to "start all over". Isn't that awesome? Just because there is a particular sin in your life, even a sin that you are done and through with, He does not withhold His blessings and grace. He will still allow do overs. Oh we need to do some shouting about that.

Praise you Father! Thank you Lord. There is no sin in my life that You can not cover, but there is also no sin in my life that can keep me from Your blessings AFTER the real repentance and worship has been re-established in my life. Oh thank you Jesus - that is incredible. The important lessons I take from this is that 1) I must take responsibility for my sin. I must own up to it and live through it. 2) I must be ready to move on and "not not" forgive myself. Accept the forgiveness, hold up my hands for the redemption only HE can provide, and begin again! Even if others do not want to forgive you or allow you to have a do over, I must be strong and live in His forgiveness not doing everything possible to have theirs! Walk into that do-over! Thank you Lord for the Word this morning. You are faithful!

Last night after school, Alisha and I played golf in a league she and her husband are part of. I was subbing for him. And Yes, I do not know how to play golf. A lot of sports I can just pick up because i am athletic and can hang in there OK. But golf is one of those sports that you really need some skills. Alisha was a good player, but I certainly need some lessons. Or I tell you what I really need - I need a cute outfit. If you can't play a sport then at least dress cute so that your skills are not so noticed - hee hee. I remember way back in high school traveling around with my mom in the summer. They would call my name along with my opponent to the tournament desk. I would size her up as to whether it was going to be tough match or not by the way she was dressed. More times than not, I knew it was going to be a quick match to my favor if she was dressed to the Hilt. That is the most obvious way to spot a beginner. ha ha! BUT if she had a headband on that was a different story - 'member that Mom?

Emmajoy is still sick with a high temp. I think I will take her in today unless she wakes up better. I have mounds and mounds of laundry today. So off for a great day - a day for Him to make good of my mistakes and sin!! He always allows do-overs! Praise the Lord!

301 - Oh my aching tummy........

**************www.leighgray.com should be back online in a few days, oh i pray so. They did not automatically renew my domain name, etc. and so that is the reason for the situation. I have renewed everything now and am praying all will be well soon.*****************************

Ps. 32:3-5 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Oh have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a time of your life when you refused to confess your sin, turn from it, and get things right with the Lord? David's deal with Bathsheba (I am ready to leave him alone about this and move on, maybe tomorrow....) has now taken place roughly a year ago from this passage and he is ate up in sin. He has gone for a year in just living in the mess he caused, i would think trying to make the best of it. I wish that i could count the times that i have done this, truly messed up and then quickly gotten ti right. But no, too often I mess up royally, try to justify my actions and live in my sin, deny i feel any convictions, and absolutely isolate myself from the Lord. So then in the mean time, I am falling further and further away from Him getting myself into more and more trouble. I eventually get sick in some way. Oh Lord, help!!

That is what David has done here and he is now to the point he has made himself sick. Don't you so know that feeling. Something weighs on your heart, your stomach is aching, some words or people's name make you get nervous...................... oh i hate living like that. My commentary make a special point to make sure we knew that all physical sickness was not due to unconfessed sin, but to make sure we did know there is a strong connection. I have always believed this and still do to this day.

I usually have no idea I am stressed until something physically shows up. Good or bad, I manifest things physically. When I am under great stress and especially in times that i have done something wrong, my body manifests this sin/guilt/conviction in some physical form. I get tummy aches, fever blisters, head aches, or quit eating - that ones is not so bad. I do not know what would happen to me if i went for long, long periods of time, never confessed, and got things right what my body would do. I could see stomach ulcers, migraines, skinniness(again, not so bad)............................................... and then much worse if i were to stay unchecked. Please do not be thinking for one second that i think my blogging friend, Heather, has unconfessed sin and therefore she is sick. No way - I don't think that nor would i ever judge someones life like that. There are times we just get sick and there is a greater glory, but i do believe there are times I cause my own body to deteriorate due to a lack of righteous living, etc. I don't think you are going to pop up with a heart condition and then begin to wonder if you have any unconfessed sin. You will know - that sin and mess you are in - will not have left your thoughts and the guilt of the situation will be lingering on.

Lord Jesus - what is my sin that i have yet to get it right with you - oh speak slowly to me, i know my sin is so great. Lord, forgive for the sin i have swept under the rug. Forgive me for the sin that i think is justified. Forgive me for the sin that i will not let go of. Forgive me for the sin that i like. Forgive me for the sin that i am too embarrassed to confess. Forgive me for the sin that i have already asked forgiveness for over and over and over.

Forgive me Father. I long to be in right relationship with you. I know I can not be used by You if I am not right. More than any time, I pray to get it right!! I leave for Missouri tomorrow. I am really excited. It is a small church only expecting 25 or so ladies to come and they have done so much praying and advertising that there is almost 75 women coming. They are so excited and I am so excited as well. I love you Jesus - thank you for your forgiveness.

2 funny things the kids did or said.........

1)Sarahjane asked if Daddy and I had quitting dating, like we had broken up....... I asked why, and she replied with "well, we don't ever get a sitter anymore." I love that she noticed we do date and that we had not been in a while. Just been so busy...... no excuse!

2) Tucker - DO NOT REPEAT THIS ILLINOIS FRIENDS - asked if he smelled this morning - like in a bad way............... I told him nope not this morning, but it might help if he brushed his teeth. He went brushed his teeth and THEN used mouth wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he actually talked to people at school i might think he had planned on planting "one" on a girl today. Sometimes we do need to watch out for those quiet ones. ha ha He is growing up and this is one area i am really excited about. We are on our way to no more stinky boys!!!

Have a great day and have so much fun with the Savior this day. I am going to change my hair color....................................... oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

293 - Uh Oh - Drama

He did it - the man David did it - he stole Bathsheba from one of his very own army man and got her pregnant. David was not where he was suppose to be and really messed up. This must be David's weakness - women and sexual gratification. He knows very well according to the Pentateuch - Mosaic Law- that having more than one wife and definitely adultery is wrong and has major consequences. So what was up with David. He was at the top of his game, he was at the pinnacle of his reign - why did he let this get him - why did he fall for this kind of sin???

I think we all have to be very careful when we are on top. I know for myself I have been a similar kind of deal on a very general level. I had been speaking for not too long and things were going awesome. I was receiving invitations left and right. Things could not have been better for one at my beginning level. Well, discontent settled in my heart over a situation and I began to let my voice be heard. My mouth can be one of my major weaknesses. I said things that should not have been uttered and to the wrong people as well. I may have felt the way I did, but I should have, if anything, told of my frustration to the person, not a third party. The situation grew and grew and before I knew it was way out of hand. Much like David's situation.

My consequences have been great. I hurt friends and I am sure my reputation as well. God has been so faithful to restore me and make me whole, ready for His service once again, but during that time I thought i may never speak again. I was on the rooftop just looking around not where I should have been. Satan set up the scene just perfect and I bit. David too was on the rooftop and was set up perfectly for a huge mistake. I think we at times think that Satan is in control of the whole mess when we really take a nose dive into sin. But i don't agree. I think many times we are doing what we are not suppose to be doing, could be just bored and idle, and then Satan just "kindly" makes the opportunity for us to fall into a trap. That can be on just a simple day of no quiet time and then we have no armor to fight the temptations or it can be making a really poor choice. EITHER WAY IT HAPPENS, WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE MESS!!!

On the other hand - what about our lady, Bathsheba? What in the world was she thinking? I know exactly what she was thinking and my devotion expounded upon it as well. She was impressed, enamored, flabbergasted, in shock...................... all those things when someone of any stature takes notice of you. I have no idea her spiritual walk. But any woman that day and today knows an affair is as wrong as wrong can be. Why was she bathing on the roof in the middle of the day - I don't know. I think that was a common place to bath, but during the middle of the day. Didn't she have work to be done or at least emails to return?? Maybe she was sad and having a relaxing moment thinking of her hubby off at war. Boy, did she get comforted or what - oh what a mess.

What are we willing to do for someone that impresses us? What measures are we wiling to go to just to have their favor? What kind of things are we willing to put aside just to have their approval and appreciation??? I am a approval seeker and like to impress or at least make someone proud. But what lengths am I willing to go to get all those things? At least on this example i am glad to report I don't know that I have much of an example - finally. But just give Him time and I am sure He will bring something to mind.

Bottom line for me this morning is - He is my Redeemer. He has saved me after great sin and disaster. He has saved me from great potential of disaster too many times to recall. He has saved me from the times that I wanted to be known by a person and willing to go to any lengths. He has saved me from my heart that wants to be loved and will do many things to get that love and approval. He has saved me and i am so sure not anything of myself could have help me. Father - I praise you and lift you on high! Thank you for your salvation and Your eternal grace and mercy. You gracefully take me back in each time I fall and you are merciful to keep me from stumbling on certain occasions. Thank you thank you thank you!

I think I am heading out to Evansville today. We leave for the beach on Saturday and I need to get things - i am not sure what. Clothes sound like the logical thing. ha ha But I will wait until i have worked out. Oh yeah - I was back up 2 pounds on my weigh in on Monday. Will it ever happen for me??? I don't know! I speak tomorrow night and Crystal is going with me. That will be fun. Still waiting to hear from the other churches. Lord, please begin to give me opportunities for fall and spring of next year please. It is cold here today - almost enough to make me mad, ha ha! I love the warmth! It is going to be a victorious day!

I am sorry and will turn around...

Dear Lord, this morning in Hosea 6 lies a great deal of conviction and call for repentance. The whole chapter begins like a conversation between 2 people. They are talking about how they have been dealt their punishments for sin, but God would heal them up. They even discuss this whole process of restoration like it is a 3 day equation. Verse 2 states, "after 2 days He will revive us and on the 3rd day He will restore us." Kind of just matter of fact and no big deal. Like their sins were only to the degree of only needing 2 days of revival and 1 day of restoration. But the fact of the real matter, this country had totally rejected the love of the Lord. Remember He liken them to a prostitute. I think back in the days of rituals, atonement and procedure, i doubt 2 days of revival and 1 day of restoration is going to get them on the right path.

But i confess i really am no different. I can go through a certain sin and think that just by lifting up a quick, "forgive me, Lord, I am sorry" and that is it, we are finished with the matter. Just that simple to live in the blessings again. But no, my Jesus requires more. He wants a heart yes, that says i am sorry, but then a life that turns from those actions and walks differently. I have no problem saying i am sorry (well, at least i don't think i have a problem saying i am sorry), but it is the part of making a conscious effort to live differently that is tough at times. I want to do it, but sometimes forget because i have been living in that sin - be it an attitude, fleshly desire, or just sinful action - for so long it almost feels right or at least normal.

Lord, i am stunned at what You call our love for You in the next few verse. You say our love for You is like the "morning mist" or dew. That means it does not stay long and evaporates quickly. We might have good intentions first thing in the morning, but by mid morning at best those intentions, promises or even hopeful wishes are gone as if never there.

Jesus, forgive me. Forgive me as i have seen this in my life more than once to say the least. Jesus, i want to repent and it be more than just words. I want to have a changed heart and actions that follow. Lord, give me the desires to walk in Your way s and to follow Your paths. Lord, what are the things that i need to repent of? What are the things i need to turn from and walk differently. Lord, I want to be used by You, but i know that i must have a clean heart and right actions to follow. Ironically sometimes it is easier to walk right, but not have a right heart! Lord, you know me inside and out and i confess my sin to You. Make my thoughts line up with You and may my intentions and motivations be pleasing to You. I want to be that city on the hill or salt and light to the world. Use me to any degree You see fit to make Your Name famous. I pray for many opportunities today to share Your love. I love you!