912 - Baby Grace Pics and Update.

Here is an article my home newspaper did on Baby Grace.  http://www.dailyregister.com/features/x549835468/American-miracle-for-a-child-family-urged-throw-away?photo=0

I have not heard this morning how the night went, but I am believing well.  So many of you have asked what do they need now.  They need phone card minutes to fill their phones.  We need a few people to sponsor the hotel rooms that the mom's sister and husband have been staying at - it was roughly $45 a night.  They are students at Wheaton College in Chicago that are extremely poor themselves.  5 kids and will not ask for anything - culture!  Many nights of no food, etc.  right in our own country.  All they want is an education so they can go back to preach to their people!!!  WOW!

Thanks friends.  Our website is up and running again.  If you so felt led you can donate from that page.  Sorry to always talk about that, but this adventure is very expensive and we are getting close on funds and have until Dec. 11.  I am 100% confident that HE will provide through His people!!  Thank you in advance!

Much love yall!  Leigh

767 - Amazing God, wretched Leigh

Lord, as i sit here this morning I am so thankful to be your child! I am studying 4 major world religions thru a class my hubby is teaching at church by Ergun Caner - When Worldviews Collide! It is incredible! It has made me think and even question a lot of things - why I believe what I believe and to find a scriptural basis for my beliefs! That is only a good thing!

Other day on Facebook I posted a question about whether door to door evangelism was still effective and boy, did i get some responses!! It even got a bit heated. Go to my FB page and scroll down just a bit to find the thread - there was some 36 or so responses! It was fun! Respond if you want to as well.

But this weekend was awesome! We had a terribly rainy mess on Thursday and all day Friday, but still fun. Saturday the Lord cleared up all for our fall festival called Corn Day. I posted some pics of that on my FB too. (If you are not on FB, you need to be. ha) God, could not have pulled together a more beautiful day for a parade, carnival rides, car shows, good eatin', etc! We had a blast!

Sunday i met Patricia and Todd at their house at 5am to go to Evansville to run the half marathon. We finished, we didn't walk, and we had fun until mile 9 or so! Then I wanted to die. There was all kinds of encouragers along the side of the road cheering us on and yelling for their loved ones. Patricia and I didn't have any loved ones on the side of the road, but we did accept any encouragement even if it wasn't meant for us. BUT, by the time I got to mile 9 i was not wanting anyone saying anything to me. Yes, it hurts!! And to hear people yelling, "You got the hard part over, keep going!!" That was hogwash. At that moment i was wanting to scream back - get your lazy butt out here and tell me I got the hard part over. I think it was all hard past the sound of the gun! But please know that I am all better with my attitude!! Once I sat down at Olive Garden - things got all better and I could find kindness once again!

Yesterday, Monday, we had a wonderful day with my tennis team in Mt Carmel, Il. We lost our first match, but WON our second! We have another match today if it doesn't rain! Then on to Sectionals Friday and Saturday. I have every reason to believe that Katelyn will be taking us to State again this year! She has only been beat by one person in our Sectional - so if all goes well, we will be Chicago bound next Wednesday!! I am really excited about that! She deserves it!

My son's baseball - Middle school - team won 3rd in State. Clay and I both won 3rd in State as well in our sports so that is kind of cool - he has just started a ton earlier than us! ha! They had a parade last night for them coming into to town - police cars, fire engines, caravans, etc. Then we all piled into the gym and had a pep session!! Yes, i cried - love that kind of stuff! Then we all went out to eat at Tequillas with the whole girls and boys team and parents - love love love that stuff too!! Girls team won State!!!!!!!!! It was awesome!

Lord, you know how I am still so struggling with whether to go back to school and all. I just do not know how to get all things done! I can't keep a clean house, laundry is erupting, kids claim to never see me................ Elleigh even said the other day that I never talk to her!! Broke my heart because if does seem quite true right now. I know tennis will soon be over and my perspective and hopefully hers will be different too!!

I am struggling with my quiet time as well. I am doing that Bible study, but when you have had such an intimate time with the Father in the past, just a study doesn't do it! I long to lay before Him and hear His soft words to me!! I long to know His love the way I have before. Now I know the Lord has not changed, i just have been so busy the last 6 to 8 weeks, I have not made the time to settle down for Him to really speak the sweetness He usually does. Well, let me even go a step further - I would say He probably has been speaking, but I have not been listening or slowed down to hear!!! It is all me - and I know it! And I hate it!

Lord, you laid before me some scripture that really hit home - it actually hurt! Ezra 9:6. It really is how I feel right now. I am living in a land of guilt right now and I know it is not of You. I feel guilty about not being with kids, I feel guilty for not spending more time with you, i feel guilty for being caught up in materialism. I feel guilty for trying to fit in way too often. I feel guilty for my heart not being more turned to you. i feel guilty for not worshipping you more. I feel guilty for not seeing hubby more! AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWEEEEEEE - do you see what Satan does!! Even though I do think my heart has gotten a bit comfortable and relaxed and LAZY, satan always comes in and has a heyday making the bad......worse!!!

God, you have called me to so much higher! U have called me to righteousness! You have called me to grace and mercy and for some reason I have not taken hold of any of that which you offer! Oh Lord, forgive my wretched soul. I need you so desperately! I need your guidance, I need your direction, i need your wisdom, i need your joy, i need more of YOU!!!!!!!

I don't want pretty songs, powerful sermons, i don't want new gifts, or new friends or anything - I want YOU!!!!! Oh God - please allow me to hear from you today in a different way. I know you are working - i could never deny that. I know the heat has been turned up recently and I feel like i have failed! Father- you are merciful and you are GRACE!! I praise you for that!

701 - Tattle-tale with Grace

OK - i realize that my hair is bordering on cotton candy kind of style.  I have not had the time to go get it cut or highlighted or whatever and all-ever!!!  Soon and very soon!  

This is a WORD from the Lord that is very freeing to me today.  I hope you have the time to sit through it all.  God is here!!  

This song is now my mantra!!!!!!  

508 - Mature, I don't think so!

Heavenly Father - this morning it is early. My tummy has been upset and I just couldn't sleep anymore. I think i am a bit stressed. I usually exhibit stress physiologically - stomach ache, fever blisters, etc. SO I have some knots in my stomach! Maybe I am not suppose to have a job...........I found out yesterday when I went into the high school to get my roster that my schedule had changed. Carmi uses a different kind of system - they have A and B classes and they only meet every other day depending on what the class is - or something like that. So one week I would have taught M, W, F and then the next week it would have only been T and Thur. Well it got confused. My boss was told it was a B class and for all practical purposes of telling this story, it was actually an A class. SO with my speaking it would be virtually impossible for me to teach as an A class, but I could if it were an B class. Needless to say this is an upset for me and for my boss that is now scrambling!!! I think You have already provided another teacher! Thank you Lord.

There are many days I wonder if I am getting anywhere in my faith. I go through dry days or weeks or months and wonder where my love goes and why my love fluctuates. I even remember having thoughts in college when I was SOOO mature......... Ok, I have read the whole New Testament now what should I do once I finish the Old Testament?? Like I have learned everything there was to learn and just couldn't think of what in the world there was to teach this smart whipper snapper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What in the world!!! My thoughts are so ridiculous at times! A humblin' - I don't remember exactly, but I bet a humblin' was soon to come after that thought!!

So I find myself at the other end of the spectrum as I get older. And i think this is part of wisdom in my old age. The older I get the less and less I feel like I know about the Lord and have such a deeper desire to know Him! That is not everyday, but many days. But i find myself today wondering if i am getting anywhere - am I learning anything - is there any maturity - can anyone see a difference - could i go back even after being away from Charlotte for 1 year and people know that God has made more of an impact in my life? I am not sure.

I found myself going to Hebrews this morning, the 6th chapter. It actually is the end of the 5th and most of 6th chapter. I was looking at the part where Paul, I think it was Paul, is telling the folks you should be past this by now. You should be eating solid food and you are still hanging out on milk. I feel like the Lord can say that to me often. Leigh, this is a sin we should be way past by now. Leigh, this an emotion we already put to death. Why, Leigh, why are you still dealing with these things. And really that is my question to myself so often!! The sad part about it is the things that Paul says these people should be past seem to be much more mature than my petty sin or feelings that rear their head so often. So I am way behind........

Paul tells them in verse 1 of chapter 6... let's get past laying a foundation for repentance, faith in God (wow, now that is a big one), instruction on baptism, laying on of hands, resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgement. Now according to Paul those are suppose to be the elementary things - I am in trouble. See, from this scripture I have so much maturation to do!!! I know you, Lord Jesus, have done an incredible work in my heart, but there is work to do done! And if i am just in elementary school as it looks now, boy oh boy do we need to get busy. I am usually only a master of something once I have experienced it - oh goodenss, what kind of expediences are we in store for?

Lord, it just seems so often that my eyes are so set on me. Even if i am talking, thinking, dreaming, or planning out ministry - it still is about what I can do - always have a sight problem. Oh Lord, I so want to get past this! I want to be always thinking about you! I want to be thinking about what I can learn from you. I want to be more mature!! I want to learn and learn and learn more!! I know i could never know it all and apparently I have so far to go!!! Oh Lord, once again it is ringing in my ears - GRACE!!! Thank you Jesus. If you have allowed me to minister and do as much as this and and I still have so much more maturing to do - Oh Lord that is grace!! Thank you thank you!!

505 - Review and Look Ahead... LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heavenly Father, we are off and running in a new year, 2008. Wow, I can hardly believe it. Both my husband and I are 35 and my kids are 9, 8, 6, and 4. Times flies when you are having fun and yet it still flies when things are not so fun. But thank you Lord that I can never really get ahead of you. I can get away from plans and purposes, but I can never get away from you. Oh Lord, thank you and praise you.

The last couple of weeks have been quite a struggle. I have longed to feel your breath, but have struggled to even hear from You. Once again in your faithfulness You have given me a BUSY schedule of speaking for this Spring. I have a lot of new messages to write and I think Satan has put a stopper in my ear. I have had the biggest speaker's block ever. I would have said writer's block, but I don't consider myself a writer AT ALL. So I am trusting God is going to give me a break through in just a few days... He has to! And this is a very common problem when I am writing new things.

This year the word that keeps coming up in my mind is GRACE. I am not sure why - will I need to dispense it more than ever, will i be in need of more...more than ever, will I see it displayed to my family for some reason, will I get the opportunity to speak it into lives more than usual???? I don't know... But here is my year verse - I am surprised I haven't gotten a call or email from Rae Deal asking what my verse is for this year. She is usually always on top of that - Prov. 22:11 "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." And why should my speech be gracious especially to others..............because Is. 30:18 "the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice."

I was with a group of girls one time that would throw up the phrase "grace, grace, grace" whenever they needed a pardon for messing something up or saying the wrong thing or even sinning. I want my grace to be more than just a silly phrase when I am looking for an excuse to be pardoned. Yes, their intentions where good in the beginning, but just like anything including a diet we can quickly excuse one another lightly in a joking manner - finding excuses for one another instead of true grace when it truly needs to be dispensed. So as the Lord longs to be gracious to me, I am hoping to find opportunities when I can be gracious to another even when they are least expecting it. And this can only be done in a manner that pleases Him and brings honor to Him with a pure heart.

So here are just some random thoughts about the year past and looking forward.

1) We moved into our Norris City home on Dec. 28. It has been a perfect home for our time being here. A little or rather a lot squooshed, but very content. Perfectly located for this town and will be a wonderful home for the new owners - I am believing they are coming soon!

2) Emmajoy has now had 2 birthdays here on Dec. 29. She is now 8 years old and just as sweet from the day she was born. I feel sorry for her about the time of her birthday, but she is the one out of all the kids that can handle it the best. Here are some pictures from her party.

What an awesome day and all night of fun!!! The girls were so, so, so, so good!

3) Grace is something I not only want to give much to my kids, but also want to teach them to display as well. I became aware of very displeasing attitude in the girls as we walked around the mall. Of course I want to teach my kids to dress appropriately and act respectful, etc. But what I saw displayed made my skin crawl. As we walked through the mall all the girls were commenting on the dress of other girls and how it was terrible to see. I can appreciate them knowing all that, but the attitude and the looks that came from their faces said - I am better than you because I don't dress like that. Their faces and whispers said you are trash and God loves me more. Now I know my girls don't say that and probably don't think that, but that is what it looked like and appeared to anyone that may have been watching. "My momma said that store is bad. My momma says little girls should not wear those earrings. My momma said you can not wear those shoes. My momma said you should never spend that much on a shirt. My momma said we can not watch that. My momma said we can't believe in this or that. " It goes on and on. Yes, I can appreciate and do agree with many of those things, but somewhere in the mix of it all we or I have taught our girls to think NOT that it doesn't honor God, but because they don't or are not allowed that THEY are better. Oh it crawled all over me and it was nothing I could address at that moment.

I want my kids to know that we choose certain beliefs and adhere to certain rules not because we are better than others, but because of God's grace. He has lavished so greatly His grace on us and we are trying our best to live a life to please Him. Our convictions can not be everyone else's, but that does not make anyone less than me or us and does not make anyone restricted from grace either. Oh Lord, please help me to teach this. Your grace is great and apparent in my life and I want my kids to understand that as well. Oh Lord, Help.

I have so many more thoughts of the year past and upcoming, but that is all for now. Maybe if i get a few more minutes today I will continue, but until then Grace to you!!! I love you Lord!

474 - What Does It Look Like?

When one of my kids are sick I am always thinking or wondering why God did not make germs blue or at least tinted so that I could clean them all up. I want to try to rid the house of them so that one of the other 3 do not get whatever is the choice of sickness for the moment! Wouldn't that be cool to do that with a bad attitude as well - just wipe it up and be done! I am just thinking it would be easier if i could identify the little stinkers and then dispose quickly. But no! They have to be invisible. Even though they are invisible they make a distinct mark on whomever they have attacked - and sometimes my carpet too! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Jesus - you have revealed the same thing to me this morning. I am STILL in the idol, reflections, image, etc. studying. And so it dawned on me this morning that I have been studying all about idol worship and what that might look like. Didn't have to go far to find an good example.......me! But then I thought, but what does a real idolater look like. I mean do they certainly personality traits. If there is something obvious that I could see for myself then I could just wipe it up and be done. Or are they invisible?? And it was if I could hear the Lord say - I thought you would never ask.

Eph. 5:5 "For this you can be sure: no immoral, impure, or greedy person - such a man is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." There it is the Lord shouted to me. Idolater has at least 3 very distinct characteristics - and I am sure others as well. But these are the three germs you will want to quickly wipe up and do away with! Immoral, impure, and greedy - concoction for a severe rascal in the kingdom of God!

Immoral - Lord, so often I think of that as the person that is sexually immoral, but even as I sit here today, there are areas in my life that are immoral. Shows that I find myself flipping through. Thoughts that enter into my head that are related to my past or something I should not have been a part of. Immoral - just something that is not moral. Being dishonest. Not giving back even a penny when I know I have been given back too much money - or even realizing it later. There are decisions that I make that can have a moral connotation to them that i ignore for some reason or another. Just because I am not being unfaithful to my husband or am not watching some porn stuff or having abortions or whatever......... does not mean that i can't have immorality about me. I am not immune I do know that! So check - i have the first trait!

Impure - oh goodness gracious! This word actually means being filthy on the inside and outside! Impure thoughts, impure motives, impure words, impure whatever. This one kind of seems like a GIGO kind of thing. Garbage in and garbage out. This is thoughts that have nothing to do with glorifying our Lord and Savior or anything that takes our focus from Him. Thinking on his purity and righteousness leads us to the purity of mind that we should have. I really believe that insecurity and self-degrading thoughts can go in this category. Sooooooooo, you guess it - check - I have this one too.

Greedy - oh my word. I just don't even want to go here! I am on my way to Evansville today to do a bit of Christmas shopping and all i can think of is the things I would like for Christmas myself!! Greed!!!!!!!!! Oh Lord, greedy with my time. There are times I get irritated because the kids are needing one thing after another when I am working on something on the computer. I get greedy with my time for sure. Possibly greedy with my gifting - I only want to do what I want to do. Yep - check - I have this trait as well.

After taking an inventory of what an idolater looks like or appears to be - I confess that i fit the bill or fit the mold. But God - there is that wonderful phrase and truth that is so crucial to the Christian. Yes, I am all those things and I have even worse traits to add, but covered with the blood of Christ - oh goodness - need to raise my hand and type with one finger!!! Thank you Jesus - I have been redeemed!! Oh Lord, praise you for making me more than I could ever be. Only because of Your grace, mercy and power - it takes power to change one as filthy as me - can I ever stand before you whole. I am pure, moral, and giving because of You. When those traits do exude from my body it is only because of You. Naturally I want to be impure, immoral, and greedy. It is easier - but oh the joy and peace of serving You and Your powerful work in my life!! Thank you my Savior!! Thank you this morning for showing me what i am, but what you have redeemed as well. You have a lot riding on this... let me not disappoint!! What a risk you are taking!!! Lord, thank you thank you thank you for your redeeming power and cleansing nature! I love you, Father!

470 - Breaking the Chains - only for the strong!

Lord Jesus - I have done things a bit different this morning, but not on purpose. I overslept and then just got the kids ready for school instead of forcing my quiet time in tiny amount of time. I then took Elleigh to school and came back to the house for real quiet time and prayer. Oh how sweet it has been. **************************** I just answered the phone and it was Ginger Moore down Nashville - my ministry partner. Her father in law that has been sick with cancer has passed away. His cancer came on very quickly and did not last long. He was a long time preacher at Parkway Baptist in Goodlettsville, Tn. I have never heard anything but awesome things about him and I do know his children!! If he was anything like them he was an incredible man!! A heart for missions, passion for Jesus, and hurt for the lost! Jesus comfort them and give peace. Thank you Lord.

Oh Lord, this morning I come to you with such gratitude. I have been in Ps. 116:16. "O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains." This whole Psalm is so meaningful and wonderful. I almost don't know where to begin. Too many thoughts today. Lord, there are times that I lose my focus and forget that this blog is all about You. You have blessed greatly and I want to share that with anyone who cares to read, but in that I get caught in expectations. I need to blog or else so and so will be upset or at least disappointed. In all that i find myself getting chained up. I find myself watching what I say because I don't want someone to be upset or think badly of me. Thoughts like - What if a ministry director were to read this and see that because of a fault I mentioned they would not call me for their church. What if i am so honest that i ruin myself. What if I make a fool of myself. What if.................... Oh Lord, this is about you and me. This is not about who reads it. Oh Lord, how can my mind take these roads??

Fear is a huge chain for me that I think I have been unaware of. I am scared of hurting feelings. I am scared of displaying something that i am not. I am scared to not be honest - i know that is a weird one..... But sometimes i say way more than is honoring to the Lord. I am scared of displaying all my dreams as i might be a fool. I am scared of exposing my anger at times. I am scared of disappointing anyone. I am scared I will misinterpret the Word. I am scared of being seen as fake. I am scared of my reputation. I am scared of being seen as unapproachable. I am scared of being seen as too good. I am scared of not being real. I am scared that my dreams won't come to fruition. I am scared I have been left out. I am scared I dream too big. I am scared of being seen as too much of a self promoter. I am scared God is going to ask me to be a basic entry level minister of the gospel when i really want to speak on deep truths. I am scared because i don't have near the education needed to do that. I am scared of my motivations being false. I am scared of my past and how I have hurt people. I am scared others will not let me past my wrongs. I am scared I am not a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, sister in law, etc. I fear too much!!

Oh Lord, I think i got it all out. Lord, I know you are my Redeemer and Savior. I know you have saved me from the pit of Hell and I thank you for that. But for some reason I have these chains. I want to sing as Chris Tomlin - "My chains are gone, I have been set free." And so I will. I claim by the precious blood of the Lamb that i am free. I will not chose to be scared or claim any part of fear in my life. Lord, I want to quit looking so far into the future, but live today. I want to be thankful for the chains that have caused me to seek Your face and get on mine! Lord, thank you for your saving grace. Thank you for ransoming me. Thank you for understanding me when all the world may not. Thank you for this passion within me and burns so intensely. Thank you for your plans for me and how wonderful they will be. Thank you that i can see you working. Thank you that i can see your hand and fingerprints everywhere. Thank you for opportunities!! Thank you for life and death. You are forever mine!!! I love you, Lord. I do, i really, really do. But please help me to love you more and show me how.

461 - My Apology to a Huge God

Dear Lord, I want to ask your forgiveness this morning after the conviction of the Spirit has set in. There have been many times in my life and even this morning where I have asked you to be huge or to do big things or to ask you to move in a big way. I am speaking tonight in Salem, Il. and just a few minutes ago in my prayer time I asked you to move in a huge way or do some really big things. I know the limits to myself, I know the fear I have of delivering a message from the Lord, and I know frankly how slammed I have been this week and my lack of adequate preparation!! So it almost feels justified to ask you to be big on my behalf or in spite of me, your lowly servant! This is when the conviction set in!

I read it all the time on the blogs - God be big in this situation - do something huge here, Lord - I need to see your power in this person, God - and many or most of the times the statements have been on my blog. Also, the more and more I get to know You, Father, I realize how little i know causing me to love you more - it is the craziest thing! But one thing I do know is that You displayed a huge amount of grace and mercy and power in dieing for me and because of that You do not have to do one more thing for me! That was enough - or more than enough. So anything that comes in after that is gravy.

I know You ask us to make our requests known to you, but I think what I am feeling you ask me here today is to not ask to what degree You act. I think you are asking me to not predetermine the size of a moving or miracle. I think You are asking me to sit back, wait, and watch what you do and that which is displayed in reference to my life is HUGE! Because you would take the time to answer my requests, move in my favor, to do anything that I would notice or you would have me to notice, and even discipline - that is huge, that is big, that is a miracle!!

I think there is too much of a potential for me and anyone else to get discouraged with God, to be disappointed, to lose perspective when we ask Him to be huge in a situation with the idea of what that huge will look like. If I truly want His will for my life and am seeking Him, once again as Valarie said earlier this week, circumstances don't matter - it is more of Him that we want. So asking Him to be huge in a certain situation is something He always is not so much something He does!! (I think I may have just had an out of body experience - He is sitting right next to me speaking these words and I can hardly type it out. I am not sure I have ever felt His Spirit so close - He has a message for us, or rather me, today!!!! WOW)

Holy Father - forgive me for underestimating you so often. Forgive me for predetermining the outcome to situation and if it doesn't turn out as big as i am expecting taking You for granted. Oh Lord, forgive me for conveying to anyone that reads this that if you don't move in my life in a certain amount of time then You were not powerful or huge!! Forgive me for asking you to be something that you already are and can not in any way be any less! Forgive me for not noticing the breath in my lungs throughout the night that is hugely awesome!! Forgive me for not noticing the beat of my heart that never stop. Forgive me for not noticing your creation and its splendor. Forgive me for not sitting back and waiting on your enjoying your splendor and grace and mercy!!! Oh Lord - you are huge, you are big, your are awesome!!! Forgive me for have great expectation syndrome as i have called it - where i decide what is a suitable anser to my requests and what is big or not. Oh Lord, fogive my finite mind!!!

I love you Lord!! Forgive me!!! Thank you

Ps. 20:6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand.

Ps. 147:5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.

Ps. 77:14 You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.

Ps. 68:34 Proclaim the power of God, whose majesty is over Israel, whose power is in the skies.

443 - We ain't NO good!

Lord Jesus - I want to thank you and praise you for yesterday. I had this small thing hurt my feelings and called one of a few friends to "help" me through. Wow - "the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avail much" according to James - and did I see that yesterday. How awesome. Thank you my friends for going to the Father for me and encouraging me with your prayers, words, encouragements, etc. May I get the opportunity to do that same for you some day soon! The spiritual warfare was in high force yesterday and for a brief moment I had forgotten why.... duh, I was speaking that evening. Last night at the end of my message the Lord Jesus knocked on a young lady's heart and she said to Him, "Come on in, please! Do some housework and make me beautiful." It was wonderful! That is worth it all. How wonderful that group was. They had worked so hard at making their group meeting a success and did not have as many as they wanted, but even so it was a powerful evening!! Bless them and welcome to the family, my new sister!! To Your glory alone Father!

Yesterday my friend Hollly asked a question. It was a very interesting question and so I investigated. In John 2:24, "But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men." We were wondering if "not entrusting himself" to them meant he would not make idols of them. So I looked up entrust and it means - "pisteuo" - to believe in, have faith in, trust, have confidence in. My first thought was well, why would He not entrust himself to us - or believe in us or have confidence in us - Verse 25 explains that - "He did not need man's testimony about man, for He knew what was in man." Wow - now that is some good stuff.

Let's not kid ourselves, no matter how good we think we are or how good we think we have become it is only by His grace that we have not done the worst of sins, if you will. That verse above says that God knows what is really "in" a man - and also, He doesn't need to hear our testimony about how good we have become because He really knows. Ouch, kind of steps on my toes. Just when you think you are getting it all together and still could be making some head way in the right direction, the Lord "knows". That particular word means - "ginosko" - to know, come to know, experience.

Jesus, you have known me for longer than the moment i was conceived. You have come to know me as my days have passed and have truly experienced me. You know the real me. So you know not to ever make an idol of me or any man as this passage above explains. Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" As sweet as I try to be from time to time, You still know the real me and know that my heart has much evil and deceit according to your Word - Your Word that is absolute truth. Lord Jesus as we talked about yesterday, You would never take the time or energy to attach yourself to the ungodly. Only you are perfect and Godly. That is the whole reason for the Cross. I could have never and will never do enough good for you to want to attach yourself to me or entrust yourself to me because you KNOW me. I am not feeling some kind of self-loathing as I say that - I am feeling great praise, mercy, grace. It is only because of what you did on the Cross and the blood shed that enables you to see me clearly and with great love. Only by your grace and mercy can I enter into a relationship with you that rocks!! Father, frankly, you rock!!! I love you so!! I am in love with you!!! I am just tickled pink that You love me!! You don't have to because there is nothing about me that deserves it or could win your love - you just do!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Lord Jesus, may my actions and reactions cause you great joy today. May my life be as worship to you!! I love you, Lord.

I am going to my high school Homecoming today. I hope I will get to see some teachers and stuff. I am so excited to go back with all my kids and handsome hubby. Have a wonderful weekend!!

304 - Make Good of My Sin

I Samuel 12:23-24 is just wonderful to me. This is the scene of David having just worshipped and repented for the huge Bathsheba sin ordeal and their son dieing, coming to comfort her. She is his wife now and as the spiritual leader he is coming to reveal who the Lord is and how gracious He has been to them both. (Those are my assumptions, but wouldn't you imagine David had to explain to his wife why God could allow such a thing and then how he, David, could not be mad, but worshipping.) In that comforting God allowed her to get pregnant again. To me there is huge blessing right there!

There have been times in my life that i have royally messed up - SINNED. In that sin and even after the repenting and redemption, I still would think that God has forgiven and still loves me, but I would probably never be allowed to do whatever that situation was again. I would be kept from participating because i so faithfully blew the first time - it doesn't even have to be the first time, but any time. But in this scripture I see that the Lord not only forgave David and Bathsheba, but blessed their marriage and allowed them to "start all over". Isn't that awesome? Just because there is a particular sin in your life, even a sin that you are done and through with, He does not withhold His blessings and grace. He will still allow do overs. Oh we need to do some shouting about that.

Praise you Father! Thank you Lord. There is no sin in my life that You can not cover, but there is also no sin in my life that can keep me from Your blessings AFTER the real repentance and worship has been re-established in my life. Oh thank you Jesus - that is incredible. The important lessons I take from this is that 1) I must take responsibility for my sin. I must own up to it and live through it. 2) I must be ready to move on and "not not" forgive myself. Accept the forgiveness, hold up my hands for the redemption only HE can provide, and begin again! Even if others do not want to forgive you or allow you to have a do over, I must be strong and live in His forgiveness not doing everything possible to have theirs! Walk into that do-over! Thank you Lord for the Word this morning. You are faithful!

Last night after school, Alisha and I played golf in a league she and her husband are part of. I was subbing for him. And Yes, I do not know how to play golf. A lot of sports I can just pick up because i am athletic and can hang in there OK. But golf is one of those sports that you really need some skills. Alisha was a good player, but I certainly need some lessons. Or I tell you what I really need - I need a cute outfit. If you can't play a sport then at least dress cute so that your skills are not so noticed - hee hee. I remember way back in high school traveling around with my mom in the summer. They would call my name along with my opponent to the tournament desk. I would size her up as to whether it was going to be tough match or not by the way she was dressed. More times than not, I knew it was going to be a quick match to my favor if she was dressed to the Hilt. That is the most obvious way to spot a beginner. ha ha! BUT if she had a headband on that was a different story - 'member that Mom?

Emmajoy is still sick with a high temp. I think I will take her in today unless she wakes up better. I have mounds and mounds of laundry today. So off for a great day - a day for Him to make good of my mistakes and sin!! He always allows do-overs! Praise the Lord!

302 - You are Too Hard On Him

Heavenly Father - oh Lord Jesus - my Redeemer and Savior - Thank you for your love and grace, your mercy, and gentleness. Thank you for hearing my prayers and for being patient with my sin. Thank you for rescuing me from all kinds of pits and saving my soul from the very pit of Hell. Praise You and I lift You on high. May all those who see me, hear me, know me, run into me, whatever it may be - SEE YOU,hear you, touch you, feel you. I love you!

Lord, there is has only been one person in my life that has told me I was too hard on Tucker. That person was only at my house for about 2 days and really had no idea about parenting a strong willed boy struggling with respect for others. Enough said - I knew my reasons and had to discipline for a greater good and future occurrences. Still many others would say I am probably not near hard enough. I am trying! Anyway, parents have their reasons and we usually have a better perspective than an outsider looking in.

As i have read the stories of Moses and all the wonderful things He has done all throughout his life I have always been so impressed. He was allowed to do some amazing things that most will never ever even come close. But the part i have always been stumped by was when Moses struck the rock instead of the original directions. That was it. He didn't follow the plan God had set forth and this one time did things his way. God said, "That is it, you will not enter the promise land." What ???????- after all he has done, walking around a desert for 40 years, taking the people out of Egypt, bringing down the Law, setting up the Tabernacle - what, you aren't going to let me in the Promised Land because I struck a rock instead of speaking to it? That seems really extreme. God is serious about obedience in everything!

Now our man David - poor guy, still on the Bathsheba incident - has done some great things as well. (Of course I am not saying these 2 guys did these great things in their own power. I mean that God did these awesome things through them. He thought enough of them at one time to allow them to take part is His awesome deeds.) But now it is just about to be taken from David, the kingdom God has set up is about the begin to fall. Well actually on the day his mind went the Bathsheba directions the downfall began.

"the sword will never depart from your house" 2 Samuel 12:10 Oh no - once again, after all this man had been able to do with the Lord was now going to see major consequences to his sin. God is serious about obedience in everything. It was not that David had never sinned before, but this must have been the straw that broke the camels back. God had had it. My commentary says that as a result of all that 1) murder would be constant threat to his family, 2) his household would rebel against him, 3) his wives were given over to another in public view 4) his first child with Bathsheba died. Wow - that seems extreme again. But here is what i feel the Lord saying to me..............

1) Anything you do good is because of Me.

2) Anything I accomplish in your life it is because of Me.

3) If i left you all alone you would explode or implode in a matter of time.

4) The great things I do allow in your life are because of My grace.

5) Jesus does not need me for anything.

6)I am serious about obedience and will not stand one "acting a fool" for too long.

7) My favor and My blessings do not fall on you directly as a result of anything good You did. Only good in you is Me.

Lord, thank you for your understanding of how serious you are about my obedience. Your word even says that you will hold teachers, etc. in a higher level of accountability than others. Oh Lord, please put a short leash on me. Once again i scream, Keep me from me! Jerk me back in a half second when i get out of line. I certainly don't want to have to go through destruction because of my own sin, but I don't want my whole house to suffer because of my sin. Oh Lord, protect me from me. Thank you for your Word and oh Lord and Savior, thank you for your grace and mercy. Wow oh wow, do I see how special and wonderful it is this morning!

Taking off to Missouri today. I am excited, but still don't feel as prepared as i should be. Burn the message in my brain. Fill me with your Spirit and do things that are of You alone! I love you!

293 - Uh Oh - Drama

He did it - the man David did it - he stole Bathsheba from one of his very own army man and got her pregnant. David was not where he was suppose to be and really messed up. This must be David's weakness - women and sexual gratification. He knows very well according to the Pentateuch - Mosaic Law- that having more than one wife and definitely adultery is wrong and has major consequences. So what was up with David. He was at the top of his game, he was at the pinnacle of his reign - why did he let this get him - why did he fall for this kind of sin???

I think we all have to be very careful when we are on top. I know for myself I have been a similar kind of deal on a very general level. I had been speaking for not too long and things were going awesome. I was receiving invitations left and right. Things could not have been better for one at my beginning level. Well, discontent settled in my heart over a situation and I began to let my voice be heard. My mouth can be one of my major weaknesses. I said things that should not have been uttered and to the wrong people as well. I may have felt the way I did, but I should have, if anything, told of my frustration to the person, not a third party. The situation grew and grew and before I knew it was way out of hand. Much like David's situation.

My consequences have been great. I hurt friends and I am sure my reputation as well. God has been so faithful to restore me and make me whole, ready for His service once again, but during that time I thought i may never speak again. I was on the rooftop just looking around not where I should have been. Satan set up the scene just perfect and I bit. David too was on the rooftop and was set up perfectly for a huge mistake. I think we at times think that Satan is in control of the whole mess when we really take a nose dive into sin. But i don't agree. I think many times we are doing what we are not suppose to be doing, could be just bored and idle, and then Satan just "kindly" makes the opportunity for us to fall into a trap. That can be on just a simple day of no quiet time and then we have no armor to fight the temptations or it can be making a really poor choice. EITHER WAY IT HAPPENS, WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE MESS!!!

On the other hand - what about our lady, Bathsheba? What in the world was she thinking? I know exactly what she was thinking and my devotion expounded upon it as well. She was impressed, enamored, flabbergasted, in shock...................... all those things when someone of any stature takes notice of you. I have no idea her spiritual walk. But any woman that day and today knows an affair is as wrong as wrong can be. Why was she bathing on the roof in the middle of the day - I don't know. I think that was a common place to bath, but during the middle of the day. Didn't she have work to be done or at least emails to return?? Maybe she was sad and having a relaxing moment thinking of her hubby off at war. Boy, did she get comforted or what - oh what a mess.

What are we willing to do for someone that impresses us? What measures are we wiling to go to just to have their favor? What kind of things are we willing to put aside just to have their approval and appreciation??? I am a approval seeker and like to impress or at least make someone proud. But what lengths am I willing to go to get all those things? At least on this example i am glad to report I don't know that I have much of an example - finally. But just give Him time and I am sure He will bring something to mind.

Bottom line for me this morning is - He is my Redeemer. He has saved me after great sin and disaster. He has saved me from great potential of disaster too many times to recall. He has saved me from the times that I wanted to be known by a person and willing to go to any lengths. He has saved me from my heart that wants to be loved and will do many things to get that love and approval. He has saved me and i am so sure not anything of myself could have help me. Father - I praise you and lift you on high! Thank you for your salvation and Your eternal grace and mercy. You gracefully take me back in each time I fall and you are merciful to keep me from stumbling on certain occasions. Thank you thank you thank you!

I think I am heading out to Evansville today. We leave for the beach on Saturday and I need to get things - i am not sure what. Clothes sound like the logical thing. ha ha But I will wait until i have worked out. Oh yeah - I was back up 2 pounds on my weigh in on Monday. Will it ever happen for me??? I don't know! I speak tomorrow night and Crystal is going with me. That will be fun. Still waiting to hear from the other churches. Lord, please begin to give me opportunities for fall and spring of next year please. It is cold here today - almost enough to make me mad, ha ha! I love the warmth! It is going to be a victorious day!

264 -Are We Serious

Dear Lord,

I received the following link from a friend. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INttODEPzp0

It is a wonderful interview of what Christianity should be. But the thing about this interview is that it is an Atheist that is telling the great things and realities about Christianity. It was very convicting.

I don't know, Lord, we don't take You serious. We don't live like You are coming back. We don't believe like You have ever done anything amazing in our lives. We don't live like You died for us. Why - why do You allow us to keep pressing on and keep going on if we never really appreciate, believe, or even live in a way that honors You? The obvious answer is mercy and grace that abounds in You - You are mercy and grace. I am not taking anything away from those wonderful attributes of the Lord, but in those things, I think there is more.

God could it be that you are waiting. You give all of mankind the chance to come to know You and so you are waiting until their opportunity arrives. In the mean time you are using even your worst vessels such as me to influence others towards You, creation to reflect Your glory, and situations to bring us closer to You. You could do away with us and have things the way they were before time began. But no, You allow us to hang on and hang around even though we may not be bringing you glory, even though we may not live in a way that believes, do things that say we are Your followers. Now that is mercy and grace. Lord, Your plans and ways are not anything I try to understand, but could it be that you are waiting for that last person to come to know You and Your salvation. My oh my - the patience of my Lord.

Lord, I want to be your "go to" girl. I have said that many times. I want to be the one You find faithful and can rely on. I want to be one that does take You serious. I want to be the one that does take a stand and Believes!! Lord, do Your work in me and help me to stand. Help me to be on my knees and lifting my hands towards the heavens! Help me to be working for You and not against You. I know You are for me and with You who can be against me - none!!! I want to be serious about this life and live for eternity! You are not my buddy and special friend - You are so much more. You are my Savior, Healer, Comforter, Physician, Redeemer, Passion, Instructor, Disciplinary, Lord, Almighty, Counselor, Peace, Grace, Mercy, - You are IT, You are my everything! I love you! Help me to die to me and live for You.

258 - Punishment fits the crime?

Dear Lord, Thank you for a great weekend. We went to Evansville with a couple to see a movie. Astronaut Farmer - I mean a wonderful movie. On the tear scale is was about a 6 out of 10, great movie. Then the kids had games on Saturday - pretty much all morning. Then Saturday night we went to Fairfield. There was a man there that is a renown wildlife photographer from that area. He comes in town once a year or so to show where all he has been and all the things he has photographed. He was really great. This is the guy that Clay and his dad went to stay with in Montana (???) for a week or so hiking everywhere and just exploring around. Then we ate dinner at Melissa's and headed home. Sunday was a wonderful service and great day.

So this morning i was in I Samuel 25 - the very end. I have always wondered why so many of the old testament guys, kings, etc. had so many wives - like if maybe there was an exception for them. We know that David married one of Saul's daughters. And then we have heard of a few more, but the one for today was Abigail. Her husband did die, it wasn't that he took her before her husband had died or have him killed like with Bathsheba. But still he was already married and still took her as another wife. This was in no way in God's will. This was before he was king. My commentary said that in Deut. there are strict rules specifically about a king not taking more than one wife or he will be led astray. It is interesting to not take more than one wife - totally understand that one, but I think it is funny or very indicative that more than one wife will lead one astray. Kind of makes me giggle. But i can so see why. There is no way i would share Clay, but if i had to - I would be making up some stuff to lead him away or astray just to me!!!

But the point - many times i find myself so scared of a sin because God is going to not let me do this or that. I begin to appoint my sins to certain consequences. It is not totally that my sin breaks the heart of God and so therefore i abstain. At times, selfish times i might add, that i stop in my tracks in a sin because I am afraid that if i take part He will not bless me in a certain way or He will take something away, etc. Yucky thought process. I think to some extend we all do it. Now it is very true that God will have consequences for sin, but there is no way we can prearrange what sin goes with what consequences. Sometimes it is very obvious and God lets us know, but other times not. I think when I play this game in a way I am playing God. Not a good thing to do!

So in this situation with David one might think that since he had more than one wife he would ruin his chances of being king. After all, "if you eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you will surely die." There was an offence with a direct consequence. Did they die right after the first bite? No, but death was now part of their world. Or it may have also been that their offspring killed one another and surely part of a mom and dad die when a child dies. Just kind of speculating. But here is the greatest thing that i will never understand about the Lord - GRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Jesus, oh your grace is incredible and immense. Why oh why are you so abundant in your grace. David was still one of the greatest kings ever and Adam and Eve still had many offspring! I have not been crushed when i so often do deserve nothing but annihilation! Lord, I thank you for You patience and Your love. Thank you for the way you wait for me to "come around" or you wait for me to come back to my senses. Lord, You are so worthy of all of me, but more than half the time I am only giving you part of me. Lord, every morning i wake up and your mercies are new. Not that you just have one part of you that contains mercy, but Your mercies - that is plural - that is awesome. Grace and mercy - wow!! I know in my head what they are and the difference, but in my heart they overwhelm me. The further i go down my walk with You Lord Jesus, the more i realize how much of You i don't know and how far I really am from being anything like You. But the difference in my walk these days is that I want to keep striving to know more of You and be more like You. Grace and mercy are overflowing because I will never attain until I see You face to face!!! Thank you Lord. There is hope for me only because of You!