207 - The end is getting closer

Oh Lord - wow, it is just about here - the end. I took the girls yesterday to meet my parents half way so that i could come back and pack pack pack. Ugh!!! Big boxes, where can i find them??? Tisha was so awesome to come over and bring us pizza. Since i no longer have a kitchen table, sold that too, we sat at the bar and on the floor. I think Elleigh spilled her drink 3 times. Not used to having your feet at your throat and trying to drink!! Ugh!! But it was great and so very sad as well. More tears! We are going to try to meet up in Nashville for a Beth Moore deal.

Not sure what today holds. I was suppose to go visit with my friend from Proverbs, Wendy. But her kids have come down with the flu. Valarie has offered to come over tomorrow and help me clean up the house one last time before everything is moved. Like bathrooms, that kind of stuff. I would not normally want anyone to help clean my bathrooms - gross - but she has been so sweet to insist on helping with something. Friends - i hope i am a good friend. I have trouble even thinking of things to do - i mean it just doesn't come naturally to think of such kind things.

Hosea 11 - getting ever better. This whole chapter is like explaining how to raise a child. You do and do and do for them and they never appreciate it and many times will turn their back on you in rebellion. Exactly the case with Israel. But verse 8 explains that He could never give up on them. Oh how i love that. My God will never give up on me. Thank you Jesus. You will allow my the consequences of my sin and disobedience to fall my way, but You will not allow me to be destroyed or crushed. In verse 9 You remind us that You are not man, You are God. It explains that you will exude compassion and certainly not turn on us or them.

How many times have i myself written someone off for their waywardness or gross disobedience? I am convinced there is no use. We could never change them or they will never come around. It reminds me of the 75 year old lady that just came to know the Lord at one of my recent events. I wonder how many had written her off. I wonder how many said she was a hopeless cause or a waste of time - she will never come around. We, I, can never be that way or talk that way again! Forgive me Lord of the times i have given up on someone!

It is all about judging. We are not the judges, Leigh Gray. I know very well what it is like to be judged. It hurts, it cuts deep, and it is so damaging. But it is almost like i was due that for all the judging i had and will ever do in my life. There is no time for it in this life and no place for it under His authority. He is the Righteous Judge!!!

Lord, change my thought pattern. Help me to think positive and righteous thoughts of others and myself. Help me to concentrate on You and not worry about who is doing what. "Worry 'bout your own self" as my kids say. Forgive me Lord. Change me, Make me anew. "Bara" me a new heart. I love you!

To those in Charlotte that read the blog.... Please keep reading, but don't let this be the way you keep up with me and the "fam". I saw a friend i had not seen in a long time not too long ago. I didn't even know she was pregnant or anything... Her comment was that she felt like we had never lost contact because she read the blog everyday. I want to hear from you all!!!!!!!!! I want to know what is going on in your life too!!!!!!!!!!! Please. You don't have to comment on the blog, just e-mail. It would just bless my socks off. I love you all.

204 - Do i Hear what You Hear?

Hosea9:7 The days of punishment are coming, the days of reckoning are at hand. Let Israel know this. Because your sins are so many and your hostility so great, the prophet is considered a fool, the inspired man a maniac.

Lord Jesus - wow is it early this morning. We were so kindly invited to Clay's old work's Christmas party and it always lasts forever. It was at a fancy smacy restaurant and the courses never end. It was a great time and I have finally learned to relax and enjoy myself. I am so not good at fancy food and no one ever serves sweet tea and so i always look so funny with my coke. Oh well, it was the last one and quite a great night. I had steak - yuck!

I look at the scripture above and must ask myself - what is in this for me? I know You are speaking, now what is it i am to see? God is the telling the Israel nation the hammer is about to drop. They are certainly going to get what they have coming. When i first read that passage i was thinking wow, where is God's forgiveness and mercy and when is He going to take them back the way He so often does ? But as i was looking at the end of that particular verse i see that He has sent many warnings and many instructions to change, but they are not listening. In fact they are so far away from the Lord that they now think the prophets He has sent to be His voice of warning are foolish and maniacs.

Lord, what sin have I found myself in so deep that i can no longer hear the warnings and even might consider the words of the wise foolish? Lord, i know one area of my life that i constantly struggle with and want to receive some kind of "heart" healing. I constantly bring this to You because it so constantly rears its head. Ugly - gross - despicable - detestable - SIN. I know Paul had a "thorn in his flesh" and i assume we all have something like that. So is this something that there will be days of victory, but for the most part i will struggle with my life forever? Oh Lord, it is on those days that i am in awe. I am in awe of how great of a sinner i am, how perfect you are, and how great my need for a Savior. But i also have to think of how wonderfully merciful You are to use a person like me in ministry that deals with sin and feels defeated very often.

Lord, please open my ears and my heart to wise words You bring my way and conviction You place on my heart. Forgive me of the greatness, the minute, the fractions, and the enormous sin - no matter how big or small - sin is sin and i need Your forgiveness. I want to be clean before You. I am asking that You give me a clean heart and one that is seeking to please You. Lord forgive my selfishness, impure thoughts, jealousies, anger, uncontrolled tongue, grumpiness, indulgences, laziness,......................................

As the song goes...
Change my heart oh God. Make it ever true. Change my heart oh God, make it more like You. You are the potter and I am in the clay. Make me and mold me, this is what i pray. Change my heart oh God, make it ever true. Change my heart oh God, make it more like You.

Burn in the Change

Lord, I still can not get over the deal of the preacher in Colorado that was taking or at least buying drugs and has admitted to be in some kind of homosexual relations. The thing that gets me the most is not that he claimed to be perfect because he did not, not that he claimed to be against gay marriages because he did, but because he was going in and out of everyday some how getting sermons together - i would think you have to be in the Word at least a little bit unless you are giving all repeat sermons - and yet could fall into this can of trap. I do really mean it as a trap. Satan set it up, put in front of him his weaknesses, and then for some reason he was tripped up and fell in. Oh yes, he certainly had a choice and i know that there is a human fault, choice, flesh - whatever you want to call it - but the fact is he fell.

Lord, i don't ever want to fall into sin the way this man has, but you know what, if sin is sin is sin, then i fall everyday. But i guess more than anything i don't want to be in my Word everyday and applying myself to the scriptures, learning new things, and yet walking away unchanged, unaltered, or even passionless.

Lord, burn in the change in me - whatever you have to do to get across to me the way i should be and act and react! I want to think like You, I want to act like You, and I want to love like You. Jesus i want others to look at me and see You! I want others to be draw to me so that i can share You! I want others to be so in love with my Jesus! Lord, do your thing in me and help me to never walk away unchanged by Your Word. Burn in the change in me!

The jewelry party last night was fun! I got some really great stuff! I was able to say goodbye to some people that i knew might be the last time. Thank you for Your Word this morning. Thank you for the way you have revealed so much detail to Daniel through Your angels. It is amazing. I know my future is Your history and i am excited to see it revealed! Burn in the change! I love you!