284 - Who Am I?

Dear Lord Jesus - good morning. Oh Lord, we are able to sleep with the windows down now that whatever it is was has stopped blooming that was killing my eyes and nose. I was actually awakened by the birds singing instead of my alarm. I love that. There must be one million birds singing praises to You today. There was a light rain last night and so I know Mr. Worm and his friends have come up to play too only to be snatched away by all the pregnant momma birds. Your creation is so wonderful and awesome. I know that when i forget to praise You or chirp for joy, your creation will make sure and bless you. Praise You Father - thank you for today.

Yesterday I had the neatest conversation with Andrea as we ran around and around the track, BUT in the wonderful sunshine. She recently told me all about her weight lose story and one she is still living and working through. It was incredible how you have worked through her life and she too is singing Your praises. She gave all the glory to You - it was quite inspirational and just such a God thing since my quiet time that very morning had been about accountability. I don't know if there was a spot light shining over us like on the show Touch by and Angel when the angel would speak a word from the Lord, but i felt like her words were coming straight from You Lord and words that I needed to heed and learn from. Thank you.

This morning I find myself in 2 Samuel 7:18-29. This is the prayer David spoke after getting the news from Nathan that he would not build the temple, but his offspring would and that he would enjoy a bit of peace after so much fighting and war. Well, maybe not peace as in no struggles to protect his people, but that God would keep his victories many more than his loses.

The first thing i see in this prayer is such a nugget to sit on all day. David has been told "no, but......". Instead of concentrating on the no and being upset with that answer, David is praising for all God has done in his life thus far and for all that He is going to do. This is a big no, yet David accepts it and goes on. He does not take a day to sit and mourn and pout!! No is the answer and it is still time to praise. Oh how i need to let that soak in. I was told yesterday from a church that they had decided to go with another speaker. At first I wanted to and did get sad and a bit discouraged. But even before this devotion, I felt the Spirit say to me, "Get your head up and be thankful for what I have given you thus far and what I have in store for you." Oh thank you Lord. Thank you that you speak to me, but thank you for Your Spirit and such kind gentleness. Lord, I just love you!!!

This prayer is much of what my heart screams out. I have a whole message entitled "Who Am I". It talks about wondering Who Am I that God would look my way with blessings and favor. Who Am I that He would allow me to be on such an incredible journey with Him. Who Am I that He would allow me to be His servant and speak His messages. The blessings were so immense for David - another nugget to sit on. David had been running for his life for a long time - i don't mean just lying low and not doing ministering events and stuff. He was running for his life, fighting wars, living in secret, - not any way a king would have to behave. But here we see David just singing praises and again not concentrating on the terrible past. I love verse 20 when he even refers to himself in 3rd person, "What more can David say to you". It is kind of like David having an out of body experience and can not even believe he is the one so blessed. He has to talk to himself, but in third person. I wonder if he had puppets on his fingers - ha ha!

David makes it very clear that he knows all this blessing and success is for God's glory - "so that your name will be great forever". Oh Lord, how blessed I feel. No matter what has happened in my life I feel a ton of blessing and favor from You. It is because of You that I get to minister at even one more church. If it all stopped today i certainly could still shout out a huge thank you and praise you. You are absolutely incredible. I want to make Your name famous and Your name to be great in the little things You have ordained for me to do. I don't mean they are insignificant, but you know who you are dealing with. Lord, I am astonished by the opportunities You have put in front of me to take part in. Like i said before, You know who you are dealing with. but You still do things through me and in me - in spite of me!!!! Now that is reason to shout!! Thank you Lord. I praise you and stand in honor of you.

"Your servant has found courage to offer this prayer" - verse 27b. and then David goes on to say with confidence asking the Lord to not stop the blessing and goodness. Oh Lord, I pray the same. Even though You do know who and what you are dealing with, I pray You continue to flow the blessing and favor. I am humbled by You goodness and mercy. May more and more opportunities come my way to bless You and give You honor and praise. May Yyou be praised in my house and my kids lift you on high. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Who Am I?

283 -

Dear Lord, Can I ever thank you and praise you enough? - no, I never could do what You are even close to receiving. Lord, I love you with all my heart and yet i know all my heart is still not enough or what you deserve. I love with all my actions - now that would not be the truth either. Oh Lord, take your servant and make me more like you. Allow the words of my mouth to be truth and honorable to you. I want my actions to line up with the way my heart really WANTS to be and not the way it really is. After all we, I, do live the way our heart is believing. I may say I love you, but my actions will be the tell all sign of my hearts condition - whether I really do believe.

This morning I looked at 2 Samuel 7:17 - this was a simple scripture implying that David was accountable to Nathan and Nathan to David. Accountability is one of those things that I long for. I have various people in my life that do keep me accountable to various things. I am thankful for that. The best accountability partner i ever had was Melissa G. She would call me on something in a minute. It may hurt my feelings, but I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me. Rarely I might see something in her life as well and the true test of accountability was in the receiving. She always received it well and usually said, "You are right!". A few times she would explain to me what she really meant or what her motive was or whatever the case may be - how i misunderstood something - and it was never defensive or proud. She was an excellent example to me in how to receive correction and how to gently give accountability.

Courtney and Alisha, the girls i run with everyday - Oh yeah, i did not lose any weight again, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - offer wonderful accountability as well. You know when you run for 35-45 minutes, you have a lot of time to discuss things. So they are very honest with me and hopefully i am with them too. Accountability can be tough, but I think it is a must in every one's life. My friend Dawn has a way of offering great accountability and she never has to say a word. Her actions remind you to parent gently, speak kindly, and consider others first. When you think about it in that way, almost everyone I know on any level offers accountability, but the kicker is whether you receive it and in what manner.

We are going to see in a just a few days how our man David receives accountability from Nathan. Nathan gets the privilege of calling David out on his Bathsheba escapade. Can you imagine having to tell the king, the one that cut your head off, that you know he has done major wrong and needs to get it right? Wow oh wow - being a totally non-confrontational kind of gal, that makes me sweat just sitting here. Lord, we are not perfect, not even close, and accountability is something that You can use another to speak to us, to keep us in line, and to deliver Your messages. May I be big enough to take correction, to accept responsibility for my actions, and release all pride when i have "been found out". Lord, may i have the guts to speak out in a loving manner to those in my life that grant me a right to speak to their hearts.

Lord, guide Clay and I. As the kids are getting older and more involved it is harder and harder to find time for just us. Even last night as we sat down to just veg out and watch some news, Elleigh came running out there because she just couldn't sleep. So after tending to her for a few minutes i was ready to retire myself.

Lord, please tell me what to do in these areas....

1) Bible study this summer, Believing God - where, when, how, etc......

2) Saturday Night Sunday School with young marrieds - give us a specific date to start.

3) Would evening aerobics ever fly here?

Direction, accountability, guidance, mentoring - I need it all - I need You!!

Sunday 18, 2006

Lord Jesus - thank you for all your protection and yet humbling this weekend! It was awesome. I keep thinking the next retreat can never be as good as the last and then i go to another one and it just gets better. I love church ladies and I love small churches and I love ministry! Wow, thank you for my blessings!

On Friday morning i woke up to my 2 oldest girls throwing up pretty violently! It was awful. Emmajoy never gets stomach stuff and it really, really got her! Sarahjane had the same old kind of throw-up that she has been doing a lot lately and i am not sure if i need to have it looked at! But anyway, nevertheless, we were hurling!! I was in a pickle as well. My girls were suppose to go over to my neighbors to play while i left for the retreat and Clay got home from the plane. There was a time lapse in which we needed some help. But it was my neighbors daughter's birthday the next day. So even if the girls stopped being sick before lunch i just could not send them over the Lydia's house because what if her daughter got "it" and her party was cancelled - she would kill me and i think rightly so! So the Lord provided me with another sitter at just the last minute.

As Clay was arriving home - i mean walking in the door - and our sitter Brittany was leaving - I mean stepping out of the house - Emmajoy hurled her guts all over the new carpet and herself, i might add. Welcome home daddy and good-bye sitter! Boy Satan was lovin' this!! To top it all off, i got all the way to my retreat center and realized as i was unpacking the car i had forgotten my clothes. Oh no - this was bad. What was really bad was as i began to speak through my first session i felt what every women recognizes as - Oh no, not now!!! It was my time for my "time of the month", but this was not a good time. I was unprepared in every sense of the word!!! Yuck!!! So i had to confess that i was clothesless and on my period and fighting a huge amount of guilt because my husband was at home and i had not seen him in 5 days and he had my sick girls!

Now this is great - a lady raised her hand and said that she had just gone to a friend's house before she came to the retreat to pick up all her friend's clothes that needed to go to a consignment store. She said her friend was about my size, just about 5 inches shorter. So i wore someone else's clothes that was not even at the retreat and they were all about 5 inches too short! I was a sight to see!! I hope they send me pictures. It was great! See HE always provides!!

This church - Flint-Groves Baptist in Gastonia, NC - was incredible and i just had a blast. The ladies were so kind and receptive to the Lord. Many Radical decisions made and hearts set free by His word! It was unbelievable! They too felt led to lay hands on me and pray over me. There is nothing like that!!

I forgot to tell you on Friday morning about Thursday! One of the nicest and most treasured compliments that one can give me is that I am very real. Well on Thursday morning a girl and her friend came forward to talk. They were just about to walk away when one friend grabbed my arm and said, "I just love how real you are. I feel like we could just go to lunch and talk for hours." OK - that was real sweet and hope that people can always say that. Then she was just about to walk away and she felt the need to explain her comment or something........... She went on further to say, "I mean, look, your shirt is all wrinkled and your nails look terrible." The comment was something like that. But it was definitely a backhanded compliment. Her friend had a terrible look of shock on her face and began to walk away without her friend. It was hilarious!!! I appreciated what she was trying to say, but i did go get my nails done!!

Lord Jesus - i love ministry. It is hard and lonely at times being all by myself, but You never leave me and will never forsake me! I am excited to see what is next. I am excited to get our book proposal to publishers and just see what could be next!!! You are so exciting. Life is a fun filled adventure with lots of surprises! You are my Joy Lord!!! I love you!