216 - Where Did all the Leadership Go?

Good morning Lord Jesus, up and at 'em. Today we are going to hang tight and get some laundry done and just relax. I need to clean my house at least the bathrooms - for the first time. Still not something i am excited about. At least we can clean this house all in one day. Ha. Lord, we are still trusting you to bring us a buyer with an offer. Please move in that area. It would be so nice to have that part taken care of. Please Lord.

Today we have moved on a bit in my study and are looking at the sons that Eli had. Now when i found out more information about them it really makes me be more amazed that Hannah would leave her only child with such a man. Yes, Eli loved the Lord and would do everything possible to see that Samuel did too, but something happen in the raising of his own 2 boys. They were terrible and had no regard for the Lord. They took prostitutes from the temple and took advantage of people trying to worship. Due to their "leadership" alone, the Lord did not show up much according to chapter 3 of 1 Samuel.

So why would any one leave their precious child with someone that didn't even have good children to begin with? I really want to know where was Eli's wife, the momma of these boys, in all this? What happens when leadership goes bad?

I have been in that situation and i know i have probably been that for someone - the leadership that has disappointed i mean. I remember hearing one in leadership talk so rudely about another member and as i got closer to this person seeing that their life did not add up to a life devoted to the service of Christ. I was exposed to this very early in my life and it left a mark. Sometimes those marks in our lives are there simply to serve as reminders.

I want to quickly add that I know i have been the one to lead others astray because of my words or actions. There are times no matter what you do it will be misconstrued or misinterpreted. That is life. But at the same time i know i have let others down by opening my mouth and saying things that should have never come out. I have been the one to make others question the service of the Lord and even caused one to stray from the Lord. I do not know of any exact examples, but i know me well enough to know it must have happened some. Lord Jesus, forgive me for those times and please do your awesome work to draw that person back to you regardless of my words and actions. It is terrible thing to happen, but please in Your mercy and grace allow that person to see another role model that has it better together and one more worthy of looking to for leadership. Train me Lord. Show me how to do things your way and seal my mouth in the process. Holy Spirit control every millimeter of me!

So what do we do when leadership has left the building? First of all we must know who we are to really seek to follow, our Lord Jesus. He will always be the one to look to and gain knowledge and direction from. But i must remember and understand what i think the Lord is saying to me this morning. Just because leadership moves away - just by location or in closes to the Lord (sin draws them away) it is no excuse for me to close up shop and put my Bible down. God does give us humans to lead us and give direction, etc., but when that leadership has failed we are not to give up or give up on church, etc. I see it way too often. Feelings get hurt in the church or so and so acts in a manner unbecoming of one in the ministry and people drop out by the hundreds. Instead of "griding up their loins" and really buckling down, they drop it all together. So in essence, the leadership has failed and you are upset about their misbehavior and judge them roughly. But for some reason we excuse ourselves from sin of neglect because our feelings have been hurt or our leadership pedal stool has been knocked down. It can't be. We must press on and look to the one that is perfect and One that will never disappoint. Jesus - Jesus - Jesus!!!

Lord, i love you. Thank you for your never wavering leadership and You constant perfection. You are amazing. Guide me. We all have people following us. I know i have 4 very important people in my life watching everything i do. Help me to be worthy of following - i am not sure that could ever happen. Just help me Lord to be honest in my life and with my life. I want to be real, but not lead others astray... I love you...

214 - Burn the Bitterness, I promise

Holy God - It has rained a lot and been kind of grey. Please bring us some sunshine. It really has not even been that cold. The girls have enjoyed our walks to the post office and Wonder Market. SJ wanted to run yesterday and so I wondered if people thought i was out running my 3 and 5 year old. They did well though, but on their account.

This morning's devotion really hit home. We are in I Sam. 1:9-18. This is great stuff and very convicting. First of all Hannah takes her bitterness straight to the Lord. She is very hurt and frustrated, and probably has nowhere else to turn nevertheless she does take her pain to the Lord. How many times do i take it to Clay or a friend first? Ugh - I know how wonderfully You can restore my heart, but for some reason i like to panic with a visible person - very fleshly, literally. I also love the fact that she does it right there in front of everyone. She is real and not afraid to show her hurt. Well, it may not be that she is not afraid, but did not remain fake in front of people. How cool - i know too many people that hide everything. There is a time to save the pain for home or private, but there is also a time to let it out and allow those around the opportunity to minister to you. One friend of mine had a miscarriage and never told a soul. At the time we knew she was dieing inside, but we had no clue how to minister and help her through it all. It was her choice and one that is her decision, but having already gone through a miscarriage myself I could empathise and encourage specifically. We as ladies have got to take down our shield and be real, be honest, and be vulnerable. It is OK, we will survive. If not anything else and yet the greatest of all, you will draw others closer to Him by being real and translucent. Others may think you are crazy for a time as Eli did with Hannah, but explaining our pain and not bottling it up will set you free.

After Hannah explained herself her countenance changed. We have to remember the order though. She cried out to the Lord and then talked it through with a "friend" or really just an authority. I had a situation since i have moved here with an old friend. I prayed it through and then talked it over with my friend Courtney. But fessing up my feelings and sin made it so much more freeing. Walking tall is so much better than living being tormented by bitterness in the heart. Lord, you are so amazing how You work and restore - my Redeemer. Incredible.

So now back to her prayer. This was a big time prayer. She promised God that if He gave her a son she would take care of it until it was time to release him to be trained for service. That means that she would nurse him until weening and then give him back to be raised by the church. Can you believe that? The most prized possession she is asking for and then being willing to give him back. Wow - I am not sure i could be so faithful. But the promise, she kept it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the kicker! I have made many promises and not kept them once the prayer is answered. How terrible, but then again how gracious of our Lord to keep blessing and hanging in there with me. I would have thrown me to the curb a long time ago.

I made a commitment to the Lord in reference to selling our house that i have not held up my end. In the shower last night the Lord reminded me of that. Is that not the coolest thing that keeping a promise and commitments is the very core of my devotion this morning. You are speaking loud and clear, Lord Jesus - I will respond!! Father forgive me for floundering and yes i can give You many excuses, but I know You had rather not go there. You know my heart any way.

Final thoughts - i found this is my Bible, I don't think it is my words - who knows... Hannah was setting herself up for success and her offspring. A leader is made by the product of providence, product of prayer, and product of purpose. That is our man Samuel, but it is our woman Hannah that did the grunt of it through our Lord. Wow - am i praying enough for my kids?

Going to the high school game tonight and then hanging with new friends, but have got to workout the sore muscles first - again. Should be a great time. I love you, Lord. I recommit my commitments to You. Sounds kind of funny!

No Cost is Too Much - no spell check

Oh Lord, I am so tired, i can hardly see straight! Allow me to ask you real quick to keep Elleigh in her bed, please. I stayed up really late last night wrapping presents with Carter and Natalie and just trying to figure out computers! I wish i knew more, but i am so not good! Just like prophesy I am too intimidated to even try to learn more. I don't even understand the terms.

This morning was chapter 3 of Hosea. It was a very short chapter, only 5 verses. In it the Lord tells Hosea to go buy Gomer back and keep her for good. I don't think it was ever his choise to lose her, but i think the Lord is just irriterating how important forgiveness is. Especially in adultry we have the right to divorce, God says that in His Word, but yet do we always have His permission? "Everything is permissible, but is it beneficial?" You know it can be the same thing as - we all have the right to be in ministry, but do we have His permission? God was not giving Hosea the freedom to divorce Gomer. He was saying to take her back just as i take you back every time! Thank you, Lord.

Then the interesting thing is that Hosea tells her that she is to live with him, have no other lovers or prostitute herself, and he will live with her. When we run back into God's arms or even when He forces us back to Him - He still calls the shots. We view God too often as the power that is a push over and one that does not control things and especially us. But God calls all the shots and things are on His terms. Many times our attitude is that we can just run away again. Or we can bring Him out of the closet when we need Him again or that we are actully in control. Trust me, NOT, we are not in control. We have choices, but He is still sovereign.

Verse 4 - when we return to God we are to bring nothing with us from that time of destruction, disobedience, running, or whatever name you can justify it to be! In fact because He loves us and wants to be our everything, He may take everything away before the time of complete peaceful reign and blessings flow once again...

Lord Jesus - forgive me of my adultry to You. I know i have not always been the faithful one and yet You have always taken me back! No cost is ever too much to You and that is amazing to me - especially knowing me! I love you Lord. Do Your miracle work today and make my body not so tired even though i have so little sleep. Thank you for your kindness and love! You could never ask too much of me - no cost is too much. When my lips don't say that honestly, make it the cry of my heart! I love you!

I'll Take You Back!

Lord Jesus - we are all that Hosea one time or another. Taking stuff from others when we don't deserve it, being treated ill-mannered for no reason, having a loved one turn on us and yet not understanding the purpose, etc. BUT we definitely have all been the adulterous wife as well. We have, or mabye just me, been the one to reject God's best because it didn't make sense, turn up our nose to one that wants to love us unconditionally, raise our hand in disgust against the blessings or discipline that reveal "I love you no matter what". We have all been there!

I am at chapter 2 this morning in Hosea and am just blwon away by a few things. While Hosea is a picture of a husband taking an unfaithful/adulterous wife, it is also a very clear picture of Isreal or the child of God being constantly pursued by God Almgihty - even in the midst of our constant unfaithfulness. SO this chapter 2 is a back and forth explanation of Isreal's punishment and redemption.

Verse 2 says "let her remove the adulterous look from her face". My translation - "You better wipe that smirk off your face or I will!" Verse 4 says that He will not show His love to her children as they are "children of adultry". If you are looking at this from a parent perspective that sounds really harsh. Would God really not love a child? He loved Hagar and Ishmeal... I think the point here is that God is disgusted and can not love the things that come out of disobedience - many times an idol - or the things we produce in our unfaithful times... What could that be - a ministry He had not ordained, things we buy with the tithe, our lying lips that just try to please, the obvious- "intimate friendships" that should not be, etc.

Then later on down in verse 8 the Lord talks about the adulterous person, country, wife, etc. not acknowledging where her blesings come from and then actually offering them to the gods, Baal. God immediatley responds with punishment and discipline. He is going to take away all the gifts, blessings, "needs", everything He provided. Yikes - that is steep. He means business. My friend's husband has lost his job, but not because of this situation. It is almost even worse - one could see nothing in their walks, but faithfulness, love, generosity, and service! So why - I don't know, but they will make it, they always have! He has their back, Is. 58!

BUt even in the midst of this discipline I am just blown away at His love and still affection and concern and discipline for His people and for me! Verse 5 she says that she is just going to go back to where she feels like she received her "bread and butter". And God responds with saying that He is going to block her paths to go back. He says he will build a wall arond her to keep her away. She will not be able to catch them in a chase and will search and look and yet be unable to find them. Man, oh Lord, praise You! That is just a huge Praise the Lord. I have been the one chasing after the idols, the wrong pursuits, the unholy, the unfaithful, the yuck! And You love me so much, all of us as children, that You would do everything to stop us and keep us from stumbling as much as possible. Thank you! - You say you love those that You discipline, but this a clear picture of how You do love us in that discipline! Thank you! One question - when have You had enough of our chasing the unfaithful that You allow us to have our way and You remove the "wall", etc?

And of course You never leave us without redemption. Thank you for the end of the chapter as You chase us back into Your arms of love, mercy, grace, righteousness and justice! I love Your ways, Lord.

Clay and I exchanged Christmas last night! He was very kind and we had fun! I forgot to mention that my very first Bible study group, the first off-shoot from my time with Rae Deal, met on Sunday night to reminince before i leave. It was precious! They gave me a beautiful charm bracelet! I loved it and them so much! Laundry day - yuck! I love you!