659 - I Am Going Home

I Am Going Home

I miss home. There is no other way to cut it, but I miss home. I miss having the conveniences of a big city. I miss having too many friends that I don’t know which one to call during the day. I miss my aerobic classes and workout center at my home church. I miss my kids having Christian education. I miss the long, long seasons of North Carolina. I miss not ever having to worry about losing a cell phone call because there is no tower. Again, I miss home.

No, I am not having a down moment or depressing time, I just miss home. I lived in Charlotte, NC for 12 years and it is the only place I call home. I have no family there, no distant relative, no house still there, and no bank account. But still I miss the place I call home.

In Charlotte every Thanksgiving, Clay and I would house anywhere from 5 to 10 kids from the Naval Academy. Most of these kids lived too far away from the Academy and had to go somewhere during the break. So a small group came to our house to stay during the night, but worked at Samaritan’s Purse for Operation Christmas Child during the day. Obviously these were extraordinary kids. Nevertheless, they missed home.

If there is one thing I do know in my 35 years of life it is that this is not my home. Even Charlotte, NC, the place I call home, is not my home. What we are living in now is not home. Our time here on this earth is but a fleeting moment in the whole scheme of things. Yes, many of us see only the here and now and I too can get very, very caught up in this here and now, but it truly is temporal.

He is preparing us a place. I think God gives us glimpses of our real home here on earth. When you go into a store and Christian music is playing. When you see others praying before a meal. When you see kids playing together without fussing. When you see a husband and wife still enjoying each other. When you see an honest person put others before himself. When you see the church as a whole praising together and worshipping our Savior. This I just a morsel of what the real home will be.

The thing I am most excited about, of course other than seeing my Jesus, is being completely understood. There will be no more – She has gone off the deep end. No more – Can she just chill out for a bit? No more – Isn’t she just precious. No more – Why must you be so different? No more – Do you have to be so devoted? And certainly no more – Do you have to be so serious… your kids might catch on?

We are all going home one day. Where will you call home? “But store up for yourself treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt. 6:20-21

426 - Whip Me Up Some Wool and Flax

Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, oooooooouuuuuuuuccccccchhhhhhhhhh - my calves are so sore I can hardly walk!!!! I was pretty good yesterday, but boy did it settle in today. Ouch, ouch, ouch!! This is a good thing I will tell myself and the other ladies!!! Right now I want to lift up my friend that is trying to quit smoking! Oh Lord, empower her, strengthen her, extinguish all her cravings, help her to seek You first instead of anything else including smoking - Thank you for the success she will have because of You!! We praise you, Lord - thank you!!!

Anyone reading - I posted my schedule last night for the next 2 months if you don't mind praying for me. Thank you thank you thank you!

I have raised pretty independent kids - or at least i think so. BUT my baby Elleigh, almost 4, loves to be the baby and will not let anyone forget that! She WOKE up crying yesterday saying she did not want to go to school anymore (after 1 day) and wanted to stay with me all day. I have never had a child want to do this.................they like to be with other kids and in school! It broke my heart and just about sent me to the floor in a puddle. Nothing will make me question anything more than my babies longing to hang more with momma!! Oh it hurt!!! Jesus, please let her get used to this change and not just accept, but love school and this new phase of life!! I need Your reassurance she is going to be ok and going to deal fine. I know she will, but I need Your confidence! Oh Lord, do a work in her, but thank you that she does miss me!!

"She selects wool and flax and works eager with her hands." Prov. 31: 13

Oh goodness this verse is going to be a tough one. I do not know really how to sew on a button and certainly not the first thing about picking out "me" some flax and wool. Wool makes me want to itch and I thought flax was a seed you put in your salad, but had to throw it away quickly or it goes bad or something like that. Maybe that is another seed. Anyway, I am not into sewing. I tried to be, but really found not too much joy. Might have something to do with having to make 3 little dresses instead of just one. My farmer "friend like mom", Nancy, must be disgusted with me. ha ha! I am trying, really I am!! Here is the breakdown:

works - "asah" - to do, to work, make, create, accomplish, prepare, to obey, offer, sacrifice!! Ok, I was hoping this works meant that she just works with little thought. Well, in today's time, very few of us are actually selecting the wool and then doing the deal that makes it usable for a coat. But we do have to go to the store and choose something that is going to last, well built, good workmanship, something to be proud to wear, etc. That does take time and energy - it can be work especially if you are not a shopper! This "asah" also implies an ethical obligation. We have an ethical obligation to our husband and family to provide, but select the best we can afford for our family. He is counting on us to take care of those things! It might be a sacrifice. I know many times a mom will have to forgo her own clothes to get the kids the 5th new pair of shoes in one year because they stinkin grow so fast!!! (I am considering putting those feet grower stoppers that the Chinese used long, long ago to make his feet stop growing.) JK!!!

Eager - "hepes" - to delight in, to be pleased with, pleasure, desire, etc. When you are working with your hands to make sure you are selecting the right things for your family and loved ones, it might take a sacrifice and seem like work. But this verse is not just implying, but stating that this "work" is to be a pleasure and delightful. Let me be honest, there are some things like laundry that i do not find much of any pleasure in at all. This verse is encouraging us to do all things even those we don't like in a way that makes it more of delight. I put on some good worship music when folding the 17th load! I will time myself (yes, like a kid) and see how fast i can load the dishwasher. Anything to make it more of a joy!! My family is my number one priority and the things that i do for them are to be something I want to do eagerly. Oh Lord, many of those cleaning kind of things and cooking things are not things i want to do eagerly. Change me Father - give me more of a passion to do those things! It is a win-win for all parties!! AND it glorifies YOU!!!

hands - "kap" - hand, palm, foot, sole, pan. This basically means that she uses anything possible to do her wise selecting and eager working!! Oh Lord, I have to admit this is one of those verses that I kind of walk away wondering what in the world did you make me a woman for? I am not good working with my hands, my heart is not right when it comes to working with them, and I am not sure I want to enjoy working with my hands. But I know You are speaking to my heart and saying, "Leigh, don't seek perfection. I am looking for a pure heart, honest heart, and moldable heart. I want you to desire the things I want for you. Let me do the changing instead of you trying to just do "it"." Oh Jesus, I hear you!!! Forgive me for wanting to throw in the towel if i can do it just right. Forgive me for not wanting to try many things. Forgive me for not trusting You to develop my heart to be more like You want. Forgive me for the times I just had rather give up. Lord, thank you for helping me to keep things in order and looking half way decent. Thank you for giving me a beautiful old/new home to "work" with. I am eager for that to be done! Lord, change me - make me more like you especially when it come to my family!!!

I have so much to do before I leave on Friday morning! Guide my steps, order my things to do list, and multiply my time!!! Thank you Lord. Off to do things eagerly!!! I love you!!!

Moving on - it is all in the timing

Jesus - the stars were out so beautifully this morning. I was ready to get up this morning. It was like i slept with one eye open, maybe i had too much tea last night! But it was good! Love me some sweet tea!!! with lemons!

Wow - last nights video with Beth Moore was just incredible! We discussed how there is a heavenly war going on far greater than anything we could imagine or experience here. I learned that Israel has their own angelic prince named Michael. We learned about evil angels called demons. We even learned how Michael got held up on his way to revealing a message to Daniel. Isn't that wild - he got held up. I just never thought of an angel getting held up and not able to do its job... neat - it was awesome!

But this morning we talked about timing. Oh Lord, Your timing is always perfect, but honestly at times not at all like i was expecting! It was the first and third year that Daniel received his visions during both Belshazzar and Darius reigns. It was during both reigns when Daniel was far from home and even in the final reign while he was alive the Jews were decreed to go back to their homeland, Jerusalem - this is the Esther occurrence! But it was during these times that God revealed big things and himself to Daniel while he was not in the comforts of his home or even homeland! Beth went on and on about God taking us different places to do great things. Getting us out of comfort zones to reveal His plans or Himself like no other time. He has done this for me one very memorable time when i was in Jr. High. I was at an Al Denson concert and God very clearly spoke (impressed on my heart) to me that i would speak some day. It was as clear as a bell. I had just moved back to Texas, hurting because my friends had moved on, missing my dad something terrible as mom and i were living by ourselves as my dad finished out his job in New York, and at a very weird stage of life - all my friends were developed into women and my body was still waiting - and just happened to have my complete mouth and chin covered in fever blisters. Not a good way to look at "camp" when you are wanting to meet a boy. I was not at home, very lonely, and confused about what God was doing in our lives. It was then, completely needing a word, empty of myself and empty of all teenage wants that God reached down and spoke to me. "I will use you and you will speak." It tears me up even now as i see His provisions. My heart is leaping for joy, Jesus Joy, because i know He has never let me down. He can't!

Lord this is why i can not help but be excited for this move coming up. You have always been there and always will. I have no way to believe anything else. I know there will be some tough days - i just had one of those 2 days ago in Charlotte. But yesterday you took away my tears and gave me reason to shine and hold my chin up. My sadness had nothing to do with moving, it was all complete selfishness and feeling left out. I had gotten word that I was not used for a conference that i so wanted to be part of and i also got a letter from a agency saying i was not their caliber speaker to represent. One can not always get yes's, but the no's hurt and are no fun. So i begin thinking - poor pitiful me, i am never included, i will never get anywhere, i have no coattails to ride on, i will never have that lucky break,............................ Do you see my problem - "I".

So yesterday after noon a husband of a prominent speaker/singer in Nashville called me and said some really great things. He was not able to talk long as he and his wife were headed out the door to do a Christian cruise. Now would that be cool or what... Anyway - he and his wife had seen my website, heard my tape, and wanted to know if he could represent me - he said, "you got it". I do not say all that to toot my horn, but to drive home the point of His timing is not ours and sometimes He has to take us away to reveal His ways, plan, and time!! I was at a low point, where He may very well have needed me, and then blessed my socks off. This guy may never get me a "gig", but his words were the encouragement straight from Jesus, i believe!

He is taking me away from my home - the place i have lived the longest in my life - 11 years. But then again, do i have a home??? (People always ask where i am from and i never know how to answer that. I mostly answer i am homeless, ha ha!) Change will be great, i mean lots of change, but I am ready. We are going to Clay's home, but not mine. It will become home as all the other places i have lived, i am sure. So Lord Jesus, i am ready for You to reveal something about Yourself or some things to me - whichever Your prefer. I am waiting and watching! Bless Your holy Name - the one i place all my trust in! I love you!