572 - Coming into my own

Precious Lord, fill me today. Fill me with love, grace, mercy, kindness - all the things that I have already been given to the full measure... But in my asking to be given what I already possess it is more like a prayer of forgiveness. I do realize I have been given all I could ever need and yet I am unsure how to manifest it on certain days. SO Lord, do it in me - make me who I am because of who You are!! I want to serve you today and forever, but today is what we have to do this day. Lord, thank you for your patience!! Oh Lord, I praise you!! I am so thrilled to be your child. Thank you!

I leave tomorrow to go to Salem, Il. for a dinner event. It is going to be a fun one. We are talking about the blessings of God. I love it! Who doesn't like talking about what our Lord has done for us - we can just stop at the Cross. Tucker had All-Star try-outs last night for baseball. He did so terrible that he would not make the team. I am not sure what was his deal. He could not hit a thing or catch anything. Nerves - I am not sure. He gets to try again on Saturday... My friend that we prayed for yesterday is in really good spirits it sounds. They are still running some tests, but do think that it could just be from an illness he had a few weeks ago and his body was deplete of everything! Oh Lord, let it be!! Please Father. The biggest loser contest is still going on in my aerobics class. I am not doing so well. I mean I am a loser, but not in the positive/negative sense. Ugh!! I have lost 5, but can not seem to get past that! Why can I not just walk away from the table... I can promise you it is not because I am some awesome cook. I might even be back up 2 when it is all said and done today... I won't be the first to pay for gaining, but I sure hate it! ugh! I leave for the cruise with my husband in just about 1 month - the pressure is on.

Lord Jesus, how many times do you try to tell me to wait on this or that and I just can not. The very worst cases I take things into my own hands try to help You out. My goodness that must irritate and anger you at times. I know it must. I think about the times my kids do something wrong or even just make a mistake and try to make it right or fix the situation. Coming down the stairs and you walk through the eating area. My shoes will almost stick to the ground because of something that was spilled and not cleaned up properly. After the thorough investigation I come to find out that someone (Elleigh) had spilled their juice and tried to clean it up. Of course she just wiped over it one time and used no water or soap or anything. But the bottom line was that she thought she was ready to use a regular cup. She was thinking her time had come to graduate to the next level when in fact she is in no way ready for the higher level of drinking from a cup. Her time had not come!!!

Gal. 4:4 "But when the time had fully come, God sent His son..." There are a few words in this passage that explain exactly what is going on if we look closer. The word time can be translated as "chronos". Looks a lot like where we get our word chronological. Chronos is a period of measured time - not so much time that has passed because of certain event or accomplishments. The time passing as it pertains to accomplishments is kairos. And then the word "fully" can be translated as full, fill up, or a completion of a period of time that was previously ordained and appointed.

When I first read that passage I just glanced over the specifics - much like I always do since I am not a details person. Basically I was just reading that the time had come for Jesus to be born - period. But as the Holy Spirit began to prompt me to look closer I saw some interesting things. Of course God had a perfect time to send His son into the world. It was not only the perfect time, but everything else was complete up until that moment. There had been the certain amount of measure time that had elapsed, but also events within that time had come to fruition and been completely complete or full - if you will. This is the same idea of Christ being fully man and fully God. There was no lacking and nothing more that needed to be added. He was all and it was all completed!! Ordained, appointed, prescribed - He had done His thang!

Because everything has its appointed time and purpose, when I push things to happen or even when I get impatient and stew I am not helping the situation out at all. This is the very reason doctors want to leave a premature baby in the momma until the very last second. Each and everyday with or within the momma is good - considering her body is not harming it. But they want to wait until the lungs are more developed, wait for this or that to come into its own, wait until the completion if they can. The doctors have a reason for waiting - waiting for other things to be full and really. The same is so true of our walk with the Lord. God will take us to the next level of whatever we are to enter - pain or blessing - when we are full. He will allow us to go into the next realm of leaning when all the other things have come to completion and the time has come. "But when the time had FULLY come..."

Lord, help me to be patient. But not just patient, but willing to wait until your perfect timing. Help me to not try to make things happen on my own, but wait until the time is fully ready for my next adventure. I do not want to get ahead of you Lord. I don't want to lag behind either. Lord, help me to keep your pace and walk in you light and wisdom. Show me the times we get out of rhythm. Lord I am yours - thank you for that!! I love you!!

486 - Shhh - The Quiet is TOO Loud

Dear Lord, What a wonderful weekend and what a great way to end it with a day at church. Thank you!! It was an incredibly busy weekend - but just awesome. I ended up taking Elleigh to the doctor on Friday morning and she had her 2nd ear infection of her life - double infection. So then we rushed home and went out to eat with our youth pastor, Brad and Holly. What an awesome couple!! They will be going off to the mission field in a little more than a year. Saturday morning hit and I led a devotion for Star Church Ladies Brunch. Now that was some good eating!!! Wow oh wow!! I love those ladies. (I have yet to find a church I don't love....) They are so kind to me. I no sooner got home from that and the girls and I hit the road for a birthday party in Evansville. Now get this - instead of bringing presents the mom asked that we bring things for a local charity. Now how incredible is that!!! That Patricia Trout does everything and does it with complete excellence!! She completely amazes me - and she can cook!!! And works full time, never frazzled!!!! So then Saturday night was easy.

That was some serious ground covered this weekend. I have not even mentioned Sunday church, lunch with Trouts, Clay working on the house, and then us back to church for kids choir and dinner again at the Trouts. No, she only fed us once, we ate out for lunch! But I see a theme playing over and over in my life right now - God is trying to get my attention. SLOW!!!

Lord Jesus, a few days back i talked to you about how I love boundaries - I love to be told what to do - by YOU - and to know how far I can go, etc. It is the First Born trait that I have in me. But right now I think you are showing me that I, for some reason, have taken down, pushed down would probably be a better term, those boundaries and am operating on wide open. NOT GOOD! Laying in the bed Saturday night I was telling Clay that I can't wait to get back to the doctor and get some plans about all this medical stuff. I want to know what is going to be done so that I can get back to feeling normal. I know I will have one new kind of thyroid medicine and I am excited to hear what kind of boundaries that will bring. I need some rules.

Then in Sunday School - have i told you how awesome my Sunday School class is. You have got to come by just for one Sunday. I have never been a part of something like this. Blessing beyond words!!! - we discussed the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and how to display them in our lives. The one that stood out to me, Lord, was self-control. I see a theme. Then we go down to church and Luke, our incredibly passionate man of God preacher that can pray like nobody's business - wow!!!!, is preaching on solitude. Luke 4:42 - "Jesus went off to a place of solitude.............but they found Him." Ps. 46:10 - Be Still and know.

The thing that I could hear You Lord speaking the most about to me was not the fact that I am not still enough - oh we know that - but that I have a fear or insecurity about silence and solitude. It truly bothers me when I get in a conversation and we just stare. I don't necessarily have to be the one talking, but when there is a pregnant pause, I get uncomfortable. I do not enjoy lulls. And yes silence and solitude are so vital to the Christian walk.

Jesus - very, very often you will speak to me through music, in car going here and there, and of course when I am having my QT. But how much more could I hear you say if I had more solitude and silence in my life. I am not a TV girl, but I am a music going all the time girl. It is really, really, really hard for me to sit and do nothing. I don't mean doing nothing when there are a ton of things to be done, but I just mean doing nothing on purpose.

Father, I hear you talking this morning in this silence. I hear You begging me to just sit in solitude and KNOW You! I hear you beckoning me to hear the silence and enjoy. I hear you saying - Be still my child!! Oh Lord, I will. I have been thinking about this for days now and I can not wait to look at my calendar and plan for silence. Can you plan for it??? I think I will have to until it gets to be a more normal reaction. I want to hear the cry of Baby Jesus entering the World!! I want to hear the Lion roar, I am King!! I want to hear the shuffle of the precious Lamb of God. I want to hear the trees swaying back and forth sending up their praise. I want to hear the rocks crying out. I want to hear the silence and be in solitude!! This morning I sit and I hear....................nothing except the breath of Life - Thank you Lord. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you that I was given ample reason to hear from you!! Thank you for not giving up!! Thank you for your kindness!! I love you Jesus!

223 - I Can't Wait!

This morning Father - i hit snooze, but actually hit "off". Ugh - I needed to get a jump on today because i leave tomorrow morning, but here i am. But thank you for your Word this morning.

I Samuel 13:6-16 - Everything was falling down around Saul. I mean his men were scattering and things were not going in a positive direction as far as war was concerned. He panicked. Oh my oh my - I have been there many times. I sense a direction God is telling me to go and then it gets closer to the "appointed" time. I don't see His work - note: His work is not always visible for my little eyes to see. He is much bigger than doing everything so we can see. - and this is when the panic begins to set in. Well, since i don't see Him in this just yet, what will happen if i just help out a little bit? What will happen if i go ahead and make that call? What would happen if i go ahead of God all in the name of trying to do His will. Bottom line - disobedience.

Saul was told the instructions of the Lord through Samuel. Go to Gilgad and wait for 7 days. Then Samuel will show up and offer a burnt and fellowship offering before they go into war. The 7th day had arrived, but Samuel had yet to show up. Saul's men were scared and retreating. Saul knew the instructions to wait, but also knew what Samuel would do when he got there. So Saul went ahead and offered up the offerings himself. He did the job that was only to be done by a priest - definitely not one that had blood of another on his hands! It was only partial disobedience right? It was only a little flub-up. It was only just a little helping. Bottom line - disobedience!!!

Verse 11 is a sad indication of Saul's leadership as well. He blamed everyone and took no responsibility. It was his men's fault and also Samuel's fault for not showing up sooner. I don't know if Samuel was actually late or if he was just not there soon enough on the 7th day, nevertheless, he took things into his own hands because he just couldn't wait.

Once again - i hate to see so much of Saul in my life - but i have been there. I just couldn't wait and took things into my own hands. I just couldn't wait to see what authorities in my life decided so i moved on ahead. I just couldn't wait to see how the Lord would work things out and so i just did a few things on my own. It is disobedience!! Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord, please forgive me. I know i am not very patient. I want to be more like You, change my heart. I remember back in I Sam. 10:6 how you changed Saul into a different person. Lord, i know the day you came into my heart you made me a different person - maybe not so evident at that time since i was so young, but you made me different than what i wold have been without you. Lord, praise You. I know you can do it, make things different and new. Lord, keep training me and allow me to be good learner. Make me different today than i was yesterday. Help me to wait on you and never say, "I just can't wait." I am excited for the future, but i don't want to jump ahead or even "help" You out. Take control Father! I love you!

Moving on - it is all in the timing

Jesus - the stars were out so beautifully this morning. I was ready to get up this morning. It was like i slept with one eye open, maybe i had too much tea last night! But it was good! Love me some sweet tea!!! with lemons!

Wow - last nights video with Beth Moore was just incredible! We discussed how there is a heavenly war going on far greater than anything we could imagine or experience here. I learned that Israel has their own angelic prince named Michael. We learned about evil angels called demons. We even learned how Michael got held up on his way to revealing a message to Daniel. Isn't that wild - he got held up. I just never thought of an angel getting held up and not able to do its job... neat - it was awesome!

But this morning we talked about timing. Oh Lord, Your timing is always perfect, but honestly at times not at all like i was expecting! It was the first and third year that Daniel received his visions during both Belshazzar and Darius reigns. It was during both reigns when Daniel was far from home and even in the final reign while he was alive the Jews were decreed to go back to their homeland, Jerusalem - this is the Esther occurrence! But it was during these times that God revealed big things and himself to Daniel while he was not in the comforts of his home or even homeland! Beth went on and on about God taking us different places to do great things. Getting us out of comfort zones to reveal His plans or Himself like no other time. He has done this for me one very memorable time when i was in Jr. High. I was at an Al Denson concert and God very clearly spoke (impressed on my heart) to me that i would speak some day. It was as clear as a bell. I had just moved back to Texas, hurting because my friends had moved on, missing my dad something terrible as mom and i were living by ourselves as my dad finished out his job in New York, and at a very weird stage of life - all my friends were developed into women and my body was still waiting - and just happened to have my complete mouth and chin covered in fever blisters. Not a good way to look at "camp" when you are wanting to meet a boy. I was not at home, very lonely, and confused about what God was doing in our lives. It was then, completely needing a word, empty of myself and empty of all teenage wants that God reached down and spoke to me. "I will use you and you will speak." It tears me up even now as i see His provisions. My heart is leaping for joy, Jesus Joy, because i know He has never let me down. He can't!

Lord this is why i can not help but be excited for this move coming up. You have always been there and always will. I have no way to believe anything else. I know there will be some tough days - i just had one of those 2 days ago in Charlotte. But yesterday you took away my tears and gave me reason to shine and hold my chin up. My sadness had nothing to do with moving, it was all complete selfishness and feeling left out. I had gotten word that I was not used for a conference that i so wanted to be part of and i also got a letter from a agency saying i was not their caliber speaker to represent. One can not always get yes's, but the no's hurt and are no fun. So i begin thinking - poor pitiful me, i am never included, i will never get anywhere, i have no coattails to ride on, i will never have that lucky break,............................ Do you see my problem - "I".

So yesterday after noon a husband of a prominent speaker/singer in Nashville called me and said some really great things. He was not able to talk long as he and his wife were headed out the door to do a Christian cruise. Now would that be cool or what... Anyway - he and his wife had seen my website, heard my tape, and wanted to know if he could represent me - he said, "you got it". I do not say all that to toot my horn, but to drive home the point of His timing is not ours and sometimes He has to take us away to reveal His ways, plan, and time!! I was at a low point, where He may very well have needed me, and then blessed my socks off. This guy may never get me a "gig", but his words were the encouragement straight from Jesus, i believe!

He is taking me away from my home - the place i have lived the longest in my life - 11 years. But then again, do i have a home??? (People always ask where i am from and i never know how to answer that. I mostly answer i am homeless, ha ha!) Change will be great, i mean lots of change, but I am ready. We are going to Clay's home, but not mine. It will become home as all the other places i have lived, i am sure. So Lord Jesus, i am ready for You to reveal something about Yourself or some things to me - whichever Your prefer. I am waiting and watching! Bless Your holy Name - the one i place all my trust in! I love you!