885 - Focus on her shoulder, not yours!!

Good Morning Lord Jesus, today is the first day of school even though it is quite abbreviated. Tucker has another baseball game today so that is always fun to look forward to.

I was at my parents home this past week. My dad looked so good and was doing so well. He had gained some weight and look very healthy. He was walking around the house without a cane and doing quite well. I am not around him walking enough to not be nervous at every stutter step, but he is doing wonderful. My mom continues to be incredible through it all. Mowing the yard, cooking and making special milkshakes for him 2 or 3 times a day, taking care of the business of the house, and making sure dad gets in all his exercises. Each day, or nearly every day, they go to their workout facility and go through all kinds of strenuous exercising. Dad rides the bike for 30 minutes while mom is shooting. Then they get back together and walk all over that place doing different weights, stretches, machines, etc!!! It is a huge ordeal and mom is so patient to go thru each thing with dad helping him along the way. What a servant!

Let me take you back a few months.... Nov. 16 mom had surgery on her shoulder - kind of like some reconstruction since having it dislocated in a basketball game. Then on Dec. 8 Dad had his stroke. Before the stroke dad too was scheduled to have surgery on his shoulder as he had torn his rotator cuff. He could barely reach to get the salt or pepper off the table because his movement was so limited. In rehab that arm, torn rotator cuff arm, was his unaffected or good arm and yet it was not very good either. I remember the therapists looking at him and just having such a pity because he so needed that arm, but it was not of much use.

Fast forward to present day... Dad was showing this weekend how he can raise the "torn" arm up just about over his head. He no longer has limited movement. It doesn't hurt near as much as it used to. If you have ever had this kind of injury you would say this must be another miracle in my dad's life. So where am i going with all this...

Physically, it is obvious that when we are worn down in an area our body does need to rest so that if it can repair itself that can happen. It is also very obvious that when our focus is on something other than one thing all the time incredible things can happen.

Standing there watching my dad lift his arm, the one that he could not even lift his elbow higher than parallel to the ground, the one that was not affected by the stroke at all, the Lord gently nudged and said - I am trying to teach you something here.

"Leigh, having your focus and attention all on one thing is quite debilitating. It is almost like you get injured and are unable to go forward in life. What I see more times than not in your life is that your focus gets stuck on you. You are looking at all the things in your life that could be different. You are looking at the things about yourself that bug you. It becomes you you you! Actually, Leigh, it is paralyzing."

The Lord went on to whisper, "When you take the focus off the "bad arm" then you are able to heal. Focusing on others and their needs truly is healing in your life. It is the reaching out to a family, reaching out to the community, reaching out to your enemy, reaching out to your neighbor that acts as soothing therapy. It is in trusting ME enough to take your eyes off yourself so that I can supply your every need while you use what I have given you to help supply another. Allow me to take care of you while I use you to take care of others...."

That is life to me. It is not about accumulating even though I do that real well, too well, but about giving back! It is about trust - trusting the Lord to work through me, through me in giving and through me to heal me. Life is about doing for others and He will always come thru! Every time I go home I am reminded of selfless love my mom is constantly showing my bad. I am reminded of our need to need the Lord as I see my dad need my mom. I see the hard work and diligence it takes to recover from whatever trials come our way through my dad's example. I see our need for a partner or helper or encourager or accountability in life as my mom is to my dad - we don't need to do this alone. This trial is no fun for either one of them, but as they have always done throughout my life and in this situation is no less, they are giving out to me and teaching me through it all....still!

Lord, thank you for the ears to hear you. Thank you for the example of love and devotion i see in my parents. Thank you for reminding me to never stop - never stop giving of myself, but to forever stop focusing on me! God you are good. Bless momma and daddy!! I love you, Lord!

300 - When Did the Road Curve?

Lord Jesus - I am reading in II Samuel 11 today. It is the famous story of David and Bathsheba. First of all, what if our faults were in the most famously printed book of all time? I think I might rethink some of the decisions I make today if that were going to happen. I know You Lord wish I would rethink some decisions because You are watching 24/7. Oh Lord, help me. Help to love you more, serve you more, and live righteously.

So how did everything go so wrong? I think I have asked this before, did David quit having his quiet time? Did David get overly proud and think he was invincible? What happened? We were riding along so well and then boom - he got this hair brained idea that he needed, wanted, and had to have this particular woman. But I don't really think the issue here is about a woman, I mean the lesson for me to learn.

David had an issue with women, that is not a surprise. He had many women from the time he could have women. He was a man of more than one wife and knew better. He had many surrounding him to show him what was correct and not, but he persisted to do that particular sin. The issue i see so often in my life and in others at times is boxing in God and boxing in our relationship with Him. Women by nature are not compartmentalizers. We let a fight at work dictate our attitude at home and then because of that fight we think that the grocery store people know and now they are an enemy as well. One little thing spills over into every area of our lives - irrational. I see men a bit different. They have trouble fishing, that stays in the boat. They have trouble with a car then that stays in the car. They have business trouble then that stays at work. They have fight with you, they do not bring up fights from 4 years back. Now all of that is a bit of an exaggeration, but men kind of compartmentalize their lives when we as women let everything spill over into everything. Why, I don't know, just the way we are.

I am learning in my walk with the Lord that I can not box Him up and I must keep living in a spill over kind of life. If i am a believer then I have to take it with me in every area of my life. Is that possibly what David could have done? I can hear him saying, "Lord, you can have control over my kingdom, my money, my foreign affairs, my people, my safety, my ....................., but when comes to my personal life and in whom I am going to get "close" to, I will handle that part." Basically even if it just one area of our lives, it too is living a double life. That is exactly what Satan is waiting for. He is waiting until we take an area of our lives and keep it under "our" control. Then that is when he easily steps in and sets up a destroy. Most importantly, we cannot expect to be growing Christians, ones that live a spill over life, and not meet with Him consistently. An area in self-control and no quiet time is a perfect concoction for major fall or disaster.

Lord, where are my issues? Where do you see this in my life? Please reveal. I know most of the time "I" will take care of my weight or that is not an area that I think i have to be spiritual in. There are some people that I am less bold with. When it comes to shopping day I rarely ask Him to guide me and keep me aware of when He says No. There are times I might go into Wal-mart or something and just think that I don't have to smile or speak to anyone. I can turn off my spiritual walk and just go about my way. Lord, Holy Father - forgive me. I must take You everywhere I go. I must take You into every area of my life and listen to You as I am walking through life - in everything! Forgive of those times that You set up an opportunity for me to speak to someone, bless their lives, give encouragement, boldly proclaim who You are in my life, and yet I said no. I said no, I don't think I will be spiritual right now. I don't think I will take You into that situation right then. Oh Lord, forgive me.

Lord, I am so scared that my life could be such as David and I could go hairy. I know I am not above it. Lord, spill over into every area of my life, let there be no secrets, and keep me on the straight and narrow. Oh Lord, protect me from me! Jesus, guard my mouth and protect me from the words that spill out without thought. Lord, bring more accountability into my life so that my striving for more of You is always in check. Oh Lord - please please please bring me a mentor.

243 - Focus on Him

Good morning my Lord, thank you for a great weekend. Friday night Candi and I went to our first women's monthly social/fellowship and had a great time. The next 10 months are going to be wonderful and very exciting. They left everything a surprise and with great anticipation. Then Saturday the big kids had their basketball games. Emmajoy jumped around like a cheerleader on the court, but actually did well. She made one basket just in the nick of time. Tucker played really well. I was impressed because I have seen him before. He took the ball to the hole and loved break aways. They don't keep scored nor do they call fouls as far as for shooting purposes and i miss that. I think it is good for a kid to know if he wins or loses. But anyway it was great fun and i loved every minute of it.

That evening our neighbors the Carnes came over and had dinner with us. They also go to our church and our kids live at each others houses - Cliff is the principal at the high school. They are great people and have a vision much like ours for church and Norris City. You don't think God is in the details, just sit back and let me tell you all the knitting He is doing since we have moved back. He is incredible. Today I am meeting Rachel at McDonald's and then we are going bowling. My house is turned upside down again due to some painting and so i need to get the kids out of the house. We are turning our darkest room bright. Yeah! But tonight Clay and I are going to celebrate Valentines. I think we are going to buy a new front door and some paint for the shutters. Sounds great to me!

I have finally figured out what I miss the most. Yes, Panera, friends, convenience, Target, big church, etc. - all of that - yes. But what i miss the most is spiritual fellowship. I miss not having a Sunday School class. I miss not having ladies of any age come into my house and study the Word. I miss not having an in depth Bible study to pour into with friends. I miss getting on my face before the Lord crying out to Him with girls from my college and singles group. I miss approaching the Lord in numbers but intimacy! I miss it so bad! That is one thing that I feel like i was very consistent in - having people over to my house at the wee hours of the night after everyone had gone to bed to pour our hearts out to Him! Oh I miss that!

So what are we going to do to make that happen - this summer I am going to do Believing God with a group of people. Whomever wants to come can and we are going to jump right in. Many of friends work full time job, but many are teachers. So this summer i think will be a great time to do this! I can hardly wait. In the mean time, Clay and I are pondering some other things to do with other couples. I am excited to see what You reveal Lord!

As i have said many times my new church is different from what i am used to. But what I love is their focus. We have at least 30 minutes of worship before each service. This worship is like none other i have ever seen. It is like each person is in their own world just focusing on Him and praising Him the best they know how. It is incredible. Every person has their own way of worship. Some raise hands, some have a dance with their hands, some have such a peaceful appearance is as if they are looking into the face of the Lord, some go to the alter, some lay down before Him. Yes, some speaking words i can't understand, but it is their focus i am just amazed at. It is the freedom and focus that I love and want for myself. I do not think these folks think one time in worship what another might person might think of their worship. Our worship director never opens his eyes the whole time he is leading us. I love it - they take me right up to the Holy of Holies and I never want to leave!

So this past week and this weekend I understand what He is telling me to do. Focus. At first when You said it Lord, i was confused. I thought what do i do every morning and many times throughout the day. But as i have read back over my QT in my blog it seems to me that i have been focusing too much on me. I am asking for forgiveness - and I must do that - but I am not enthralled in You like I should be. I want to be crazy over You. I am, but I want more of You.

So this morning I was lead off the beaten path to Ps 34. It is beautiful and full of so much focus on You. I extol You, praise always on my lips, boast in the Lord, glorify Him, seeking the Lord, those looking to Him are radiant, He encamps around us, Lord is good. I mean it goes on and one with a focus on You and none other. I love verse 18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Father - You are always so close and so evident in our lives. If we will just stop and take time to spend with you. Lord, allow my focus to be one of just me and You. Allow me to be mesmerized by Your love. May devotion to You never falter or be shaky! May my focus be so tightly aligned with Your ways and thoughts. I want to see You high and lifted up!! I want to love You more and I want more of You!!! Thank you Lord!

Lord, you did it! I prayed for 2 more events to be scheduled in Feb. and I received the last one last night over email. One i am not sure I will do, but the other is a must!!! Thank you Lord. Your faithfulness is incredible!! I Love you!