330 - In Shock & Stuff

I am random this morning - beware!

Can you believe it - Melinda Doolittle is gone.......... Oh I am sad. I hope Jordan rides all the way home with the prize now that Melinda is gone. I think she is from a good family that has brought up a very thankful young girl. Now i will admit some of her tears do look a little forced when she is up their saying good-bye to her "friends", but I still do love her voice and LOVE, LOVE seeing her live out a dream. Besides Melinda, I cry every time Jordan sings because I know her momma and daddy must be so proud.

I hardly could get out of bed this morning. We worked out our legs so hard yesterday at the Dale's - great workout, but ouch!!!! Then I went running with my friend after school and could hardly be any good. Had to walk 2 times... Then Andrea called and we went running too. Wooooooooooohhhhhhhoooooooooooooooo - my legs hurt, but a good hurt. But I weighed in yesterday and have lost 10 pounds. Yippee skippee!! I hope I have not jinks myself! ha ha

My son came home telling me a teacher told him she wanted me to bring my purses up there at the end of school. How cool would that be. I have the book publishing and non-profit status to pay for real soon - so this could only help tremendously. That is kind of her to think of that for me. I have the money saved up for those 2 things, but it will pretty much deplete everything so that would help put a tad back in. PS- I got the cutest 2 new purses yesterday... I will post them later.

This morning I was in 1 Kings 1:1-31 - this is great, these are some different rules than we have today... The king, David, was feverish i guess and they couldn't get him warmed up. So the scripture says that they went all across the land of Israel to find him a beautiful young woman that could keep the king warm. He is old and a young thang is suppose to keep him warm. I think i have heard it all now. Sounds a bit like the Anna Nicole thing... Anyway, it does say that he did not have "relations" with her, but neither did Clinton. My how history truly does repeat itself. Another dude has come to claim kingship since David is old, tied up in bed, and has not named another king successor. So Nathan tells Bathsheba she needs to go talk with David and let him know what is going down and remind David of the oath her spoke to her of Solomon becoming the next man in charge. Bathsheba walks in and the scripture even make mention of the lady "attending" the king and Bathsheba still bows. All i have to say is that it is a good thing I was not born in those days. There would be some cat fighting...

OK - back to being spiritual. My devotion asked me how I felt about growing old and all. That is a funny question. I don't think about it that much unless I am thinking about time running out to minister and what else I could be doing. I did receive a Woman of Faith advertisement the other day and think - now do I really want to go to that? Anita Renfro looked like the youngest one and I pretty sure she is well into her forties. Is that old, no!!!!!!! In fact it is younger everyday, but their audience is quite young. So I thought the whole thing was very interesting. Their speakers are getting on up in age and wondered when they might want some new blood, but not necessarily youngest blood. I happened to raise my hand in my living room in case someone was listening in on my thoughts. Just being silly, but that would be a dream of mine. How fun and exciting! Those speakers have a bazillion times more knowledge and experience than i could ever give. God has His hand on them and has used them mightily for a good long time. He must be pleased! --- I also read an article about Passion going to other countries. That kind of made me sad because it is such a phenomenon here in the states - a much needed thing. I totally trust the leadership of that organization and i am sure they are following the Lord, but why close up shop here. I am hearing from more and more college students on my blog. It is really cool - they love Jesus with much passion!!! Anyone want to start a different Passion while they are overseas?? Just another dream.

But the scripture message I received today was again about not quitting. David was old, "tied up in bed", but still king. When he was presented a problem he quickly did all he could to make it right even from the bed. We know from the Bible and history that Solomon was the next king. David made sure of it. So even from my bed I hope that I am still able to do things for the kingdom to the very end. Lord, I hope you still find me useful to the end. I have been very random today... I guess that what happens when there is not a solid uninterrupted time with Him. Lord, help me to get out of bed and back to my 5:30am routine. I miss it... Discipline!! I don't have a lot planned for today. We are going to have a ham and bean dinner which i am so excited about. We didn't do that in Charlotte and I don't really remember eating it growing up. We also have cooked cabbage - yep, Mom, even i am growing up and eating my vegetables. Keep speaking Lord and help me to open my ears!! I love Lord Jesus!

310 - Holy Redeemer

Lord Jesus - thank you for the past couple of days. Even though 2 of my girls are sick, I have had so much fun just hanging out with them, actually didn't mind laundry too bad this week, and had an awesome time getting to know some new people on the blogging world. Plus this morning, you have just reminded me of how awesome and wonderful you have been in my life and I just about want to shout right here at 5:30am - but noooooooooooo - kids must sleep!

I think we have come to the very end of the study on David and Bathsheba. Now just like sin and situations in our life, God does forgive and forget and toss those iniquities far away - we still have to deal with the consequences at times. That is the real bummer part, but we must lie in the bed we make - i think that is the way you say it. So i am sure parts of it will come up again...

So I am in Ps. 51: 6-13. Oh these are some beautiful scriptures. Love them! Vs. 8 says, "Let the bones you have crushed rejoice." I so know the feeling of that. You take me to the very bottom of the pit where I have been stripped of everything. Completely humble and crushed. I have even began to think at times, will it ever be the same - will I ever be loved like that again - will i ever know the closeness again????? Then in almost that instance of breathing out the last breath, symbolically speaking, He comes to my rescue. I get my breath back, i begin to stand back up, I can feel the bones within me singing a new song because of the redemption He is placing over my life. It is a resurrection as such - a rededication if you like that word better - It is a new growth and (re)life into the very marrow of my bones. Only if you have been there do you know the feeling. There is no trick to this - it is just a repentant heart that has taken responsibility for all wrongs and come to the ONE that can heal and restore.

Many times i just want to apologize to the person whom i have wronged or the person whom i have hurt, etc. Yes, that needs to be done, Jesus Christ is all about reconciliation. But according to verse 4 it is against the Lord and only the Lord which i have sinned against. We hurt others, disappoint, and wrong others, but it is against Him and only Him that we sin! Remember the scripture in Matthew - When you do this to the least of these, you do this to me." That scripture goes either way - good and bad.

"and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me", verse 12. Isn't that great - that is what I am always praying - protect me from me. Help me Lord, to sustain life from the ways I mess it up and from my stupidness. (Don't tell my kids I just said stupid.) I am my worst enemy. I do fight against the prince of darkness and his helpers - spiritual warfare - but I am very much fighting against myself. I can not give Satan all the credit - he does not make me do anything. He might set it up really well for me to perfectly fall into the trap, but He can not push me over the edge. Once again, I must take responsibility for my sin!!!

Lord Jesus, I just wanna praise You this morning. I feel a great rush of Your Spirit on my life right now and I pray You sustain me. Lord, lead me into righteousness and into Your will! Father, help me to take responsibility for my sin - even the little sin that can be pushed aside. Lord, the white lies, the overeating, the silly thoughts, the unproductive talk, the anger words of frustration - the under the breath ones, the selfish consciousness, Lord, everything. Forgive me Lord, for sinning against You. I am so thankful for the times you have crushed my bones and breathed life back into my soul. Thank you for your mercy and grace, forgiveness, and wholeness! Oh Father - you are perfect and yet so approachable. Lord, I have so many requests! You know them all - please show yourself. Be free to do as you want to do! I love U!

Upcoming things: 1) May 4 - Star Church, Eldorado, Il.

2) May 11 - Crossroads Church, Norris City, Il.

3) May 15 - Plainview Church, Norris City, Il.

4) May 18 - New Hope Baptist, Omaha, Il.

5) May 28 - Crossroads Memorial Day Event - FREE food, games, rides - really fun!!!

6) June 10 - Norris City UMC - giving testimony to church on Sunday morning

7) June 20 - Stonebridge Comm. Church - Charlotte, NC

Thank you Jesus - lead in each one - what do you want spoken??

AND i sold my first purse over the Internet - yaaaaaaaahooooooooooooooo!!! Thank you!

304 - Make Good of My Sin

I Samuel 12:23-24 is just wonderful to me. This is the scene of David having just worshipped and repented for the huge Bathsheba sin ordeal and their son dieing, coming to comfort her. She is his wife now and as the spiritual leader he is coming to reveal who the Lord is and how gracious He has been to them both. (Those are my assumptions, but wouldn't you imagine David had to explain to his wife why God could allow such a thing and then how he, David, could not be mad, but worshipping.) In that comforting God allowed her to get pregnant again. To me there is huge blessing right there!

There have been times in my life that i have royally messed up - SINNED. In that sin and even after the repenting and redemption, I still would think that God has forgiven and still loves me, but I would probably never be allowed to do whatever that situation was again. I would be kept from participating because i so faithfully blew the first time - it doesn't even have to be the first time, but any time. But in this scripture I see that the Lord not only forgave David and Bathsheba, but blessed their marriage and allowed them to "start all over". Isn't that awesome? Just because there is a particular sin in your life, even a sin that you are done and through with, He does not withhold His blessings and grace. He will still allow do overs. Oh we need to do some shouting about that.

Praise you Father! Thank you Lord. There is no sin in my life that You can not cover, but there is also no sin in my life that can keep me from Your blessings AFTER the real repentance and worship has been re-established in my life. Oh thank you Jesus - that is incredible. The important lessons I take from this is that 1) I must take responsibility for my sin. I must own up to it and live through it. 2) I must be ready to move on and "not not" forgive myself. Accept the forgiveness, hold up my hands for the redemption only HE can provide, and begin again! Even if others do not want to forgive you or allow you to have a do over, I must be strong and live in His forgiveness not doing everything possible to have theirs! Walk into that do-over! Thank you Lord for the Word this morning. You are faithful!

Last night after school, Alisha and I played golf in a league she and her husband are part of. I was subbing for him. And Yes, I do not know how to play golf. A lot of sports I can just pick up because i am athletic and can hang in there OK. But golf is one of those sports that you really need some skills. Alisha was a good player, but I certainly need some lessons. Or I tell you what I really need - I need a cute outfit. If you can't play a sport then at least dress cute so that your skills are not so noticed - hee hee. I remember way back in high school traveling around with my mom in the summer. They would call my name along with my opponent to the tournament desk. I would size her up as to whether it was going to be tough match or not by the way she was dressed. More times than not, I knew it was going to be a quick match to my favor if she was dressed to the Hilt. That is the most obvious way to spot a beginner. ha ha! BUT if she had a headband on that was a different story - 'member that Mom?

Emmajoy is still sick with a high temp. I think I will take her in today unless she wakes up better. I have mounds and mounds of laundry today. So off for a great day - a day for Him to make good of my mistakes and sin!! He always allows do-overs! Praise the Lord!

302 - You are Too Hard On Him

Heavenly Father - oh Lord Jesus - my Redeemer and Savior - Thank you for your love and grace, your mercy, and gentleness. Thank you for hearing my prayers and for being patient with my sin. Thank you for rescuing me from all kinds of pits and saving my soul from the very pit of Hell. Praise You and I lift You on high. May all those who see me, hear me, know me, run into me, whatever it may be - SEE YOU,hear you, touch you, feel you. I love you!

Lord, there is has only been one person in my life that has told me I was too hard on Tucker. That person was only at my house for about 2 days and really had no idea about parenting a strong willed boy struggling with respect for others. Enough said - I knew my reasons and had to discipline for a greater good and future occurrences. Still many others would say I am probably not near hard enough. I am trying! Anyway, parents have their reasons and we usually have a better perspective than an outsider looking in.

As i have read the stories of Moses and all the wonderful things He has done all throughout his life I have always been so impressed. He was allowed to do some amazing things that most will never ever even come close. But the part i have always been stumped by was when Moses struck the rock instead of the original directions. That was it. He didn't follow the plan God had set forth and this one time did things his way. God said, "That is it, you will not enter the promise land." What ???????- after all he has done, walking around a desert for 40 years, taking the people out of Egypt, bringing down the Law, setting up the Tabernacle - what, you aren't going to let me in the Promised Land because I struck a rock instead of speaking to it? That seems really extreme. God is serious about obedience in everything!

Now our man David - poor guy, still on the Bathsheba incident - has done some great things as well. (Of course I am not saying these 2 guys did these great things in their own power. I mean that God did these awesome things through them. He thought enough of them at one time to allow them to take part is His awesome deeds.) But now it is just about to be taken from David, the kingdom God has set up is about the begin to fall. Well actually on the day his mind went the Bathsheba directions the downfall began.

"the sword will never depart from your house" 2 Samuel 12:10 Oh no - once again, after all this man had been able to do with the Lord was now going to see major consequences to his sin. God is serious about obedience in everything. It was not that David had never sinned before, but this must have been the straw that broke the camels back. God had had it. My commentary says that as a result of all that 1) murder would be constant threat to his family, 2) his household would rebel against him, 3) his wives were given over to another in public view 4) his first child with Bathsheba died. Wow - that seems extreme again. But here is what i feel the Lord saying to me..............

1) Anything you do good is because of Me.

2) Anything I accomplish in your life it is because of Me.

3) If i left you all alone you would explode or implode in a matter of time.

4) The great things I do allow in your life are because of My grace.

5) Jesus does not need me for anything.

6)I am serious about obedience and will not stand one "acting a fool" for too long.

7) My favor and My blessings do not fall on you directly as a result of anything good You did. Only good in you is Me.

Lord, thank you for your understanding of how serious you are about my obedience. Your word even says that you will hold teachers, etc. in a higher level of accountability than others. Oh Lord, please put a short leash on me. Once again i scream, Keep me from me! Jerk me back in a half second when i get out of line. I certainly don't want to have to go through destruction because of my own sin, but I don't want my whole house to suffer because of my sin. Oh Lord, protect me from me. Thank you for your Word and oh Lord and Savior, thank you for your grace and mercy. Wow oh wow, do I see how special and wonderful it is this morning!

Taking off to Missouri today. I am excited, but still don't feel as prepared as i should be. Burn the message in my brain. Fill me with your Spirit and do things that are of You alone! I love you!

294 - Heed my Instructions

Proverbs 6:20 - 24 says "20 My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21 Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life,
24 keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife."

Adultery is a road that I have not been down - praise the Lord. But that does not mean for one second that anyone in my family or household is immune. Of course we all know this is a road David ventured down, crashed, and just about destroyed his kingdom. Oh Lord, I first want to lift up those that have been the recipient of this kind of sin due to another's actions. Lord, please sink in their hearts worth that may have been destroyed. Whisper in their hearts peace and strength. Bring to them confidence and pride - the good kind. Lord, lift their heads and give courage to stand tall. I can not imagine the feelings of knowing one has been so violated against, but Lord give to that person wisdom for their particular situation and forgiveness in vast amounts. Even if a marriage ends, allows the person to be able to forgive him/her so that bitterness may not take root and be more trouble. Oh Lord, kids that have been involved, protect them in Your sovereign way. Lord, give strength to the single mom and dads just trying to make it since things went so bad. Oh Lord, give those around a huge amount patience in dealing with both parties. Lord, help the one so violated against to know she/he is no lesser of a person. Give them the confidence to not hide their heads or the situation, but be proud for fighting even if they lost the battle. Oh Lord, do Your thing - strength.

Lord, Jesus, help me to keep my eyes open to all potential sin especially one that effects so many others. I mean, all sin effects so many others, but this sin, adultery just seems to directly hit and wound so many innocent. Lord, keep my heart turned only to Clay and all the other foxes - that is what Song of Solomon calls other temptations - to feel major rejection. Help me to not give any false notions or give the impression i am ever interested in anything else with the opposite sex. Lord, keep my eyes pure and focused. Keep my nose clean and in the Book. Lord, guide me - second thought - keep a leash on me so that I can never hurt Clay or anyone in my family in such a way. Oh Lord, i am not immune. As easy as it seems to say I would never go down that road, I know I can not make that claim!

Lord, our man David was bored, he was not doing what he was supposed to be doing, I wonder if he had had his quiet time? May I never get so important - in my eyes - that I neglect my time with you. May i never get so big for my britches that I can put You second, third, or just not first in priority. Lord, may I not pass judgement on those going down this road or being violated. Help us all to seek purity. Lord, this is the cry of my heart today!

Today I am going to Evansville to speak at Washington Baptist Church. I will be speaking on a Balanced Lifestyle. One of my favorites. I heard from Green Bay group and they are still in the process, but did inform me they are coming to a close. I have not heard from the Chicago group... Oh Lord, bring more - I want to minister for You. I love you!

293 - Uh Oh - Drama

He did it - the man David did it - he stole Bathsheba from one of his very own army man and got her pregnant. David was not where he was suppose to be and really messed up. This must be David's weakness - women and sexual gratification. He knows very well according to the Pentateuch - Mosaic Law- that having more than one wife and definitely adultery is wrong and has major consequences. So what was up with David. He was at the top of his game, he was at the pinnacle of his reign - why did he let this get him - why did he fall for this kind of sin???

I think we all have to be very careful when we are on top. I know for myself I have been a similar kind of deal on a very general level. I had been speaking for not too long and things were going awesome. I was receiving invitations left and right. Things could not have been better for one at my beginning level. Well, discontent settled in my heart over a situation and I began to let my voice be heard. My mouth can be one of my major weaknesses. I said things that should not have been uttered and to the wrong people as well. I may have felt the way I did, but I should have, if anything, told of my frustration to the person, not a third party. The situation grew and grew and before I knew it was way out of hand. Much like David's situation.

My consequences have been great. I hurt friends and I am sure my reputation as well. God has been so faithful to restore me and make me whole, ready for His service once again, but during that time I thought i may never speak again. I was on the rooftop just looking around not where I should have been. Satan set up the scene just perfect and I bit. David too was on the rooftop and was set up perfectly for a huge mistake. I think we at times think that Satan is in control of the whole mess when we really take a nose dive into sin. But i don't agree. I think many times we are doing what we are not suppose to be doing, could be just bored and idle, and then Satan just "kindly" makes the opportunity for us to fall into a trap. That can be on just a simple day of no quiet time and then we have no armor to fight the temptations or it can be making a really poor choice. EITHER WAY IT HAPPENS, WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE MESS!!!

On the other hand - what about our lady, Bathsheba? What in the world was she thinking? I know exactly what she was thinking and my devotion expounded upon it as well. She was impressed, enamored, flabbergasted, in shock...................... all those things when someone of any stature takes notice of you. I have no idea her spiritual walk. But any woman that day and today knows an affair is as wrong as wrong can be. Why was she bathing on the roof in the middle of the day - I don't know. I think that was a common place to bath, but during the middle of the day. Didn't she have work to be done or at least emails to return?? Maybe she was sad and having a relaxing moment thinking of her hubby off at war. Boy, did she get comforted or what - oh what a mess.

What are we willing to do for someone that impresses us? What measures are we wiling to go to just to have their favor? What kind of things are we willing to put aside just to have their approval and appreciation??? I am a approval seeker and like to impress or at least make someone proud. But what lengths am I willing to go to get all those things? At least on this example i am glad to report I don't know that I have much of an example - finally. But just give Him time and I am sure He will bring something to mind.

Bottom line for me this morning is - He is my Redeemer. He has saved me after great sin and disaster. He has saved me from great potential of disaster too many times to recall. He has saved me from the times that I wanted to be known by a person and willing to go to any lengths. He has saved me from my heart that wants to be loved and will do many things to get that love and approval. He has saved me and i am so sure not anything of myself could have help me. Father - I praise you and lift you on high! Thank you for your salvation and Your eternal grace and mercy. You gracefully take me back in each time I fall and you are merciful to keep me from stumbling on certain occasions. Thank you thank you thank you!

I think I am heading out to Evansville today. We leave for the beach on Saturday and I need to get things - i am not sure what. Clothes sound like the logical thing. ha ha But I will wait until i have worked out. Oh yeah - I was back up 2 pounds on my weigh in on Monday. Will it ever happen for me??? I don't know! I speak tomorrow night and Crystal is going with me. That will be fun. Still waiting to hear from the other churches. Lord, please begin to give me opportunities for fall and spring of next year please. It is cold here today - almost enough to make me mad, ha ha! I love the warmth! It is going to be a victorious day!