893 - The Low Down

Ok, so here's the deal....

A cagillion emails to return - important

House to clean and organize so that people have clothes for school, etc. - semi important

Prayer time at church - important

Walk with my friend - important

5 or 6 churches waiting on responses for dates they want a speaker - important

Thousand fb messages to get up to speed on - important

Raising money for baby in Liberia - important

Returning the love texts from friends and family getting the latest scoop - important

Losing weight - not so much important - ha

Giving my all to Sarahjane and making sure she gets the best - Paramount!!!!!!!! Trumps all!!

Lord, I miss a schedule since we had just gotten in a routine with school starting. But all the above can wait as I minister to my baby girl and her needs. She is on her way back to recovery. We go in for another root canal kind of thing this morning - we need to leave in just a few.

Life will return to "normal" (is our house ever normal?) and life will go on. But for now I have to ignore all and be with her! I love it, I adore this time, and I just eat her up!! God is so gracious. He is so faithful. and He is my Rock!

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess (homologia - means to agree with His Word), for He who promised is faithful. Heb. 10:23

I will get back with you - important - just maybe not today.

779 - I Totally get it!!

Have you read the stories in the Bible about the lepers? Have you read the stories in the paper or seen in the news about the people in India shunned by their own people because they were of the outcasts caste? I totally get it!!

This past weekend and week we have had the dreaded flu! It has been terrible and something that I never want to go thru again. Yes, I will be first in line to get the vaccination next year no matter what you tell me! I had rather died these last couple of days than to go thru that again!

But how does a leper and flu come together - well, let me tell you!! This flu is no joke and very contagious AND does not need to be spread! I am fully on board with that. But it feels like being shunned when the doctor tells you to stay away from people for 24 hours without fever thing. It feels like being shunned when your hubby won't give you a get better soon kiss. I am not asking to make out! ha It feels like being shunned when you try to isolate yourself in your own house. It feels like you are being shunned when you know others had rather you not send your other children that are well to school. (I have a new perspective now - I had rather them stay as far from this house as long as they can so they don't get it - school, friends, church, etc.) But this is just the flu!!

I have no idea what it feels like to really have a bad disease - or the really bad hospitalizing flu! Would i go visit? Would i minister to them in whatever manner I could? Would I seek to love? OR would i too shun??? We can rationalize our shunning saying that we are just protecting our own family, etc. But having recently felt shunned it makes one feel less than, it makes one feel not loved, it makes one feel that you do know you are better than me....... and yes, i am on medicine! But seriously - have I too made others feel this way for other reasons - I am sooo sure I too am guilty! Oh Lord, help me! I totally get it!

We are finally fever free and ready to conquer the world. Elleigh is home with me and SJ i kept home again. SJ actually went to school yesterday but went to bed right after school cause she was so tired and was still hard to wake up this morning AND got none of her homework done! So we and the little Gray girls will chill today..........maybe in Evansville. Please continue to pray for my momma as she is recovering from surgery! She doesn't do well on pain meds and so will be in pain a bit longer than normal!

Thank you and please go love the unloveable. Please go do what He commands - even if it makes you uncomfortable or even puts you in danger! Go Go Go and DO SOMETHING. (i think that is a new book out.)

547 - It's Just Weird - I'm Just Sayin'

Dear Lord - OK, now I am really weirded out. I am almost embarrassed to even mention it because there seems like there has been so much lately. More physical issues with my health............ When your life is put through the ringer it is easy to say Spiritual warfare, etc. But as it continues on - the warfare - it begins to make you wonder. You know a recent thought I have been thinking is how incredibly prideful it is to rationalize drama, trauma, and trials as warfare. Like I am the one that can decide this is satan toying with me or if there is sin in my life. I am not sure how to go about it. It has had me stumped! Stunned me and paralyzed me - sort of. Just humbling and such! But then again another humbling thought is about blogging. We all blog for different reasons.................why would I believe anyone would want to know what is going on with me other than my relationship with Him????? On my brain hurts!

Just briefly - I want to focus on my Lord and not me - but just so anyone reading understands - I am not myself right now. It is the weirdest thing ever. I did get sick with that cellulistis on my nose and had to take some high powered antibiotics and steroids! Well, long story hopefully short - I had a reaction to the steroids. I picked up a car and threw it - just joking! No, but seriously, every cell in my body is shaking, yes I am so lethargic it is incredible. I am wired, yet depleted! I feel like i have a sun-burn all over me, but there is no redness - don't touch!!!! It kind of feels like the flu, but no fever. I can not formulate a real thought - you should have seen me trying to speak on Monday and Tuesday. It was miserable. I feel like the Lord got me through it - but I was miserable and so frustrated. The doctor says it will be out of my body in 5 more days possibly. I am floating, but like a balloon with no air. It is the weirdest thing ever. Please remind me to NEVER be a drug user. I am not good at this. ha!

It is kind of like the saying - "Keep your mouth shut and they won't know you are a fool. Open it and confirm it for all to know." Well, i could keep quiet and just ride this thing out, but it is just too weird. I kind of want to go back to this in a week or so and see what I was like. I know - i just confirmed my weirdness! Pray for me.

I will be back just not until we are through this! I have email and will be checking it, but that is it. Keep praying for the Leslie Nease Survivor thing this weekend. We are expecting big things especially with the youth!! Thank you for your prayers. I know this too shall pass, but this is so weird............my poor family!! ha! Just me and Jesus - off to get on my face with Him!

544 - Under the weather, but pictures

To me - the following pictures are God's thank you for the amazing Alaska trip. Wow - His beauty is everywhere - even way up high where i had rather not be. Praise Him!!
This is right out my window! - in flight!


See at the very tip top on the middle right hand side - that was a restaurant i was a bit too cheap and scared to trolley or pulley or whatever... tram up to. I figured Alaska was already far enough North - why go further. And yes, the following pictures where right out of my sweet, suite room! Incredible!
This was the bunch of the girls - but many are missing I think. We had 80+ and that just doesn't look like 80 to me. Oh so fun!! The ladies were not super short, but that is me on the back row a lot taller. I had to stand on a shelf or something.
Now that is some snow plow. That is the kind they use to get the avalanches off the road...
The bumpy stuff in the back ground of this picture was ocean!! or inlet or "turnagain" bay or something. It was neat - tiny glaciers i called them!

More pictures right out my hotel room.
The weather was incredible for skiing. I just didn't want to break my leg AGAIN skiing. Once is enough!

Here is the Polar Bear I asked God to show me. My daughter had been studying Alaska and such for some reason at school. She informed that only mama polars hibernate. Oh that was a joy to know as I landed! Good thing he was a bit stiff and stuffed!


The following are pictures of my kiddos and the snow/ice we have been getting here. Emmajoy is a big girl and you can see that her feet don't even begin to break the ice. It was about 5inches thick once it was all said and done. We got 1 week off school and just had yesterday and today cancelled as well for more that came through. This is not normal.

My Little Jane and daddy in the background going sledding! Clay must have have been ruled out on the appropriate sled size for him. ha ha
Of course Tucker was all over the sledding too!
Rain, snow, shine, or ice - Emmajoy wakes up in the morning and makes a B-line for her cats!! This is Boots! We call him Booters!
Our for sale sign is sort of in a ditch - that is a lot of snow!

Hey friends and strangers - and you too are welcome by the way. I am under the weather and wanted to let you - especially the aerobics ladies - know why i am being lax and spotty at best in posting. I have cellulitis - are you ready for this - of the nose................whatever. Of all places. I look like Rudolph, bozo, and the elephant woman. Not pretty - and no, i will not post a picture. Plus the swelling and redness have gone down. My medicine has given me a terrible metal taste and the steroids are making me want to go run like Forrest Gump - for days and days. I can not sleep! This too shall pass!! He is faithful and my Victor.

I hope to be well soon!! Thank you!!

Frightened Faith!!!!???? Possible???

Oh Holy Father – the storm is brewing within me and I am feeling a bit out of control. I praise you that you alone are well aware of all things even the tiniest details of the cells in my body. Oh Lord, I thank you that I can hold to You that never fails nor never lets me go. Thank you for the storm and I really do mean that. I am holding so tightly to You even as the winds get stronger and stronger. Scared, yes, just a bit.

Can we have faith and be scared at the same time? Hmm – I am not sure. It reminds me of a time that my family had gone tubing down the Guadalupe River. It got pretty bad at a point and so we had to bail – at least this is how I remember it. It could have been that we were just getting off the river for a while, but nevertheless I needed help. I remember my dad coming out to get me and take me to the shore. I had to hold on to him for dear life, but in typical Dad fashion he was all lathered up with tons of sunscreen making the hold very difficult. I was scared when I knew I needed help. As my dad got closer the scared feelings were still there, but my confidence began to rise that I was going to be rescued. I grabbed to my dad and he made his way to the other side of the river. Even as we were making our way across the river I was still scared, but assured we would be alright in the end. Is that “legal” in our walk with the Lord?

Even though my medical situation right now is minuscule compared to many, many others – to me it is a big deal. (My distant cousin is getting mass taken out today and I would guess they will not know the outcome of all that for a few days. Oh Lord, Jehovah Raphe, heal her. Give her strength for the days ahead – good or bad.) I just don’t like not knowing what is going on. Most of my life I have been very healthy and for something to pop up is weird, scary, and disabling in a sense. I know other women have been through this, but this is my first time. So while I know the Lord will take me to the other side “of the river” and I am holding on with all my might. I don’t know any of the bumps along the way and to me that is frightening – lack of faith I guess, but still frightening. I do know and believe He has it all under control, but the unknown is a bit scary. I trust You, but fear the things that I don’t know yet.

This morning the Lord led me to Mark 1:17 “Come follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” Thank you for this verse Father. It gives me great peace this morning. I think I can say with confidence that I am doing my best to follow You. Come follow me – oh that is my greatest desire. I want to be in your footsteps and really on your back! Father, my heart’s desire is to follow you – Come - I am there! Follow – anywhere! Me – oh help me to see just You!!

It is the next part that just ignites me – for the good! “And I will make you fishers of men.” You are not just asking me to follow with no plan. You have everything planned out. A leader with no plan or vision is so hard to follow. But not only do You have a plan and vision, you have a job already allocated for me to do. I am going to be fisher woman! I think that is awesome. So no matter what the future holds, in it I am to draw all men to the bait. (That is not a very good word, but I am trying to stay fishy. Hee hee)

Oh Lord, thank you!! Thank you for always having a plan and purpose for me. Thank you for knowing my inner most thoughts AND still loving me the same! Thank you for blessing my life immensely. Thank you for giving me the most sensitive husband ever. Thank you for giving me so many kids to kiss on and hug and ………… oh thank you! Lord, follow after You – I would not have it any other way. I want to do whatever you ask. I would not be in Illinois if I didn’t believe that! Lord, increase my love, my faith, my trust, my confidence, my self-control, my gentleness. I love you!

362 - 2nd post today - prayer needed

Our beloved dog, Lu Lu, the one that has helped make this transition (moving to a new home far far away) a little bit easier for Sarahjane, my 2nd daughter - short hair - sassy girl, has been put in the hospital. The doctor said she had a very serious infection and was not sure how she would do!!!!!!! She had a fever of 103 - normal is about 100.

We all said possibly our last good-byes this morning and they took her away in the back. It was terrible!!! Thank you for praying!!!

I was very honest with the kids and so they are really upset - but dog gone it (no pun intended), already asking for another dog or cat.... What happened to mourning???????????? Oh kids - so adjustable!!

Bring us back Lu Lu oh Lord. Make her well. May she respond to the treatment in a positive way. WE are blessed and praise you!

317 - 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 - she's out!!!

Oh no - now i know why i was so tired this morning - I got the strep now!!! Pray for quick recovery as i speak on Friday night...

Also, please be praying for my friend and ministry prayer coor. that has lupus - Valarie. She had a terrible week last week and i think is trying to recoup this week. She is an amazing woman and will not let this get her spirits down. Love you Val.

301 - Oh my aching tummy........

**************www.leighgray.com should be back online in a few days, oh i pray so. They did not automatically renew my domain name, etc. and so that is the reason for the situation. I have renewed everything now and am praying all will be well soon.*****************************

Ps. 32:3-5 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Oh have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a time of your life when you refused to confess your sin, turn from it, and get things right with the Lord? David's deal with Bathsheba (I am ready to leave him alone about this and move on, maybe tomorrow....) has now taken place roughly a year ago from this passage and he is ate up in sin. He has gone for a year in just living in the mess he caused, i would think trying to make the best of it. I wish that i could count the times that i have done this, truly messed up and then quickly gotten ti right. But no, too often I mess up royally, try to justify my actions and live in my sin, deny i feel any convictions, and absolutely isolate myself from the Lord. So then in the mean time, I am falling further and further away from Him getting myself into more and more trouble. I eventually get sick in some way. Oh Lord, help!!

That is what David has done here and he is now to the point he has made himself sick. Don't you so know that feeling. Something weighs on your heart, your stomach is aching, some words or people's name make you get nervous...................... oh i hate living like that. My commentary make a special point to make sure we knew that all physical sickness was not due to unconfessed sin, but to make sure we did know there is a strong connection. I have always believed this and still do to this day.

I usually have no idea I am stressed until something physically shows up. Good or bad, I manifest things physically. When I am under great stress and especially in times that i have done something wrong, my body manifests this sin/guilt/conviction in some physical form. I get tummy aches, fever blisters, head aches, or quit eating - that ones is not so bad. I do not know what would happen to me if i went for long, long periods of time, never confessed, and got things right what my body would do. I could see stomach ulcers, migraines, skinniness(again, not so bad)............................................... and then much worse if i were to stay unchecked. Please do not be thinking for one second that i think my blogging friend, Heather, has unconfessed sin and therefore she is sick. No way - I don't think that nor would i ever judge someones life like that. There are times we just get sick and there is a greater glory, but i do believe there are times I cause my own body to deteriorate due to a lack of righteous living, etc. I don't think you are going to pop up with a heart condition and then begin to wonder if you have any unconfessed sin. You will know - that sin and mess you are in - will not have left your thoughts and the guilt of the situation will be lingering on.

Lord Jesus - what is my sin that i have yet to get it right with you - oh speak slowly to me, i know my sin is so great. Lord, forgive for the sin i have swept under the rug. Forgive me for the sin that i think is justified. Forgive me for the sin that i will not let go of. Forgive me for the sin that i like. Forgive me for the sin that i am too embarrassed to confess. Forgive me for the sin that i have already asked forgiveness for over and over and over.

Forgive me Father. I long to be in right relationship with you. I know I can not be used by You if I am not right. More than any time, I pray to get it right!! I leave for Missouri tomorrow. I am really excited. It is a small church only expecting 25 or so ladies to come and they have done so much praying and advertising that there is almost 75 women coming. They are so excited and I am so excited as well. I love you Jesus - thank you for your forgiveness.

2 funny things the kids did or said.........

1)Sarahjane asked if Daddy and I had quitting dating, like we had broken up....... I asked why, and she replied with "well, we don't ever get a sitter anymore." I love that she noticed we do date and that we had not been in a while. Just been so busy...... no excuse!

2) Tucker - DO NOT REPEAT THIS ILLINOIS FRIENDS - asked if he smelled this morning - like in a bad way............... I told him nope not this morning, but it might help if he brushed his teeth. He went brushed his teeth and THEN used mouth wash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he actually talked to people at school i might think he had planned on planting "one" on a girl today. Sometimes we do need to watch out for those quiet ones. ha ha He is growing up and this is one area i am really excited about. We are on our way to no more stinky boys!!!

Have a great day and have so much fun with the Savior this day. I am going to change my hair color....................................... oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!