270 - Settled in.

Lord Jesus - last night was a rough one. My Belleigh Bean, Elleigh, had the croup and coughed or barked her head off all night. Needless to say, i did not sleep well. I remember when i was little and got the croup often, I always knew the next morning was going to be awesome. If you got the croup you had to go to Derrick's and get hot chocolate and hashbrowns to soothe your throat. That was a family restaurant in Palestine, Tx. that my family frequented and where my brother started his singing talent as the bus boy. Oh those are great memories, I can taste the hashbrowns right now. But in normal croup virus fashion, she is fine this morning or at least the barking is down just to a coughing hack or is that a hacking cough?

I am excited for today as it is suppose to be up to 76. I am going to live outside and see if i can get a tan - ha ha! The girls and I were going to go to Evansville, but no way when it is this pretty. Clay has gone to Chicago, but only for a short trip. Someone said to him yesterday, "I wish i had your job." implying he had a cushy job. When he is home he is home, but when he is gone, he is gone. No one sees all the 3am or 4am times he pulls to get to the airport, etc. I just replied to Clay - now you know how a stay at home mom feels. Many people have asked - what do you do all day??? I reply with just sit, watch TV, and eat bon bons. I don't like to sit and do nothing. I hate watching TV, but let me tell you - girl could eat some bon bons! hee hee Well enough of the rambling.

2 Sam. 2:3-7 Our man David, wives (still not sure about that), and his "army" have settled down in Hebron. This town has so much history. Abraham, Jacob, Joshua, etc.......... I love the word settled. I can see David stretching out in his recliner (we call ours big blue) and taking in a deep breath. Exhaling a "Praise You, Lord. We finally have a place to call home and plant our feet." I feel much of the same way about my new home. God has blessed me with some many wonderful friends and opportunities that i can stretch out at the end of the day and exclaim, "The Lord has been so good to us." I am especially thankful I am not sharing my new home with 2 husbands or worse another wife and husband. Now that would be too much! ha ha

In verse 4 it states in one sentence that the guys from Judah came and anointed David as King. I think it is just interesting that there was no big party mentioned, no feast, no big anything. He was just anointed and made King over the house of Judah. The nation of Israel will be next, but for now it is just Judah. I wonder what David did? Did he collapse in years of exhaustion, did he scream like a girl with excitement, did he bow in silence, did he cry tears of joy, did he run around like a dog chasing his tail??? What did he do? I know he was praising, but how?? Worship is so different for each person. He was settled and now crowned. What a day!!

The last thing he did in normal David style, but just amazing to me when i get fleshy!! He commended the guys for giving Saul a proper burial and promised protection for them because of the kindness they showed Saul and his family. On a bad day, I would have probably been a little leery of their loyalty to me. If they did right to Saul, then maybe they were really looking to bury me next - that is if i were in David's shoes. But to Saul's dieing days and thereafter, David treated him as the king that he was, the anointed of God even though the Lord had left him long ago. David knew the graciousness of God that if Saul did get it right God might come and inhabit his body again. In if that did ever occur, I think David never wanted to be accused of taking down God's man. Just my thoughts!

Lord, help me to love an respect those that You have placed in positions. Help me to "be for" and not work against those in authority. Help me to be more of a David and all of Christ. May my life be a reflection of glory. Thank you for today and heal Elleigh, please. I love you, Lord.

266 - Don't Mess with the King

Lord - Wow, I am a bit in shock over the scripture this morning. 2 Samuel 1 tells of a soldier that came to David to verify that King Saul and his sons were dead. He went on to say he knew King Saul was dead because he was the one that finished him off because the enemy was about to make a major sport of him. So this guy escape from where he was to tell David and I am sure in hopes of being rewarded. I know he is thinking he has done a great thing. Well David freaks and has the man killed. This is a hard scripture to understand.

This man thought he was doing the right thing and then was glad to tell about it. Maybe his motive was impure in seeking reward or hoping to be the hero for the day, but when telling David of it, I feel like he thought he was bringing David relief and peace. I think he was thinking - I am going to tell David that the man that has been chasing him for years and causing such havoc on his life, is now dead and here is the proof. He might have been thinking - David is going to be so proud to know that he can now rule freely without any hiding or opposition from the same team. He is going to make me a position in his kingdom. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

David stuck to his guns about not doing away with the anointed. He had opportunity to kill Saul himself, but never went for it. Until his last breath, Saul was King and David would have honored that. I am just unsure how to apply this to my life. Was David grieving so badly that he did something that he might have regretted? Did David do wrong in taking another's life because he put Saul out of his misery? Was this guy really looking to be honored or was just telling it like it was?

Lord, I know there have been times in my life that I have sought recognition or glory. Maybe in that i have tried to bring another down through words, maybe i have hoped things would turn out differently, maybe i have looked for the honor. Bottom line - even when someone is at fault, we never go to any length to seek recognition. We never take things into our own hands and hope it is right. We always seek - we always ask - we always search out the heart of God before we do anything. Who knows - maybe this guy would have just left Saul there and told David his whereabouts and the situation he left Saul in. Then would David have been mad that he left Saul to die? Would David accused this guy for doing the actual killing? This may have been a no win situation for this poor guy - after all everyone does strange things in times of mourning and grief. David wanted no one to mess with King Saul except the Lord Almighty. Don't mess with God's anointed!

Lord Jesus - our daddy is home - Yeah!!!!!!!!!! Today is one of finishing cleaning, working out, shipping out some CD requests, and PTO meeting at 4pm. I am going to have to run really fast today to make it to that meeting. I guess i will be sweaty. Oh well. I love you Lord. Thank you for the sunshine and warmer days. Praise You!!!!

265 - Rights the Wrongs

Lord Jesus - thank you for a great morning and for meeting with me so early. It has been a great week of relaxing at least in my own mind (I still have been very busy cleaning, etc.,) because I have a few weeks off before another event. I do need to be preparing some other messages coming up, but I wanted to take this week and just rest. Thank you!

I Samuel 31 - Our man Saul has ended up killing himself because he was wounded so critically. So he fell on his sword so that when the enemies found him, they would not make such a sport of his body. They did it anyway, but he obviously didn't know it. Actually the Philistines, the enemy, cut off Saul's head, took all his armor, and then hung his body in a well viewed area. I guess kind of like a man would hang their deer head or duck or whatever you hang up that is dead. Yuck!

My commentary noted that Saul as a young king and early in his position rescued some people from the Philistines. These were the people of Jabesh Gilead. They heard of the tragedy the Philistines were making of Saul and felt obligated to go rescue his body and lay his bones to rest. They did just that. Basically they were trying to right all the wrongs done to Saul because of a loyalty to him.

I have to say that sounds much like my Jesus. Even while we are on this earth Jesus takes care of us and redeems and rescues us. There will be a time that Jesus rights all the wrongs done to us. He is coming back and He is not going to make sport of those that hurt us, but definitely going to make sport of the defeated one - the one that inspired those to wrong us or even made sport of us. This does not just have to do with obviously visible offenses, He is going to right all the wrong words spoken as well. I remember learning about this in the book of Daniel. He is the Judge! Oh how i love that and find such comfort and encouragement in that.

Lord Jesus, I stand (and type) in awe of you. I am amazed at Your Word, your love letter. Thank you for being a righteous judge and ultimate redeemer. Thank you for taking all i have done wrong to others and making it right. Thank you for the convictions on my heart and for the grace and mercy to still love on me. Thank you for Your forgiveness! I deserve nothing, but You have given me everything and all the riches of Heaven. Thank you! Thank you for making those words, misunderstandings, and out and out wrongs and ruling over them. You will see that I am redeemed and those things are made right. Only a righteous and perfect Judge and King could do that. Oh Father you are amazing and eternal. Thank you! I want more of You!

The church I was just at this past weekend has asked me to come back next year. How cool is that! There is a radio station within an hour of Norris City called WBVN - 104.5 on the dial. I found this station when i was in Charlotte and was kind of sad thinking it would be too far to get in my town. But nope - I get it loud and clear. I love it - they are awesome. They are not big on personalities of the station, but on music - duh!!!!!!! Why don't all stations think this way. So I wrote them a short note just saying how much i liked the station and how it was a blessing to me. I feel a connection and drawn to them. So the manager contacted me and asked that I would come on during their fundraiser time next week just for an hour or so and just be on the air telling of my story with them. I am so excited, It is going to be so fun. Thank you, Lord.

Off to a great day of working out, running, cleaning because my parents are coming to town on Friday, and playing with kids. It has been beautiful. Spring is being ushered in. My friends and I that are running together and have challenged each other weighed in on Monday. I lost 3 pounds!! Yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!! Now if i can just keep it up.

261 - Disobedience from Saul

Good Morning Jesus - This morning I find myself not studying the man of David, but Saul. It was a great lesson and one that i had many notes one from a previous sermon. I Samuel 28:1-14 is the situation of Saul getting scared of the Philistines and going to drastic measure to get a "word".

There are times in my life when I am in a situation that I begin to panic for one reason or another. Usually the panic occurs because there has been some disobedience and I am trying to figure out how to reconcile or "fix" the problem. That usually never turns out good. We find Saul in a similar situation. His "rock" had died, Samuel (even though he did not listen to him very often as of late), and so he was YOYO - You on You own! He came up against the Philistines and knew he was in trouble. The scriptures says he was afraid and filled with terror. Why was he scared, afraid and filled with terror - because he knew he was not living his life right and that the Lord had departed from him - there is no reason for the Lord to come through and certainly not bless. Even Saul realized his vast disobedience. "Disobedience facilitates fear" as seen in verse 5 - CLint Pressley. There is no real reason to live in terror and tremendous fear when you are living right and in His will.

Then because the fear was so great and Saul needed an answer quick, he did pray but there was silence! God did not just not answer, He would not answer in any form or fashion. God can speak to me in many many different ways. It is really important to understand how God speaks to us and how He moves in our lives. God had revealed himself to Saul in various ways - dreams, priest (Urim), and prophets. And this time would have been no different IF Saul was not leading such a life of disobedience. But disobedience of any kind cuts communication.

So if you add fear and lines of communication cut all as a result of disobedience you get desperation. Desperate times require desperate measures. But not with our Lord. This is not an uncommon occurrence in my life. I have been here. Because of all the above, you might find yourself doing things you would have never dreamed of doing. Saul does the unthinkable for a "christian king" or at least a follower of Yahweh. He calls on a medium, a fortune teller, a card reader, a phony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was desperate and needed to know his future. I don't think this is really what he wanted to know when he got the results. (Oh wow, that is another devotion right there.) I have never been down that road of fortune telling, but in desperation i have found myself making all kinds of promises, in conversations i should never be in, or worse.

Lord, I just want to live a life that is an honor to You. I don't like being in those predicaments and doing things in desperation. I want to live according to Your ways and give you reason to bless me and my family. I want to walk a very straight and narrow road and You be pleased. Lord, keep me in Your righteousness because on my own, I am nothing. Lord, I need You so badly and need Your purification. I want my thoughts to be your thoughts right off the bat. Lord, I need to retrain my mind. Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy. More and more each day I see Your deliverance and redemption on my life. I am astounded and amazed!! Lord, help me to confess things just as soon as they happen so that my communication with you is not disrupted. I give all my fears to you and want to live in Your confidence. I want to see You do amazing things. Not so much in me or through me - I just want to see You.

Lord Jesus bring our daddy home safely. Thank you for the ways he works so hard! We are so blessed. Thank you and I love you!

236 - Getting Over Sin

It SNOWED - finally. Yeah - Emmajoy has been praying for snow every night. We just bought some snow boots and real snow gloves for all the kids on Tuesday BELIEVING He would bring us some snow. Thank you Lord - Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Jesus - from time to time my QT will get a bit stale. Not because of You, but because I get in rut or too much of routine. So for my praise time I have pulled back out my portable CD player and am lifting You up first thing. This morning is listen to Amazing Grace (My Chains are gone) by Chris Tomlin. Incredible!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lord does nothing without reason and purpose. So my listening to that particular song was not a mistake. We looked at Saul again and his jealousy towards David. He sent his men to go to his very own daughter's house, Michal, to have him killed. She got wind of this and sent David out the window to escape. All this is in I Samuel 19:9-18. This is how timely our Lord is in bringing this song to me today...............Jealousy - that is, I would think, something we have all been overwhelmed by or at least dealt with on a small level. It can feel like chains that weigh you down and only the Amazing Grace of our Lord can break the bond that is sapping your life! But how - how can we get over these feelings................. love!

I heard an interview of Chris Tomlin speaking about Passion - the national college conference. Chris said this was one place that all these famous musicians and speakers get together and there is such a bond of oneness. There were no walls - just love and acceptance. So that says to me that even the spiritual big dogs have moments of jealousy and competition or at least comparison that rears its head and must be dealt with. But how, I ask again - How do we get rid of something that is so natural and fleshly????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!???

To get rid of the natural and fleshy parts of us, it must be dealt with by the Supernatural and Holy.
1) We first must acknowledge these feelings to the Lord and seek repentance.
2) We begin to pray consistently for this person or situation - pray God will bless them and use them in mighty ways. We may not feel this or like this, but it is part of the process.
3) Turn the focus back to yourself for a moment and ask God to show you what it is inside that makes you feel inferior or want what the other person has so bad.
4) Ask God to reveal scriptures to you to carry with you at all times. When these feelings come back pull out that WORD to speak out loud so to scare satan away and yourself actually hear the healing He is bringing through His Word.
5) Understand you are not perfect - most of us have no problem with that and possibly use it as an excuse - and only He can deliver you from this. Only He can break the chains!
6) Pray for a deep love and admiration for this person and begin to believe it.
7) Thank Him for this refining time and praise Him through the storm!

Lord, thank you for those ways of getting over jealousy. I have seen You do a work in me that is miraculous and yet there is still work to be done. I go to Evansville tonight to speak to a MOPS and POPS group for their Valentine's dinner. I am doing a very scaled down version of Beauty and the Bedroom because of the men in the room. It is going to be fun! Lord, I love you and am excited to see You show up in a big way. I love you!! Shine Jesus shine!

235 - Lots on My Heart

Lord Jesus - Good morning. Thank you for Clay getting home safely and for a restful night. The kids had practice, but I stayed home with the younger ones. It was great just sitting around watching American Idol and House. The shows come on 1 hour earlier here and that just really messes me up. The kids are up for AI and then It is hard to put them to bed properly before House gets going. I know silly!!!

I went yesterday to get my drivers license and you have to have all but your first born with you and take a test. Oh goodness. I didn't pass that thing the first time i took it in high school (no drivers training though), how will i pass it this time!

There are so many things on my heart that I want to do, but just don't know where to start or how to do them or even if I should embark. Father, I need You to speak clearly so that I can understand Your leading. Many of them have to do with women's ministry around here, but yet I don't have a church that I am solidly connected to just yet. Many of the things I am interested in are more global, but yet I feel like my feet need to be planted first. Lord, lead us in that area.

I studied Saul again and his jealousy. I Sam. 18:17-30. This is where he was trying to play as a distraction to David and hopefully get him killed. He even got one of his daughters to marry him, luckily she was in love with him, thinking that the Philistines would want to kill him more if he was the king's son in law. The scripture does not say much about David. I would love to hear his thoughts about a mad man chasing him around and all he was dealing with. It really just concentrates on the irrationality of Saul and how jealousy totally consumes him and eventually destroys him. Again and again it states that the Lord was with David. Lord be very evident in my life as to appear different and of course act differently.

Father, You are so holy and are made to worship. So as i close out my time and am about to begin a new day, I pray that I can worship You all day. Lord, I want to live by Your leadings and complete the calling You have on my life. I want to make Your name famous and somehow forget all my desires. I want the world to know what a changed life You have given me and how Your peace is better than a million dollars. I don't know what a million dollars is like, but I know You would be better. Lord Jesus, even if I don't cry out about Your faithfulness and righteousness, the rocks will. Lord, may I be one that You can trust in and remain faithful. Lord, as i train my kids allow them to know You, I mean really know You. I want to do better at being with them when i am there. I know You never even turn to glance in another direction when I am praying. I have Your full attention and I want to give that to my kids more often. Make my encouragements to Clay what he needs and for Your glory. May I learn to do things that bring You honor and me nothing. May i be happy for those that are doing different things than me and truly understand it is bringing others closer to You! I want to see Your plans, but more than anything I want to see Your glory!!! Fill me now and allow me to live in You! I love you!!

233 - A Jealous Eye

Oh Lord - this morning the scripture hit home. Jealousy got the best of Saul and eventually did him in. I Samuel 18: 5-18. This is where David was sent out by Saul to fight because he had been so successful in all the things the kind had asked him to do. As David was coming back, the women, of course the women, were singing a chant about how well Saul had done in the past and how David was superseding that by leaps and bounds. To the regular person listening it might have just sounded like they were just stating how proud they were of him and how well he had done. But to one with a jealous eye (verse 9) and that usually means great insecurity, their words or chants cut deep. Their words may have only been encouragement and pride, but to Saul it was if they were saying - You were good in your day, but one is greater than you now. He is our man and you are old trash. You had it, but now you don't. We can no longer use you. You think you are something, but we have found something better. Pack it up and go home. Get off the porch because only the big dogs hang out here. Ok - maybe i went a little too far.

But I have been there. I have been the one with a jealous eye and any praise towards that person doesn't just seem like praise - it sounds like a rejection personally. Oh what it comes down to is believing a lie. Satan whispering in your ear that they don't need you anymore, that one has come along better and that you services are no longer needed. To a people pleaser and one that is a words of affirmation kind of gal that can only make things extremely worse.

Lord, please do away with the Saul in me. Lord help me to realize that Your will for me is the best and what I am equipped to do with excellency - nothing more and nothing better. Protect my heart from complete take over of seeds of jealousy. Protect me from my ways and thoughts. Protect me from ugliness and unholiness. Lord, I want so much to be like you in more than just actions. I want to think like You without a moment's hesitation. Be with my today and always the way You were with David. (verse 12) I love you Lord.

230 - Facing My Giants

Lord Jesus - one of my favorite stories from Your Word is David and Goliath. I Samuel 17:31-58 is the actual account. It is so exciting to read and I can just hear certain prayers of my past as i referred to this promise and faithful claim of David's confidence in the Lord. As sleepy as i am right now, I still get excited knowing He will defeat my giants as well. Just to have faith has nothing to do with it, it has to do with knowing that my Big and awesome God can defeat anything with the smallest of resources. As Beth Moore said it much better, "Faith in faith is empty and useless, but faith in an active, living God can move mountains."

Lord a couple of things stuck out to me. When David is talking with Saul kind of like convincing the King, "I can do this", he goes on to tell him about things he has done in his past. Many times I am scared to tell about things You have done in my past in fear of making the person jealous that God has not done that in their life, or simply coming off braggadocios! UGH - why can't we just share about all the lion and bears we have ripped about through His grace and mercy.

1) we have to be careful who we tell our successes to. To God be all the glory, of course, but if you have had situation with one in the past, if would be appropriate to not go there. Saul was looking for a hero or "Holding out for hero" (remember that song) and David need to make sure the King knew he was capable. There was a reason for the king to know that and it was not just an FYI kind of thing.

2) Be specific. David did not just claim to have a feeling "Well, i just really feel in my heart I can do this". No David was stating what had been done in the past and how His God could easily do it again. Love it... Be specific. I used to have a notebook of how God did things in our family's life or things He miraculously provided for us, but i stopped. God never stopped, but i just quit recording them. It was my Provisions Notebook. I put ways that God had done things for us so the kids could look back one day and be encouraged, filled with faith in the Almighty, and strengthen that He could do it in their lives as well. I really ought to start that up again. Maybe this blog is serving as that.

3) I love that David tried to wear what was suggested by the King for armor, but he was confident in how God had worked through him in the past. He knew his strength and the way God had finitely developed a talent in him and wanted to use it for God's glory - for His service. Lord, too often i want to grab other's talents to do something in Your service. But Lord You have equipped me very specifically to fulfill my calling, purpose, and my service unto You. Help me to be thankful and always willing to use what You have given me for Your glory and honor.

I am leaving for Hanover, In. today. I am excited to see You work in this weekend. Lord Jesus, thank you for your many blessings. You are so wonderful and have provided me with so many things and opportunities. Lord, there are a few things in the works. Would You please give the decision makers the confidence in knowing I ma the one to come or not? I want to do it, but only You know whether it is my time for whatever particular church.

We also went tot the PTO meeting last ngiht. It was exciting because there is a great potential - they already do some great things. I know Clay will want to help with that - the only man - but the best he can. I love to see him get excited about something and want to help.

Kristy (Harris) Hancock sent me flowers yesterday as a welcome to the neighborhood. How incredibly sweet and kind. I am still blown away by the welcoming nature of this place and the acceptance. Boy if i was having a hard time, there would certainly be reason to get my chin up. Lord, thank you!! May you get all glory and honor. May i be used to exalt You and bring fame to You. I want to serve You, show me today what that looks like. I love you.

226 - Faith is moving!

Oh Lord Jesus have you given me a great word this morning. Praise You. Just this past weekend and many times before i was talking about having feet on our faith. Or i usually say it "Putting Feet to our Faith". There is a time to sit and just wait on the Lord. We need His direction and want to know what we are to do in a situation, so we are LED to a time of sitting before Him and waiting for the answer. That does take much faith when you are a person like me that wants to be doing and getting the job done for the Lord. Waiting is really hard!

But the above scenario I believe must be a direct leading from the Lord. He says to stop and wait, then you do that. I see so many times ladies just confused on what He wants them to do and so they sit and wait hoping He is going to drop a letter on their laps or bring someone to them to give them the Word. In that case, from my perspective, it does not take a lot of faith to just sit and wait. And if we really get down to the true heart I think many times the one sitting has been made aware of what they are to do, but it doesn't look as fun as someone else's "project" or gift, so they refuse to go and are just "waiting for the Lord" to bring along something better.

I Samuel 14:1-14 was some great Words this morning. Jonathon, Saul's son, had decided he was going to do what his father should have done and attack the Philistines. He did not have a direct word from the Lord, but knew in the whole scheme of things this was God's will. SO he got off his toosh and put some movement to his faith, put feet to his faith. He and his armor-bearer were going to take on some unsuspecting guys and do all they could do. He basically said in verse 6-7 that we don't have a ton of men nor do we have a lot of resources, but if God wants to move and save us He can by little or by a lot. Jonathan did not do things by normal means. But he had enough faith knowing that the Lord had his back and could bring victory if He wanted.

As my commentary says, God calls into action, then no matter what your resources, act and let God take care of the rest. This is how i feel about many things in ministry. Getting a book completed and published, taking Speaking Thru Me to the next level - non-profit -, and speaking across the world. Lord, i do not have all the resources that one might say you need to get the job done. All of the above take a huge amount of money. I do not have the education that i would think is needed to really effectively and with great authority teach the scriptures. I am not really trained by any means to speak. But the key is that I have the faith, even though very little and i so desire more, that He will get His things accomplished. I believe He is going to start small and test my faith and my "movements" right here at home first. What things is He calling me to that I can be faithful in here in Norris city before going on? Lord lead me.

Lord i beg for Your favor and your Neh. 1 kind of success. I want to stay on Your path and help fight Your fights. Guide me Savior. Keep in a state of confession, and line me up with Your will.

I love you and Praise You. Worthy of all praise and adoration unto You. Holy Holy Holy.

223 - I Can't Wait!

This morning Father - i hit snooze, but actually hit "off". Ugh - I needed to get a jump on today because i leave tomorrow morning, but here i am. But thank you for your Word this morning.

I Samuel 13:6-16 - Everything was falling down around Saul. I mean his men were scattering and things were not going in a positive direction as far as war was concerned. He panicked. Oh my oh my - I have been there many times. I sense a direction God is telling me to go and then it gets closer to the "appointed" time. I don't see His work - note: His work is not always visible for my little eyes to see. He is much bigger than doing everything so we can see. - and this is when the panic begins to set in. Well, since i don't see Him in this just yet, what will happen if i just help out a little bit? What will happen if i go ahead and make that call? What would happen if i go ahead of God all in the name of trying to do His will. Bottom line - disobedience.

Saul was told the instructions of the Lord through Samuel. Go to Gilgad and wait for 7 days. Then Samuel will show up and offer a burnt and fellowship offering before they go into war. The 7th day had arrived, but Samuel had yet to show up. Saul's men were scared and retreating. Saul knew the instructions to wait, but also knew what Samuel would do when he got there. So Saul went ahead and offered up the offerings himself. He did the job that was only to be done by a priest - definitely not one that had blood of another on his hands! It was only partial disobedience right? It was only a little flub-up. It was only just a little helping. Bottom line - disobedience!!!

Verse 11 is a sad indication of Saul's leadership as well. He blamed everyone and took no responsibility. It was his men's fault and also Samuel's fault for not showing up sooner. I don't know if Samuel was actually late or if he was just not there soon enough on the 7th day, nevertheless, he took things into his own hands because he just couldn't wait.

Once again - i hate to see so much of Saul in my life - but i have been there. I just couldn't wait and took things into my own hands. I just couldn't wait to see what authorities in my life decided so i moved on ahead. I just couldn't wait to see how the Lord would work things out and so i just did a few things on my own. It is disobedience!! Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord, please forgive me. I know i am not very patient. I want to be more like You, change my heart. I remember back in I Sam. 10:6 how you changed Saul into a different person. Lord, i know the day you came into my heart you made me a different person - maybe not so evident at that time since i was so young, but you made me different than what i wold have been without you. Lord, praise You. I know you can do it, make things different and new. Lord, keep training me and allow me to be good learner. Make me different today than i was yesterday. Help me to wait on you and never say, "I just can't wait." I am excited for the future, but i don't want to jump ahead or even "help" You out. Take control Father! I love you!

222 - To Please the People

Heavenly Father, this morning i come to you with a bit of discouragement. My son did it again....... he called home sick when there was not one thing wrong with him. We had a great night planned of friends coming over to eat and then going to the grade school basketball game and it was all ruined. I am not so sad about not getting to do all that as i am that he lied and pulled this trick again. UGH!!!!! Tucker is very intense and so while he may not be physically sick, there is something going on in his mind. I asked his teacher if there was a test or if he had gotten embarrassed in class or just anyhing to help me understand. As of right now i still don't know any explanation other than just not wanting to ride the bus home... I knew as soon as i walked in the school to get him he was not sick. He gave me a half smile and was eating an iced cookie. I could have snatched him bald-headed!!! Tucker sat is his room the rest of the day and evening. He got to come out for dinner, but then went right back in his room. I wil say praise You, Lord. I had just prayed yesterday about our relationship and how i react. You did allow me to keep my cool and just deliver the consequences without any obvious anger. Thank you. He may not have passed his test, but I think I was victorious - thank YOU>

One the biggest things that i struggle with is people pleasing. I want to make all those around me happy and I want to make those that i love the most happy and proud. The conflict arises when parties have 2 different ideas for my life or 2 different requests or 2 different of anything. It puts me in a tailspin or at very least a pickle. In I Samuel 10:17-27 we see how Saul reacted in a positive way to those that are opposing him or are not in agreement with his newly appointed position. By positive i mean, he didn't really react at all. Saul was just crowned king and most of the people were pleased with this decision. But the scripture says in verse 27 that some troublemakers doubted his abilities and despised him. The final victory for Saul was the last sentence in that verse, "But Saul kept silent."

As a leader at different times in my life, i certainly have been the one that has not always been liked or has been the one that did not please everyone. For a people pleaser like me that can absolutely eat you up. I begin to dwell on what i have done to the person or how i can win them over later or what i can possibly do to change their mind. Instead of focusing on what the Lord would have in my life and continuing serving those that i have been in leadership over, i can get consumed with those that don't like me or are not pleased with me. It requires so much energy from me and is actually handicapping - i think that can be a word, well at least today.

On top of being a people pleaser i am also non confrontational. So while the dislike of me by someone else is consuming every one of my breaths, i don't want to talk about it with the person. How incredibly insane is that!!! Ugh!!! I hate it. Lord, i know that i can not please everyone and i know that i can not make everyone happy. Lord Jesus, help me to rest in Your convictions for my life and what You are requiring of me. Help me to not be consumed by thoughts of winning over the one that can never really "cross over", so to speak. I ultimately need more self-control. Self-control to not immediately run to those opposing me to try to win favor. Self-control to not let my mind run rampant with insecurities. Self-control to not speak out and try to prove my case, cause, or point. Self-control to keep my mouth shut and be silently strong and confident allowing You to shine and come through proving Your point!!!

I love you Jesus. I want Your favor, I want Your confidence, I want Your strength, and I want Your pleasure over me. Good and Faithful servant - I live my life to hear those words someday!

219 - Patiently awaiting Your plan

Lord, thank you for a good week and last night was a great way to end it. We went out with 2 set of friends and had an awesome time. We laughed so hard that my stomach kind of is sore this morning. Jeff Neal can just get you in stitches. We used our first sitter last night and she was awesome. Wonderful Christian girl and looks just like my old friend Blair. I know Tucker won't mind having her over. She is a sweetheart.

Afton, Courtney, and I just had a blast last night. Afton is so witty and Courtney has such a way of telling stories. I really enjoyed myself. We relived lots of old high school stories of Clay and Jeff. Craig had just to endure, but he was moved to laughing tears many times as well. He is a great guy and has such a calming way about him. One of the guys, i won't release the name, needed some chapstick. SO i offered some of mine, but actually it was lip plumper by Bath and Body. It was hilarious!!

This morning I studies in I Samuel 16:14-23 again. I have been over this passage many times, even blogged about it, but it still strikes me as very interesting. I have always found it so interesting that the Lord, God Almighty, place an evil spirit on Saul to torment him. Wow - all i really know to comment on that is that God IS in control of even the spirit world, good and bad. The Holy Spirit had the liberty to come and go on people in the Old Testament. He left Saul many times and finally for good later on.

To strengthen him and get relief from the evil spirit Saul would call on David, our little shepherd boy, to play his harp. I love the verse when the servant is telling Saul about David being able to play the harp real well. He says is verse 18, "He is brave and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the Lord is with him." I wonder if the last sentence was kind of whispered off to the side in such a way that maybe the king, Saul, would not hear. The servant, i am sure, wanted to get Saul relief from the evil spirit even more than Saul wanted to get relief. He was having to put up with all Saul's complaining and griping. But yet knowing Saul was a believer, not always a follower, the servant didn't want to offend the king so it kind of like he snuck in that -"And the Lord is with him."

Lord Jesus - the other thing i can never forget about this passage is that David had already been anointed king by Samuel. Actually just a few verses ahead of this. So technically David is the king, but is waiting for his appointed time to reign. Oh I know i could never be that patient or that incredibly serving. David was playing his harp and serving for the dude that God "had left" and was no longer empowering as His king of Israel. David, even as a young lad, knew he was "the man", but was patient enough to wait for God to move and put him into power. I am just blown away by all that.

I know that God has a plan for me, but i think ONE of the reason i don't know the specifics is because i would be trying to help and move the process along faster - providing that i liked it and was sold out to it... Oh Lord, please help me to remain faithful. Help me to be in Your will and be patient to see it fulfilled without any of my doings. Help me to be proud for those that are already in a place i want or think that You have promised to me. Help me to be patient with those promises knowing that You will never let me down or not follow through. Jesus, i want to be your warrior and servant. I want to be your "go to girl". I want to see Your glory. Help to see Your vision and plan for me and not what I want it to be.

I love you Lord and am excited to see You move - even today!