524 - What a Day and Looking Ahead

Lord Jesus - thank you thank you thank you for such an incredible day yesterday. Speaking at Long Hollow was such a dream come true. That is an amazing church and God is doing such a wonderful thing. Their pastor, Bro. David (I love that they call him Bro.), is such a to the point, right on, no sugar coating kind of preacher. Love that!!! The ladies there were so warm and open and accepting. Thank you Father. You gave me quite a deep message, but you were able to communicate it through me that I don't think came off to "booky" or boring. I had fun - true - but God was present in that room and I believe there were some ladies that did not leave the same! Praise you, Lord - only You could do that! My Aunt Judy came to support me and was just incredibly awesome. Of course many of the ladies knew her and were so kind. Now that I am an adult - I am an adult, right? - we don't seem that far apart in age. It is really cool.

On my way home I was able to talk with my friend Lisa for a long time. Have you checked out her blog - she is a truly gifted writer - http://www.lisawhittle.blogspot.com/ - even has a her second book coming out in a few months! Sure did make my ride home so much shorter - and then I enter into the Blue Grass state that must not use cell phones and all was shut off. Great talking with you for the time though, Lisa! ***I just realized Lisa has a contest going on as well. Go check it out and give it a try. You will be pleased if you win!

I also heard from Greg, the True Love Waits organizer, youth minister in Tenn. He was giving me the 411 about that event coming up! I am so excited about that as well.

It has become so obvious to me that I have a lot of things going on and I need prayer. I don't just need a prayer, but rather a prayer team. I don't just mean just for me, but for the ministry as a whole. God confirmed this yesterday. I usually put out a sheet asking people if they want to sign up for the newsletter, prayer, etc. - that is in the works - and yesterday I had an overwhelming yes. Tons of sign ups and just blew me away. I have asked a lady to work on a price to make a blog button, but am waiting on that. I need a price first, but am excited to see how it could turn out.

If you are reading this and so felt led to be on a prayer team for Speaking Thru Me, would you leave a comment or email me and let me know??? cletus104 at gmail dot com.

I leave tomorrow morning for Wisconsin. It is a long trip!! I fly out tomorrow at 11am and don't fly back in until Sunday around 11am. I don't particularly like being gone on a Sunday especially when I won't get to worship with that group and gone from my family - I will be flying around the skies - i guess I will be closer to the heavenlies! ha ha! Just details - I speak 2 times on Saturday if the Lord prompts you to pray. Morning and afternoon!

Not too spiritual today, I am actually just overwhelmed by His goodness and grace. I am overwhelmed at His movement yesterday and the way the message come together after a long struggle. It was a fight to get it all down on paper. Not sure it has ever been that hard before. I am overwhelmed that in spite of me He can still make good of all my mistakes, inadequacies, pride, and selfishness. Oh Holy Father!! I love and praise you. I am humbled to be called your servant. Thank you Jesus - please do it again!!!

523 - sweet - just too sweet!

Got this in an email just the other day - Sweet - just nothing other than sweet!!! Silly girls!!

If no ones else loves me my Tennessee girls do!!! It is my roots - deep roots!!

Love y'all too!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the surprise!!

522 - But WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Lord Jesus, there are many times in my life I just need to know why. You have been given "a" or "b" situation to walk through and yet the main thing I am concerned with is WHYYYYYYYYY! The why can actually really be a frustrating thing to me. Even though i am very laid back in personality I still have this longing to know why someone does something, why God allows such to happen, or why I just reacted or acted in such a way. You know, kind of like i stepped out of my body and didn't even know I was going to act that way! WHY!!!

Is it my place to know why Lord? Is there any real importance or would it really help me to strive harder if I knew the why to everything? What is it about the why that would make me feel better. I guess for me it is the loss of control that is tough. It is for me the unknown. It is fear of how long this could last. It is just not understanding the purpose!!! That is tough!!

I read through another random chapter in Job. Chapter 33. Here we have another friend instructing Job on why he can not hear from God and why God has him going through all this - or rather why it happened in the first place. This friend claimed Job was just not listening to God. But my own my, Job had nothing but time to listen to God and was doing so - or at least trying!!! That was not it!! I don't really have any scripture dissection to tell about - bummer, I love that stuff. But rather just a point that I learned from the commentary - nothing on my own this morning - no revelations from God to me per say.

Job up to this point is really getting frustrated with not knowing why he is going through such terrible things and pain. He has been recounting his days and trying to figure out every mistake he might have made to bring it before the Lord to seek forgiveness and redemption. That was not the deal! Knowing the why of something brings security in a sense and Job wanted and pleaded with the Lord to know why. Then my guy said the most profound thing - "Job's greatest test was not the pain, but that he did not know why he was suffering. Our greatest test may be that we trust God's goodness even though we don't understand why our lives are going a certain way. We must learn to trust in God who is good and not in the goodness of life."

My youth minister, Ergun, said one time, "What you believe is more important than what you feel. And what God says is more important than what I want to believe or want to feel." Wow, that is profound. We want to know and feel and be informed. Or at least I do and that is not trust. Yes, we trust God, but I still want control and want to be informed. That is not real trust. Real trust I think I lam earning this morning is not just accepting God through the trials that seem to make sense or you can see the end, but leaning on His righteousness and His goodness - His never changing, all-knowing, secure, faithful, and gentle characteristics!!! GOD.

Lord, thank you!! Thank you for teaching me to trust you more. I can say I believe I have only ever scraped the surface of trust. Lord, I want to know you better in this area too. I want to trust your goodness and not the life that is going good that You are in as well. Thank you for revealing your scripture to me and giving me the help of the commentaries to understand it. Lord, I love your Word. I leave very early in them morning for Nashville. I speak at Long Hollow tomorrow. I am excited - this is an incredible church!!! Then I come back they same day for only a moment. I fly out for a long weekend in Wisconsin!! I am excited about this one too!! Jennifer who has been planning everything has been sooooooooooooooooooo organized!! These are brand new messages. Lord, help me to internalize them, passionize them (that is my word), and speakanize them in such a way that Your purpose and plan is reveal in a new and different way to these ladies!! I am looking for not one person to leave the same!! Encounters Lord, we want you to invade everything!!!! Especially the hearts!!! Can't wait to see you there!! Amen!

521 - Joy and Pain, Sun Shine and Rain

Dear Lord - we had absolutely a wonderful weekend. Friday night we got a sitter and went with 5 other couples to Jillian's and to eat. We bowled and that was great! Then Saturday came along and we had 2 ball games and I went to my very first estate sale. It was kind of creepy walking through some one's stuff, but it was so neat too. There is still one sideboard I have my eye on, and it should be 20% off today - IF it is still there! And then Saturday night we went to Burzynski's to have a game night with 4 other couples. It is such an honor to be invited to things when you have not lived in this town very long. People are so .....................inviting! And then of course Sunday school and church were incredible! wow - Luke preached his heart out.

I have to say this......... Over my 35 years of life I have been involved in many different churches on many different levels. I have just passed through a church for a weekend, I have visited churches on vacation, I have been a long time member at a church, and even a short time member at times! (Seems like in college you changed membership every semester.) But I don't think I have ever been part of church with a staff so incredibly humble and with a deep, deep, deep longing to know the Lord and for all of us knuckle heads to "get it". Luke Raczykowski and Brad Vinyard are truly one of a kind. And then to make things even more awesome their wives are totally involved and wouldn't have it any other way. They both help lead music, lead worship, and lead the church. It is..................just wow, I am just so thankful to be there and under their leadership and authority! I just had to say it! We are blessed. AND we recently had another boy come that is Tucker's age. I have finally just put it all together that I know the mom from a school that I went to sale purses. I knew she was so familiar, but I could not place it...

In Sunday School yesterday we were talking about fear and then we got off on this tangent about sin and consequences. There was a brief discussion about how there are some things out of our control and they are really bad that happen to us. When those things happen some times it is just purely a test or trial that we have been chosen to go through. Then other times it truly could be a consequence of our sin at some time or another. We are not the ones to determine the way it is for anyone, but to encourage the person through it. It is hard either way! But i made the statement that I don't think often enough we allow our thoughts to go to the consequences, punishment, discipline side of things. We want to quickly let each other off or more so ourselves by explaining away a bad situation when the person that is going through it knows good and well what may very well be happening. I am not making any sense, but I am to me. But still like i said before it is not "us" to decide the reason someone is going through something, but to encourage them through it. But having said that - in my own life I am much more quickly to say God has been gracious to give me this trial because He thought I could be a good example of how one is to act through a trial than I am to acknowledge to others that I have been extremely unfaithful in my church attendance and quiet time (just an example here!) or whatever my faults may be and God is getting my attention.

Today I went to Job 6. There is man that had some trial, ordained by God, and really had not done much to receive such turmoil. I don't know the whole story completely, but from what I understand Job is replying to his oldest and wisest friend. This guy was actually telling him to hang in there because God would come through and rescue. He will save you, just hang in there. Good advice and wise friend!!

In verse 8-9 of chapter 6 Job is just asking for one request. It has gotten so bad and unrelenting that he does not want to go on any longer. He wants to die. Side note: verse 9 says "to let loose his hand and cut me off!" To me that is so important. Job understood how secure his salvation was. Even though he was going through such total despair he realized that he had not lost his salvation. When we are engraved in the palm of God's hands the only way to be apart from the Lord Jesus would be cut off. He can not just open His hands and drop us as some believe. He can not just say, I'm done and flick us off His hand. No, even Job knows that God would have to cut part of Himself off to be rid of us! Boy, do I love that Lord!

But the part that I am most intrigued about is the statement in verse 10 - "my joy in unrelenting pain". Job is saying that if God did cut him off he would still have joy in the midst of pain - why? Because "I had not denied the words of the Holy One." Wow - that is incredible confidence and joy. To be going through all that Job was, including a wife that was telling you to renounce everything and friends that wanted you to curse God and still have a JOY AND not to deny the words of God!!! Wow - how can I get like that? How can I prepare to have that kind of attitude if I do have to go through something such as that or at least that tragic.

What is the equation for joy - we have to know what we believe and then believe it...out loud! The only way to have joy in unrelenting pain is to know the Word and be able to hang on every Word. We have to be able to call up the Scriptures, characteristics of God, stories of faithfulness, acknowledge the disciplines, and then walk in it!!! Job had major trials and testings - I am not sure I know anyone that has gone through anything so bad. I would say my Aunt Joyce losing her son, daughter in law, and 2 grandsons all at the same time in a tornado would be very close. Job wanted to end life, he wanted to take things into his own hands - very normal reaction in the midst of tragedy. But no, Job pressed on and even had unexplained joy in the unrelenting pain.

That is almost too much for my mind to comprehend!! Thank you Jesus for this example. Thank you Jesus for your Joy!!! Thank you Jesus for your Word. Thank you Lord for You. Oh Jesus, I want to know you more. I want to understand your Word to even greater depths. I want to be changed every time I come to your word! I want to be drawn to You and stay in presence forever. I want to be completely sold out and a Jesus freak!! (Me and Toby Mac) I love you!!

520 - Dear Donald

Dear Donald, This is Leigh Gray. We met yesterday in Evansville as you were quickly doing my nails. (Oh by the way, I was not late! I asked God to do something special with the time and guess what? When I arrived at the doctors they were running behind so that made me right on time. He came through.) I enjoyed our conversation and just can not stop thinking about everything you said. I had to write you here in hopes that you might see it and understand better about my God.

First of all, Donald, I want to apologize for any and every Christian you have seen that has given you a false interpretation of who my God really is. He is the Creator of all, He is Master of the Universe, He is perfect, He is the Judge, He is everything. But He is grace, He is mercy, He is forgiveness, He is patience. He doesn't just possess those qualities, He is!! Sometimes we as Christians allow life to get in the way of what we know to be true of our Lord. We display much worry saying to the outside world that He is not capable of handling things. We have little faith as if to say He has let us down before or has been imperfect. Nope, not my God! We talk rudely or at the very least very unbecomingly of the standard a Christian is to be held at. Forgive us for not looking any different. We are so selfish in our dealings with the world and I am, again, so sorry Christians as a whole have not given your a correct opinion of who the Lord God is.

In the Bible, James 2:14 says "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save Him?" Donald, I know you said over and over you are just waiting for faith to hit you - like when you had faith then you would believe. You are obviously a very intelligent young man and there was no way I could even hang with you in a conversation trying to explain the whys about everything. It takes faith to believe that God will save you from hell, but that is only the beginning. Like I said yesterday, we have to start somewhere. But if you take the first step and asking God to come into your life I promise, promise, promise He will be faithful to grow your faith and show Himself to you. He wants you to know Him better so that is something He will make sure happens. I know you want to have it all together first and be ready to really die for this "thing". That is so incredibly honorable. But frankly you will never be ready, prepared enough, nor sinless enough to approach the Lord. That is why He died for you and for me! I could never be good enough on my own. He made a way!!

Faith is not something to be figured out, but there should be some evidence that one has faith. In your life it would just be the fact of stepping towards God and asking Him into your life. All the other stuff will come if you seek Him. It really is very easy as far entering into a relationship with Him. But to understand the ins and outs of faith first, it just won't happen. And that is an OK thing!

I can soooooooooo appreciate your honesty. It was as if time stopped for us to have our conversation. Donald, God is reaching out for you. He has a plan for your life and is waiting for you to take the first step. You told me that I was the second or third person you had had a conversation with in the last few days about God and faith. I am so thankful for the lady that invited you to church! Even if you don't have faith and do not believe in God find a church and stick with it. It will not be perfect and certainly not the people inside, but God will reveal Himself to you!!! But as I was saying, God is reaching out to you and it is in a very obvious way. I am thankful that you have seen faith in your house, but now it is time to discover and accept it on your own. Yes, your family are ones you can turn to in time of pain or need, and even as wonderful as they are, He is better!!! Oh Donald, He is so much better!!!

I do agree with you about people hiding behind their faith to not have to deal with reality. I have seen that. Instead of confessing their weakness or what I call up "mess-ups" and dealing with consequences, they hide in "I have forgiveness, everything will be fine". You do have a point there! But also, there are those I have seen that are going through things so unexplainable that they have no other option or would have it no other way, but to hide in the Faith they know to be real and peaceful. They hide in the One that can make them rise up for another day. They hide in the Lord who gives them joy in the midst of it all. Now that is the kind of hiding I want to do. You asked me if I can go to bed at night with peace? Oh yes oh yes oh yes!!! God gives us a peace that transcends all human understanding!! I go to bed each night knowing I will see another day - could be in the same room just a few hours later or it will be in Heaven. I have peace that no matter how bad it gets I will not be crushed or destroyed!!! You can have that peace too!!!

I know you said that people should not pray for you because you don't believe. But i believe He is speaking to you and is waiting for you. I have a responsibility to pray for you and I will. Keep your eyes and ears open for more ways God is talking to you. He is calling. Keep your heart open and ready for Him to come close. The ball is in your court and He is waiting. I can only imagine what God would want to do with such an intelligent and handsome young man like you!! I believe!

PS, Donald, I just received word that I did get the True Love Waits event!!! Thank you for your insight in speaking to these kids! I would be thrilled if you left a comment just to say hello.

519 - Stuff with prayer

Today I go to the doctor for another ultrasound and appointment. I am excited to see if things have gotten better with that cyst because I don't "feel" it much anymore. I want to get my thyroid levels retested as well - that is one area I think there is no difference.

I still have not heard about the True Love Waits deal. I don't think that is a good sign.

We got a tiny tad of snow. Yeah, it is pretty!

I speak in Nashville on this coming Wednesday and then go to Wisconsin on that weekend. I need to tidy up my messages. These are great opportunities!!

Ginger and I have about 7 or 8 ladies actively applying for the speaker team and maybe 5 or so to inquire and praying about it. The website is coming along just as fast as we know how to do things. Ginger has been so patient with the guy doing it. Ginger met with a marketing agent to give us idea of getting the word out. Ginger and I would love the opportunity to speak to more churches - bring those please, Lord. Thank you!

Kids are doing well except Emmajoy's allergies are pretty flared up. She is pretty miserable.

The second floor on the house is being sanded right now!!! Touch ups on third floor are being finished and painting on the first floor should begin asap! Yeah baby!!! I think we are one month out!!! If we got in before the beginning of March then it would make sense to switch the kids in school, but much after that would be tough! Got the girls bunk bed - can't wait to put it together!

I think I have failed to update on this at all.........Aerobics at the church is the bomb!! We have around 37 ladies registered with anywhere from 20 to 30 on any given night. That is quite a difference in 20 and 30, but with every one's schedule that is just the way it is. We are praising God for this unbelievable opportunity to minister to the community this way. Grow us more, Lord. We have room!! The energy is awesome and the ladies are just so wonderfully thankful and friendly. I am excited to get to know them!

My Training Little Ladies - a class for anyone with any age girl about raising them up! I am hoping You will bring me a good number to love on and minister to! It will be on Sunday evenings at 6pm for 5 weeks. Intro class is next Sunday.

Kids have their first basketball games this Saturday. We are up to 3 kids playing sports - 3 different games at 2 different times since EJ and SJ are on the same team!! Blessing!

Thank you for any prayers. I appreciate you all!! Love, Leigh

518 - Joy, We do have a responsibility

Heavenly Father - I come to you asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit to the brim this morning. I have the opportunity to teach the older TeamKids class tonight and that is such a challenge. My own son is in there and that makes it kind of tough. Lord, give me their attention and soak Your Word deep into their lives and memory! Thank you!

This morning I am in Deut. 16:15 "For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and all your work of your hands, and your joy will be complete." Lord, so many times because joy is not circumstantial I tend to think I shouldn't have to do anything to receive it. Well, I don't, I mean, it is a gift of the Spirit, but I mean that it should be in abundance at all times. Like there is nothing that should make it more evident in my life or less obvious too! But what I find today in this scripture is that there could be something that relates to our "workings" and how much joy is displayed or evident in our lives.

In this scripture the people had just been lead or were actually going through Passover. Then to follow were all the many feast and celebrations. They had much to do. It was not just ideas the Lord was suggesting that might be good things to do, but they were commands of what you need to do here, what you have to do there, and in exact proportions. Then and only then would your joy be made complete.

I equate this in my pea brain to the workings of the Holy Spirit. When we received Jesus as our Savior He entered into our hearts never to leave and I do mean never!!! And He was there with all the power and fullness of Himself ready to work through us and in us! But immediately as the day went by or even weeks, we sin. We allow sin in our lives and it dilutes, if you will, the power of the Spirit. He is still there, never to leave, but the power or fullness of His work has been diluted because of the sin we are doing and the unconfessed sin we leave "undealt" with. Its like the coffee cup that still has the smell and residue of coffee in it - you know it is there and has been to the brim. Our sin is like throwing pebbles in the cup and splashes the Holy Spirit out. He is still there - I can not say that enough - but the ability for Him to be manifested in our lives has lessened because of OUR sin.

So just as we have a part in the way the Holy Spirit works in our lives, we have a part in how or whether our joy is complete. I want completed joy - I want no rock left unturned - I want it all!! JOY!!! But the verse above explains that there are times that there are some actions that must be taken to make the joy complete or full or manifested in our lives. No, we have no power in that, but we have responsibility. God can still choose to work wonderfully in our lives and make our joy complete even though we sin or disobey. He is just like that and always faithful and merciful. It is Grace again!

I am also reminded in James about our faith being dead without works. We do not have to work for our faith, but we have a responsibility to display that faith through works. It should be a immediate reaction to what He has done in our lives, etc. We do not have to work to receive that initial amount of Joy - it is a gift, but we do have a responsibility to do something - in this case it was particular things for this feast - to have that joy made complete. His love for us is never conditional, but that does not mean we don't have responsibilities in our relationship with Him. It is not an all Him, Him relationship. It is Him and me!!! little me! Big Him!!

Thank you Father - what can i DO today to make my joy complete. Lord, show me my responsibilities - oh yeah Teamkids tonight! I know there must be more today, help me to aware!! Yesterday was a day of much laundry and stuff. Oh yes, I filled my day even though i was not on the email and blog reading. It was good!! We had basketball practice for all three kids, it was my dad's birthday, and my momma is still off in the Caribbean cruising around with her sister and girlfriends. I hope they don't get burned - really I do hope they do, I mean don't! ha ha! I was suppose to be on that trip speaking, but it got cancelled not too long ago. Bummer, huge bummer!!! SO i sit here in 20 degree temp waiting for a tad of snow and all!!! I am not bitter, not at all. ha ha!!! Today will be grand - i choose Joy!

517 - Joy, just because!

Dear Lord! What a gorgeously cold day. I am trying to be very positive, but it IS sun shining, but it is about 25 degrees. I think it is about up to 40 now, but that is only in the sun!! Thank you for the sun. We are suppose to get a few sprinkles of snow on Thursday - Lord, give us a blizzard. I love nothing more than being snowed in with the kids and drinking hot chocolate all day!! Oh - I love it!!! They say we are suppose to be down to single digits next week! Yikes!

Lord, I see you doing things in my life almost everyday that are only happening because of you. As much as i see you making me more and more like You, I know obviously first hand how much further I have to go. Not that it will ever be obtained here on this earth, but still I know I am not where I used to be. Praise you!!

Living a 'die to self' life is very, very challenging to say the least. I so desire to think about something and just have thoughts of how it can make you famous and not uplift Leigh. I have dreams of being excited to worship you and not need anything or anyone to do it with. I hope for the day of getting excited to meet with you and not ask anything of You! I long for a pure heart, pure motives, pure intentions, etc. No matter how sweet comments are from people all over the world I still know me and know how far I have to go. And please let be honest for one second and say that having that thought in and of itself is a God-thing! Like I mentioned before about my days in college and thinking because I had read the New Testament there was just a few more things to know about the Bible. Pride can certainly have a spot in my thought processes! You know that person or comic of the person saying no - please stop all the accolades with one hand and then with the other hand they are saying, yes, keep them coming - kind of like go, go, go and stop, stop, stop all at the same time. I want to be a stop stop stop girl all the time!

I want to fall face down and worship the Lord just because. Not because He did this or that for me, but because He is God! I want to be filled with joy on the worst days because of who He is and not because I ought to. I want to be overwhelmed with thoughts of my Savior because of the sacrifice He did for me, not because of the sacrifice He might have called me to. I want my thoughts to be all about Him and nothing else!! Less of me, Lord, please!!! Much less!! Regardless of any circumstances, I choose Joy!!!

I was brought to Leviticus 9:24 today. From what I understand Aaron has just been ordained and the priests are beginning their ministry. They had made all the right preparations, all the right sacrifices, and all the right droppings here and there - blood, fat, oil, etc. This were very normal things that they did often to see the presence of the Lord. Then verse 24 says, "Fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed the burnt offering and the fat portions on the alter. And when all the people saw it, they shouted for joy and fell facedown." In I Kings 18:39 we see the same thing happening - "When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The Lord - He is God! The Lord - He is God." Regardless of the circumstances, trouble, pending wars, whatever it may have been, God showed up and they were moved to get on their face!! That is what I want - that is what I want my heart to be like.

Lord Jesus - I want to see your power, your presence, your breath - anything about You and fall facedown. I don't want a cool engagement or a book deal or a financial break to have reason to praise you - I want to do it just because You are there - always in my life - and when I see you I just praise!! I fall facedown and am filed with Joy like in verse 24 of Leviticus. I love you, Lord!

I have a new conviction that could affect some of you - friends, family, blog lurkers, etc. I have made a commitment to stay off email and the blog world on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I mean as far as reading all the other blogs, etc. I will still be posting my own quiet time thoughts and prayers, but just not going to blog after blog to see everyone else. Tuesdays are laundry day (I only do laundry on 1 day a week.) and Thursdays are catch up before the weekend! So if you need me on those days, please call. If you have ever gotten an email from me then you have my cell number or just wait till the next day to hear from me. Thank you - Just because He said so!

516 - Living a Life that Requires Faith

Dear Lord - thank you for a great weekend. Clay and his dad did a ton of work on the house and so we really could be 2 or 3 weeks away depending on how this week goes!! Yeah! I "distributed" the kids all over town on Saturday afternoon and Clay and I went to dinner and a Mark Schultz concert with his parents. It was just a very small thank you for all the free work Papaw has given us in the last 8 months. We had a good time. Then of course Sunday was wonderful. We had 201 in service and I didn't have 2 of my own with me - ha ha! We have started have a little drums and ensemble play for all our music - it rocks! We are still doing some hymns which I have learned to enjoy after really taking in the words instead of just singing, but now we have "tempo-ed" (can I use that word Val?) them up just a bit. I love it - the harmony, the pace, the Spirit filling the room - just awesome!

Luke's sermon yesterday was great. The title was "But because you say so" found in Luke 5:1-11. This is the time when the guys were out finishing - had done everything right to get a big crop - what do you call it when you get a ton of fish? But anyway, they did all the right stuff to be successful and yet were not! So as they are cleaning up and calling it a night, Jesus stops by and changes thing and them. This is also known as the calling of the first disciples!

My preacher went from the direction that what God calls us to do may not make sense. The guys were cleaning everything off and Jesus stops by gets into on of the their boats and does some teaching. I think it would be kind of funny scene. I can picture them cleaning everything off, disgusted that it was a bad night (they fished in the evenings), and are might be thinking "Hey Jesus why don't you help us clean up here instead of sitting in the boat and teaching. Can you give the boys a hand?" As Jesus wraps up His lesson for the evening and I can see the guys folding up the nets and just about done, Jesus asks them to come in and bring your nets.

That has so been me Lord - just when I think things are done in a situation, when I think we can pretty much call it a day or I feel like the "deal" is never going to change, You ask me to do one more thing that not only is a bit unnerving or frustrating, it doesn't make sense. But because you say so. Wow - I really love that statement. I am not sure I have ever noticed it before. I will definitely feel much more liberty to say that to my kids - Because "I" say so. There have been so many time sin my life I have seen this lived out............but at 5:30am I am having just a tad bit of trouble thinking of one. Maybe my move to Illinois. We had pretty much resigned ourselves to being in Charlotte forever. Clay business could not have been doing better with more opportunity on the horizon. My ministry had really picked up and things were happening. Kids were getting a fine Christian education. We were in a great Sunday school class. Life was great for the most part. But because you say so - we moved.

I think the thing that is interesting is that God allowed them to be extremely successful for just a moment before calling them to drop everything and follow. That is the part that really draws my attention. He took them out on a personal tour of the lake and allowed to catch so many fish that another boat had to come over and help out and then even at that the boats were beginning to sink because they had so much. It turned out to be a great day and then God says drop everything and follow me. Lord, I have to honest here - you know my thoughts anyway - I would have a hard time dropping everything and following after such a great evening. You just showed us how to really get 'r done with fishing and all and now you want me to just leave everything. At the pinnacle of my success you want me to leave everything? What???

I think God is telling me this morning that following Him will not always make sense as Luke preached yesterday. Following You will be a sacrifice. Following You will be different than worldly success. Following You may be a turning from what I think I am made to do. Following You may be not be without ridicule. Following You demands immediate attention and obedience. Following You requires faith and trust.

At my retreat with the Plainview Church we had our last session and paid out on the floor seeking you in our lives. My new friend for that weekend, Christina, prayed outloud and I will never forget her tearful words. "Lord increase my faith. DO things in my life. I want to live a life that requires faith." I remember popping up my head and in a moment of faithlessness and gut reaction thought - holy cow, does she know what she is asking? Does she know what she could be in store for? Doe she have any idea the things that could come her way that she does not want let alone want to invite? But Christina knew! She was well aware of what He was asking of her and she responded immediately! It was incredible. I wonder what He has brought in her life as of late?

Lord, that is what I want! To live a life that requires faith. I want to live an immediate life - when you say jump, i say how high and begin to jump! I want to do everything and go! I want to not ask questions, have an argument with you trying to reason things out, I want to jump!! I guess you leading the ministry into a year of speaker fee free is an example of this. Thank you for giving me the faith to do this, but thank you for feeling like You could ask this of me. Oh Lord and Savior - let there be more in my life - more reasons and example to require faith and then to jump off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Lord!!! I love you!

515 - HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3rd post today!

My daughter, Emmajoy, is DIEING to start singing some songs in church. She has a good little voice and I want to do everything I can to help guide her in this passion. (She has had many voice lessons, etc. so this is not just a silly mom wanting her daughter to sing in church.........I don't think.)

She wants to sing How Deep the Father's Love by Stuart Townend. I can not find the accompaniment track anywhere. I even asked a Christian bookstore here to look it up and they had never heard of him. This is a popular song people!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can any of you help?

Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Feel free to email me directly........... cletus104 at gmail dot com.

514 - New/Old House updates

Did you know that crown molding now comes in Styrofoam "logs"? It is awesome!!!
This is our master bedroom and what the crown molding looks like painted!!!! I am so pumped about that deep, soothing, calming chocolate brown color!!!!!!!! Maybe I won't eat as much since I will be sleeping in chocolate every night!!
This is the second floor bathroom shower. It matches the chocolate from our bedroom perfect!!!

This is the kitchen tile!! And some left behind furniture that needs to go!!
This is the main floor that we are hoping will have major progress on it this coming week! That is our third floor base board that hasn't made it up yet!
This is the remaining of 45 gallons of paint we had to buy!!! Yikes!!!
I may be more excited about this room than any!! Girlies!!! They are so pumped!
More of the shower! I can't wait!!

513 - Moving Faith

Oh Lord, you have given me some really great thoughts this morning. I have been looking at the life of James, Jesus' brother. This is the brother that did not believe he was Messiah until after the resurrection. Oh how many people do I know that just need more proof or they are just waiting for a little better time to follow Christ. James was "lucky" in that it didn't get too late for him, he was still able to "know" the Lord Jesus as his Savior before he died. This is another person I like to call that was Up Close and Personal with the Lord and changed. His transformation did not come till much later in life, but it did happen.

I am encouraged that I have seen the Lord be so faithful to those that truly did know Him at one time or knew about Him and came back to KNOW Him. I am so convinced that there is no way to lose my salvation - or anyone to lose their salvation. That is really not the issue or an issue. The real key is did you truly ever know Him at all? Salvation is not part of a lay-away plan and we can come back and get a little bit at a more convenient time. When we truly come to know Him it is done, sealed, and forgiven! Praise you Lord - thank you!!

So I look at James and am just amazed. This dude spent many, many days and nights with Jesus but did not buy it. Oh how I feel like that at times. Not only am I one to not buy into someone at times - their sincerity - but have been treated the same way. Someone doesn't understand me, someone doesn't buy into my heart, someone doubts my motivations or whatnot. But Jesus was perfect - there were no contradictions for James to argue with. Maybe it was he just thought he would have to be perfect too? Maybe it was that he thought he could just keep the letter of the law and be fine - he didn't need his big brother. Maybe he was just not ready to walk that serious and suffer persecution. Maybe he was already mad at his brother for bringing so much attention to the family and their private lives. Maybe just maybe he even overheard his parents talking about even their doubts. I most likely think they had not doubts - I am just kind of speculating here - but you how we get when we are just laying in the bed talking things through with your spouse. Lots of stuff comes out... Who knows, but James did not believe Jesus Christ was the Messiah until after the resurrection!!

I love to see a new believer just go on fire for the Lord. I kind of feel like that is what happen to James. He was not just in Jesus family, but he was all in His business too. SO even though he didn't believe for quite some time - if Jesus dies at 33, then James could have been well into his 20's before he believed and accepted - once he did come to know the Lord, it was a radical change. The things I love the most was that he wrote the book of James.

The book of James is one of the most practical books in the Bible, to me. It is a book of instruction for the most part. How to deal when trials come and temptation sets in. How to deal with having faith and then doing something with it. How to deal with favoritism. How to deal with working your faith, not working out your faith, but putting your faith to work. How to control the tongue!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow!!! How to deal with giving it all to the Lord, surrendering your life, having patience in suffering, and having an eternal perspective! He must have something all those years of living with Christ that made a huge difference to him even though he didn't buy in at first.

I have to think about my own life. My kids are finding their faith right now. My Tucker is saved, but is trying to figure out what he knows to be truth. Emmajoy is a believer and take everything with such a child like faith. I know her day will come too. Sarahjane is wanting to understand, but can't sit down long enough to really care. Elleigh is too young. But they all are watching Clay and I too see what we do about certain situations, how we express our faith, and how we react to their faith. It is so different for someone just looking in to judge whether one is doing a "good" job of displaying a faith that someone just has got to have. Will my kids see a faith they have just got to have? Will they see a faith that did more than just talk? Will they see a faith that did more than just sit on the sidelines?

That is the thing i love the most about the book of James. James saw Jesus doing - he saw his faith that was express in action. Remember him saying in this book that faith without works is dead. James must have never seen Jesus dead in His walk. I know that seems obvious, but how many times to my kids see a dead faith. James must have seen a faith that was willing to go the distance - death!! What is it like in your house I know the Lord is asking? James knew his brother was the real deal, but it was like he had to see how far he would go, death, before he really believed. I bet he was so disappointed to have wasted all that time of not believing.

Lord, when people really get inside my home and heart do they still see a faith worth dieing for? When I allow people up close and personal in my life do they something that is real and contagious? Lord, am I the type of person you can bring people to me knowing that they will encounter Christ through me? Oh Lord, I know the answer is no at times - nor often that I want to admit. But Lord, help me to be more expressive of my faith. Help me to be real and authentic. Help me to have a faith that my kids will say - I have just got to have a faith in the Lord Jesus like my momma! Thank yo Jesus for hearing my prayers! Thank you for knowing my heart. Thank you for forgiveness as I fail so often. Thank you for my kids asking questions and really seeking what all this is about. Lord, bring to them passion that can not be equaled. Lord, set them on fire at this early age to know you and to want to share you with others. Give to me wisdom to know their bent and how to "water" that for growth. Lord, help clay and I to display a working faith and one that never sits back to let everyone else do it!! I want to be in the game!! I want to be to your go to girl! I want to be faithful!!

I got a potential opportunity of speaking at a True Love Waits deal in WEST Tennessee. (Fran, Teresa, all ya'll - it could be fun.) Oh how i would love to go to that!!! Lord, may the timing and calendar work out. My March is already so busy!! I love you Father - off to go running and weigh in!! ugh!!! double ugh!!

512 - New Year's Resolutions - Tift

Dear Lord, you know the plans I have for today and I commit them to you. I have an important meeting this morning and I have some others things as well that are important to me. Lord, give me wisdom and solid thoughts. Give me confidence and gentle boldness. Give me patience and much, much love!! Thank you in advance for taking care of things!

Lord, I have tift or is it a rift...... anyway... with myself and other things I have been reading. I decided to not verbally say or make any new years resolutions and all over the web I saw the same things from many of the fellow Christian bloggers. I saw things like - I am not going to make any kind of resolution this year. I am just going to pursue Godliness or Grace or Righteousness, etc. I thought or maybe even said the same thing. I guess there are several reasons for that. 1) Don't want everyone to know I have failed again. 2) Don't want to be like everyone else. 3) Don't want to make promises that I can not keep again. 4) Think it is hokey and just a silly thing anyway. My list could go on and on. But then again I vowed probably just to myself that I did want to resolve to pray more and more diligent about my Bible studying. That is noble and a good thing - many bloggers had the same idea or convictions...

So what is my problem. I am willing to commit to do or be better at what God is obviously in or is about, but those things that I have to invite Him into I am not willing to commit. Lord Jesus, this is what I feel you saying to my heart..........God is all about me praying, God is all about me studying His Word - those are givens and frankly I don't think I could ever actually reach the mark or my goal at being a proficient prayer(er) or knowing all the Word let alone in one year. When I do become proficient or know all the Word I think He will just take me home. But those other things such as losing weight, diminishing my computer time, getting an accountability group together, getting my ministry and office organized and stay organized, staying on a budget, etc.......... Those are all things that God is "in", but it is not so obvious because we have to take Him there in sort of a way.

Here is my point I feel the Lord convicting me about. If we want to see change in our lives we have to commit it to Him. Doing things on our own will never work. We have to bring God into every single area of our lives. He has to be in our weight loss. He has to be in our financial pursuits. He has to be in our thoughts of organization. He has to be in it all. And He is. Since He is living inside of me - I am the temple of the Holy Spirit I Cor. 6:19 - I am taking Him everywhere and in everything. He is there when I am able to not indulge and yet He is quenched when I blow it and eat too much! He is there when I think I have to have that skirt (or rather baseball cap for me), but know better. My Lord and Savior is begging me to take Him into every area of my life. He wants to be in more than my prayer closet, He wants me to take Him into my kitchen, into my workout room (if i had one), into my clothes closet, into my purse, etc. He wants and will have access into every area of my life - especially my thoughts!

Lord, what is it that I am afraid of? Am i afraid that I won't please you? Am i afraid that I won't be accepted after failure? Am I afraid that someone will actually hold me accountable? Am I afraid to be vulnerable to the World Wide Web? What is it Lord? Vulnerability has never been an issue for I don't think. I am what I am and am not too much on hiding. Many, many other things are my issue, but that is not one that I see at this time. I have a good friend that is being called by the Lord to expose all this year - be completely vulnerable at all costs. It is beautiful! I am shocked at how many people deal with this issue. I had no idea! But for me - and Lord, help me to be vulnerable here - I just don't take the Lord into enough areas of my life. If i did I think I would have more self-control when I sat down to eat. I would have more self-control when I am talking among friends. I would be able to walk away from a killer sale that says I have got to have one more black pair of pants. I would have more discipline about my computer time. I would not worship any others gods is what it boils down to!!

So Lord, there it is. I want to live the victorious life. I want to be committed to everything you have called me to. I want to hear your voice in every area of my life. I want you to have full reign over me in everything , i mean everything! I want to be skinny, I want to be organized, I want to be a prayer warrior, I want to be in an accountability group, I want to be financially responsible................. I want you, Lord!!! I want you to have your way with me! I want it all - what you have for me. I know that I can not and will not be faithful in any of these ares without your help, guidance, push, discipline, and moment by moment involvement in my life!! I want to feel your breath......... always. Thank you for this or rather these convictions Lord. Forgive me for not taking you with me in all areas of my life. Forgive me for thinking or at least by my actions saying I can do it on my own. Forgive me for my pride and forgive me for not believing You! Lord, here we go! Off to another victoriously living day!! Victory in Jesus!

511 - Reciprocating Love - Hesed (LONG and a bit controversial)

Heavenly Father - Thank you for another wonderful day. Jesus I pray right now for my friends that are hurting and going through a terrible time. Lord please be their shield, guard their hearts and mind, and show them the way to joy once again. Lord, some have found themselves in a pit that was not dug by their own hands, but by another! Lord, be their redeemer and counselor. Please do something in their life to redeem them from the pit. Oh Lord I hurt for my friends and want things to be different as well. Jesus, most Precious One, be large in their lives right now. They are having trouble seeing you in any of it. Help me to pray for them throughout the day and days! Thank you in advance!

I found myself again in Joshua, but mingled through Ps. 138 after "talking" Holly from Crown Laid Down. She said, "Did you know that when I was looking up God making us strong and stout-hearted (from Psalm 138) that Rahab was the Hebrew word for stout-hearted? Rahab means strengthen, overcome, proud, make sure and behave proudly. Isn't that neat? Love your heart for His Word!" So that comment alone made me really do some digging and investigating a bit more. I want to be strong and stout-hearted!! I will come back to that!

On into chapter 2 of Joshua we get to the part where the deal is made there is an interesting word used. Rahab asks for her family along with her own house to be saved during the invasion and killings. There was going to be some bloodshed. Side note: Many times in the Bible God sends out His people to shed blood, kill, destroy, leave not one single human alive........as much as i hate it too that means everyone! God has ordained war many, many times in our history. The war we are in right now with Iraq is very, very serious - I know everyone knows that. But God wants us to stand up for those that can not stand for themselves - Micah 6:8 - (Iraqi people) and I think God wants us to do any and everything to make sure His Word and Mission is pursued throughout the world - that every man has the chance to hear the gospel! I know it seems more like a economic war and it is, but I know that our Lord and Savior has a greater good in store - there will be good come out of it. I need to have more of a spiritual perspective, see things through my Lord and Savior's eyes. I promise there is going to be good and there already has. It takes war at times, I do believe.

Whoa - that was a tangent! So anyway there is going to blood shed. In verse 12 Rahab says, "please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family because I have shown kindness to you." That kindness is the "hesed" love in the Old Testament. That is a reciprocating love - meaning that if i show you kindness or love you will show that back to me and I can expect it! It is usually seen in those that have a close relationship, but as in this case and many others that is not always the case. Hesed love is incredible. It is like when you are waiting in a huge line at the fair and someone even a stranger allows you to cut line. I would never do that........ ha ha. Anyway, you cut line and have a merry ride. The only thing is that as you are waiting in a long line and that person walks by wanting to go on that ride too. They have every right according to this kind of love, hesed, to ask you if they can get in front of you, cut line - reciprocating love! This is exactly what Rahab had done! She has kind to them and she wanted and made them swear by oath that they would do the same back for her. After all as we discovered yesterday she KNEW the Lord and wanted to be on that team now!! Plus emanate death had to play a part as well!

Now let's think about this with our Lord! My commentary - this is really getting exciting, praise you Lord - says that Hesed is central to God's character. That means that He can not help but have a reciprocating love. Even though we are unfaithful at times and forget to allow that person in the line at the park with us, God's hesed love can never forget. His hesed can never not be perfect. It also says, "God's hesed, however, is not bound by the covenant itself (Old Testament covenant)" simply because men may prove to be unfaithful - there is no "may" about it. We are unfaithful. God's hesed is everlasting. Oh my - i am jumping!!!

OK - hang in there Leigh - this is coming full circle. Holly lead me to Ps. 138 about Rahab meaning strong and stout-hearted. At the end of that Psalm is verse 8. "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your LOVE (hesed), oh Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands." (Did you see how the psalmist, David, used a hyphen there in that verse. He must have been a speaker too. I write like I am speaking and have lots of interjections and hyphen thoughts i like to call them. David did it, so can i!!! yeah baby!!!) OK - here it comes. I need to settle down.............. I am so pumped!!

Rahab was strong and stout-hearted for many reasons. But i can see here one reason she went on to have her name written in the Hall of Faith - a prostitute in the Hall of Faith!! God made her this way simply and then He used her strong and stout-heart personality to continue on His good work. I am assuming, but this encounter with these Israelite guys and her up close and personal encounter with the Lord may have been the first for her. Maybe not, but maybe too! So God not only showed her how His love - hesed - works, but He was able to do it through these men. From that experience she was changed. Her whole family I bet! She had to have been strong because I am sure much ridicule was left to be had. "Oh there is Rahab - wasn't she that prostitute in Jericho?" Can't you just hear it now from other women on the street or shopping mart? Turning up their noses and strutting themselves in pride like they have no sin! But she was strong and stout-hearted. She experienced first hand the hesed love of our Lord, her God that she KNEW (yada) and never turned back. As we just saw in the verse in Ps. 138:8 - God did fulfill his purpose in here and it happened to be with a hesed kind of experience! He is just that way - He can't help it!!

Even in this war with Iraq, God will fulifll His purpose. For those that have lost loved ones He can not forget you nor can He NOT love you back!! Your time is coming, all our time is coming if we know His as Savior. He will have the last word, rest assured! Vengance is His, not ours!

Father, Savior, Redeemer, Lover of my soul, Forgiving One...............thank you thank you thank you! You have bestowed so much hesed love on me i can hardly stand it. And to think you are not even finished. You will fulfill your purpose in me just because that is who you are. You are a reciprocating Hesed God. Even when i fail to love back, be faithful to your promises and commands, when I worship other gods, when i bow to things that have no purpose in my life - you can not help but love back!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!! Jesus - I love you!!

510 - Take them at their word

Dear Jesus, I was reading from Joshua 2 this morning about my woman Rahab. There is not a ton we know about her, but much we can infer. I know that she birthed Boaz and he turned out to be a great man of God, very well respected and quite successful. She was said to be a prostitute and known by the officials in town. Hmmmm. Her house was connected to the city wall leading me to believe that the city folks were not the only ones to frequent her business. Even the outside world of Jericho knew her "name". But something happened.

The 2 spies that Joshua sent over to look everything over went straight to her house. They knew! But I am thinking they treated her differently than the normal guys. I know this is an obvious place for foreigners to come to since people were in and out of here quite often, but also this is the place I would like to believe that the Lord sent them. Why??????????? He works in mysterious ways. We know now that Rahab actually was in the lineage of Jesus. It had to happen this way. But it is not just that the guys went here and were hidden, something happen to my woman Rahab and it was a result of this encounter with these guys. She got up close and personal with a new customer and I believe it was the Lord Jesus!

Verse 9 says "I KNOW the Lord has given you this land..." That "know" there is one of the most important words in the Old Testament. It is "yada" and it is an all encompassing KNOW. Not just to know lightly, but to perceive, to understand, to be sure of, to be convinced, to know the Lord in some instances in the OT. Like a deep understanding and realization! Not only did Rahab understand that it was the Lord that gave them this land, she KNEW it was the LORD, the Yahweh LORD. I am looking into this story here, but just go with me. I think that Rahab had heard about all the things the LORD had done for these people. I would think going to a prostitute would be kind of like going to a hair cutter - i know this is a far stretch. There is going to be a little talking about some gossip or something before you get into the "cutting". So I am thinking she had heard some of the things that others had heard through the grapevine. She was well aware of things going on outside her city. PLUS - the city officials went straight to her house to see if she had been with the spies. "Yes, they were here, but have left." They knew enough to ask her first - I think some had been there themselves and maybe did some "talking".

But this time it was real followers of Yahweh that came for a visit. I am thinking they told to her and confirmed to her all that she had heard about their God. She KNEW! She believed and she came to know this God as well. God got up close and personal to this girl even in the midst of what she had going on. I am sure she answered the door thinking it was just another customer. Even as they might have said we are not wanting your business we are just needing a place to hid. "Yeah, yeah, yeah" must have rang in her mind - let's get on with it. But this was different. She KNEW!

Oh Lord Jesus I praise you!! You got up close and personal with this lady that was up close and personal with so many. Oh she was intimate, but not with you until this day. You came to visit in a very different way, through strangers, but became intimate with the lady Rahab. You did not wait till she had made a complete change. You didn't even wait until she had verbally committed to change her life with no actions taken yet. You met her in the midst of what she thought was going to be just another day and changed her!!! She KNEW!! Lord, I am not a prostitute, but there is some changing you want to do in my life. Just like this recent reconciliation with this friend. You did not wait until my heart was ready - you just came on in and did the house work! I was content at forever being caught up in inhabiting these bad feelings. But GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Lord Jesus - thank you!! Thank you for changing me and for making a difference in Rahab's life. Thank you!!! I KNOW and she KNEW!! I love you!

509 - Leaping Lizards!

Heavenly Father - there is an immediate prayer request that needs to be address. Please read in red. Our missionary friend from Africa, Titus, is in desperate need of prayer. There was a political election held on December 27 in which the reigning president fraudulently reinstated himself causing an uprising among the tribes. They are trying to get a recount but the president is resisting. Titus and other Christians in Kenya are trying to give shelter to people of the tribes that are being targeted regardless of their spiritual background and are being persecuted as well. Titus and his family are in hiding somewhere and sent Jeff an e-mail begging his friends in the U.S. to pray for the situation. Some of Titus' fellow ministry friend's houses have been burned. We do not know when we will next hear from him but just are asking people to pray for his family's safety and that the Lord's people will remain strong so that they can continue with their ministries. Thank you for taking a moment to lift up those that are truly fighting the fight for us all!! Oh Jesus - protect, preserve, and proclaim your works, word, and wonders!!

Lord Jesus, there is a new Leigh - I mean I am jumping out of my skin. It is Jan. 7 - or something like that - and it has already been a great year. I got a 5 book contract with Lifeway!!!!!!!!!!!! No, better - Beth Moore has ask me to join her in ministry and on the platform!!!!!!!!!!! No again. I just won the lottery! No - I don't play that. I have been asked to be the new Spiritual Advisor to the Stars - ha ha! No, not that either. It is 10 times better than all of that!!! God, my Lord Jesus, Savior of all, My Redeemer has granted to me a complete reconciliation and restoration of an old friendship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendships mean so much to me and when one goes hairy for whatever reason - even miles that slow it down - I get so crushed. It may not appear that way because I am a "lot of friends" kind of gal, but I just hate when it happens!!! Oh it hurts, makes me sick, haunts my thoughts, steals my joy and births such unrighteous behavior and thinking - it rules me!! It even makes me eat. (But what doesn't it.)

But this past Friday I received a sweet, honest email from an old friend - she is not old, but our friendship is - it brought on loads of conversation and precious forgiveness. Satan is hating it right now because my heart is so free, my thoughts are so clean, my feet are leaping.....lizards, and my joy is returning - some that i didn't even know had been diminished! Oh Father - You are so great!!! here is the best statement and something that is so wonderfully true said by my friend...........“But I am learning to be vulnerable with people. It's a part of my growth. I want to jump and take risks and leaps even when I am afraid to do so. There is no risk in trusting that God will take care of my heart in the process.”

That is so true. What risk is it to just live our lives hoping that God will just heal things in His time. No work on our part and no vulnerability to the others around. I will just stay closed up and pray I never have to deal. What kind of honor is that to my Lord? That was me. I just thought this would be a forever strained relationship and that even possibly that God wanted it that way. It certainly did keep me humble after all. Just my thorn in my flesh possibly. But God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There it is again!!!

He is in the reconciliation business!! If He weren't He would not have sent His son to die for us all, paying the price we could never pay, allowing for us to be reconcile with Almighty God!! Oh how wonderful. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to live out in human form what you have done in the spiritual realm!! Oh Jesus I am just completely humbled by your Grace!!!!!!! There is that word again as well!

I read out loud - actually did some yelling and shoutin' this morning - Ps. 107 Oh my word. It is like my whole relationship with this friend. Lord - how wonderful and awesome You are. I feel like this year can end!!! It has been so wonderful and I thank you! Verse 43 - consider the great love of the Lord. We can go on to 2009 because i just can not fathom that it could get any better!! Praise you Lord!!! Thank you for your forgiveness and clean up of my heart!! Oh Lord -leaping lizards this feels so good!! Amen and amen!!

ok - few things............... go check out www.gingermoore.blogspot.com This is my ministry partner and she just started blogging. please go by and say hello and tell her i sent you. no, there is no blessing, no prize, no random counter that might pick your name at midnight or anything like that. (I am just being silly.) But i just want you all to encourage her to keep going. She is one talented chick!!

We have updated our website a bit more... www.speakingthrume.com let me know what you think. opinions, suggestions, complaints (just be careful, we are bit tender on this project. it has about made us want to crawl in a hole. But God has given us Dori with wisdom and help!!!)

Going to sell old fixtures today. Aerobics starts as well. Oh Lord - thank you!!!!

508 - Mature, I don't think so!

Heavenly Father - this morning it is early. My tummy has been upset and I just couldn't sleep anymore. I think i am a bit stressed. I usually exhibit stress physiologically - stomach ache, fever blisters, etc. SO I have some knots in my stomach! Maybe I am not suppose to have a job...........I found out yesterday when I went into the high school to get my roster that my schedule had changed. Carmi uses a different kind of system - they have A and B classes and they only meet every other day depending on what the class is - or something like that. So one week I would have taught M, W, F and then the next week it would have only been T and Thur. Well it got confused. My boss was told it was a B class and for all practical purposes of telling this story, it was actually an A class. SO with my speaking it would be virtually impossible for me to teach as an A class, but I could if it were an B class. Needless to say this is an upset for me and for my boss that is now scrambling!!! I think You have already provided another teacher! Thank you Lord.

There are many days I wonder if I am getting anywhere in my faith. I go through dry days or weeks or months and wonder where my love goes and why my love fluctuates. I even remember having thoughts in college when I was SOOO mature......... Ok, I have read the whole New Testament now what should I do once I finish the Old Testament?? Like I have learned everything there was to learn and just couldn't think of what in the world there was to teach this smart whipper snapper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What in the world!!! My thoughts are so ridiculous at times! A humblin' - I don't remember exactly, but I bet a humblin' was soon to come after that thought!!

So I find myself at the other end of the spectrum as I get older. And i think this is part of wisdom in my old age. The older I get the less and less I feel like I know about the Lord and have such a deeper desire to know Him! That is not everyday, but many days. But i find myself today wondering if i am getting anywhere - am I learning anything - is there any maturity - can anyone see a difference - could i go back even after being away from Charlotte for 1 year and people know that God has made more of an impact in my life? I am not sure.

I found myself going to Hebrews this morning, the 6th chapter. It actually is the end of the 5th and most of 6th chapter. I was looking at the part where Paul, I think it was Paul, is telling the folks you should be past this by now. You should be eating solid food and you are still hanging out on milk. I feel like the Lord can say that to me often. Leigh, this is a sin we should be way past by now. Leigh, this an emotion we already put to death. Why, Leigh, why are you still dealing with these things. And really that is my question to myself so often!! The sad part about it is the things that Paul says these people should be past seem to be much more mature than my petty sin or feelings that rear their head so often. So I am way behind........

Paul tells them in verse 1 of chapter 6... let's get past laying a foundation for repentance, faith in God (wow, now that is a big one), instruction on baptism, laying on of hands, resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgement. Now according to Paul those are suppose to be the elementary things - I am in trouble. See, from this scripture I have so much maturation to do!!! I know you, Lord Jesus, have done an incredible work in my heart, but there is work to do done! And if i am just in elementary school as it looks now, boy oh boy do we need to get busy. I am usually only a master of something once I have experienced it - oh goodenss, what kind of expediences are we in store for?

Lord, it just seems so often that my eyes are so set on me. Even if i am talking, thinking, dreaming, or planning out ministry - it still is about what I can do - always have a sight problem. Oh Lord, I so want to get past this! I want to be always thinking about you! I want to be thinking about what I can learn from you. I want to be more mature!! I want to learn and learn and learn more!! I know i could never know it all and apparently I have so far to go!!! Oh Lord, once again it is ringing in my ears - GRACE!!! Thank you Jesus. If you have allowed me to minister and do as much as this and and I still have so much more maturing to do - Oh Lord that is grace!! Thank you thank you!!

507 - Post for Southern Illinois

Hey Everybody!!

I wanted to take a few minutes and let you know about 2 things upcoming - ok maybe 3.

1) STEP AEROBICS
Starting on January 7th, that is this coming Monday, we will begin another semester of step aerobics at FBC Carmi at 4:45pm. It is $75 for the semester, suggested donation. There is childcare!! Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, AND Saturday mornings. Saturday will begin at 7:30am, but no childcare. Get it done before the whole house starts the day! You will need a step, weights, mat or towel, and exercise band. There may be a few steps for sale on the first night if you don't have one just yet. Oh and on Saturday an exercise ball will be very helpful! Please let me know if you are interested. You will need to register, especially if you have kids. These classes are taught by Patricia Trout and Leigh.

2) Training Little Ladies - class taught by Leigh Gray
Starting Jan. 29 we will have an introductory meeting for a 6 week class actually starting on Feb. 10 at 6pm. This is on Sunday night and I am by no means trying to take you away from your church, but I wanted to let you know about this short class. We will be discussing contagious faith, birth order, love languages, mother/daughter relationship, daddy/daughter relationship, and a possible panel discussion to end the class. I am not claiming to have it all together - the jury is far from finished - but I was overwhelmed with the fact of having 3 little ladies!! So I began to research how to raise these little things! This is not my own info, but things I have discovered in research, interviews, and watching! Love to have you there. Please let me know if you have any questions.

3) Survivor Woman to Carmi
March 1 at approx. 9:30am Leslie Nease will be coming to FBC Carmi to speak to the woman of the church. She was on the recent Survivor show and is most known for leaving the Buddhist Temple. She was booted from the show on the 3rd week, but not ever forgotten. She is from Northern South Carolina and a radio host for a local Christian station. She is a very dynamic speaker. You can check her out at www.leslienease.com. This event is open to all, but will have limited seating - first come first serve. Brunch and Q&A after speaking.

Let me know if you have any question on the above info. Love to answer anything or register you for everything. Well, really only aerobics requires registration. Thanks for "listening". See you on Monday!

506 - I need wisdom!!!

Dear Lord, here we are at day 2 of the New Year. I love being on a schedule and having much discipline and reason to get up much earlier than everyone else. I love being able to sit down at 10am and breath deeply thinking about all that has already been accomplished in the heavenly realm just through quiet time and prayer. Thank you for your power Lord.

I find myself at Prov. 1:7 today. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." I am in need of some serious wisdom. Nothing too major going on, I just need much wisdom. The fact of having 4 growing and constantly changing young kids, a new ministry with great potential, a husband with dreams, and the need to do things with excellence - that is reason enough to need much wisdom.

My newest adventure starts on Friday. I have been asked by our local college to teach a college course at Carmi's high school. It is called Health Occupations, but basically is Anatomy and Physiology. It is for those that want to go into some kind of healthy occupation such as nursing and this is an introductory class. They receive college credit, etc. I have to say I am not sure why we push our kids so much. We - I - do it so much when they are young, but why do they need to finish high school and be a sophomore ready for college. I know money and that whole issue, but I say stay in college as long as possible. I don't mean 7 years, but don't rush it! It is the time of your life and there is no need to grow up and do life. You have the rest of your life to do that! Ok - that was my little tangent or soapbox. Plus it is that much less time you have to figure out what you what to do with your life as far as major............. slow down! So I have been hired to help the young ones to hurry up - sort of. I am excited, but scared too!

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" - Lord Jesus, from what I understand the fear is the reverent fear we associate with knowing you. This means this is like the head of knowledge. As if knowledge was a whole body and fear is the head - from what my commentary said. Oh Lord, that is what I need. I feel like I do revere you, but do I really. Do i take you seriously and follow all your leads? I am sure not all the time. My life is so busy i hate to think the things I mess from You. Lord, please clear my head so that I can hear correctly. Lord, I want to have such a fear for you that I desperately seek your will with all "earnestness". Being out of your will, even innocently, is not what I long to do. I know you can make perfect that which I just innocently miss or mess up, but I want to get things right the first time! Your power is too great to miss so help me to see. I want my body of knowledge to work correctly so that even my eating, breathing, looking, etc. brings you much honor!

I don't want to be a fool as seen in this scripture. It says they despise wisdom and discipline. Lord, despise is a really strong word. I would say it is up there with hate. Yikes!! I know I don't hate wisdom, but sometimes I don't like discipline very much at all. It seems to me, just going out on a limb here, but wisdom is like knowledge only aged at bit. A young thang might have much knowledge - a whipper snapper - but it is wisdom through life experience that puts the knowledge into work. Wisdom here is to be wise and skillful, always used in a positive sense, and used in the sens of a skill to describe a whole range of human experiences. SO i don't think I am too far off, right, Lord? Fear is the head of knowledge and knowledge is the head of wisdom...

And discipline - oh goodness, we just have to go here. For me i know what this is speaking about. This discipline denotes correction that leads to education. And when we are educated properly we see change and results - hello extra weight!! It is a discipline issue doesn't matter how you slice it. I am about to meet a friend to go running in our high school. This is just the beginning of discipline. It must follow me all day no matter how much I hate it! When you put this way it really speaks volumes - "Leigh, fear is the beginning of knowledge, but Leigh you are a fool to despise wisdom in any form I bring it to you and a fool to despise and reject discipline that needs to take place in your life. My Bible even states that a fool in the OT is one that is morally deficient. hmmmmmmmm - that puts a new spin on it as well.

Lord, I just want to follow. I want to have an abandonment to all things except you. I want to thirst for nothing but you. I want to be filled with nothing but you!! Oh Lord, increase my thirst and hunger for you. Increase my passion and love. Grow my intensity to do your will! I don't want to be a fool. I don't want to despise your correction and wisdom!! I don't want to ignore the knowledge!!! Lord, guide me and lead me!!! Forgive me!!! I love you!!

505 - Review and Look Ahead... LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heavenly Father, we are off and running in a new year, 2008. Wow, I can hardly believe it. Both my husband and I are 35 and my kids are 9, 8, 6, and 4. Times flies when you are having fun and yet it still flies when things are not so fun. But thank you Lord that I can never really get ahead of you. I can get away from plans and purposes, but I can never get away from you. Oh Lord, thank you and praise you.

The last couple of weeks have been quite a struggle. I have longed to feel your breath, but have struggled to even hear from You. Once again in your faithfulness You have given me a BUSY schedule of speaking for this Spring. I have a lot of new messages to write and I think Satan has put a stopper in my ear. I have had the biggest speaker's block ever. I would have said writer's block, but I don't consider myself a writer AT ALL. So I am trusting God is going to give me a break through in just a few days... He has to! And this is a very common problem when I am writing new things.

This year the word that keeps coming up in my mind is GRACE. I am not sure why - will I need to dispense it more than ever, will i be in need of more...more than ever, will I see it displayed to my family for some reason, will I get the opportunity to speak it into lives more than usual???? I don't know... But here is my year verse - I am surprised I haven't gotten a call or email from Rae Deal asking what my verse is for this year. She is usually always on top of that - Prov. 22:11 "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." And why should my speech be gracious especially to others..............because Is. 30:18 "the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice."

I was with a group of girls one time that would throw up the phrase "grace, grace, grace" whenever they needed a pardon for messing something up or saying the wrong thing or even sinning. I want my grace to be more than just a silly phrase when I am looking for an excuse to be pardoned. Yes, their intentions where good in the beginning, but just like anything including a diet we can quickly excuse one another lightly in a joking manner - finding excuses for one another instead of true grace when it truly needs to be dispensed. So as the Lord longs to be gracious to me, I am hoping to find opportunities when I can be gracious to another even when they are least expecting it. And this can only be done in a manner that pleases Him and brings honor to Him with a pure heart.

So here are just some random thoughts about the year past and looking forward.

1) We moved into our Norris City home on Dec. 28. It has been a perfect home for our time being here. A little or rather a lot squooshed, but very content. Perfectly located for this town and will be a wonderful home for the new owners - I am believing they are coming soon!

2) Emmajoy has now had 2 birthdays here on Dec. 29. She is now 8 years old and just as sweet from the day she was born. I feel sorry for her about the time of her birthday, but she is the one out of all the kids that can handle it the best. Here are some pictures from her party.

What an awesome day and all night of fun!!! The girls were so, so, so, so good!

3) Grace is something I not only want to give much to my kids, but also want to teach them to display as well. I became aware of very displeasing attitude in the girls as we walked around the mall. Of course I want to teach my kids to dress appropriately and act respectful, etc. But what I saw displayed made my skin crawl. As we walked through the mall all the girls were commenting on the dress of other girls and how it was terrible to see. I can appreciate them knowing all that, but the attitude and the looks that came from their faces said - I am better than you because I don't dress like that. Their faces and whispers said you are trash and God loves me more. Now I know my girls don't say that and probably don't think that, but that is what it looked like and appeared to anyone that may have been watching. "My momma said that store is bad. My momma says little girls should not wear those earrings. My momma said you can not wear those shoes. My momma said you should never spend that much on a shirt. My momma said we can not watch that. My momma said we can't believe in this or that. " It goes on and on. Yes, I can appreciate and do agree with many of those things, but somewhere in the mix of it all we or I have taught our girls to think NOT that it doesn't honor God, but because they don't or are not allowed that THEY are better. Oh it crawled all over me and it was nothing I could address at that moment.

I want my kids to know that we choose certain beliefs and adhere to certain rules not because we are better than others, but because of God's grace. He has lavished so greatly His grace on us and we are trying our best to live a life to please Him. Our convictions can not be everyone else's, but that does not make anyone less than me or us and does not make anyone restricted from grace either. Oh Lord, please help me to teach this. Your grace is great and apparent in my life and I want my kids to understand that as well. Oh Lord, Help.

I have so many more thoughts of the year past and upcoming, but that is all for now. Maybe if i get a few more minutes today I will continue, but until then Grace to you!!! I love you Lord!