937 - My Boy, Valentine's, and Prayer

This is a picture of what I found today - MUCH BETTER!!!  

If you will look at the others below you will see what I mean.  

 This was day 1 in the hospital and it actually got much worse than this.  If you care to look I think I have a few more on Facebook.  Thank you again for the prayers.  They are thinking we will go home tomorrow!

Here is what happened to my boy!!! I also want to report to you that he is doing better, finally!!!

865 - Faith and Fear and Giants

Lord Jesus - one of my favorite stories from Your Word is David and Goliath. I Samuel 17:31-58 is the actual account. It is so exciting to read and I can just hear certain prayers of my past as i referred to this promise and faithful claim of David's confidence in the Lord. As sleepy as i am right now, I still get excited knowing He will defeat my giants as well. Just to have faith has nothing to do with it, it has to do with knowing that my Big and awesome God can defeat anything with the smallest of resources. As Beth Moore said it much better, "Faith in faith is empty and useless, but faith in an active, living God can move mountains."

Lord a couple of things stuck out to me. When David is talking with Saul kind of like convincing the King, "I can do this", he goes on to tell him about things he has done in his past. Many times I am scared to tell about things You have done in my past in fear of making the person jealous that God has not done that in their life, or simply coming off braggadocios! UGH - why can't we just share about all the lion and bears we have ripped about through His grace and mercy.

1) we have to be careful who we tell our successes to. To God be all the glory, of course, but if you have had situation with one in the past, if would be appropriate to not go there. Saul was looking for a hero or "Holding out for hero" (remember that song) and David need to make sure the King knew he was capable. There was a reason for the king to know that and it was not just an FYI kind of thing.

2) Be specific. David did not just claim to have a feeling "Well, i just really feel in my heart I can do this". No David was stating what had been done in the past and how His God could easily do it again. Love it... Be specific. I used to have a notebook of how God did things in our family's life or things He miraculously provided for us, but i stopped. God never stopped, but i just quit recording them. It was my Provisions Notebook. I put ways that God had done things for us so the kids could look back one day and be encouraged, filled with faith in the Almighty, and strengthen that He could do it in their lives as well. I really ought to start that up again. Maybe this blog is serving as that.

3) I love that David tried to wear what was suggested by the King for armor, but he was confident in how God had worked through him in the past. He knew his strength and the way God had finitely developed a talent in him and wanted to use it for God's glory - for His service. Lord, too often i want to grab other's talents to do something in Your service. But Lord You have equipped me very specifically to fulfill my calling, purpose, and my service unto You. Help me to be thankful and always willing to use what You have given me for Your glory and honor.

Fixin to leave to go to my son's heart echo!! Just a giant my Lord is about to slay!! Will be back soon to tell you how it goes!! I am ready to see victory!! Much love, Leigh

PS - would you mind leaving a comment telling me where you are from.... I have my reasons - ha! Thank you!

857 - Tucker's down - get water!!!

Each of my kids have various screams. You know the one scream that says I am mad at you, but let's keep playing. There is another scream that says I am about to hit the fire out of you! And then the scream every mom knows that is different because some serious injury has occurred!

That last scream is the worst. My Sarahjane screams that one so much I am not sure I would even respond if she really needed help. Tucker was a terrible "cry wolfer" too! Nevertheless a momma always goes to check just to be sure they are not getting blood on the carpet............. I MEAN, to make sure everything is ok! ha

Yesterday Tucker was out working with his coach on some batting/pitching kind of stuff. It really was not that hot yet and really he had not worked Tucker too, too much. They even had a short break while the coach had a conversation with another man. Rest time for Tuck! But Tucker had not had breakfast.

The girls and I were sitting in the car waiting for Tuck to finish up. It was nice just relaxing in the car listening to some tunes! They had headed over to the batting cage to work on hitting. All of a sudden I hear this manly scream, "Leigh!!!!" I knew it was very different than any tone I had ever heard from Coach even when he had been mad at the team while playing. Something was wrong!

I jumped out of the car and ran around to find Coach carrying Tucker as he had passed out! All of this of course happened in a matter of seconds. I responded to his scream, "Yes? What is wrong?" "Go get water!!!!" he yelled back in that same voice that was so concerning!!

My momma can sprint and now I can say that I am a sprinter!!! I SPRINTED over to the pool to try to break into their frigs to find water!!! There was a pool full of water and yet I couldn't find my son any water to drink. I ran out towards people and found Coach Dixon. He had some Gatorade and brought it over to Tucker. Thinking I still could find no water an angel from the swim team placed 2 bottles in my hand as I was leaving the pool area!

Tuck is fine! He was mad we couldn't go golfing! We had the whole planned for exciting golf with no sisters! And we were gonna rent a cart!! But nope!! We spent the day inside on the couch drinking and drinking and drinking all day!!! And eating!! I think he is good to go now!!! Hopefully he will understand the importance of eating now and staying hydrated too!

But of course I began to think back to that initial scream from Coach!!! It was different!! It was serious. It meant business. There is gonna come a day when the Lord Jesus comes back. It will be different, it will be serious, and He will mean business! Will we recognize that voice? I do know the only we way we will recognize His voice is if we know Him personally as our Savior now. Do you know Him personally? Will you know His voice? Will it be different to you?

Just as there was all the water in the pool, but none that I could find to give Tucker - there are a ton of opportunities for us to come to know Jesus now!! We have churches on every corner and there are many Christians around, but few spreading the Word or not living like we should! That can't be an excuse. Jesus is calling us to Him. He will not force Himself on you! But the day He does come back - it will be serious, it will be different, and He will mean business. When He comes back the next time there will be no more water to find!!! We must take action now!!!

Lord, help me to do my part!!! I love you!

767 - Amazing God, wretched Leigh

Lord, as i sit here this morning I am so thankful to be your child! I am studying 4 major world religions thru a class my hubby is teaching at church by Ergun Caner - When Worldviews Collide! It is incredible! It has made me think and even question a lot of things - why I believe what I believe and to find a scriptural basis for my beliefs! That is only a good thing!

Other day on Facebook I posted a question about whether door to door evangelism was still effective and boy, did i get some responses!! It even got a bit heated. Go to my FB page and scroll down just a bit to find the thread - there was some 36 or so responses! It was fun! Respond if you want to as well.

But this weekend was awesome! We had a terribly rainy mess on Thursday and all day Friday, but still fun. Saturday the Lord cleared up all for our fall festival called Corn Day. I posted some pics of that on my FB too. (If you are not on FB, you need to be. ha) God, could not have pulled together a more beautiful day for a parade, carnival rides, car shows, good eatin', etc! We had a blast!

Sunday i met Patricia and Todd at their house at 5am to go to Evansville to run the half marathon. We finished, we didn't walk, and we had fun until mile 9 or so! Then I wanted to die. There was all kinds of encouragers along the side of the road cheering us on and yelling for their loved ones. Patricia and I didn't have any loved ones on the side of the road, but we did accept any encouragement even if it wasn't meant for us. BUT, by the time I got to mile 9 i was not wanting anyone saying anything to me. Yes, it hurts!! And to hear people yelling, "You got the hard part over, keep going!!" That was hogwash. At that moment i was wanting to scream back - get your lazy butt out here and tell me I got the hard part over. I think it was all hard past the sound of the gun! But please know that I am all better with my attitude!! Once I sat down at Olive Garden - things got all better and I could find kindness once again!

Yesterday, Monday, we had a wonderful day with my tennis team in Mt Carmel, Il. We lost our first match, but WON our second! We have another match today if it doesn't rain! Then on to Sectionals Friday and Saturday. I have every reason to believe that Katelyn will be taking us to State again this year! She has only been beat by one person in our Sectional - so if all goes well, we will be Chicago bound next Wednesday!! I am really excited about that! She deserves it!

My son's baseball - Middle school - team won 3rd in State. Clay and I both won 3rd in State as well in our sports so that is kind of cool - he has just started a ton earlier than us! ha! They had a parade last night for them coming into to town - police cars, fire engines, caravans, etc. Then we all piled into the gym and had a pep session!! Yes, i cried - love that kind of stuff! Then we all went out to eat at Tequillas with the whole girls and boys team and parents - love love love that stuff too!! Girls team won State!!!!!!!!! It was awesome!

Lord, you know how I am still so struggling with whether to go back to school and all. I just do not know how to get all things done! I can't keep a clean house, laundry is erupting, kids claim to never see me................ Elleigh even said the other day that I never talk to her!! Broke my heart because if does seem quite true right now. I know tennis will soon be over and my perspective and hopefully hers will be different too!!

I am struggling with my quiet time as well. I am doing that Bible study, but when you have had such an intimate time with the Father in the past, just a study doesn't do it! I long to lay before Him and hear His soft words to me!! I long to know His love the way I have before. Now I know the Lord has not changed, i just have been so busy the last 6 to 8 weeks, I have not made the time to settle down for Him to really speak the sweetness He usually does. Well, let me even go a step further - I would say He probably has been speaking, but I have not been listening or slowed down to hear!!! It is all me - and I know it! And I hate it!

Lord, you laid before me some scripture that really hit home - it actually hurt! Ezra 9:6. It really is how I feel right now. I am living in a land of guilt right now and I know it is not of You. I feel guilty about not being with kids, I feel guilty for not spending more time with you, i feel guilty for being caught up in materialism. I feel guilty for trying to fit in way too often. I feel guilty for my heart not being more turned to you. i feel guilty for not worshipping you more. I feel guilty for not seeing hubby more! AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWEEEEEEE - do you see what Satan does!! Even though I do think my heart has gotten a bit comfortable and relaxed and LAZY, satan always comes in and has a heyday making the bad......worse!!!

God, you have called me to so much higher! U have called me to righteousness! You have called me to grace and mercy and for some reason I have not taken hold of any of that which you offer! Oh Lord, forgive my wretched soul. I need you so desperately! I need your guidance, I need your direction, i need your wisdom, i need your joy, i need more of YOU!!!!!!!

I don't want pretty songs, powerful sermons, i don't want new gifts, or new friends or anything - I want YOU!!!!! Oh God - please allow me to hear from you today in a different way. I know you are working - i could never deny that. I know the heat has been turned up recently and I feel like i have failed! Father- you are merciful and you are GRACE!! I praise you for that!

753 - Smitten by God

Heavenly Father - we, Patricia and I, had all the tennis girls over to the house last night. It was a wonderful time of eating, laughing, and sharing. I just plainly shared with the girls who I am, where I came from, and what is the beat of my heart. It was a lot of fun even though i was not real interesting. My whole purpose was to show them the thing that the Lord has done in my life - all through my life - and in every detail. HE has always been faithful!

Back in the Piper study again and once again blown away. Today he showed me through the Word how Jesus died on the cross out of love and obedience for the Father. It was all to please the Father. I can totally relate to the pleasing part - the people pleaser that I am.

Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted. Is. 53:4

My girls are very smitten by many boys older than they - usually my son's friends. I have even told certain ones that my daughter is so smitten Drew Lucas. He is such a great kid that I don't mind it at all. But by all means when I say smitten i mean it in a very positive sense, like enamored or awe-struck or puppy-loved. It is cute and sweet and just fun to watch.

So when I came to this verse about Jesus being smitten by God i was confused by the other words around it... "stricken by God and afflicted". In my mind how could God be smitten - the way i was thinking - and then strike him and afflict. So I looked up the Hebrew word for smitten and it was not what I was expecting. Nakah means to strike lightly or severely, hit, to hurt,, wound, pierce. Often notes a non-fatal blow. What in the world...........

Lord, I am so amazed and enamored and smitten as well by Your love for us - such a fallen people. You took Your very own, never sinning, faultless Son to do what we never could and to be what we never could be. Father, I once again fall face down before you and cry out Holy. Words are not coming today except for awe-struck! Why Lord, why! You know that I still fail so often, my motivations so often are vile, and my intentions not good. And yet - still You know all this and knew all this from the beginning of time!!!! and sent Jesus! You allowed his afflictions, Him to be smitten, and struck upon... His obedience and Your love - incomprehensible!

Father - I love you, I adore you, I am enamored by You, I am smitten, and I......I want more!! Show me Your glory today. Show me Your will and Your favor. Be thou near oh Gracious One!! You are highly esteemed! May I see Your Face!

Getting ready for tennis match today. Girls have EBA and Tucker has another game too. Tucker got abruptly called into the game yesterday - had to inherit another's count at bat. Then he had to play first. Friends were calling Clay left and right giving the play by play action. That was very thoughtful of them to do that since they know Clay would have done anything to be there, but couldn't! The Coach is incredible about playing all these 6th graders in very decisive games. He believes in them and see so much potential. Tucker's confidence has soared since Aug. 3 after have a horrible experience this summer. (The 8th grader jealous of these 6th graders getting to play and mouthing off and pushing some of them just might get smitten by the 6th grade mommas - if you know what i mean. We don't take that stuff. ha ha)

This is fun time of life, but so very hard as well. I love it, Lord!

703 - Just in the nick of time

Hey there - this is an exciting post - especially for the parents and grandparents!  FUN!!!  

Now let me say - I was not sure how to spell "nick" for nick of time.  I am thinking it might also be niche...  so please forgive my lack of tricky words edumacation!!  

Today if you don't mind - Please tell me a time that God has come thru for you in just the right time - of course other than salvation!  

Have an awesome day - I am going back to school today!  

PS - i have an appointment to take care of those roots, cotton candy curls, and awful facial hair. hee hee

uh oh - eyes closed again!

672 - Are you ready to give an answer?

Are You Ready to Give the Answer?

Have you ever had something that is your favorite because of what offers, but it is not in real existence just yet? That is the way it is with my favorite radio station, WVYN 90.9. They are actually not on the airwaves yet, but I have had a personal meeting with the engineers of the station and these guys are top notch. They are looking to do things for the local population and want to uphold and support even small ministries like myself. It is just a matter of months, we are praying, that they will be fully functioning!

My second favorite radio station in the area is KLOV 95.3. It too is a Christian station, but is a huge conglomeration of a ton of stations. (There is a technical name to it, but I am not that radio savvy quite yet.) Anyway, as Tucker and I were pulling out of the driveway the usual “fight” began of what we were going to listen to on the radio. Long story short – momma won! 95.3 was the music for the long ride to the church. Ha ha!

I don’t quite remember the song, but I know it was uplifting and always contemporary! As I was enjoying the beat and words for a brief second, or I should say nano second, there was an interruption from 96 STO, not so much my favorite station.

I am telling you Tucker’s head about spun off his shoulders. He sat straight up and said the name of the song and the artist who (tries) sings it asking why that happened and of course if we can go to that song. That particular song was only blurted into my station for a brief moment. Seriously it was not more than a half a second and yet Tucker was well aware of it and knew exactly where to continue on that song after my station cleared back up.

It made me think immediately about 2 things in my life. How often does the Spirit try to change my channels and get my attention wanting me to clue into a certain person, direction, instruction, or voice of conviction and I go right back to the way it was. How many things have I passed by because I could not hear the correct “static”?

I also thought about my inability to quickly refer to the Word when needed. If going on about life I could recall scripture as fast as Tucker recalled a song, the artist, and the next words how much better my walk with the Lord would be.

Power in our walk with the Lord is directly related to the Spirit and to His Word. If or when those two aspects of our relationship with Him are neglected then the ability to truly walk in His will is made more and more difficult. It is hard to be ready for on the spot occurrences when we don’t have the equipment on hand!

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have.” 1 Pet. 3:15

584 - It's Not My Thing

Oh Lord, thank you for a wonderful weekend. I appreciate the beautiful weather you gave us and the family time as well. It was busy as a bee weekend, but I do love those as well. Emmajoy spent the night at a friends and the rest of us just worked around the house and all. I was getting ready for a garage sale. OH - Friday the doctors would not burn or freeze anything off Emmajoy's neck. He said it scared too much and so we have to just let it go. Ugh!! I got a shot in my foot and I can not tell you the incredible difference in it!!! Wonderfully awesome!!! Thank you so much for cortisone!! Yeah baby! Garage sale was fun, but cold!!! Then that evening the kids had a sitter and the Trouts, Neibels, and us went to a play our friends were in - in Grayville. It was called Greater Tuna. Our friends did a really nice job. I have a hard time staying awake in anything after eating and dark... but what I saw was really good! Of course church was so good. SS just made me want to go home to Glory - what else could be better, and then church was that good as well. I keep waiting for my preacher to have an off day - nope! Have you visited our website? www.fbcarmi.org - i think!

All of my kids are in a church production that is being "aired" in the next couple of weeks. Of course the girls love it, each having some kind of solo and speaking lines, but not so much for Tucker. He had rather have many teeth pulled than to be on stage saying lines let alone singing. It just about kills him. There are only a few other boys his age in the church and they each are counting on one another to be there and suffer through this. I think as moms each one of us has told our own kid that if "you don't do it then so and so won't - you are an example to the smaller ones." Needless to say all of our boys think they are what the show is hinging on. For right now that is fine for them to think that. At least it has kept them there each week.

As the weeks have gone by it has been harder and harder to get Tucker there and get him to do anything too. I think the past 2 weeks on the way to church he has all of a sudden gotten the worst headache in history and felt as though he were going to throw up. It is amazing how after we leave the church and the neighbor boy is outside ready to play he miraculously gets healed and ready to play. Uh - I don't think so!!

This past week was really bad. "We" got deathly ill and even had to run off stage once to see if "we" were going to get sick. I was very, very frustrated. Many of the kids - mostly the boys - were not into it at all. Attitudes stunk and you could see and hear it all over their faces. Even some of the girls were quite pitiful. We stopped the show for a moment and had a word with the kids. My blood was pumping since it was 3 of my 4 that would have rather been doing other things, but the "word" was going to benefit the group.

I explained to the kids that Jesus is sitting a God's right hand and speaking wonderful things about us to the Father. Jesus never slouched his shoulders and hung his head when He spoke of us. He even had His own song He sang over us from time to time. He is excited to speak about His children and would never be bummed out to brag on us. I went on to say how it must break the heart of God to see us grumpy about not singing His praises and especially about the Risen Savior. My spiel then went on to those that will be there that day that may have never heard about Jesus's death and rising from the dead. There just might be someone that has never heard the gospel and this might be the chance they have to lead someone to the Lord through a musical. Getting long winded I rounded down the speech explaining to them that this may not be their thing. Some had rather be on the ball field. Some had rather be swinging with friends, some had rather be on the phone or even some watching TV. But for this moment and for this period of time this is where God (through their mother's hand) has placed them. It may not be their thing, but this is it. For such a time as this - this is where you are to be and to do a good job. Since you do have to be here you might as well enjoy your time and make the Lord proud.

After sitting down and seeing a few of the kids actually click with those words the Lord hit me. How many times am i placed in a situation that I had so rather be somewhere else or be around someone else? How many times am I called to a particular task and I end up just passing because it is not my cup of tea? Oh Lord - I know!!! How many times do I "preform" a certain house chore with a extremely grumpy attitude? When Clay gives me that Honey-Do list - do I have a great attitude? What kind of things am I called to at the moment and complain my way through it? LOTS!

Col. 3:17 "Whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it in the name of the Lord, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Lord Jesus help me to realize that no matter what You have brought me to I can do even it - washing dishes, changing a diaper, singing in choir, watching a baseball game, exercising, chemo treatments, working, waiting, cleaning house, etc. - to the glory of You and make You smile by my pleasing attitude and smile. The kids are going to learn by my example. Help me to not fall so short!! I love you , Jesus!

561 - Double Digits

Dear Jesus - today is the day! 10 years and just a few hours ago I became a momma to a gorgeous little boy, Clayton Tucker Gray. Wow - did it rock my world. After nearly 24 hours of labor he was forced into this world with the help of the forceps - old school doctor! Tucker already had the bright blonde hair with actually just a tinge of red. I pushed and pushed and pushed for it to not be on April Fool's, but it was too hard of a task. It was an extremely tough labor, especially being my first, and I think it is quite indicative of his personality.

Tucker is a smart boy and very disciplined. He is tough on himself and carries quite a realistic picture of the world - even though negative. His glass is not half full, but he is willing to try to help the situation to make it that way. He is very intense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and quite shy all at the same time. He is getting more and more confident as the days go by. He is ok with prepared change, but all of a sudden change can send him into orbit. My Tucker still loves his momma much, but has a strong desire to be just like his dad. There is a terrible war going on over being a man and still a baby at times.

I am excited to see Tucker grow up. He has some great leadership qualities just like Clay. He is very gifted athletically and willing to work on it often. He is a one friend boy - crowds overwhelm him. He has a sweet girlfriend from a Christian family - he snagged her on the 2nd day of school at Carmi. Tucker and I butt heads often because I don't tread as lightly as i should or I change things up too often. He really is a sweet brother, but still a brother! My Tucker is growing into a man. I can hardly believe we have now have less time with him before he leaves. At least 9 years old was equal, but 10 years have passed and only 8 years to go. That saddens me greatly - even on frustrating days.

Thankfully Tucker does know the Lord as his Savior. He actually did that quite early. He was such a questioner as a little thing and so understood what Christ did for him in full detail early. He wants to grow up so fast and be much more older than he is - I thought only girls did that. I try to be the meanest mom on earth as I have been told it will pay off, but do we have enough fun? He is beginning to not look forward or even like church and that scares the momma. He is not rejecting all he has been taught, but definitely not thinking it is cool any longer. For some reason, even more than the other 3 kids, I have always prayed over Tucker "to love Jesus more than anything else. To serve Him in any form or fashion, to be obedient, and to have passion." He prays beautifully and does appreciate one on one prayer time. In the right setting he will tell sweet things and is so kind! My Tucker is a treasure - my only boy - dreams abound in him and for him - God will use this boy and I know full well. I love you Tucker - Happy 10 Years!!

Tucker I want you to know - more than anything - He is on your side!!

Psalm 121
A song of ascents. 1 I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

548 - He Just Does....make me proud

I am writing real quick just to say thank you so much for all the emails and comments and prayers! I do feel better. I am on my way to the bed for a long winter's night and awesome weekend ahead. I go to St. Louis tomorrow to pick up Leslie - I am so excited to see her. It has been almost a year since we last hugged. You know girls and huggin'. I will take lots of pictures!

I got a weird check in the mail yesterday for $85. It is legit, but just not something I was expecting or waiting for. So I feel like that was the Lord's way of allowing me to help out a sister wanting to go to the ministry conference.............just couldn't do it on her own! So He provided and I am so thrilled to be able to give that to Nicki at www.ThreeGirlygirlz.blogspot.com on behalf of Speaking Thru Me Ministries. I do not tell you that for any other reason than to encourage others and hopefully challenge a few too. Anyone else want to step up to the challenge and help a sister out? I know He will provide for her - He always does and He just does! Love for you to help her - thanks!

We are almost 99% sure we sold our house. They accepted our counter offer and are going to look over the house one last time before sending us the formal offer. They do it differently here in Illinois! But praise the Lord - we have something to work with!

I talked with the superintendent and we are able to start the new schools on Tuesday. Illinois or at least Southern Illinois has some kind of holiday on Monday - some Pulaski guy or something... so we will start on Tuesday. House is so close to being done I can taste it!

My youngest daughter sang in a preschool program tonight, but it was during the regular PTA meeting at Carmi. (That will get the parents there!) Anyway - my 2nd youngest, SJ, is going to be going to this school we were at tonight. Some of the Carmi kids spotted her and asked her to go visit their classroom since they know she will be there in a few days. Next thing I knew they had lined SJ up and she was on stage singing songs with a class she didn't know and songs she really didn't know either. But here is the kicker - she loved it and acted like she was supposed to be there. She just waved at me and smiled like - Ha ha mom, you can't come get me down now. This is so Sarahjane!!!

One last story - I really am proud- I promise!! My Tucker - 9 year old in 4th grade. He can make the momma proud. He is finally into girls. He has the sweetest little girlfriend that just smiles all the time and is just a terrific little girl! Great family and parents! Anyway - i was getting kind of nervous for him and Valentines. He wanted to do something, but knew it would kill him to actually walk up and talk and give something to her. So I asked if I could get her something and he could just have another friend pass it to her. Bless his heart! Well, I, the good momma, did not want to over do it - got him a tin valentine with a cookie in it. Very sweet simple and probably good. He is a boy and does get hungry and loves chocolate chip cookies. So after many days of cancelled school I put the valentine in his bag to give to her. He takes it to lunch and told me he just could not help himself. He opens up the tin and eats the cookies. I was ready to stop there and offer to go get her something else since he ATE it. Then to top it off, he proceeds to tell me that he folded up the wrapper and put a note in there explaining that he had gotten really hungry and could not resist AND gave that to her instead!! He ate her valentine. (This is soooooooooo my boy.) But it gets better. He had a friend draw a picture of a squid and put her head on the top of the picture. Then wrote Happy Valentines Squidney. Holy cow.............. Should I apologize to the momma? hee hee - after i thought about it for about 4 seconds remembering that he is in 4th grade I was actually very proud of him! He is in 4th and does not need to get all doped out about a girl yet. He was honest about eating her treat and did have a friend draw a picture. I think it is a good thing!! ha ha!!! I am such a boy momma!

492 - Toby Mac and King Solomon

All purses are free shipping from now until Christmas!! That is an $8-$12 savings!!
That means a beautiful gift, wrapped beautifully, and then sent straight to that person - and you didn't have to hardly do a thang!!!
Come on now!! Get you some!!

Lord Jesus - what an absolutely fabulous birthday weekend. Yes, I am now 35 and that does seem like I have crossed over into the "older" side, but I am ready and excited!! I am ready because I went and bought all new face cleanser, eye cream, night cream, and moisturizer! So I will be turning back the years in a matter of moments!! I am amazed already what washing your face every night can do!! Wow - I wish I had known before. ha ha!

I am excited for the next 35 years because of Toby Mac. We are avid Toby Mac fans around here and he has given me a lyric that has set me free. On his newest CD my mom got Tucker for Christmas at Thanksgiving, song number 3 - Booming out the Stereo (I think that is the is name) - he says with a "hand full of dreams and a heart for God"................... Oh Lord Jesus - that is a perfect description of how I feel and actually how I am. Toby (we are on a first name basis) is talking about his career and the music he is actually driven to and performs. He is talking about his ministry and to those or the particular ones that he ministers to - it is not every one's calling, what he does, but that for them and because of God he has a "hand full of dreams and a heart for God".

I think so often I hear even big speakers say in a round about way that they don't dream, God just places before them all the opportunities. Very true and easy to say when you are at the top. You can not dream any further because you are there. The top is not what I am praying about today. But I am thanking you Jesus for the freedom to dream today. Coupled with a heart for our Lord, we can dream to any degree. So many times I have been put down or discouraged is a better word, to not worry (to me they are really saying not to dream) about where God is going to take you. These are the same people that would say just let it happen and don't do anything about letting others know about the gift HE has given you that you want to share with others. For some reason they get all Calvinistic on me when they would never ever be that way with anything else in life.

This weekend or actually yesterday I was given the opportunity to speak at 2 churches. I took my son with me because my beloved Alisha took all 3 of my girls for the night as her present to me and Clay was teaching Sunday School in Carmi. After speaking at the first church I asked Tucker if i was boring. He replied, "Oh no Mom, you aren't boring or quiet." I am not sure what that last part means. Ha! Then I said back to Tucker, "Can you understand at 9 years old why I love Jesus and why I absolutely love speaking the Truth to others?" The little man of oh so few words, "Yeah mom, I get it."

Jesus, ministry is my life and speaking is my breath or like breathing to me!! Oh I just love devouring Your Word and then exposing it to others. Yesterday I could have stayed up there all day - that would not have been too popular in the Methodist Church, but that is how much I love it! My other man of oh so few words, Clay AKA hubby, said, "Leigh you really did a great job. I mean you have come a 1000 miles." Now I am not so sure about that last part either, but I will take it and run with it!

Savior, I dream of doing this kind of ministry for years and years. I dream of speaking to as many people as you possibly would have me to. I dream of not writing books, but writing prayers day in and day out to you. I dream of seeing thousands come to know you personally and then walking successfully in that relationship with you! I dream of passing a ministry on to my kids or grandkids to run with and dream bigger. I dream of being used in any way to bring about good elsewhere. I dream about being known as a Woman after God's heart and one that is known for sound advice and judgement. I dream of making His name renown!!! I want to make His famous ways known to all!! I dream of being righteous before Him and well favored! I dream of doing nothing else but traveling with Clay and speaking of my Jesus in every type of venue! I dream of being one that God can point to and say, "That is my go - to - girl!." I dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dream because I have a heart for God!!!

I heard an interview last night of Rick Warren. The Lord has majorly stretched his boundaries. Wow!!!!!!! And he talked about Ps. 72 when Solomon prayed that God would make him known among all nations and used mightily! Solomon was truly asking to be famous in a round abut way, but he had a heart for God. His reason was noble and righteous. Verse 12- 14 explains his request and reason for wanting such great influence - deliver the needy, help the afflicted that have no one, take pity on the weak, rescue others from oppression and violence, etc. Of course this Psalm should be looked at as the True King coming to reign as well!! Jesus, our Lord. But my point is that I am not sure we are to just sit back and not dream. I am not sure why it seems in ministry that one is not to dream - like dreaming is almost sinful - or at least that dreaming is not being spiritually mature. I wonder if people told Joseph his dreams were wrong or worth nothing. Oh yeah, they tried to kill him!!!

Jesus, guide me. Keep and protect my hand full of dreams and my heart for you!!! Thank you for the freedom I have in You! Oh thank you thank you!!! (I find it not ironic in one bit I just received in the mail 2 or 3 days ago out of the blue from Tracy, The Dream Giver.)

http://www.youtube.com/greeting_view?s=jEto_QlqQIg&p=A82A4F1CA4604E86

406 - I'm Done

Lord Jesus - I know as weird as it may sounds, I am done Believing God. No, no, no - I am not going to quit believing God, but i am done with the Bible study! It was even better the second time around and I would not hesitate doing it again and again! It is that good!! Thank you for all the wonderful writing and creative thoughts you gave to Beth Moore for this one. I think it may be her finest! I would even venture to say this was her foundational piece even though not her first. Never heard anything like that, but she alluded to that in the end! Thank you Jesus!

I just about don't know what to say from here. I get Believing God better than I ever have, but yet still so much to grasp. My small zoo victory on Tuesday is the beginning of hopefully many to come! But more than anything I want to get better about understanding and using the 5th principle - "God's Word is alive and active in me." I want to have a habit of stating His word and then standing on it for years to come!! What is the method you want me to do - stack of index cards with themes or issues? one verse a day to inhale all day? one issue at a time? one verse at a time for a week or so? There are so many different ways of implementing His Word and the point of it all is that you just have to start. Or excuse me I just have to start!!!!!!!!!

This morning I read that the church was the "pillar and foundation of all Truth!" 1 Tim. 3:15-16. Oh Lord I do believe it!! I want to inhale it and exhale the truth! Grow me Lord!

I have a prayer request for all readers out there! My son is growing up. He is pushing the boundaries and that in turn is pushing me. He is a good, good boy and would never act out away from home - at least up to this point! He wants to be big so bad and wants to do all that he thinks that means! ugh!!!! I know he is just trying to figure out what kind of man he is going to be and if he is still cool!! But it is driving me bonkers!! He is pressing every issue that is foundational around here. "Why do we have to listen Christian music? Can I play a "T" rated game if i buy it with my own money? Can I get a dirt bike? Mom, but what do bad words really mean? Mom, everyone goes to computer games that have chat. I just won't respond when others are asking questions. It is not a big deal, Mom. I don't want to say the prayer at dinner. I think pimping up a car is cool." (Yes, my head about spun off on that one!!! He does not even know what a pimp is, but better yet, how in the tarnation did he even know to say that word.) See, do you see what I mean?????????????? It is killing me! I have come to my greatest Believing God issue!!!

My kids........... my son is His! I have to train them and give them all the right preparation, but ultimately I must trust Him and Believe You Father to do a good work in and through them! That is my prayer so often right now - Oh Lord, set their heart on fire for You and do it early. The hardest thing with trusting right now is that we moved. In Charlotte we had christian school that was fabulous - it rivals all schools in that area. I mean every morning my kids' teachers would have not just prayer, but a devotion! They would journal their thoughts, take prayer requests, sing, just whatever to make it real for their age!! Oh I miss it!! So worth the price!! Then our church of 17,000 (i say that so you understand the massive amount of resources they had to work with.) spared nothing on its children's ministry. Yes, buildings were a bit dated, but vision and commitment was not! My kids had it all in terms of big city church with unlimited resources to train them up in the way they should go! Please hear me I am not knocking my new church or anything - you heard me write about Mrs. Cutchin yesterday and that is Tucker's SS teacher right now. Our church does awesome things with its children just like the one in Charlotte. But it is the school I miss so bad! I have had some people gasp at the thought of leaving Norris City and moving to Carmi. To me that is not a big deal. I can make any move because to me I left everything in Charlotte. I am not bitter - not at all - I am just at my pivotal Believing God point and this is one that I may not see His results until they are all grown up.

Doing what the Lord has asked of you takes guts and courage. There will never be a time that all agree or are happy for you - not ever!! I have had a wonderful time living in Illinois, but it is very different than where I came from. I do miss home, but I do love the new place He has for us. In those days that my faith is least I have a pity party of all that I left. But the one thing I come back to and is my rock - we are right in the middle of His will. I know that without a shadow of doubt! I miss the old, but know we are right where He wants us to be. Knowing that and having Him confirm that over and over is the way I rejoice in what He is doing now and what He will do in the future in and through my kids!! His plan is not mine - but i will obey and I will trust and I will believe!!! Having Him speak favor over me and confirmation in my life is all I need - all I need!!! All this and Jesus too!! Right Dori? I am blessed oh so blessed! May my life be as worship to you! I love you!

347 - My Heroes

Look at my husband mouth and pinkie finger.

Now go to the last picture and look at my son.

Clay played college ball - Union University.

Some gentleman took this picture for us outside an ice cream store. People asked if my girls were triplets... I always dress them alike.

This is my dad's perfect shot - he NEVER misses.

This is my momma. Look at those arms - she got guns! She never misses either, especially three point shots.

Once again, look at my son's pinkie and mouth and then look at my husband's in the first picture. Apples don't fall far from the trees. Love it!!

Lord Jesus, my heart is a tad heavy this morning. Partly because Clay had to be somewhere really early this morning and i spelt in - makes for a "heavy" day. But my heart is heavy and hopeful all at the same time. I am always hopeful because HE, You Lord, are the Hope of Glory. But my heart is heavy because of the legacy I am leaving is not always pretty. Lord, I pray you pick up the pieces where I left them fall. I pray You help me to be consistent where I fall short. Help me to show my kids a life of Jesus and not so much mouth it out. Help me to love more and not preach so much to the kids. Oh Lord, i am deficient - But You are my whole Redemption. Lord, be my Redeemer. Thank you for your salvation in every way.

Thinking about raising kids and mistakes or "sins of the father" really concerns me. I know I am in a non-trusting state this morning. Forgive me Lord. I know You have all things under control and You have given me wonderful examples to live by and follow, but still you always wonder if it something "I" am doing to make the kids do this or that. OK - enough of that worrying. That is not of the Lord and I repent of those thought processes Lord. Consume me Lord, especially my thought life. Oh Lord, teach me to savor every moment like the Blogger from Especially Heather has had to learn to do. She is the one with brain cancer and given 3-5 years to live. Lord, how you must be smiling down on her. She is so filled with you and trusting in you. I love her example you have put before me!!! Thank you and forgive me!

I am not sure i have shared a too tremendous amount on this blog about my parents. They are incredible people. Not slowing down one bit and really healthy people. They are Senior Olympians. My mom has always done sprinting, tennis, and now is crazy about basketball. My dad has consistently done basketball. They have many, many, many metals to their names! Many years ago before I had kids I got to go to Arizona with them to see them preform. It was one of my favorite trips ever. I was so impressed seeing 85 and even 90 year old runners, swimmers, basketball ball players - just every sport known to man!! Just like the "young" Olympics. It was inspiring! I walked around proud as a peacock.

My dad is an engineer. He is very patient and quiet. He is great with the kids and they love him dearly. Dad will take long walks in the forest, will sit and hold the girls, and will instruct in basketball with much enthusiasm. My mom is the energetic one. She is going to be loud, play hard on the floor, and teach them to shop, ha ha! Both of my parents have been so instrumental in helping Clay and I raise the kids. Great advice and wisdom have always come from them. They are incredibly generous. Just too good to us. I could go on and on!

Last time we were at home I took some pictures of what you can find all of us doing very often - basketball. Some pictures are of mom, dad, my husband, and my son - Tucker. I hope you enjoy because i certainly did and do!! Bless all of them Lord. Give us many, many more years of being active together and loving together. Keep them safe as they push on through injuries, through hard workouts, through practice, and just simply through age. I love them so, Lord. Heroes - they are my heroes.

Tucker Man is 9!!!

What a handsome little dude!!

Clayton Tucker Gray

Sarahjane 5, Tucker 9, Elleigh 3, Emmajoy 7

This is picture really says a lot!!

Sarahjane - mad just to be mad, me - I just love a crowd, Tucker - dreaming of a day with no sisters, Elleigh - thinks she is cute, and Emmajoy - in La La land, and Daddy - just taking it all in. That is my happy bunch!

My baby boy is 9. 9 more years and he will be gone. Oh that is such a thought... I just won't go there. He is such a great kid and of course his momma would say so. I love my Tucker man!

282 - Promises, Promises

Heavenly Father - What a wild weekend, but lots of fun. Friday night was celebrating Melissa's birthday. Saturday was basketball games and setting up for the Carnival intermittently. Then at 3pm I picked up all the cakes that had been dropped off at my house and off to the school to help set up everything else. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed it, but I didn't have much responsibility other than the Cake Walk. So we did that all night and then went home to eat a sandwich with Alisha and Paul. Then on Sunday we went to church - awesome again - then the preacher and his family, Chad and Dawn and their 4 girls - came over for lunch. That was a great time too. What incredible people. So real and fun and not preachy! ha ha The rest of the afternoon was spent fishing and eating. Oh goodness - another weigh in today. Yikes. So busy, yes, but loads of fun.

This morning I have come to a scripture that is just awesome. 2 Samuel 7:1-16. Samuel has died quite a while ago and now Nathan is David's prophet and confidant. David is concerned that the Ark of God is in a tent and yet he sleeps comfortably in a palace every evening. Just doesn't seem right to David. So he sets out to change that. Sounds like a really noble thing - sounds like something that God would honor - sounds like something that would be in His will - sounds like something that is completely normal and like a obvious thing to do. BUT God tells David No - no, you will not be the one to build My House. It will be from your offspring, but not through your hands. David was a man of war, and that was a good thing. But he was not the man to build a temple.

Isn't that the craziest thing. David is trying to do a good thing, noble thing, honorable thing - but God says no, this is not your purpose. And God even says I will protect you from here on out and your wars will cease for some time, yet with all this peace and what seems like a perfect time to be building a temple, God says Nope, It is not you, buddy! Oh Lord, how many times do I look at my surroundings instead of Your Word to know what it is You want from me. Everything looks perfect and it seems like the stars are lined up just right - I AM KIDDING - but things do look perfect, but if I would tune into God more clearly I would know perfect surroundings are just a mask for great destruction.

God was gracious enough to not just tell David no. He went on to explain through a wise person, prophet Nathan, that his offspring would be the one to build a temple. And we all know that was Solomon - another one of my "favs" who wrote the book of Proverbs and Song of Solomon. Lord, I have to always keep that in mind. There are things that You have impressed on my heart and may really happen, but it may not be through me, it could be one of my kids or grandkids. What an even greater joy. Of course we all think in very positive terms when imagining the future of our kids. I am certainly no different.

Tucker is so internally intense and such a perfectionist. He has a very strong work ethic and very sensitive to those around him. We have made him quite selfish - plus having 3 sisters - and so that really needs to be controlled. He has much self-confidence and pride - not so sure about that either. I know we want some... I could certainly see Tucker being a great leader of a team, company - I am not sure he is made for sales - something that is out front and yet requires much behind the scenes work or concentration - a pitcher... after all God you did make him a lefty!

Emmajoy is going to be a wonderful momma - oh i pray she's afforded that gift. She is tender and takes care of all those around. She is very laid back for the most part. She is mostly a perfectionist as well and very studious. She is not concerned so much with winning, but having a great time. She loves to be loved and loves to love on everyone. She likes a crowd, but does not have to be the center. She does not give up once she has the confidence to try something. Emmajoy will be Tucker's greatest cheerleader until her boyfriend plays on the opposite team. Emmajoy loves to "write" songs and express herself artistically - quite the drama queen. I could see Emmajoy leading worship some day.

Sarahjane has got some fight in her. She will not give up and will have her way. She is prankster and so much fun. She is very crafty and has a way with her words. She may be the most sensitive of all, but rarely lets you see her hurt or cry. She is daring and adventurous. She is a dog-whisper and likes to have just one friend. Sarahjane has more common sense than me at 34, but i think school will be a struggle for her. She will be able to do it and is very smart, but it will be all in the way the teacher presents it. I could certainly see Sarahjane practicing law or a speaker herself. This woman has great passion.

Elleigh is a performer. She loves an audience or at least imagining one. She is a love bug, but very determined. She can dig her heels in and try not to be "broken". She is still too young for me to imagine much. She is very big and strong for her age. I am hoping she will get off this cheerleading kick and pick up a basketball.

Oh Lord, you have a plan for them all. I know it is plans to prosper and not to harm. Plan for a hope and future. Oh Lord, let them be followers of You and sold out!!! May my dreams and hopes for them never ever come between what You have for them. May they begin to discern Your voice early and then walk in Your way. Lord, take up the slack where i fall terribly short. May they praise You and live for You in spite of me and my shortcomings.

221 - Poor Pitifully Puffed Up

Lord Jesus - Thank you for a great day yesterday. I really enjoyed lounging around and hanging out with Chelsea. We almost got the wallpaper scraped off. It is a real chore, but almost complete. I don't have much time so i need to jump right in my QT.

I Samuel 9:14-25. This is where God tells Samuel to go and find Saul to tell him about the upcoming anointing. Saul responds in a way that is indicative of the rest of his life and definitely a heart issue. He responds with humility, but really masked as pride. He questions Samuel about the people that he comes from and if he can really fulfill the call. The writer noted that we are going to see this little poor pitiful me insecurity puffed up into a madman eventually. His insecurity will drive him to his death and all in the name of "I am not good enough, but yet i deserve that......". Yikes!!

Lord, responding to praise and compliments are tough. You want to say thank you and always should, but more times than not i find myself belittling the compliment or down playing whatever the reason of the compliment or something like that. I know we should all say thank you and praise the Lord. But what i mean is that i give an excuse for having done well or say that i got lucky or something such as that. I don't want to seem prideful. But what i have learned today is that doing the reverse is being prideful as well. Instead of immediately giving the Lord the praise, by excusing a good deed, performance, meal, etc. you still are having the focus on you. We want the focus on the Lord. I knew one lady that was so good at building God up for all the good she did. Bonita Harrell. She always gave God the glory and just left it at that. She never had a poor pitiful puffed up heart.

Even when we don't mean to divert the attention from the Lord it still happens. It is all part of the maturation process in becoming more like. Him. Oh Lord, help me. Help me to give You glory and not discounting the compliment or diverting attention. Help me to naturally praise You and give you all the kudos. My insecurities, like Saul, can totally destroy my walk, my heart, and my influence. I want You, Lord. I want to walk like you, and talk like You, and be close to You. May my confidence be exploding in You and for You.

Father, help me to be more patient with Tucker. I seem to be on his case quite often. He is such a great boy, but a bit selfish many times. I have great expectations of him and too lofty at times. I see a mature young boy instead of the 8 year old he is. Help me to be patient and understanding. Help me to keep my cool and not be so demanding. Lord i want him to love You, but i can't expect him to be in love with You right now. Help us to train them all to follow You and hopefully stay on that path. I just want the kids to know how much joy there is in following You, but i guess i need to live out that joy around them. Help my attitude. I want to be a great mommy. I love you -